As a young child I...
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As a young child I was extremely afraid of the dark. In my head, being in the darkness was the same as dying. One night, I was having a bath before going to bed when the lights went out. I screamed in terror, and sobbed over and over again, "I don't want to die. I don't want to die." It felt like forever before my mother helped me out of the tub and wrapped me in a towel. She held me tightly in her arms and then we talked about death. I remember saying, "It will be dark when I die and no one will know me." It was then that she told me that I had had a brother who had died. "Your brother, Douglas, had just died," she said to me. "All I could think about was the fact that he was all alone. Then one night I dreamed that I was walking toward a very bright light. The light was so bright that I couldn't see very clearly. But somehow I knew that people were lined up on either side of me. As I came closer to the light, I began to feel as if I recognized the people around me. Then just before I got to the light I sensed the presence of someone before me. Even though I still couldn't see, I knew that it was my father and that he was holding your brother in his arms. As I reached out to take Douglas, I heard a voice in my head saying, "Mary, I'll take care of the wee one until you get here." I woke up knowing that Douglas was in God's presence and that he would be taken care of until I got there. The next thing I knew," my mother continued, "it was morning." My mother continued to hold me as she said, "I don't want you to die either. But I believe that heaven won't be dark. And I believe that someone will know you."
-- Conroy
-- Conroy
