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I was raised in the Congregational Church. I was baptized, went to Sunday school, was confirmed, and attended church regularly until I was in my late teens. However, church didn't mean anything to me and I didn't feel I got anything out of it, or feel connected to it in any way, so once I was away from home, I no longer attended services.

Prayer was pretty infrequent for me, but occasionally, when I would wake up worrying in the middle of the night, I would pray. Some of those prayers were answered, sometimes in rather dramatic ways. They were always selfish prayers, often having to do with the weather or other petty wants of mine. One night in December of 2000, I was thanking God for a prayer that had been answered. I said, "Thank you God, you're the greatest." And all of a sudden, a wide band of bright, white light came down at me from near the ceiling. My first thought was, "Oh, my gosh, this is going to hurt." But it didn't hurt, the light flowed into my chest and all I felt was some slight pressure. The light flowed and flowed into me, filling my heart to overflowing with indescribable love. It was the most amazing feeling; such a wonderful feeling of peace filled me -- peace like I had never ever known before! And then, after what seemed like a few minutes, the light was gone. I looked over at my husband, but he was still sound asleep. If I had to describe in words what I had experienced, I would say that it was as if the light was saying, "I am God and I am love." I lay in bed for a long time, thinking about what had just happened, until I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I didn't know what to think. I knew what had happened the night before, and I was convinced it was real, but I didn't know what to do about it. It was very confusing when I tried to understand it. Why did God's light flow into me? I'm just an ordinary, average, run-of-the-mill person, a woman with a husband, three nearly-grown kids, and two dogs. I have always tried to live by the teachings of Christ and the church, but I'm no saint. I have plenty of weaknesses and shortcomings.

I knew if I told anyone about the light, they would think I was crazy, so I kept it to myself for a year and a half. I did start attending church regularly at the Ellsworth United Methodist Church. It helped just to be with a group of people who believe in God. But that wasn't enough. Somehow I felt called to do more, so I started praying and meditating every morning. It felt like something I had to do. But despite these things I became more and more depressed. I had all these new feelings and thoughts and beliefs that I'd never had before and I was in turmoil. Finally, at my request, my pastor recommended a Christian counselor. That was the best thing for me. She asked me why I was there and I told her that I had the overwhelming feeling that I had to serve God, and that it was a totally new feeling for me. I didn't know how to serve God, I didn't know how other people served God, and I didn't know who to talk to about it. She looked surprised and asked why I felt this way. I was very apprehensive to tell her about the light, but I did and she was so very accepting of my story. She helped me feel like I wasn't crazy, and that the light really happened and it was okay to talk about it to people I felt I could trust.

When the light came, it was as if somehow a computer chip of new ideas, thoughts, and beliefs was also implanted in me at the same time that my heart was filled with love. For example, I had totally new feelings about death and dying. Cemeteries used to make me very, very uncomfortable, but now when I drive by them I have this feeling that all the people there are at peace.

Another change is that I no longer fear death! I don't know why. I just know that, after death, we will be at peace, we will be with God, and all will be right. I can't explain why know this, I just have an unshakable belief that this is so. What surprises me most about this is that not being afraid of death makes me not afraid to live. I feel like I can do what I want to and not be afraid. If I die tomorrow, somehow that's okay with me now. In comparison, I used to worry much more about everyday things: the kids, driving, the dangers of life in general. But somehow, life doesn't seem so dangerous anymore and not nearly as scary. God is in control of my life and all is right with my world!

Sometimes I feel guilty, feeling this much at peace, but then I remind myself that I didn't ask for the light to come and I wasn't praying for any kind of change in my life. It just happened to me and only God knows why. I can only assume he has something in mind for me to do. I don't know what, yet, but if I follow my heart and listen to God, I pray that I will be shown what God's plan is for my life.