Rejection
Sermon
Life Injections II
Further Connections Of Scripture To The Human Experience
"... the stone which the builders rejected ..."
Some balm for the wound of rejection.
When I was in high school, if there was someone we didn't like, if there was someone who ticked us off, if there was someone we didn't want to be associated with, we'd call that someone a "reject." Compared to the X-rated name-calling in vogue in high schools of today, that's pretty mild. But when you think about it, the term "reject" did pack a wallop. If there's one thing a teenager fears and loathes, it's rejection. And that goes not just for teenagers; it goes for adults and young children as well.
Generally speaking, we can handle physical punishment. Our minds can endure stress. Our hearts can absorb a loss. But we're not very good at handling or enduring or absorbing rejection. It has power to wipe smiles off our faces, to buckle our knees, to stoop our shoulders, and even to break our hearts. As a result, we'll do everything possible to resist and avoid it.
There are people who buy clothes they don't like. There are people who drink and do not like it. There are people who applaud things they detest, who agree with something that's against their principles, all because they fear the rejection that may follow should they fail to do so.
I could talk with you today about how wrong that is, but what I'd like to talk with you about is the feeling of rejection. No matter how hard we try to resist and avoid it, it's inevitable that we experience rejection. Bear with me as I try to list some things to consider should rejection come our way.
First and foremost, perhaps the rejection was brought on by ourselves. Many years ago in France, those who were employed in the various factories of that country occasionally encountered excessive abuse at the hands of the owners of those factories. When that occurred, their means of retaliation involved the hurling of their wooden shoes into the guts of the machines which they operated. This would cause the machines to jam, thus bringing the factory to a standstill. The wooden shoes were called sabots. The word sabotage was derived from it.
All too often we sabotage a relationship, we sabotage a job opportunity, and we sabotage ourselves by throwing into our minds the wooden shoes of negativism and defeatism virtually guaranteeing our rejection. I know of people who have gone to a job interview not only looking shabby but also so down and so negative that the employer would be crazy to hire them. I know of people who bemoan their lack of friends while at the same time displaying a self-centeredness and a cynicism that would repel a Mother Teresa. I know of people who automatically assume rejection, never bothering to check whether their assumptions were true. Many times we are victims of rejection that we brought on ourselves. We need to assume responsibility for the rejection and embark on a change in attitude, a change in temperament, or just a reversal of the negative, defeatist thinking that can make acceptance impossible.
The second thing to consider when we experience rejection is that maybe it couldn't be helped. I refer here to those who reject us but who never intended rejection but because of fear or awkwardness or misunderstanding, it turned out that way.
One of the most difficult things experienced by parents of a stillborn baby is their rejection by some of their friends, especially those who are expectant parents. Many times it's because those friends fear that stillbirths might be contagious; many times those friends don't know what to say or do so, as a result, they keep their distance. It's wrong but it happens.
A similar case can be made for cancer patients or any victims of a tragedy. The people you thought you could count on the most for support and strength are often nowhere to be found. A good deal of the time it stems from fear, from awkwardness, from ignorance, or from not wanting to face the grief of seeing you hurting. I hate to say that it can't be helped, but human nature being what it is, many times people don't really intend rejection but it turns out that way.
The third thing to consider when we experience rejection is that maybe we've got it all wrong, maybe we haven't been rejected at all. A man and a woman were driving from Minneapolis to Ft. Lauderdale to begin a three-day second honeymoon celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. As they moved along at the 55-mile per hour speed limit, they came upon a beat-up old clunker barely cruising at 40 miles per hour. Two young people were inside, a boy and a girl, close together, obviously much in love. "Walter," said Eleanor, "why don't we ever sit together like that anymore?" Walter kept his eyes straight on the road, his hands firmly on the wheel, and quietly said: "Well, I haven't moved!"
We can smile at that, but it's a good description of the rejection we might feel when it comes to God, even when it comes to our friends. We might feel rejection and believe it from the nature of what we've done or what we're experiencing, but it's often us that's done the moving away, not them.
The fourth thing to consider when we experience rejection is that maybe it's for our own good. I was reading recently about what is considered to be one of the most amazing births to witness, the birth of a giraffe. First of all the mother gives birth to the baby standing up so the newborn falls ten feet to the hard ground when it leaves the womb. What adds insult to injury is what comes next. The mother giraffe lowers her head long enough to take a quick look and then positions herself directly over her calf. She waits for a minute or two and she then swings her leg and kicks her baby, sending the calf sprawling head over heels. She'll keep doing it over and over until the calf stands up. And then, once the calf is standing, the mother will knock it off its feet one more time.
