Be About It
Drama
Lectionary Scenes
57 Vignettes For Cycle A
Theme
The beatitudes -- they sound good -- blessed this and blessed that, but sometimes they sound like rules to follow -- and who can?
Summary
A person wanting to make a complaint goes to the complaint department. The complaint concerns the person's church. The churchgoer thinks the beatitudes are rules and she doesn't feel she could live up to them. It is explained to her that they are things you can do and that will please God.
Playing Time: 6 minutes
Place: The complaint department in a major department store.
Props: A Bible, a punch bell
Costumes: Merle -- a coat and tie
Georgina -- a dress
Time: The present
Cast; GEORGINA -- a churchgoer, any gender
MERLE -- a clerk
GEORGINA: (APPROACHES THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT AND RINGS THE BELL FOR SERVICE) Is anybody there?
MERLE: (FROM OFF STAGE) Just a minute.
GEORGINA:
(TO HERSELF) I've already waited a minute. (YELLS) Is this the right department?
MERLE: What department are you looking for?
GEORGINA: Complaints?
MERLE: No, I'm sorry. This is returns. (ENTERS) Hello. Complaints? If you have a complaint you must go over there.
GEORGINA: Oh, thank you very much. (CROSSES OVER THERE) Hello? Is anybody here?
MERLE: Just a minute.
GEORGINA: (TO HERSELF) Now, I've wasted two minutes. (YELLING) Is anybody working over here?
MERLE: What department are you looking for?
GEORGINA: You know what department I'm looking for -- complaints!
MERLE: You've got the right department.
GEORGINA: Well, is somebody going to help me?
MERLE: (CROSSING OVER TO HER) There must not be anybody in right now.
GEORGINA: Well, could you get somebody?
MERLE: They'll be right back, I'm sure.
GEORGINA: I'm on my lunch break.
MERLE: Are you in a hurry?
GEORGINA: Yes, I am. I'm on my lunch break. Could you help me?
MERLE: No. This isn't my department.
GEORGINA: But you're here, aren't you?
MERLE: They don't like us working in other departments.
GEORGINA: Who's going to know? I promise I won't tell.
MERLE: If they find out I'll be in trouble.
GEORGINA: I have a complaint.
MERLE: I'm not so sure you're the kind of person I should trust not to tell on me. You're a complainer.
GEORGINA: I'm not a complainer. I have a legitimate complaint. You needn't worry, it doesn't concern you.
MERLE: It will concern me if I listen to it.
GEORGINA: I have a complaint and I want it handled.
MERLE: Okay, I'll handle it if you promise me one thing.
GEORGINA: One thing? What is it?
MERLE: You won't ever make a complaint about me.
GEORGINA: Don't worry. I doubt if I'll ever see you again.
MERLE: Promise?
GEORGINA: This is ridiculous.
MERLE: Promise, or I won't help you.
GEORGINA: Okay, okay, I promise.
MERLE: Good. Thanks. Now, what's your complaint?
GEORGINA: Well, you see, I go to church.
MERLE: (WRITING) That's a complaint?
GEORGINA: There's more. They have all these rules.
MERLE: Uh huh.
GEORGINA: (BRINGING OUT HER LIST) And, well, I just can't live up to them all. They've got these rules -- you have to be poor -- you have to mourn -- you have to be meek -- you have to be hungry and thirsty -- you have to be merciful -- you have to pure in heart -- you have to be a peacemaker -- you have to be persecuted -- and you have to rejoice. What do you think of that?
MERLE: (WRITING) Go - to - church. C-h-u-r-c-h.
GEORGINA: Is that all the farther you are?
MERLE: Don't worry. I've got it all down. Go on.
GEORGINA: That's all there is. Are you sure you have all that?
MERLE: I've got it all.
GEORGINA: Okay, read it back to me so I know you've got it.
MERLE: You really want me to? You're on your lunch break, remember?
GEORGINA: Well, hurry it up, then. Yes, read it all back to me but be quick about it.
MERLE (HE READS VERY QUICKLY AND DOES AN IMITATION OF HER AS HE DOES IT) Well, you said, "Is anybody there?" Then I said, "Just a minute." Then you said, "I've already waited a minute. (YELLS) Is this the right department?" Then I said, "What department are you looking for?" Then you said, "Complaints?" Then I said, "No, I'm sorry. This is returns."
GEORGINA: No, no. Not everything. Not all that. Don't read all that. Just read the rules. Just the rules.
