CSI: Bethlehem
Drama
Nativity Dramas
Four Nontraditional Christmas Plays for All Ages
Object:
Characters (in order of appearance)
Guardsman
Captain Of The Guard
Horatio
Zachariah (the innkeeper)
Guest 1
Guest 2
Guest 3 (woman)
Guest 4 (child)
Innkeeper's Wife
Lydia
Artemis
Esther
Mary
Nehemiah
Shepherd 1
Shepherd 2
Eldest Daughter
Angel
Messenger
Balthasar
Melchoir
Gaspar
Costumes
All characters wear appropriate costumes for the time period 2,000 years ago. Horatio needs some kind of CSI badge affixed to his breastplate.
Props
Theme music from CSI: Miami
Small table
Rough bed
Pile of rags
Yellow caution tape or police tape
Pencil
Front desk
Chairs
Scrolls
Scraps of cloth
Tweezers
Plastic bag (used as evidence bags)
Sunglasses
Bale of straw
Floor debris
Lantern
Manger
Cloth strip
Three shepherd's crooks
Spear
Spotlight
Tent
Fire pit
Sword
Prologue
(The scene opens on a sparsely furnished room at the Bethlehem Inn. There is a small pile of rags center stage, toward the rear, a small table, and a rough bed. There is yellow caution tape across the entrance to the room, and Guardsman stands to one side. Captain Of The Guard and Horatio walk onstage; Guardsman lifts the tape so they can step under it.)
Captain Of The Guard: We think this is where they were.
Horatio: (takes off cloak, hands it to Guardsman; "CSI" is emblazoned on the back of his breastplate.) Did your men touch anything?
Captain Of The Guard: No, sir. Once we saw there was no one here, we sealed off the room and called for you.
Horatio: Good work, Captain. Just as you've been told. (examines the table) Have you talked to the innkeeper?
Captain Of The Guard: (shrugs) He's not much help. He's had hundreds of people through here in the last few weeks. The census, you know.
Horatio: Well, we know plenty of ways to improve his memory.
Captain Of The Guard: He seemed pretty nervous, so he might remember something when you talk to him. He couldn't even remember if there were young children in this room.
Horatio: (stoops down near the pile of rags) He couldn't, could he? (looks up) Smell that?
Captain Of The Guard: (wrinkles his nose) Yes. What --
Horatio: (pulls out a pencil and starts to poke through the pile of rags) Let me tell you, once you've smelled that odor, it's with you for life. You never forget it. (continues poking, stops and peers at the pile) You're not a family man, are you, Captain?
Captain Of The Guard: Me, sir? Never wanted to be. I've got enough of a headache looking after my men. Children give me the willies.
Horatio: Then you wouldn't know. But just for the record, this (pokes into rag pile with his pencil, lifts out a cloth on the end of it, holds it up toward the soldiers) this is what you've been missing.
Captain Of The Guard: (covers his nose; Guardsman covers his nose also) Sir?
Horatio: It's swaddling clothes, Captain -- soiled swaddling clothes. (drops the rag after a moment, stands up and wipes his hands) And you know what they say ... where there's a dirty diaper, there's a baby. The innkeeper was lying to you, Captain. (takes out a pair of sunglasses, puts them on dramatically) Anyone with a nose would have known there was a baby in this room. And we're going to find him.
Prologue ends
(CSI: Miami theme song, "Won't Get Fooled Again" -- comes up as Prologue ends. Horatio and the Captain walk offstage as Artemis, a CSI, enters the room and starts examining the floor and furniture.)
Scene One: The Innkeeper
(The scene opens at the front desk of the inn, which is just off the room in the Prologue. A small group of people is sitting to one side, under the supervision of a Guardsman, as Horatio and the Captain enter. Lydia, a crime scene investigator, is examining scrolls while Artemis is gathering evidence in the other room, including scraps of cloth and scrapings from the floor, which he puts into small bags.)
Captain Of The Guard: These are the people who were here when we arrived.
Horatio: Let's see if we can wrap this up quickly. (to group) I understand one of you is having some short-term memory problems. Which one of you is Zachariah, the Innkeeper?
Zachariah: (pauses, then slowly rises, speaking wearily) I'm Zachariah, the innkeeper.
(Another man pushes him to the side, steps in front.)
Guest 1: No, I'm Zachariah.
Guest 2: (jumps to his feet) No, I'm Zachariah.
Guest 3: (pushes to the front) I'm Zachariah.
Guest 4: No, I'm Zachariah.
(Horatio turns to look at the Captain Of The Guard, who shrugs.)
Captain Of The Guard: They're a feisty bunch.
Horatio: So they are. (to the group) Well, before we go on, let me tell you that the Zachariah I want to speak to is suspected of having lied to King Herod's guard. If we find that to be the case, he is going to be doing some serious dungeon time with some very large men with very bad attitudes.
(As Horatio finishes, the guests discreetly step back, leaving Zachariah standing by himself.)
Guest 1: Uh -- that would be him. (points to Zachariah, and sits down nervously)
Horatio: Thank you. (to Zachariah) You're the innkeeper?
Zachariah: Yes, sir.
Horatio: Do you run the inn by yourself?
Zachariah: Yes, sir.
Innkeeper's Wife: (stands) I run it with him. (pauses) I'm his wife.
Horatio: I see. Nice of you to stand with your husband, considering. (pauses) As you know, we're looking for families with young children. We're here because somebody told us that they saw a baby right here, not long ago. What can you tell me about that?
Zachariah: You know what it's been like for the last couple of months, with the census. We're just five miles from Jerusalem, so we not only have all of the families from the house of David returning here to be counted, but all the tourist trade for Jerusalem, too. Nobody wants to pay what they charge at the inns there, so they try to get a room here.
Innkeeper's Wife: It's been madness. More families than we have rooms, more people than we have beds, more hungry mouths than we have food to give them. It's madness -- I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks.
Guest 2: Neither have I. I've been sharing a room with my husband and two goats. I'm not sure who smells worse.
(to Guest 2) And what, exactly, did that add to this conversation? If you're that anxious to talk, we'll get to you later. (to Zachariah) So that's pretty much what you already told the good Captain, here.
Zachariah: Yes, sir. It's the truth.
Horatio: Yes, but is it the whole truth? (Zachariah starts to speak; Horatio cautions him to be quiet with a raised finger) Captain, you're a student of human behavior -- did you notice anything about what this gentleman just said?
Captain Of The Guard: No, but he's sweating like it's the middle of summer.
Horatio: Good observation, but not what I'm looking for. Lydia, were you listening?
Lydia: Sure, H.
Horatio: And what did you notice about his answer?
Lydia: (puts scroll down on desk) That was no answer. He responded, but he never addressed your question.
(Zachariah dabs at his face and forehead with a rag; Innkeeper's Wife fidgets.)
Horatio: And what does that tell you?
Lydia: The same thing his guest registration tells me: He's lying.
Zachariah: (blustering) I am not --
Horatio: Let's hear the young lady out. Lydia?
Lydia: He's got guest registrations going back two months. About a week ago, on December 24, somebody signed in here (holds up scroll) but then it got crossed out.