Those who happen to be observing the birth process are horrified. How could the mother giraffe be so cruel? But zoologists will tell you that every mother giraffe will do that to its newborn because kicking them that way teaches them to stand up. Their kicking them again once they're standing is a way to get the calf to remember it. In a jungle where baby giraffes are open prey to lions and tigers and all sorts of natural enemies, that's crucial to their survival because if a calf can't stand and walk in a hurry it will soon be somebody's meal.
Sometimes rejection can be similar to that kicking. Loved ones might reject loved ones because they feel that's the only way to get the person they love to wake up to the fact that they have a problem and that they must deal with that problem. It's the only way to get a loved one to stop hurting oneself and one's family. It's called tough love and many times rejection is a part of tough love.
The fifth thing to consider when we experience rejection is that it might be a badge of honor. Anthony de Mello, the late Jesuit mystic, tells of a social worker who poured out her woes to the Zen Master. She told him how much good she would be able to do for the poor if she did not have to spend so much time and energy defending herself and her work from a barrage of criticism. The Zen Master listened attentively and then responded in a single sentence. He said to her: "No one throws stones at barren trees!" That's a good piece of advice for many who because of their morality or their excellence find themselves victims of rejection.
I'm sorry for youth in school who are talented or who excel in their studies. I'm sorry for young men and young women who wish to preserve their virginity for the marriage bed. I'm sorry for kids who refuse to join a gang, who resist the pressure to engage in bad activities. I'm sorry because quite often the end result is their rejection by their peers. But you know what? The Zen Master is right! "No one throws stones at barren trees!" They should raise their heads high and look at their rejection in those situations as a badge of honor.
The sixth thing to consider when we experience rejection is that many talented people and great people have been where we are. A six-year-old boy came home from school with a note saying: "Keep the boy at home! He's backward and unteachable!" The boy's name was Albert Einstein. Wallace Johnson worked in a sawmill, a valued and honored employee, he thought, till he got the infamous pink rejection slip. He went on to become the founder of the Holiday Inn hotel chain. The famous sculptor Rodin was rejected three straight times when he applied to art school. After Fred Astaire's first screen test, he was rejected. The testing director wrote: "Can't act! Slightly bald! Can dance a little!" And get this: Ronald Reagan was rejected for a leading role in a 1969 movie because he didn't look presidential. Just because you've been rejected, it's not the end of the world. Many great and famous people have been there and have gone on to do great things.
That brings me at long last to the basis for this sermon. Jesus, himself no stranger to rejection, tells in today's Gospel parable about how God provided for his people only to meet with rejection. Then, the famous line is uttered: "The stone, which the builders rejected, has become the cornerstone." So we have in Jesus, we have in God, someone who knew full well the feeling and experience of rejection but never allowed the rejection to affect the building of the kingdom, making it, in fact, its very cornerstone. Most especially and most beautifully, they never allowed the rejection to stop them from loving us.
I'm reminded of that Chicken Soup for the Soul story of Chad who one day came home from school and told his mother that he'd like to make a valentine for everyone in his class. Her heart sank because she knew how Chad had been shut out by his classmates. She noticed that when he came home from school his classmates laughed and hung on to each other and talked to each other but Chad was never included. He walked behind them by himself. She feared, therefore, that he'd give everyone a valentine and not receive a single one in return. Nevertheless, she went along with Chad and for three weeks helped him to make personal valentines for each of his 35 classmates.
Valentine's Day came. Chad was beside himself in excitement. He carefully stacked up the valentines and put them in a bag and bolted out the door. Poor Mom was worried sick all day fearing the feeling of rejection Chad might experience if he didn't get any cards in return. While watching for him to come home from school, her heart sank because there was Chad tailing behind his classmates and carrying no valentines. As he came to the door, she stood there ready to embrace him. He stopped in the doorway to say: "Not a one! Not a one!" And then with a big smile and a glow to his face, he said: "Not a one! I didn't forget a single one with my valentines, not a one!"
Jesus and God are like Chad. Although rejected by many, they still love. That love misses not a one, not a single one!
My friends, if you feel rejected consider the possibility that maybe you brought it on yourself, maybe it couldn't be helped, maybe you've got it all wrong, maybe the rejection was for your own good, maybe it's a badge of honor, or maybe like those famous people it will be a catalyst for greater things.
But most of all and most especially, if you're feeling rejection, God still loves you. God hasn't moved from the steering wheel. God identifies with your rejection. And even if you don't think you deserve God's love, it's there because God's love doesn't miss a one, not a single one!
