SermonStudio

Theme

We can miss the man, Jesus, if we become enthralled with His works. We can miss the Father if we cannot see Jesus.

Summary

A slick public relations person is telephoning Jesus to set up a glitzy itinerary to promote Jesus' ministry. Jesus tells him He doesn't need that. (A monologue)

Playing Time: 3 minutes

Setting: Anywhere

Props: A mobile phone

Costumes: A sharp suit

Time: The present

Cast: HARRY (Actually, this character could be male or female)

HARRY: (ON THE PHONE) Hello, uh, hello. This is Mr. Hastings, Harry Hastings from Hastings Promotions. Put me through to Jesus. He's what? What! Praying? Oh, no, that just won't do. Huh? Oh, nothing.

Well, of course He knows me. Yes, we did do lunch together last week. Don't worry. He'll remember me. Hastings Promotions, yes. Please, if I could just talk to Him for a minute. I have some things I want Him to approve. Yes, yes, I'll wait. (PAUSE. HARRY TALKS TO HIMSELF)

Boy, I don't know. These guys get on top and they forget who put them there. (JESUS COMES TO THE PHONE)

Oh, hello, Jesus, baby, listen. I got some great ideas. I think you're slipping just bit in the ratings so give a listen. I think we ought to do a television special. Sure, a special, an hour long. Here's the way I see it shaping up. It will be called "My Jerusalem." You know, one of those tour-of-the-city things featuring you. It'll be great for your ministry. We'll have some shots of the Gates and then you can recall your Triumphal Entry. We can fill in with some footage of that. We'll do something from the temple. No, no, not inside the Temple. Just an outside shot. We don't want to mention anything about the fracas you started in there. I think we can just gloss over that. You'll say some nice things about how your ministry is not in opposition to that of the Temple -- you are more of an evangelist.

Anyway you get the picture. We'll have some music of course and some of that ethnic dancing, you know, from a wedding and then you could mention your first miracle, you know the water into wine bit. All the details haven't been worked out as yet but it looks pretty good. I personally think this is going to do something for your campaign. (PAUSE)

Oh yeah? Well, never mind. But listen, Jesus, listen to this. I personally am going to handle this. Huh? No, no more mess ups. Sure, sure. I admit the article about John the Baptist was a bit strong, but we had to play up the unique attire, if you know what I mean. Don't worry. I talked to Johnson about that article. I myself didn't write that, but well, yes, Sir -- of course, John is in Herod's jail but you must admit he was a little too outspoken. I told him just to read the statement I prepared but he wouldn't do it.

But that's not why I called. Now, listen, Jesus, you've got to change your image. The way you're handling things is not working. People aren't believing it. It's too radical, too strong. You really can't go into the signs and wonders bit, that's too much. People just don't go for that anymore. Trust me in this. I know you can talk about the wine miracle and feeding the five thousand but you have got to stop doing the healing stuff. Healing the blind, and the lame and cleansing lepers, and the deaf hearing. It's a bit too much. If the people are there live they believe, but it just doesn't carry on T.V. People know we can edit the tape. And raising the dead -- forget that one altogether. No one, but no one, will ever believe that even if they are there.

I tell you what we could do. Sure, we could have you turn some water into wine and feed a bunch of people with five loaves and a couple of fish. People will go for that. I'm working with a manufacturer right now on a new line of toys with pitchers that turn water into wine, well, it's not really wine. We don't want to make winos out of children.

Anyway, listen. It should be a big seller. And maybe we can have a line of Jesus wines. We'll have to work on that. Here's the new bit. You come out in a suit with a decent haircut and of course you'll want to do something about that beard. No, now, listen to me. I know what the public is buying. Beards are out. They really are. Clean shaven -- that's the ticket. We've got to appeal to the young people. That's the trend. Okay, just trust me on this.

Now, Jesus, baby, listen. All right -- you're in the spotlight -- the cameras are rolling and I have this wacked out speech that will have them in your pocket. It's great, you'll see. Now, listen, this speech, yeah, I wrote it myself. I think it combines just the right amount of humor to warm up the audience and then we have some salient points and examples and I wrote some of those parables that you like to tell. And then you end up with a teary-eyed appeal for a conclusion that will melt even the hardest heart and get those people to part with some of that green stuff. After all that's what it's all about, isn't it? We have to keep the money pouring in so the ministry will continue.

Huh? Well, of course it's not your style, but that's what we're changing. We're working on your image, here. No more backwoods preacher. No sir. You're going to be a snappy dressing Madison Avenue type.

Hold on, now, let me finish. As I said you come out and make your speech, promise a few things like food for the poor and then we have the appeal. That's what gets them -- the appeal. I tell you you'll have them in your pocket.

Well, listen, I have to go. But I'll get back to you and have you sign some papers. What? Why, of course, we'll do lunch next week when I'm in town. What do you mean, don't bother? Oh, don't bother to bring the papers, but Jesus, I don't think I can sell you without changing the image.

You want to keep the old one? Why? Because you're the exact image of the Father? I don't get it.