Innkeeper's Wife: We must have found out there was no room in the inn after they registered.
Zachariah: It happens all the time. It's hard to know what's available when it's this busy.
Lydia: All the time? Really? (holds up two more scrolls) This is the registration for the next day. And this is the registration for three days later. The registration for December 26 is missing. Somebody's covering something up.
Artemis: (stands up, with several scraps of cloth held in a tweezer) Hey Lydia!
Lydia: Yes?
Artemis: Did you see any guests from Nazareth registered in the last week or so?
Lydia: No, why?
Artemis: Look at this material. It's a weave they use in Nazareth and the villages around it, and the wool is from a variety of sheep usually found in the hills there.
Horatio: So, Innkeeper, would you like to try it again -- and actually answer my question, this time? Has there been a family with a child in this inn in the last couple of weeks -- a family from Nazareth, perhaps?
(There is a long pause.)
Horatio: The evidence tells the story, Innkeeper. You're not doing yourself any favors.
Innkeeper's Wife: Tell him, Zachariah. It will be okay.
Zachariah: There was a couple. A young man and his wife, they couldn't have been more than twenty.
Artemis: From Nazareth?
Zachariah: Yes, yes, from Nazareth. (Artemis pumps her arm victoriously) They showed up on the evening of December 24. They'd been traveling all day and into the night. She was tired and pregnant. She looked like she was ready to give birth right then and there.
Innkeeper's Wife: She was in labor. She definitely was.
Zachariah: We had no room. We were booking families two to a room -- there was nowhere to put them. But my wife felt sorry for them, and she let them register before I knew it. I crossed it out and told them we had no room in the inn.
Captain Of The Guard: And then?
Zachariah: I thought the man was going to cry. He didn't know what to do; he had nowhere to turn.
Innkeeper's Wife: The nights are cold this time of year. We couldn't very well let her have her baby in the street or off in some field somewhere.
Zachariah: So my wife thought of the stable, in the hillside just below the inn. It's not much, but it's warm and it's out of the wind. (pauses) We took them there, to the stable, and not much later we could hear a newborn child crying. A couple of days later that room over there opened up, so we let them have it.
Horatio: I see. (pauses) Zachariah, it sounds like you just might be telling the truth this time, so we're going to check your story. If it's true you may have saved yourself. If it's not --
Zachariah: It's true, it's true!
Horatio: For your sake, I hope it is. Captain, let's check out that stable. (they start to walk away, Horatio hesitates and turns) One more thing. Innkeeper. Why did you lie to the Captain?
Zachariah: Because we heard about what Herod's Guard was doing. This baby was harmless -- he was no threat to anyone.
Horatio: That's not for you to decide, Innkeeper. Don't make a habit of lying, or you won't have a tongue to do it with.
(They start to walk away, leaving the Innkeeper dabbing sweat off his face.)
Captain: Do you really think this is worth our while? We're looking for a king, not a stable hand.
Horatio: King or stable hand, any child has potential -- and, Captain, that's what we're here to guard against. (puts on his sunglasses and strides out the door)
Scene One ends
(Play theme song.)
Scene Two: The Stable
(The scene opens outside the stable. There is a manger, a bale of straw, and some other assorted debris on the floor. There are animal noises in the background as two criminalists -- Esther and Mary -- are examining the scene. Esther is examining the debris on the floor, Mary is passing a lantern over the manger and studying it closely. Horatio and Guardsman enter.)
Guardsman: ... so the bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."
(Horatio smiles.)
Guardsman: You like that one?
Horatio: Not really. (starts to enter the stable, pauses and looks back at Guardsman) By the way, you may want to spend less time telling jokes and more time watching where you're going. There are donkeys here -- and you just stepped in the evidence.
Guardsman: (confused) What? (looks down at his feet, raises one sandal and looks at it) Oh, man!
(He leans against the wall and raises his foot, starts to scrape the sole of his sandal with his sword. Horatio smiles, steps into the stable, where he looks around, then squats and looks at the floor.)
Horatio: So what do we have here?
Esther: There was definitely was somebody staying in this stable. (puts something in an evidence bag, then stands up and points to the back of the stable) There's remains of a fire, back there, and some food scraps.
Horatio: I see. Any idea how long ago?
Esther: Judging from the condition of the food scraps, I would guess not less than a week, and not more than two. The meat was pretty well gone, but the bones weren't completely stripped, and the bread was just starting to mold.
Horatio: How many people?
Esther: There are some makeshift pallets in the back, next to the cow stall. Pretty small -- room enough for two people, if they were friends.
Horatio: Two people, eh? Look at the floor. It looks like there's been a small army through here. Sandalprints, bootprints, footprints ... and all since the last time it rained.
Esther: But still, there are just two sets of footprints back by the sleeping pallet.
(Guardsman finishes cleaning his sandals and ambles over to where Horatio and Mary are standing, where he stands by and listens.)
Horatio: Hmm. (gestures to follow the path on the ground) So they come in here, mill around here, and then they all seem to converge here. (follows the prints over to the manger) What do you find, Mary?
Mary: This manger is a treasure trove, H. Look here -- this top layer of straw is recent. You can tell by fragments of straw, bitten in half, and the saliva all around the top layer. (runs her fingers through the straw) It's still wet, see?
Horatio: Interesting.
Mary: (wipes her hand on Guardsman) It gets better. (scoops out straw and sets it aside carefully, on the ground) Below the top layer of straw, there's a layer that's not as fresh -- it's been in the manger for a while. Here we find this strip of cloth -- it's a weave used in the region of Nazareth.
Horatio: Hmm. Just like the room in the inn.
Mary: And then there's this --
Guardsman: Ooh, what is this? Guacamole? (dips a finger in, raises it to his lips)
Mary: It's called meconium. It's the fecal matter excreted by new born babies.
Guardsman: (explosively) Phtaah! (wipes his hands on his tunic) Ewww!
Horatio: So there was a newborn in this manger?
Mary: (nods) I'd say about a week ago.
Horatio: Hmm. And what's that smudge, there?
Mary: I don't know -- let's see. (leans closer, touches the straw, sniffs and tastes her fingertips) Some kind of resin. Myrrh, I think.
Horatio: (tests it himself) Myrrh? That's used as a perfume, and as I recall, it's very expensive.
Mary: (nods) The last vial I bought cost me two weeks' pay.
Horatio: I hope it was worth it.
Mary: How do you think I got engaged? It's not because of the glamorous job I have.
Horatio: (straightens up, looks around) Something doesn't make sense, here. This couple is sleeping in a stable -- they have their kid in a stable. Sounds like they don't have two shekels to rub together, but they can still afford something like myrrh. I don't --
(The Captain Of The Guard approaches, leading a group of civilians in simple robes, carrying shepherd's crooks. A guard with a spear is walking behind them, making sure they move along.)
Captain Of The Guard: (interrupting) Horatio! You have to hear this.
Horatio: (irritated) What? I was trying to figure out what these people were doing here. If we can figure that out, we can figure out who they were -- and where they are now.