MERLE: Oh, yes, the rules. Let's see. The rules. Ah, yes, here they are -- (READING NORMALLY) You said, "Well, I just can't live up to them all. They've got rules.
GEORGINA: The rules -- get to the rules.
MERLE: Sure, sure. Hey, you sure are touchy.
GEORGINA: It's my lunch hour. I'm in a hurry.
MERLE: I forgot. You're in a hurry. (READING FAST AGAIN) You said, "-- you have to be poor -- you have to mourn -- you have to be meek -- you have to be hungry and thirsty -- you have to be merciful -- you have to be pure in heart -- you have to be a peacemaker -- you have to be persecuted -- and you have to rejoice."
GEORGINA: I guess you did get it all down.
MERLE: Good. Do you feel any better?
GEORGINA: What do you mean, do I feel any better?
MERLE: Since you told me these things -- do you feel better about it?
GEORGINA: No, of course I don't feel any better. How could I feel better? I've just told you my complaints. Nothing has been done about them yet.
MERLE: I know that but sometimes people feel better just telling someone else.
GEORGINA: Well, I don't. I want something to be done about the situation.
MERLE: Is there anything you can do to improve the situation?
GEORGINA: What are you talking about?
MERLE: Is there anything you can do in your church to improve ...
GEORGINA: You don't understand. I'm not here for psychological counseling. I came to the complaint department because I have some complaints about my church.
MERLE: I understand that often if we change, the situation seems to improve.
GEORGINA: Get back to my church.
MERLE: Right. Now, is there any possibility that you misinterpreted these "rules"?
GEORGINA: No! Of course not. I copied them down as the preacher was discussing them.
MERLE: And where did he get them?
GEORGINA: Well, how should I know? He made them up, I guess.
MERLE: Not necessarily. Maybe he had some reference work. I know that preachers often cite the Bible when they preach. Did he use the Bible when he was talking about these rules?
GEORGINA: Well, yes.
MERLE: Good, good. Now, we're getting somewhere. (SEARCHING FOR A BIBLE) A Bible, a Bible. Let's see. (FINDING ONE) Here we are.
GEORGINA: I don't see what this has to do with my complaint about the church.
MERLE: Just wait a minute.
GEORGINA: I've already waited five minutes.
MERLE: Here it is in Matthew's Gospel. The heading says it's called the Beatitudes.
GEORGINA: What's that mean?
MERLE: I don't know but you copied it down wrong. It says here the word "blessed" in front of all the rules.
GEORGINA: What does that mean?
MERLE: Well, I suppose "blessed" means blessed! In other words what you thought were rules set down by your church aren't rules at all.
GEORGINA: They're not?
MERLE: Not if you're blessed if you do them. They must be ways you as a Christian can please your God.
GEORGINA: Well, how about that. In other words I don't have to be these things, but I can do them and if I do them I'm "blessed" if I do.
MERLE: That must be it.
GEORGINA: Well, I do feel better now.
MERLE: Good.
GEORGINA: It's like getting a load off my back.
MERLE: Do you want this?
GEORGINA: The Bible?
MERLE: I just found it back here. You can have it. I would think if you have questions about what your church teaches you would want to check this to make sure they were true.
GEORGINA: No, you keep it. I'm going to buy one of my own. Does your store sell Bibles?
MERLE: Of course they do. Right over there.
GEORGINA (CROSSES OVER THERE) Good. I'll just buy one. Is anybody here?
MERLE: Just a minute.
GEORGINA: (TO HERSELF) I've already waited ten minutes. Is this the right department?
MERLE: What department are you looking for?
GEORGINA: You know what department I'm looking for -- Bibles!
MERLE: That's the right department.
GEORGINA: Will you help me, please?
MERLE: You know I can't help you. They don't like ...
GEORGINA: Never mind. I've used all my lunch break. My lunch break! Oh, dear! I'm late.
MERLE: Are you angry?
GEORGINA: Of course I'm angry! You made me miss my entire lunch break. Why won't you help me? I want to see the manager.
MERLE: You know why I can't help you. They don't like it ...
GEORGINA: I want the manager! I want the manager!
MERLE: I'll call the manager but what are you going to do?
GEORGINA: I have a complaint.
MERLE: I knew it. I shouldn't have trusted you. You're a complainer.
GEORGINA: (EXITING) Oh, great. I missed my lunch hour for this.
