She was having a really...
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She was having a really bad case of the "whatifs." She was trying to decide whether or not to change careers. Every time she thought she had made up her mind one way or the other, the critical voice in her head that was always second-guessing everything she did would say, "But what if you do that and it's the wrong choice?" (There was always a heavy emphasis on "wrong.") Of course, she realized this career thing was just part of her life pattern. She had never been a risk taker. She had always been very careful to follow rules. She was never late to anything (what if someone got angry?). She never crossed the street except at the corner -- with the "Walk" light illuminated (what if a policeman caught her jaywalking?). She never left the dishes unwashed, nor failed to take the garbage out on Tuesdays, nor drove even one mile per hour over the posted speed limit. But her problem was far worse than just being sure to follow the rules. She wouldn't try something new unless she was certain she could do it -- perfectly -- the first time. And, that was part of the trouble with this new career possibility. She was rather bored in her present job. But, she did it very well. If she decided to make the change, she would have to go back to school and, when she got out, learn the ins and outs of an entirely different position. In her mind it was rather like a butterfly going off to be fitted with new wings and taking the chance of coming out as a moth -- possibly even a moth that couldn't fly! "What if this happens? What if that happens? What if neither happens?" So her thoughts whirled. She was quite weary of such worrying. But what else could she do? (From "Whatif," a poem by Shel Silverstein in his book, A Light in the Attic, HarperCollins, 1981, p. 90.) -- Fannin