Captain Of The Guard: That's why you have to hear this.
Horatio: Okay, impress me.
(They crowd into the area at the front of the stable, while Horatio stands with his hands on his hips, looking unhappy.)
Captain Of The Guard: I had men on patrol outside the walls, looking for people who might be trying to slip out of the city. One of the patrols swept through a meadow north of town, then started to follow the main drag back into town --
Horatio: Are you getting paid by the word?
Captain Of The Guard: No, I'm getting paid to pay attention to what's going on around me. The patrol came upon these folks, here, headed into town. (pauses) Nobody's trying to get into Bethlehem, these days. Except them.
Horatio: Who are they?
(A Shepherd from the middle of the group steps forward.)
Nehemiah: We are shepherds, sir, from the hills outside the city.
Horatio: And you are?
Nehemiah: Nehemiah, of Bethlehem, sir, and these are my children.
Horatio: On your way to a family reunion, were you?
Nehemiah: No, sir. We were coming here to visit the stable.
Horatio: What stable?
Nehemiah: Why, this one, of course.
Guardsman: Why, are you running low on baby poo?
Nehemiah: We came to show my eldest daughter the place of the miracle.
Horatio: What miracle?
Nehemiah: She wasn't with us last week, so she didn't see. We thought she might believe, if she could see.
Horatio: See what? Believe what?
Shepherd 1: Believe the miracle that happened.
Shepherd 2: Believe that a great king was born last week, right here in Bethlehem.
Horatio: What are you talking about?
Eldest Daughter: They've been like this for a week.
Horatio: What do you mean?
Eldest Daughter: All this, you know, "We saw a miracle." I break curfew, and my dad doesn't even yell at me. I get home in the morning, and he's like, "You won't believe what we saw." I was like, okay, whatever.
Horatio: And what was it they saw?
Eldest Daughter: Cha, like I'm supposed to be listening? What planet are you from?
Captain Of The Guard: (to Horatio) This is why I don't have children.
Horatio: (to the others) Who can tell me what they saw?
Shepherd 1: We saw the new king.
Horatio: The king? (pauses) I'm guessing that would come as a surprise to Herod. You know -- the real king.
Nehemiah: And yet, she speaks the truth. That's why we were bringing my daughter here, so she could understand.
(As the Shepherds are talking, Esther and Mary step around the manger and block off a part of the stable floor with the manger and their bodies.)
Captain Of The Guard: I told you you'd want to hear this.
Horatio: (puts a finger to his lips) Let them tell their story. Go ahead old man -- tell me about this king and this miracle.
Nehemiah: It happened a little over a week ago -- the night of December 24. We were in the fields, tending our sheep ... it was a cold night, with just a sliver of moon for light. Time was dragging heavily --
(As he begins his story, the other Shepherds step back away from the stable; some of them lie down, two stay standing. Nehemiah steps toward them, so he is among them when he finishes talking.)
Shepherd 1: Father, are you tired?
Nehemiah: Just thinking, son. I'm worried about your sister.
Shepherd 1: She'll be fine, Father. Why don't you let us take the watch?
Nehemiah: I'll stay up a bit longer. She should be back soon.
Shepherd 2: It's already an hour past her curfew.
(Shepherd 1 whacks him with his crook; Shepherd 2 rubs his shin as Shepherd 1 speaks.)
Shepherd 1: That Caiphas seems like a nice boy. I'm sure everything is fine.
Nehemiah: So am I. But just because I know the sheep are safe doesn't mean I don't watch over them.
Shepherd 2: Then you --
(A bright light suddenly envelops them, and a figure in white appears, starts walking toward them.)
Angel: Shalom! Peace be unto you!
(The three Shepherds stand close to one another; the ones who were sleeping wake up, but stay crouched on the ground.)
Nehemiah: Who -- who are you?
Angel: Peace! I am an angel of the Lord -- (Shepherd 1 drops his crook) -- and I am here to bring you glad tidings of great joy.
Nehemiah: You're ... what?
Angel: Peace be with you! I am a messenger of the Lord your God, sent to tell you of promises fulfilled and prophecies accomplished this very night.
Nehemiah: What do you mean?
Angel: Shalom and Alleluia, the Messiah is born to you this night in the city of Bethlehem. Go now and see the fulfillment of God's word for man! Bring honor and glory to the new King of kings!
Nehemiah: This Messiah -- he is in Bethlehem? Not Jerusalem?
Angel: Peace. Go now to the city of Bethlehem, to the inn by the west gate, and visit the stable there. Make haste, for the king awaits!
(The light goes out, Angel walks away, and Nehemiah steps back toward the stable; Shepherds follow.)
Nehemiah: And then there was a whole host of angels, all singing praises to the new Messiah. They were as plentiful as the stars in the sky, but each one shined like a sun. They sang, and then they were gone. And we ran here, to this stable.
Horatio: That's a very interesting story, shepherd. (pauses) I don't suppose you have any proof?
Esther: Uh -- I think I may have it, H.
Horatio: What do you mean?
Esther: (to Nehemiah) May I see your foot, sir? (puzzled, Nehemiah raises his foot) The sole of your sandal, please. (reaches for his foot and raises it high as she studies it carefully, looking between it and the floor several times; Nehemiah struggles to stay on his feet) See this, H?
Horatio: (leans closer to look) What's that?
(Nehemiah falls; no one notices.)
Esther: See these marks, here and here, on the bottom of his sandal? They correspond with some of these footprints. (points to floor) There's at least a dozen sets of footprints, and I'd be willing to bet that some of them match up to the sandals these other shepherds are wearing. (turns her head to speak to Nehemiah, realizes he is on the ground and lets go of his foot) Sorry. Were there more of you that came here, that night?
Nehemiah: (gets to his feet) A few. All of us, here, were present that night, except for my daughter.
Horatio: Okay fine, that proves they were here. (to Nehemiah) But do you have any proof for the rest of your story? Where is the evidence?
Nehemiah: (shrugs) What would you have me show you? A feather from an angel's wing?
Horatio: A story without the evidence to back it up is just a story. (to Captain Of The Guard) They have nothing more to tell me, Captain. They seem harmless enough -- just let them go. (to Nehemiah) There is nothing for you here. There's no king, no Messiah -- just a story to pass a winter's night. Go back to your meadows, shepherd.
Nehemiah: But --
(Horatio dismisses them with a wave of his hand. Shepherds exit.)
Captain Of The Guard: Don't you find their story the least bit remarkable, Horatio?
Horatio: Remarkable? It's fantastic. These shepherds have too much time on their hands, worrying about visions and angels and kings born in stables. I don't have time for fairytales, Captain. Herod has tasked me with finding every child born in this city -- I need results and evidence, not fables.
(A uniformed Messenger hurries up to them and salutes the Captain.)
Messenger: Begging your pardon, sir, but you need to come quickly.
Captain Of The Guard: What is it, son?
Messenger: The travelers we thought had skipped town -- a patrol has found them encamped not far from here.
(There is a moment of silence and then they all leave hastily in the direction from which Messenger came.)
Scene Two ends
(Play theme song.)