MERLE: (FOLLOWING HER OUT) And you promised, too.
The beatitudes -- they sound good -- blessed this and blessed that, but sometimes they sound like rules to follow -- and who can?
Summary
A person wanting to make a complaint goes to the complaint department. The complaint concerns the person's church. The churchgoer thinks the beatitudes are rules and she doesn't feel she could live up to them. It is explained to her that they are things you can do and that will please God.
Playing Time: 6 minutes
Place: The complaint department in a major department store.
Props: A Bible, a punch bell
Costumes: Merle -- a coat and tie
Georgina -- a dress
Time: The present
Cast; GEORGINA -- a churchgoer, any gender
MERLE -- a clerk
GEORGINA: (APPROACHES THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT AND RINGS THE BELL FOR SERVICE) Is anybody there?
MERLE: (FROM OFF STAGE) Just a minute.
GEORGINA:
(TO HERSELF) I've already waited a minute. (YELLS) Is this the right department?
MERLE: What department are you looking for?
GEORGINA: Complaints?
MERLE: No, I'm sorry. This is returns. (ENTERS) Hello. Complaints? If you have a complaint you must go over there.
GEORGINA: Oh, thank you very much. (CROSSES OVER THERE) Hello? Is anybody here?
MERLE: Just a minute.
GEORGINA: (TO HERSELF) Now, I've wasted two minutes. (YELLING) Is anybody working over here?
MERLE: What department are you looking for?
GEORGINA: You know what department I'm looking for -- complaints!
MERLE: You've got the right department.
GEORGINA: Well, is somebody going to help me?
MERLE: (CROSSING OVER TO HER) There must not be anybody in right now.
GEORGINA: Well, could you get somebody?
MERLE: They'll be right back, I'm sure.
GEORGINA: I'm on my lunch break.
MERLE: Are you in a hurry?
GEORGINA: Yes, I am. I'm on my lunch break. Could you help me?
MERLE: No. This isn't my department.
GEORGINA: But you're here, aren't you?
MERLE: They don't like us working in other departments.
GEORGINA: Who's going to know? I promise I won't tell.
MERLE: If they find out I'll be in trouble.
GEORGINA: I have a complaint.
MERLE: I'm not so sure you're the kind of person I should trust not to tell on me. You're a complainer.
GEORGINA: I'm not a complainer. I have a legitimate complaint. You needn't worry, it doesn't concern you.
MERLE: It will concern me if I listen to it.
GEORGINA: I have a complaint and I want it handled.
MERLE: Okay, I'll handle it if you promise me one thing.
GEORGINA: One thing? What is it?
MERLE: You won't ever make a complaint about me.
GEORGINA: Don't worry. I doubt if I'll ever see you again.
MERLE: Promise?
GEORGINA: This is ridiculous.
MERLE: Promise, or I won't help you.
GEORGINA: Okay, okay, I promise.
MERLE: Good. Thanks. Now, what's your complaint?
GEORGINA: Well, you see, I go to church.
MERLE: (WRITING) That's a complaint?
GEORGINA: There's more. They have all these rules.
MERLE: Uh huh.
GEORGINA: (BRINGING OUT HER LIST) And, well, I just can't live up to them all. They've got these rules -- you have to be poor -- you have to mourn -- you have to be meek -- you have to be hungry and thirsty -- you have to be merciful -- you have to pure in heart -- you have to be a peacemaker -- you have to be persecuted -- and you have to rejoice. What do you think of that?
MERLE: (WRITING) Go - to - church. C-h-u-r-c-h.
GEORGINA: Is that all the farther you are?
MERLE: Don't worry. I've got it all down. Go on.
GEORGINA: That's all there is. Are you sure you have all that?
MERLE: I've got it all.
GEORGINA: Okay, read it back to me so I know you've got it.
MERLE: You really want me to? You're on your lunch break, remember?
GEORGINA: Well, hurry it up, then. Yes, read it all back to me but be quick about it.
MERLE (HE READS VERY QUICKLY AND DOES AN IMITATION OF HER AS HE DOES IT) Well, you said, "Is anybody there?" Then I said, "Just a minute." Then you said, "I've already waited a minute. (YELLS) Is this the right department?" Then I said, "What department are you looking for?" Then you said, "Complaints?" Then I said, "No, I'm sorry. This is returns."
GEORGINA: No, no. Not everything. Not all that. Don't read all that. Just read the rules. Just the rules.
