Balanced relationships depend on balanced...
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Balanced relationships depend on balanced people. When this author was age one-and-a-half his sister was born. Forty years later I became aware of the fact that I constantly discounted the value of those "good and worthy" things I did for others. Compliments would evoke in my mind the thought "they are only saying that to make me feel good, not because they really mean it."
What I learned was that the birth of my sister led the one-and-a-half-year-old boy in me to the emotional conclusion that I had been replaced. Therefore, I must not be good enough or worthy enough of the appreciation or love of others. In terms used in the Transactional Analysis model I was in a "one down," "not okay," or "child ego state" position. That led to the tendency to put others in the "one up," "you're okay," or "parent" position.
By learning that, in God's eyes, I was a loved person, and therefore could love myself as others loved me, I was able to move closer to an "adult to adult," mature relationship with others, in which neither dominates, but rather in which each demonstrates the love of God for the other. Likewise, the best marriages reflect God's equitable love, a love which does not impose, but which esteems you and me.
- Bond
What I learned was that the birth of my sister led the one-and-a-half-year-old boy in me to the emotional conclusion that I had been replaced. Therefore, I must not be good enough or worthy enough of the appreciation or love of others. In terms used in the Transactional Analysis model I was in a "one down," "not okay," or "child ego state" position. That led to the tendency to put others in the "one up," "you're okay," or "parent" position.
By learning that, in God's eyes, I was a loved person, and therefore could love myself as others loved me, I was able to move closer to an "adult to adult," mature relationship with others, in which neither dominates, but rather in which each demonstrates the love of God for the other. Likewise, the best marriages reflect God's equitable love, a love which does not impose, but which esteems you and me.
- Bond