Scene Three: The Camp of the Magi
(The setting is the Magis' camp. There is a tent set up toward the rear, a fire pit is set up near the front, and the Magi are seated behind it, seemingly unconcerned. Guardsman is standing over them, not quite threatening them. Horatio and Captain Of The Guard enter the camp; Horatio gestures for Guardsman to leave.)
Horatio: So, you are the Magi -- the wise men who sent King Herod into a tailspin and started all this.
(The center Magi -- Balthasar -- stands and bows slightly.)
Balthasar: Guilty as charged, sir.
Horatio: I wouldn't throw that word around quite so easily, wise man. King Herod was less than happy with the fact that you seem to have run out on him.
Balthasar: And yet, here we are. We've run nowhere, sir.
Horatio: Perhaps you should. Cooperate with us and I can make your lives easier.
Balthasar: (sits) Go on.
Horatio: I don't know what exactly you told Herod, but whatever it was it has certainly put him on edge. I gather you told him that some kind of royal heir had been born around here, a king?
Melchior: Not a king, young man, the king. The Messiah.
Horatio: Ah, there's that word again. Messiah. Can you tell me what it means?
Melchior: Ancient Hebrew texts and prophecies foretold a Messiah -- a Savior of the Hebrew people, a king who will set them free and never let them be enslaved again.
Horatio: (nods) Hmm. Sounds like a pretty big job.
Melchior: The biggest.
Horatio: Hmm. Now, I don't know how things are back where you come from, but around here kings tend to run in families, and royal families tend to live pretty well. (pauses) Can you tell me why a royal family would be sleeping in a stable? Because it seems there was a child born in a stable about a week ago, and a bunch of shepherds decided to give their sheep a rest and come pay their respects to the new Messiah -- in a cave. Does that sound right to you?
Gaspar: The Messiah is not like any other king. We have no way to know what is right or wrong where he is concerned. Since this has never happened before, there is nothing to judge him against. He doesn't care what mortals think -- he does what he must do, and we must accept it. We are his subjects.
Horatio: Well, maybe you are, but King Herod is still signing my checks. I think you're talking in circles because you don't know what to think. You saw some kind of sign in the sky and dragged your sorry carcasses halfway around the world expecting to see some great king -- and when you got here, there was nothing of the kind.
Gaspar: Is that so?
Horatio: I believe it is. And that's why you don't want to go back and face King Herod, because you're going to look like three stooges. You may be men of great learning back where you come from, but here we deal in facts and reality. There is no Messiah. There is no new king that will save the world. Those are facts. Everything else is gibberish.
Gaspar: Is it so hard for you to believe prophecy?
Horatio: Prophecy? You want prophecy. I have a prophecy for you. (draws his sword; Captain Of The Guard steps toward him; the Magi look on impassively as he raises it high in the air) I prophesy that when I let go, this sword will fall to the ground. (lets go; and it clatters to the ground) That's prophecy -- using your reason to predict the future -- using evidence to construct a hypothesis.
Gaspar: (picks up the sword) Do you know why it fell?
Horatio: It's in the nature of things to fall when they're not supported. Anyone with eyes can see that. Anyone with an unclouded mind can understand it.
Gaspar: (hands the sword back) Then you believe in a power that can't be seen, a force that can't be touched by human hands. God created that force -- is it so hard to believe there may be other forces out there, just as powerful, that you can't touch, or measure -- or prove?
(Captain Of The Guard steps over to the other side of the camp, looks around curiously as Horatio speaks. At one point, he raises his head and sniffs.)
Horatio: Gibberish. Superstitious nonsense. If this is what passes for great learning in the East, we have nothing to fear here.
Gaspar: You have nothing to fear from us, in any case. We are scholars, Horatio. The only thing you need to fear is your own arrogance.
Horatio: (sarcastically) Really?
Melchior: Really. You are so willing to believe that the world around you is all that exists, and that what happens in this world can be studied and categorized and understood completely. You believe in this world so much that you're unwilling to even entertain the possibility that there is something more to existence, something more to this life.
Horatio: I think I've wasted enough time. I have my evidence, I know what happened.
Melchior: And what is that?
Horatio: A peasant couple had a baby. They were so poor, so inconsequential to this world, that they couldn't even find a room on the night she gave birth, so she had the child in a stable. At the same time, a trio of fuzzy-minded old scroll worms saw some strange light in the sky and decided that it was a sign from their God, so they followed it to Bethlehem, and discovered their "king" was just a baby in a manger. They were too embarrassed to tell King Herod what they found, so they decided to slink back home and hope everyone just forgot about it. On the way, they encountered some shepherds and shared their fantastic story. The shepherds dressed it up even more, to make themselves feel more important. (pauses) I think that sums it up pretty well.
Melchior: I suppose it does, in that tight little world you live in.
Horatio: The same world we all live in, old man. Some of us just see it with a little more focus than others.
Melchior: (smiles slightly) I suppose so. But the wise man knows the difference between focus and narrowness of vision.
Horatio: And the wiser man knows when his time is being wasted. (to Captain Of The Guard) Are you coming?
Captain Of The Guard: In a minute.
(Horatio shrugs and starts to walk away. Balthasar calls to him.)
Balthasar: Horatio!
Horatio: What is it?
Balthasar: Let me ask you this. Suppose the God who created all was watching us and he saw that we were enslaved by sin, sunk so deep into the superficial, physical world around us that our souls couldn't breathe. Then suppose he sent a deliverer, a Messiah who could lead humankind out of that snare, and the Messiah was born to a humble couple, in a humble place -- born as a common man, so he could live among common men, walk with them, and live their lives so that they would know he knew them. When the time came for this Messiah to lead his fellow man to salvation, don't you think they would trust him more, knowing that he had been one of them?
Horatio: (after a moment's pause) Nice story, old man. You just keep dreaming. I'm comfortable living in the real world.
Balthasar: And a bird is comfortable eating the bait, 'til the snare closes.
(Horatio dismisses Magi with a wave of his hand and walks away. There is a moment of silence before Captain Of The Guard speaks.)
Captain Of The Guard: Do you really believe the child in the stable was this Messiah?
Melchior: The prophecies foretold his coming, and the stars in the sky told us when and where. The child was born in the City of David, and angels came to sing his praises. Yes, I believe he was the Messiah. My evidence convinces me.
Captain Of The Guard: (smiles) It's all about the evidence, isn't it? (takes a step or two away from the camp, then turns back.) Speaking of evidence --
Gaspar: (guarded) Yes?
Captain Of The Guard: Whatever it is you're cooking smells very, very strong. But when I moved upwind, I discovered something else.
Gaspar: Really?
Captain Of The Guard: Really. Not long ago, my friend there told me that you never forget that odor once you've smelled it -- and he's right. (pauses) I know there's a baby in the tent, back there. After I'm gone, tell the parents it will be safe for them and their baby to leave at dawn tomorrow. Herod is still on a rampage, and the roads north and west are being patrolled, but they can still make their way south toward Egypt. (smiles again) I happen to know that the patrols will be pulled from that road tomorrow morning.