MERLE: Oh, yes, the rules. Let's see. The rules. Ah, yes, here they are -- (READING NORMALLY) You said, "Well, I just can't live up to them all. They've got rules.
GEORGINA: The rules -- get to the rules.
MERLE: Sure, sure. Hey, you sure are touchy.
GEORGINA: It's my lunch hour. I'm in a hurry.
MERLE: I forgot. You're in a hurry. (READING FAST AGAIN) You said, "-- you have to be poor -- you have to mourn -- you have to be meek -- you have to be hungry and thirsty -- you have to be merciful -- you have to be pure in heart -- you have to be a peacemaker -- you have to be persecuted -- and you have to rejoice."
GEORGINA: I guess you did get it all down.
MERLE: Good. Do you feel any better?
GEORGINA: What do you mean, do I feel any better?
MERLE: Since you told me these things -- do you feel better about it?
GEORGINA: No, of course I don't feel any better. How could I feel better? I've just told you my complaints. Nothing has been done about them yet.
MERLE: I know that but sometimes people feel better just telling someone else.
GEORGINA: Well, I don't. I want something to be done about the situation.
MERLE: Is there anything you can do to improve the situation?
GEORGINA: What are you talking about?
MERLE: Is there anything you can do in your church to improve ...
GEORGINA: You don't understand. I'm not here for psychological counseling. I came to the complaint department because I have some complaints about my church.
MERLE: I understand that often if we change, the situation seems to improve.
GEORGINA: Get back to my church.
MERLE: Right. Now, is there any possibility that you misinterpreted these "rules"?
GEORGINA: No! Of course not. I copied them down as the preacher was discussing them.
MERLE: And where did he get them?
GEORGINA: Well, how should I know? He made them up, I guess.
MERLE: Not necessarily. Maybe he had some reference work. I know that preachers often cite the Bible when they preach. Did he use the Bible when he was talking about these rules?
GEORGINA: Well, yes.
MERLE: Good, good. Now, we're getting somewhere. (SEARCHING FOR A BIBLE) A Bible, a Bible. Let's see. (FINDING ONE) Here we are.
GEORGINA: I don't see what this has to do with my complaint about the church.
MERLE: Just wait a minute.
GEORGINA: I've already waited five minutes.
MERLE: Here it is in Matthew's Gospel. The heading says it's called the Beatitudes.
GEORGINA: What's that mean?
MERLE: I don't know but you copied it down wrong. It says here the word "blessed" in front of all the rules.
GEORGINA: What does that mean?
MERLE: Well, I suppose "blessed" means blessed! In other words what you thought were rules set down by your church aren't rules at all.
GEORGINA: They're not?
MERLE: Not if you're blessed if you do them. They must be ways you as a Christian can please your God.
GEORGINA: Well, how about that. In other words I don't have to be these things, but I can do them and if I do them I'm "blessed" if I do.
MERLE: That must be it.
GEORGINA: Well, I do feel better now.
MERLE: Good.
GEORGINA: It's like getting a load off my back.
MERLE: Do you want this?
GEORGINA: The Bible?
MERLE: I just found it back here. You can have it. I would think if you have questions about what your church teaches you would want to check this to make sure they were true.
GEORGINA: No, you keep it. I'm going to buy one of my own. Does your store sell Bibles?
MERLE: Of course they do. Right over there.
GEORGINA (CROSSES OVER THERE) Good. I'll just buy one. Is anybody here?
MERLE: Just a minute.
GEORGINA: (TO HERSELF) I've already waited ten minutes. Is this the right department?
MERLE: What department are you looking for?
GEORGINA: You know what department I'm looking for -- Bibles!
MERLE: That's the right department.
GEORGINA: Will you help me, please?
MERLE: You know I can't help you. They don't like ...
GEORGINA: Never mind. I've used all my lunch break. My lunch break! Oh, dear! I'm late.
MERLE: Are you angry?
GEORGINA: Of course I'm angry! You made me miss my entire lunch break. Why won't you help me? I want to see the manager.
MERLE: You know why I can't help you. They don't like it ...
GEORGINA: I want the manager! I want the manager!
MERLE: I'll call the manager but what are you going to do?
GEORGINA: I have a complaint.
MERLE: I knew it. I shouldn't have trusted you. You're a complainer.
GEORGINA: (EXITING) Oh, great. I missed my lunch hour for this.
MERLE: (FOLLOWING HER OUT) And you promised, too.
