Face-Lift
Drama
Lectionary Scenes
56 Vignettes For Cycle C
Theme
People never seem to be satisfied with who they are or their situation. There always seems to be a longing to change their luck.
Summary
A patient is seeking a face-lift. He goes to a wacky doctor who is more than willing to perform the operation -- any operation. The patient has received good advice from friends but doesn't take it.
Playing Time
5 minutes
Setting
The doctor's office
Props
Dr. Reiluf -- clipboard, lots of instruments in his pockets
Costumes
Dr. Reiluf -- a lab coat
Patient -- contemporary clothing
Time
The present
Cast
PATIENT -- a confused person
DR. REILUF -- an even more confused doctor
(DR. REILUF IS PACING, STUDYING HIS NOTES)
PATIENT: (ENTERS, CROSSING TO DR. REILUF) Doctor! Doctor!
DR. REILUF: Vel, you haf come to zee right place.
PATIENT: I have?
DR. REILUF: Ya, of course.
PATIENT: How do you know?
DR. REILUF: I am zee doctor. Lie down. Ve vill begin zee operation.
PATIENT: Doctor, I am dissatisfied with my life. I hate my hair. I hate my face. I hate my life.
DR. REILUF: Zee operation vill fix you up.
Lie down.
PATIENT: Operation. Whoa. Don't you want to examine me first?
DR. REILUF: I haf zeen enough of you already. Zere isn't time for an examination. I am busy man. Lie down.
PATIENT: How can you tell what's wrong with me?
DR. REILUF: Am I zee doctor or are you?
PATIENT: You are.
DR. REILUF: Vell, all right den. Ve haf got zat settled. Lie down.
PATIENT: I'm not going to lie down.
DR. REILUF: Vell, zat's up to you, I suppose, but you vill be lying down after zee anesthesia.
PATIENT: Look, Doctor, I just came in for a talk.
DR. REILUF: You come to doctor -- you get operation. You vant talk? Call a talk show. Now, lie down.
PATIENT: Friends say I need Jesus in my life. But I don't know. I don't need a religion. My life is full of trouble.
DR. REILUF: You are giving me trouble. Now, be a good little patient and lie down. Or do I haf to call in Bruno?
PATIENT: Bruno?
DR. REILUF: You haf to call louder zan zat. Bruno has brain damage.
PATIENT: He does?
DR. REILUF: Ya, ever since his operation. I'm beginning to think you haf brain damage. Lie down.
PATIENT: Stop saying "lie down." It makes me nervous.
DR. REILUF: Aha! You haf a nervous condition brought on by stress.
PATIENT: My friends tell me to trust God. What can I do?
DR. REILUF: There's only one zing you can do. Lie down.
PATIENT: No! I won't! I believe there is a God. Isn't that enough? They tell me I have to trust Jesus, too.
DR. REILUF: Don't listen to your friends. Listen to your doctor. I insist. You must haf an operation. Lie down.
PATIENT: I'm leaving.
DR. REILUF: Remember Bruno.
PATIENT: Okay, I'm staying. Can you help me?
DR. REILUF: Am I zee doctor or not?
PATIENT: I don't know.
DR. REILUF: Aha! You are confused by zircumstances.
PATIENT: Are you a psychiatrist?
DR. REILUF: Ya, I am.
PATIENT: That's what I thought.
DR. REILUF: Lie down.
PATIENT: I don't want a psychiatrist. I came in for a face-lift.
DR. REILUF: (PULLING AT PATIENT'S FACE) Oh, I zee vhat you mean.
PATIENT: I need a plastic surgeon.
DR. REILUF: I can do zat, too.
PATIENT: You do plastic surgery?
DR. REILUF: Ya, part time, I do. Lie down. Ve begin.
PATIENT: People don't like me.
DR. REILUF: I can easily see zat. But, don't vorry. I can make you beautiful. I do movie stars.
PATIENT: You do?
DR. REILUF: Ya. Movie stars. I do Lon Chaney, Bela Lugosi, I do Boris Karloff.
PATIENT: But those guys were ugly.
DR. REILUF: You should haf zeen zem before zere operations.
PATIENT: You're scaring me. I'm leaving.
DR. REILUF: No. You cannot leave. I haf locked zee door.
PATIENT: There's no way out?
DR. REILUF: None.
PATIENT: I am your victim. I mean patient.
DR. REILUF: Relax. I can do zis operation standing up. I don't even need Bruno.
PATIENT: What will you do?
DR. REILUF:
(PULLING AND PINCHING AT HIS FACE) I vill take a tuck here unt here and put some zilicone here and you vill look like a movie star.
PATIENT: Who will I look like?
DR. REILUF: Whoever you vant to look like. Pick zomeone. I do zem all.
PATIENT: How about Tom Cruise?
DR. REILUF: Goot. I can do zat. Go into zee other room and lie down.
PATIENT: Tom Cruise, eh? That's great. My troubles are over. This is easier than trusting in Jesus. I'm going to look like Tom Cruise. (PATIENT EXITS)
DR. REILUF: Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. Let me zee. Oh, ya. I know Tom Cruise. He is the actor that did Nightmare On Elm Street. Yes. That will look nice. (EXITS)
People never seem to be satisfied with who they are or their situation. There always seems to be a longing to change their luck.