Gaspar: (relieved) Thank you. I understand.
Captain Of The Guard: You know -- I think I'm starting to understand, too. This God you talk about must love us a lot -- I guess it's only fair to love him back.
(Captain Of The Guard walks away, and Magi look after him for a moment, then Gaspar goes back to the tent and slips inside.)
The End
Guardsman
Captain Of The Guard
Horatio
Zachariah (the innkeeper)
Guest 1
Guest 2
Guest 3 (woman)
Guest 4 (child)
Innkeeper's Wife
Lydia
Artemis
Esther
Mary
Nehemiah
Shepherd 1
Shepherd 2
Eldest Daughter
Angel
Messenger
Balthasar
Melchoir
Gaspar
Costumes
All characters wear appropriate costumes for the time period 2,000 years ago. Horatio needs some kind of CSI badge affixed to his breastplate.
Props
Theme music from CSI: Miami
Small table
Rough bed
Pile of rags
Yellow caution tape or police tape
Pencil
Front desk
Chairs
Scrolls
Scraps of cloth
Tweezers
Plastic bag (used as evidence bags)
Sunglasses
Bale of straw
Floor debris
Lantern
Manger
Cloth strip
Three shepherd's crooks
Spear
Spotlight
Tent
Fire pit
Sword
Prologue
(The scene opens on a sparsely furnished room at the Bethlehem Inn. There is a small pile of rags center stage, toward the rear, a small table, and a rough bed. There is yellow caution tape across the entrance to the room, and Guardsman stands to one side. Captain Of The Guard and Horatio walk onstage; Guardsman lifts the tape so they can step under it.)
Captain Of The Guard: We think this is where they were.
Horatio: (takes off cloak, hands it to Guardsman; "CSI" is emblazoned on the back of his breastplate.) Did your men touch anything?
Captain Of The Guard: No, sir. Once we saw there was no one here, we sealed off the room and called for you.
Horatio: Good work, Captain. Just as you've been told. (examines the table) Have you talked to the innkeeper?
Captain Of The Guard: (shrugs) He's not much help. He's had hundreds of people through here in the last few weeks. The census, you know.
Horatio: Well, we know plenty of ways to improve his memory.
Captain Of The Guard: He seemed pretty nervous, so he might remember something when you talk to him. He couldn't even remember if there were young children in this room.
Horatio: (stoops down near the pile of rags) He couldn't, could he? (looks up) Smell that?
Captain Of The Guard: (wrinkles his nose) Yes. What --
Horatio: (pulls out a pencil and starts to poke through the pile of rags) Let me tell you, once you've smelled that odor, it's with you for life. You never forget it. (continues poking, stops and peers at the pile) You're not a family man, are you, Captain?
Captain Of The Guard: Me, sir? Never wanted to be. I've got enough of a headache looking after my men. Children give me the willies.
Horatio: Then you wouldn't know. But just for the record, this (pokes into rag pile with his pencil, lifts out a cloth on the end of it, holds it up toward the soldiers) this is what you've been missing.
Captain Of The Guard: (covers his nose; Guardsman covers his nose also) Sir?
Horatio: It's swaddling clothes, Captain -- soiled swaddling clothes. (drops the rag after a moment, stands up and wipes his hands) And you know what they say ... where there's a dirty diaper, there's a baby. The innkeeper was lying to you, Captain. (takes out a pair of sunglasses, puts them on dramatically) Anyone with a nose would have known there was a baby in this room. And we're going to find him.
Prologue ends
(CSI: Miami theme song, "Won't Get Fooled Again" -- comes up as Prologue ends. Horatio and the Captain walk offstage as Artemis, a CSI, enters the room and starts examining the floor and furniture.)
Scene One: The Innkeeper
(The scene opens at the front desk of the inn, which is just off the room in the Prologue. A small group of people is sitting to one side, under the supervision of a Guardsman, as Horatio and the Captain enter. Lydia, a crime scene investigator, is examining scrolls while Artemis is gathering evidence in the other room, including scraps of cloth and scrapings from the floor, which he puts into small bags.)
Captain Of The Guard: These are the people who were here when we arrived.
Horatio: Let's see if we can wrap this up quickly. (to group) I understand one of you is having some short-term memory problems. Which one of you is Zachariah, the Innkeeper?
Zachariah: (pauses, then slowly rises, speaking wearily) I'm Zachariah, the innkeeper.
(Another man pushes him to the side, steps in front.)
Guest 1: No, I'm Zachariah.
Guest 2: (jumps to his feet) No, I'm Zachariah.
Guest 3: (pushes to the front) I'm Zachariah.
Guest 4: No, I'm Zachariah.
(Horatio turns to look at the Captain Of The Guard, who shrugs.)
Captain Of The Guard: They're a feisty bunch.
Horatio: So they are. (to the group) Well, before we go on, let me tell you that the Zachariah I want to speak to is suspected of having lied to King Herod's guard. If we find that to be the case, he is going to be doing some serious dungeon time with some very large men with very bad attitudes.
(As Horatio finishes, the guests discreetly step back, leaving Zachariah standing by himself.)
Guest 1: Uh -- that would be him. (points to Zachariah, and sits down nervously)
Horatio: Thank you. (to Zachariah) You're the innkeeper?
Zachariah: Yes, sir.
Horatio: Do you run the inn by yourself?
Zachariah: Yes, sir.
Innkeeper's Wife: (stands) I run it with him. (pauses) I'm his wife.
Horatio: I see. Nice of you to stand with your husband, considering. (pauses) As you know, we're looking for families with young children. We're here because somebody told us that they saw a baby right here, not long ago. What can you tell me about that?
Zachariah: You know what it's been like for the last couple of months, with the census. We're just five miles from Jerusalem, so we not only have all of the families from the house of David returning here to be counted, but all the tourist trade for Jerusalem, too. Nobody wants to pay what they charge at the inns there, so they try to get a room here.
Innkeeper's Wife: It's been madness. More families than we have rooms, more people than we have beds, more hungry mouths than we have food to give them. It's madness -- I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks.
Guest 2: Neither have I. I've been sharing a room with my husband and two goats. I'm not sure who smells worse.
Zachariah: Yes, sir. It's the truth.
Horatio: Yes, but is it the whole truth? (Zachariah starts to speak; Horatio cautions him to be quiet with a raised finger) Captain, you're a student of human behavior -- did you notice anything about what this gentleman just said?
Captain Of The Guard: No, but he's sweating like it's the middle of summer.
Horatio: Good observation, but not what I'm looking for. Lydia, were you listening?
Lydia: Sure, H.
Horatio: And what did you notice about his answer?
Lydia: (puts scroll down on desk) That was no answer. He responded, but he never addressed your question.
(Zachariah dabs at his face and forehead with a rag; Innkeeper's Wife fidgets.)
Horatio: And what does that tell you?
Lydia: The same thing his guest registration tells me: He's lying.
Zachariah: (blustering) I am not --
Horatio: Let's hear the young lady out. Lydia?
Lydia: He's got guest registrations going back two months. About a week ago, on December 24, somebody signed in here (holds up scroll) but then it got crossed out.