Some balm for the wound of rejection.
When I was in high school, if there was someone we didn't like, if there was someone who ticked us off, if there was someone we didn't want to be associated with, we'd call that someone a "reject." Compared to the X-rated name-calling in vogue in high schools of today, that's pretty mild. But when you think about it, the term "reject" did pack a wallop. If there's one thing a teenager fears and loathes, it's rejection. And that goes not just for teenagers; it goes for adults and young children as well.
Generally speaking, we can handle physical punishment. Our minds can endure stress. Our hearts can absorb a loss. But we're not very good at handling or enduring or absorbing rejection. It has power to wipe smiles off our faces, to buckle our knees, to stoop our shoulders, and even to break our hearts. As a result, we'll do everything possible to resist and avoid it.
There are people who buy clothes they don't like. There are people who drink and do not like it. There are people who applaud things they detest, who agree with something that's against their principles, all because they fear the rejection that may follow should they fail to do so.
I could talk with you today about how wrong that is, but what I'd like to talk with you about is the feeling of rejection. No matter how hard we try to resist and avoid it, it's inevitable that we experience rejection. Bear with me as I try to list some things to consider should rejection come our way.
First and foremost, perhaps the rejection was brought on by ourselves. Many years ago in France, those who were employed in the various factories of that country occasionally encountered excessive abuse at the hands of the owners of those factories. When that occurred, their means of retaliation involved the hurling of their wooden shoes into the guts of the machines which they operated. This would cause the machines to jam, thus bringing the factory to a standstill. The wooden shoes were called sabots. The word sabotage was derived from it.
All too often we sabotage a relationship, we sabotage a job opportunity, and we sabotage ourselves by throwing into our minds the wooden shoes of negativism and defeatism virtually guaranteeing our rejection. I know of people who have gone to a job interview not only looking shabby but also so down and so negative that the employer would be crazy to hire them. I know of people who bemoan their lack of friends while at the same time displaying a self-centeredness and a cynicism that would repel a Mother Teresa. I know of people who automatically assume rejection, never bothering to check whether their assumptions were true. Many times we are victims of rejection that we brought on ourselves. We need to assume responsibility for the rejection and embark on a change in attitude, a change in temperament, or just a reversal of the negative, defeatist thinking that can make acceptance impossible.
The second thing to consider when we experience rejection is that maybe it couldn't be helped. I refer here to those who reject us but who never intended rejection but because of fear or awkwardness or misunderstanding, it turned out that way.
One of the most difficult things experienced by parents of a stillborn baby is their rejection by some of their friends, especially those who are expectant parents. Many times it's because those friends fear that stillbirths might be contagious; many times those friends don't know what to say or do so, as a result, they keep their distance. It's wrong but it happens.
A similar case can be made for cancer patients or any victims of a tragedy. The people you thought you could count on the most for support and strength are often nowhere to be found. A good deal of the time it stems from fear, from awkwardness, from ignorance, or from not wanting to face the grief of seeing you hurting. I hate to say that it can't be helped, but human nature being what it is, many times people don't really intend rejection but it turns out that way.
The third thing to consider when we experience rejection is that maybe we've got it all wrong, maybe we haven't been rejected at all. A man and a woman were driving from Minneapolis to Ft. Lauderdale to begin a three-day second honeymoon celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. As they moved along at the 55-mile per hour speed limit, they came upon a beat-up old clunker barely cruising at 40 miles per hour. Two young people were inside, a boy and a girl, close together, obviously much in love. "Walter," said Eleanor, "why don't we ever sit together like that anymore?" Walter kept his eyes straight on the road, his hands firmly on the wheel, and quietly said: "Well, I haven't moved!"
We can smile at that, but it's a good description of the rejection we might feel when it comes to God, even when it comes to our friends. We might feel rejection and believe it from the nature of what we've done or what we're experiencing, but it's often us that's done the moving away, not them.
The fourth thing to consider when we experience rejection is that maybe it's for our own good. I was reading recently about what is considered to be one of the most amazing births to witness, the birth of a giraffe. First of all the mother gives birth to the baby standing up so the newborn falls ten feet to the hard ground when it leaves the womb. What adds insult to injury is what comes next. The mother giraffe lowers her head long enough to take a quick look and then positions herself directly over her calf. She waits for a minute or two and she then swings her leg and kicks her baby, sending the calf sprawling head over heels. She'll keep doing it over and over until the calf stands up. And then, once the calf is standing, the mother will knock it off its feet one more time.