Summary
A patient is seeking a face-lift. He goes to a wacky doctor who is more than willing to perform the operation -- any operation. The patient has received good advice from friends but doesn't take it.
Playing Time
5 minutes
Setting
The doctor's office
Props
Dr. Reiluf -- clipboard, lots of instruments in his pockets
Costumes
Dr. Reiluf -- a lab coat
Patient -- contemporary clothing
Time
The present
Cast
PATIENT -- a confused person
DR. REILUF -- an even more confused doctor
(DR. REILUF IS PACING, STUDYING HIS NOTES)
PATIENT: (ENTERS, CROSSING TO DR. REILUF) Doctor! Doctor!
DR. REILUF: Vel, you haf come to zee right place.
PATIENT: I have?
DR. REILUF: Ya, of course.
PATIENT: How do you know?
DR. REILUF: I am zee doctor. Lie down. Ve vill begin zee operation.
PATIENT: Doctor, I am dissatisfied with my life. I hate my hair. I hate my face. I hate my life.
DR. REILUF: Zee operation vill fix you up.
Lie down.
PATIENT: Operation. Whoa. Don't you want to examine me first?
DR. REILUF: I haf zeen enough of you already. Zere isn't time for an examination. I am busy man. Lie down.
PATIENT: How can you tell what's wrong with me?
DR. REILUF: Am I zee doctor or are you?
PATIENT: You are.
DR. REILUF: Vell, all right den. Ve haf got zat settled. Lie down.
PATIENT: I'm not going to lie down.
DR. REILUF: Vell, zat's up to you, I suppose, but you vill be lying down after zee anesthesia.
PATIENT: Look, Doctor, I just came in for a talk.
DR. REILUF: You come to doctor -- you get operation. You vant talk? Call a talk show. Now, lie down.
PATIENT: Friends say I need Jesus in my life. But I don't know. I don't need a religion. My life is full of trouble.
DR. REILUF: You are giving me trouble. Now, be a good little patient and lie down. Or do I haf to call in Bruno?
PATIENT: Bruno?
DR. REILUF: You haf to call louder zan zat. Bruno has brain damage.
PATIENT: He does?
DR. REILUF: Ya, ever since his operation. I'm beginning to think you haf brain damage. Lie down.
PATIENT: Stop saying "lie down." It makes me nervous.
DR. REILUF: Aha! You haf a nervous condition brought on by stress.
PATIENT: My friends tell me to trust God. What can I do?
DR. REILUF: There's only one zing you can do. Lie down.
PATIENT: No! I won't! I believe there is a God. Isn't that enough? They tell me I have to trust Jesus, too.
DR. REILUF: Don't listen to your friends. Listen to your doctor. I insist. You must haf an operation. Lie down.
PATIENT: I'm leaving.
DR. REILUF: Remember Bruno.
PATIENT: Okay, I'm staying. Can you help me?
DR. REILUF: Am I zee doctor or not?
PATIENT: I don't know.
DR. REILUF: Aha! You are confused by zircumstances.
PATIENT: Are you a psychiatrist?
DR. REILUF: Ya, I am.
PATIENT: That's what I thought.
DR. REILUF: Lie down.
PATIENT: I don't want a psychiatrist. I came in for a face-lift.
DR. REILUF: (PULLING AT PATIENT'S FACE) Oh, I zee vhat you mean.
PATIENT: I need a plastic surgeon.
DR. REILUF: I can do zat, too.
PATIENT: You do plastic surgery?
DR. REILUF: Ya, part time, I do. Lie down. Ve begin.
PATIENT: People don't like me.
DR. REILUF: I can easily see zat. But, don't vorry. I can make you beautiful. I do movie stars.
PATIENT: You do?
DR. REILUF: Ya. Movie stars. I do Lon Chaney, Bela Lugosi, I do Boris Karloff.
PATIENT: But those guys were ugly.
DR. REILUF: You should haf zeen zem before zere operations.
PATIENT: You're scaring me. I'm leaving.
DR. REILUF: No. You cannot leave. I haf locked zee door.
PATIENT: There's no way out?
DR. REILUF: None.
PATIENT: I am your victim. I mean patient.
DR. REILUF: Relax. I can do zis operation standing up. I don't even need Bruno.
PATIENT: What will you do?
DR. REILUF:
(PULLING AND PINCHING AT HIS FACE) I vill take a tuck here unt here and put some zilicone here and you vill look like a movie star.
PATIENT: Who will I look like?
DR. REILUF: Whoever you vant to look like. Pick zomeone. I do zem all.
PATIENT: How about Tom Cruise?
DR. REILUF: Goot. I can do zat. Go into zee other room and lie down.
PATIENT: Tom Cruise, eh? That's great. My troubles are over. This is easier than trusting in Jesus. I'm going to look like Tom Cruise. (PATIENT EXITS)
DR. REILUF: Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. Let me zee. Oh, ya. I know Tom Cruise. He is the actor that did Nightmare On Elm Street. Yes. That will look nice. (EXITS)