Innkeeper's Wife: We must have found out there was no room in the inn after they registered.
Zachariah: It happens all the time. It's hard to know what's available when it's this busy.
Lydia: All the time? Really? (holds up two more scrolls) This is the registration for the next day. And this is the registration for three days later. The registration for December 26 is missing. Somebody's covering something up.
Artemis: (stands up, with several scraps of cloth held in a tweezer) Hey Lydia!
Lydia: Yes?
Artemis: Did you see any guests from Nazareth registered in the last week or so?
Lydia: No, why?
Artemis: Look at this material. It's a weave they use in Nazareth and the villages around it, and the wool is from a variety of sheep usually found in the hills there.
Horatio: So, Innkeeper, would you like to try it again -- and actually answer my question, this time? Has there been a family with a child in this inn in the last couple of weeks -- a family from Nazareth, perhaps?
(There is a long pause.)
Horatio: The evidence tells the story, Innkeeper. You're not doing yourself any favors.
Innkeeper's Wife: Tell him, Zachariah. It will be okay.
Zachariah: There was a couple. A young man and his wife, they couldn't have been more than twenty.
Artemis: From Nazareth?
Zachariah: Yes, yes, from Nazareth. (Artemis pumps her arm victoriously) They showed up on the evening of December 24. They'd been traveling all day and into the night. She was tired and pregnant. She looked like she was ready to give birth right then and there.
Innkeeper's Wife: She was in labor. She definitely was.
Zachariah: We had no room. We were booking families two to a room -- there was nowhere to put them. But my wife felt sorry for them, and she let them register before I knew it. I crossed it out and told them we had no room in the inn.
Captain Of The Guard: And then?
Zachariah: I thought the man was going to cry. He didn't know what to do; he had nowhere to turn.
Innkeeper's Wife: The nights are cold this time of year. We couldn't very well let her have her baby in the street or off in some field somewhere.
Zachariah: So my wife thought of the stable, in the hillside just below the inn. It's not much, but it's warm and it's out of the wind. (pauses) We took them there, to the stable, and not much later we could hear a newborn child crying. A couple of days later that room over there opened up, so we let them have it.
Horatio: I see. (pauses) Zachariah, it sounds like you just might be telling the truth this time, so we're going to check your story. If it's true you may have saved yourself. If it's not --
Zachariah: It's true, it's true!
Horatio: For your sake, I hope it is. Captain, let's check out that stable. (they start to walk away, Horatio hesitates and turns) One more thing. Innkeeper. Why did you lie to the Captain?
Zachariah: Because we heard about what Herod's Guard was doing. This baby was harmless -- he was no threat to anyone.
Horatio: That's not for you to decide, Innkeeper. Don't make a habit of lying, or you won't have a tongue to do it with.
(They start to walk away, leaving the Innkeeper dabbing sweat off his face.)
Captain: Do you really think this is worth our while? We're looking for a king, not a stable hand.
Horatio: King or stable hand, any child has potential -- and, Captain, that's what we're here to guard against. (puts on his sunglasses and strides out the door)
Scene One ends
(Play theme song.)
Scene Two: The Stable
(The scene opens outside the stable. There is a manger, a bale of straw, and some other assorted debris on the floor. There are animal noises in the background as two criminalists -- Esther and Mary -- are examining the scene. Esther is examining the debris on the floor, Mary is passing a lantern over the manger and studying it closely. Horatio and Guardsman enter.)
Guardsman: ... so the bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."
(Horatio smiles.)
Guardsman: You like that one?
Horatio: Not really. (starts to enter the stable, pauses and looks back at Guardsman) By the way, you may want to spend less time telling jokes and more time watching where you're going. There are donkeys here -- and you just stepped in the evidence.
Guardsman: (confused) What? (looks down at his feet, raises one sandal and looks at it) Oh, man!
(He leans against the wall and raises his foot, starts to scrape the sole of his sandal with his sword. Horatio smiles, steps into the stable, where he looks around, then squats and looks at the floor.)
Horatio: So what do we have here?
Esther: There was definitely was somebody staying in this stable. (puts something in an evidence bag, then stands up and points to the back of the stable) There's remains of a fire, back there, and some food scraps.
Horatio: I see. Any idea how long ago?
Esther: Judging from the condition of the food scraps, I would guess not less than a week, and not more than two. The meat was pretty well gone, but the bones weren't completely stripped, and the bread was just starting to mold.
Horatio: How many people?
Esther: There are some makeshift pallets in the back, next to the cow stall. Pretty small -- room enough for two people, if they were friends.
Horatio: Two people, eh? Look at the floor. It looks like there's been a small army through here. Sandalprints, bootprints, footprints ... and all since the last time it rained.
Esther: But still, there are just two sets of footprints back by the sleeping pallet.
(Guardsman finishes cleaning his sandals and ambles over to where Horatio and Mary are standing, where he stands by and listens.)
Horatio: Hmm. (gestures to follow the path on the ground) So they come in here, mill around here, and then they all seem to converge here. (follows the prints over to the manger) What do you find, Mary?
Mary: This manger is a treasure trove, H. Look here -- this top layer of straw is recent. You can tell by fragments of straw, bitten in half, and the saliva all around the top layer. (runs her fingers through the straw) It's still wet, see?
Horatio: Interesting.
Mary: (wipes her hand on Guardsman) It gets better. (scoops out straw and sets it aside carefully, on the ground) Below the top layer of straw, there's a layer that's not as fresh -- it's been in the manger for a while. Here we find this strip of cloth -- it's a weave used in the region of Nazareth.
Horatio: Hmm. Just like the room in the inn.
Mary: And then there's this --
Guardsman: Ooh, what is this? Guacamole? (dips a finger in, raises it to his lips)
Mary: It's called meconium. It's the fecal matter excreted by new born babies.
Guardsman: (explosively) Phtaah! (wipes his hands on his tunic) Ewww!
Horatio: So there was a newborn in this manger?
Mary: (nods) I'd say about a week ago.
Horatio: Hmm. And what's that smudge, there?
Mary: I don't know -- let's see. (leans closer, touches the straw, sniffs and tastes her fingertips) Some kind of resin. Myrrh, I think.
Horatio: (tests it himself) Myrrh? That's used as a perfume, and as I recall, it's very expensive.
Mary: (nods) The last vial I bought cost me two weeks' pay.
Horatio: I hope it was worth it.
Mary: How do you think I got engaged? It's not because of the glamorous job I have.
Horatio: (straightens up, looks around) Something doesn't make sense, here. This couple is sleeping in a stable -- they have their kid in a stable. Sounds like they don't have two shekels to rub together, but they can still afford something like myrrh. I don't --
(The Captain Of The Guard approaches, leading a group of civilians in simple robes, carrying shepherd's crooks. A guard with a spear is walking behind them, making sure they move along.)
Captain Of The Guard: (interrupting) Horatio! You have to hear this.
Horatio: (irritated) What? I was trying to figure out what these people were doing here. If we can figure that out, we can figure out who they were -- and where they are now.