Those who happen to be observing the birth process are horrified. How could the mother giraffe be so cruel? But zoologists will tell you that every mother giraffe will do that to its newborn because kicking them that way teaches them to stand up. Their kicking them again once they're standing is a way to get the calf to remember it. In a jungle where baby giraffes are open prey to lions and tigers and all sorts of natural enemies, that's crucial to their survival because if a calf can't stand and walk in a hurry it will soon be somebody's meal.
Sometimes rejection can be similar to that kicking. Loved ones might reject loved ones because they feel that's the only way to get the person they love to wake up to the fact that they have a problem and that they must deal with that problem. It's the only way to get a loved one to stop hurting oneself and one's family. It's called tough love and many times rejection is a part of tough love.
The fifth thing to consider when we experience rejection is that it might be a badge of honor. Anthony de Mello, the late Jesuit mystic, tells of a social worker who poured out her woes to the Zen Master. She told him how much good she would be able to do for the poor if she did not have to spend so much time and energy defending herself and her work from a barrage of criticism. The Zen Master listened attentively and then responded in a single sentence. He said to her: "No one throws stones at barren trees!" That's a good piece of advice for many who because of their morality or their excellence find themselves victims of rejection.
I'm sorry for youth in school who are talented or who excel in their studies. I'm sorry for young men and young women who wish to preserve their virginity for the marriage bed. I'm sorry for kids who refuse to join a gang, who resist the pressure to engage in bad activities. I'm sorry because quite often the end result is their rejection by their peers. But you know what? The Zen Master is right! "No one throws stones at barren trees!" They should raise their heads high and look at their rejection in those situations as a badge of honor.
The sixth thing to consider when we experience rejection is that many talented people and great people have been where we are. A six-year-old boy came home from school with a note saying: "Keep the boy at home! He's backward and unteachable!" The boy's name was Albert Einstein. Wallace Johnson worked in a sawmill, a valued and honored employee, he thought, till he got the infamous pink rejection slip. He went on to become the founder of the Holiday Inn hotel chain. The famous sculptor Rodin was rejected three straight times when he applied to art school. After Fred Astaire's first screen test, he was rejected. The testing director wrote: "Can't act! Slightly bald! Can dance a little!" And get this: Ronald Reagan was rejected for a leading role in a 1969 movie because he didn't look presidential. Just because you've been rejected, it's not the end of the world. Many great and famous people have been there and have gone on to do great things.
That brings me at long last to the basis for this sermon. Jesus, himself no stranger to rejection, tells in today's Gospel parable about how God provided for his people only to meet with rejection. Then, the famous line is uttered: "The stone, which the builders rejected, has become the cornerstone." So we have in Jesus, we have in God, someone who knew full well the feeling and experience of rejection but never allowed the rejection to affect the building of the kingdom, making it, in fact, its very cornerstone. Most especially and most beautifully, they never allowed the rejection to stop them from loving us.
I'm reminded of that Chicken Soup for the Soul story of Chad who one day came home from school and told his mother that he'd like to make a valentine for everyone in his class. Her heart sank because she knew how Chad had been shut out by his classmates. She noticed that when he came home from school his classmates laughed and hung on to each other and talked to each other but Chad was never included. He walked behind them by himself. She feared, therefore, that he'd give everyone a valentine and not receive a single one in return. Nevertheless, she went along with Chad and for three weeks helped him to make personal valentines for each of his 35 classmates.
Valentine's Day came. Chad was beside himself in excitement. He carefully stacked up the valentines and put them in a bag and bolted out the door. Poor Mom was worried sick all day fearing the feeling of rejection Chad might experience if he didn't get any cards in return. While watching for him to come home from school, her heart sank because there was Chad tailing behind his classmates and carrying no valentines. As he came to the door, she stood there ready to embrace him. He stopped in the doorway to say: "Not a one! Not a one!" And then with a big smile and a glow to his face, he said: "Not a one! I didn't forget a single one with my valentines, not a one!"
Jesus and God are like Chad. Although rejected by many, they still love. That love misses not a one, not a single one!
My friends, if you feel rejected consider the possibility that maybe you brought it on yourself, maybe it couldn't be helped, maybe you've got it all wrong, maybe the rejection was for your own good, maybe it's a badge of honor, or maybe like those famous people it will be a catalyst for greater things.
But most of all and most especially, if you're feeling rejection, God still loves you. God hasn't moved from the steering wheel. God identifies with your rejection. And even if you don't think you deserve God's love, it's there because God's love doesn't miss a one, not a single one!