Captain Of The Guard: That's why you have to hear this.
Horatio: Okay, impress me.
(They crowd into the area at the front of the stable, while Horatio stands with his hands on his hips, looking unhappy.)
Captain Of The Guard: I had men on patrol outside the walls, looking for people who might be trying to slip out of the city. One of the patrols swept through a meadow north of town, then started to follow the main drag back into town --
Horatio: Are you getting paid by the word?
Captain Of The Guard: No, I'm getting paid to pay attention to what's going on around me. The patrol came upon these folks, here, headed into town. (pauses) Nobody's trying to get into Bethlehem, these days. Except them.
Horatio: Who are they?
(A Shepherd from the middle of the group steps forward.)
Nehemiah: We are shepherds, sir, from the hills outside the city.
Horatio: And you are?
Nehemiah: Nehemiah, of Bethlehem, sir, and these are my children.
Horatio: On your way to a family reunion, were you?
Nehemiah: No, sir. We were coming here to visit the stable.
Horatio: What stable?
Nehemiah: Why, this one, of course.
Guardsman: Why, are you running low on baby poo?
Nehemiah: We came to show my eldest daughter the place of the miracle.
Horatio: What miracle?
Nehemiah: She wasn't with us last week, so she didn't see. We thought she might believe, if she could see.
Horatio: See what? Believe what?
Shepherd 1: Believe the miracle that happened.
Shepherd 2: Believe that a great king was born last week, right here in Bethlehem.
Horatio: What are you talking about?
Eldest Daughter: They've been like this for a week.
Horatio: What do you mean?
Eldest Daughter: All this, you know, "We saw a miracle." I break curfew, and my dad doesn't even yell at me. I get home in the morning, and he's like, "You won't believe what we saw." I was like, okay, whatever.
Horatio: And what was it they saw?
Eldest Daughter: Cha, like I'm supposed to be listening? What planet are you from?
Captain Of The Guard: (to Horatio) This is why I don't have children.
Horatio: (to the others) Who can tell me what they saw?
Shepherd 1: We saw the new king.
Horatio: The king? (pauses) I'm guessing that would come as a surprise to Herod. You know -- the real king.
Nehemiah: And yet, she speaks the truth. That's why we were bringing my daughter here, so she could understand.
(As the Shepherds are talking, Esther and Mary step around the manger and block off a part of the stable floor with the manger and their bodies.)
Captain Of The Guard: I told you you'd want to hear this.
Horatio: (puts a finger to his lips) Let them tell their story. Go ahead old man -- tell me about this king and this miracle.
Nehemiah: It happened a little over a week ago -- the night of December 24. We were in the fields, tending our sheep ... it was a cold night, with just a sliver of moon for light. Time was dragging heavily --
(As he begins his story, the other Shepherds step back away from the stable; some of them lie down, two stay standing. Nehemiah steps toward them, so he is among them when he finishes talking.)
Shepherd 1: Father, are you tired?
Nehemiah: Just thinking, son. I'm worried about your sister.
Shepherd 1: She'll be fine, Father. Why don't you let us take the watch?
Nehemiah: I'll stay up a bit longer. She should be back soon.
Shepherd 2: It's already an hour past her curfew.
(Shepherd 1 whacks him with his crook; Shepherd 2 rubs his shin as Shepherd 1 speaks.)
Shepherd 1: That Caiphas seems like a nice boy. I'm sure everything is fine.
Nehemiah: So am I. But just because I know the sheep are safe doesn't mean I don't watch over them.
Shepherd 2: Then you --
(A bright light suddenly envelops them, and a figure in white appears, starts walking toward them.)
Angel: Shalom! Peace be unto you!
(The three Shepherds stand close to one another; the ones who were sleeping wake up, but stay crouched on the ground.)
Nehemiah: Who -- who are you?
Angel: Peace! I am an angel of the Lord -- (Shepherd 1 drops his crook) -- and I am here to bring you glad tidings of great joy.
Nehemiah: You're ... what?
Angel: Peace be with you! I am a messenger of the Lord your God, sent to tell you of promises fulfilled and prophecies accomplished this very night.
Nehemiah: What do you mean?
Angel: Shalom and Alleluia, the Messiah is born to you this night in the city of Bethlehem. Go now and see the fulfillment of God's word for man! Bring honor and glory to the new King of kings!
Nehemiah: This Messiah -- he is in Bethlehem? Not Jerusalem?
Angel: Peace. Go now to the city of Bethlehem, to the inn by the west gate, and visit the stable there. Make haste, for the king awaits!
(The light goes out, Angel walks away, and Nehemiah steps back toward the stable; Shepherds follow.)
Nehemiah: And then there was a whole host of angels, all singing praises to the new Messiah. They were as plentiful as the stars in the sky, but each one shined like a sun. They sang, and then they were gone. And we ran here, to this stable.
Horatio: That's a very interesting story, shepherd. (pauses) I don't suppose you have any proof?
Esther: Uh -- I think I may have it, H.
Horatio: What do you mean?
Esther: (to Nehemiah) May I see your foot, sir? (puzzled, Nehemiah raises his foot) The sole of your sandal, please. (reaches for his foot and raises it high as she studies it carefully, looking between it and the floor several times; Nehemiah struggles to stay on his feet) See this, H?
Horatio: (leans closer to look) What's that?
(Nehemiah falls; no one notices.)
Esther: See these marks, here and here, on the bottom of his sandal? They correspond with some of these footprints. (points to floor) There's at least a dozen sets of footprints, and I'd be willing to bet that some of them match up to the sandals these other shepherds are wearing. (turns her head to speak to Nehemiah, realizes he is on the ground and lets go of his foot) Sorry. Were there more of you that came here, that night?
Nehemiah: (gets to his feet) A few. All of us, here, were present that night, except for my daughter.
Horatio: Okay fine, that proves they were here. (to Nehemiah) But do you have any proof for the rest of your story? Where is the evidence?
Nehemiah: (shrugs) What would you have me show you? A feather from an angel's wing?
Horatio: A story without the evidence to back it up is just a story. (to Captain Of The Guard) They have nothing more to tell me, Captain. They seem harmless enough -- just let them go. (to Nehemiah) There is nothing for you here. There's no king, no Messiah -- just a story to pass a winter's night. Go back to your meadows, shepherd.
Nehemiah: But --
(Horatio dismisses them with a wave of his hand. Shepherds exit.)
Captain Of The Guard: Don't you find their story the least bit remarkable, Horatio?
Horatio: Remarkable? It's fantastic. These shepherds have too much time on their hands, worrying about visions and angels and kings born in stables. I don't have time for fairytales, Captain. Herod has tasked me with finding every child born in this city -- I need results and evidence, not fables.
(A uniformed Messenger hurries up to them and salutes the Captain.)
Messenger: Begging your pardon, sir, but you need to come quickly.
Captain Of The Guard: What is it, son?
Messenger: The travelers we thought had skipped town -- a patrol has found them encamped not far from here.
(There is a moment of silence and then they all leave hastily in the direction from which Messenger came.)
Scene Two ends
(Play theme song.)
Scene Three: The Camp of the Magi
Horatio: So, you are the Magi -- the wise men who sent King Herod into a tailspin and started all this.
(The center Magi -- Balthasar -- stands and bows slightly.)
Balthasar: Guilty as charged, sir.
Horatio: I wouldn't throw that word around quite so easily, wise man. King Herod was less than happy with the fact that you seem to have run out on him.
Balthasar: And yet, here we are. We've run nowhere, sir.
Horatio: Perhaps you should. Cooperate with us and I can make your lives easier.
Balthasar: (sits) Go on.
Horatio: I don't know what exactly you told Herod, but whatever it was it has certainly put him on edge. I gather you told him that some kind of royal heir had been born around here, a king?
Melchior: Not a king, young man, the king. The Messiah.
Horatio: Ah, there's that word again. Messiah. Can you tell me what it means?
Melchior: Ancient Hebrew texts and prophecies foretold a Messiah -- a Savior of the Hebrew people, a king who will set them free and never let them be enslaved again.
Horatio: (nods) Hmm. Sounds like a pretty big job.
Melchior: The biggest.
Horatio: Hmm. Now, I don't know how things are back where you come from, but around here kings tend to run in families, and royal families tend to live pretty well. (pauses) Can you tell me why a royal family would be sleeping in a stable? Because it seems there was a child born in a stable about a week ago, and a bunch of shepherds decided to give their sheep a rest and come pay their respects to the new Messiah -- in a cave. Does that sound right to you?
Gaspar: The Messiah is not like any other king. We have no way to know what is right or wrong where he is concerned. Since this has never happened before, there is nothing to judge him against. He doesn't care what mortals think -- he does what he must do, and we must accept it. We are his subjects.
Horatio: Well, maybe you are, but King Herod is still signing my checks. I think you're talking in circles because you don't know what to think. You saw some kind of sign in the sky and dragged your sorry carcasses halfway around the world expecting to see some great king -- and when you got here, there was nothing of the kind.
Gaspar: Is that so?
Horatio: I believe it is. And that's why you don't want to go back and face King Herod, because you're going to look like three stooges. You may be men of great learning back where you come from, but here we deal in facts and reality. There is no Messiah. There is no new king that will save the world. Those are facts. Everything else is gibberish.
Gaspar: Is it so hard for you to believe prophecy?
Horatio: Prophecy? You want prophecy. I have a prophecy for you. (draws his sword; Captain Of The Guard steps toward him; the Magi look on impassively as he raises it high in the air) I prophesy that when I let go, this sword will fall to the ground. (lets go; and it clatters to the ground) That's prophecy -- using your reason to predict the future -- using evidence to construct a hypothesis.
Gaspar: (picks up the sword) Do you know why it fell?
Horatio: It's in the nature of things to fall when they're not supported. Anyone with eyes can see that. Anyone with an unclouded mind can understand it.
Gaspar: (hands the sword back) Then you believe in a power that can't be seen, a force that can't be touched by human hands. God created that force -- is it so hard to believe there may be other forces out there, just as powerful, that you can't touch, or measure -- or prove?
(Captain Of The Guard steps over to the other side of the camp, looks around curiously as Horatio speaks. At one point, he raises his head and sniffs.)
Horatio: Gibberish. Superstitious nonsense. If this is what passes for great learning in the East, we have nothing to fear here.
Gaspar: You have nothing to fear from us, in any case. We are scholars, Horatio. The only thing you need to fear is your own arrogance.
Horatio: (sarcastically) Really?
Melchior: Really. You are so willing to believe that the world around you is all that exists, and that what happens in this world can be studied and categorized and understood completely. You believe in this world so much that you're unwilling to even entertain the possibility that there is something more to existence, something more to this life.
Horatio: I think I've wasted enough time. I have my evidence, I know what happened.
Melchior: And what is that?
Horatio: A peasant couple had a baby. They were so poor, so inconsequential to this world, that they couldn't even find a room on the night she gave birth, so she had the child in a stable. At the same time, a trio of fuzzy-minded old scroll worms saw some strange light in the sky and decided that it was a sign from their God, so they followed it to Bethlehem, and discovered their "king" was just a baby in a manger. They were too embarrassed to tell King Herod what they found, so they decided to slink back home and hope everyone just forgot about it. On the way, they encountered some shepherds and shared their fantastic story. The shepherds dressed it up even more, to make themselves feel more important. (pauses) I think that sums it up pretty well.
Melchior: I suppose it does, in that tight little world you live in.
Horatio: The same world we all live in, old man. Some of us just see it with a little more focus than others.
Melchior: (smiles slightly) I suppose so. But the wise man knows the difference between focus and narrowness of vision.
Horatio: And the wiser man knows when his time is being wasted. (to Captain Of The Guard) Are you coming?
Captain Of The Guard: In a minute.
(Horatio shrugs and starts to walk away. Balthasar calls to him.)
Balthasar: Horatio!
Horatio: What is it?
Balthasar: Let me ask you this. Suppose the God who created all was watching us and he saw that we were enslaved by sin, sunk so deep into the superficial, physical world around us that our souls couldn't breathe. Then suppose he sent a deliverer, a Messiah who could lead humankind out of that snare, and the Messiah was born to a humble couple, in a humble place -- born as a common man, so he could live among common men, walk with them, and live their lives so that they would know he knew them. When the time came for this Messiah to lead his fellow man to salvation, don't you think they would trust him more, knowing that he had been one of them?
Horatio: (after a moment's pause) Nice story, old man. You just keep dreaming. I'm comfortable living in the real world.
Balthasar: And a bird is comfortable eating the bait, 'til the snare closes.
(Horatio dismisses Magi with a wave of his hand and walks away. There is a moment of silence before Captain Of The Guard speaks.)
Captain Of The Guard: Do you really believe the child in the stable was this Messiah?
Melchior: The prophecies foretold his coming, and the stars in the sky told us when and where. The child was born in the City of David, and angels came to sing his praises. Yes, I believe he was the Messiah. My evidence convinces me.
Captain Of The Guard: (smiles) It's all about the evidence, isn't it? (takes a step or two away from the camp, then turns back.) Speaking of evidence --
Gaspar: (guarded) Yes?
Captain Of The Guard: Whatever it is you're cooking smells very, very strong. But when I moved upwind, I discovered something else.
Gaspar: Really?
Captain Of The Guard: Really. Not long ago, my friend there told me that you never forget that odor once you've smelled it -- and he's right. (pauses) I know there's a baby in the tent, back there. After I'm gone, tell the parents it will be safe for them and their baby to leave at dawn tomorrow. Herod is still on a rampage, and the roads north and west are being patrolled, but they can still make their way south toward Egypt. (smiles again) I happen to know that the patrols will be pulled from that road tomorrow morning.
Gaspar: (relieved) Thank you. I understand.
Captain Of The Guard: You know -- I think I'm starting to understand, too. This God you talk about must love us a lot -- I guess it's only fair to love him back.
(Captain Of The Guard walks away, and Magi look after him for a moment, then Gaspar goes back to the tent and slips inside.)
The End
