The Remote
Drama
Lectionary Scenes
58 Vignettes For Cycle B
Theme
"Show us the Father." The world is waiting for someone to show them.
Summary
Susan is getting ready to watch television after a hard day's work. She is interrupted by a strange person who invites her to think instead of just accept all the world hands her.
Playing Time
9 minutes
Setting
Susan's television room
Props
Susan -- a small remote
Fly -- a large remote
Costumes
Susan -- contemporary, casual
Fly -- fright wig, tutu, tennis shoes
Cast
SUSAN -- a normal average person
FLY-- an industrial-strength entity
11 voices on the television
(Georgina, Wilhimina, Francine, Nona, Gina, Tommie, Alice, Ann, Debby,
Winnie, Macie)
(SUSAN IS CLICKING A REMOTE. AS SHE DOES SO PEOPLE SAY THEIR PIECE AS IF THEY WERE ON DIFFERENT CHANNELS ON THE TELEVISION)
GEORGINA: (A COMMERCIAL) And when my husband came home and saw how clean the toilet bowl was ...
WILHIMINA: (A GERMAN COOK) Now, vee haf to haf a nice plump shicken for ziss soup.
FRANCINE: (A TALK SHOW) And I've written several books on that subject. Women just have to make a more positive vibration in the stratosphere.
NONA: (AN EXCERCISE SHOW) Tuck it in. Four more. Looking good. Two more. That's it. Rest now. Shake it out.
GINA: (A SOAP OPERA) Why is it, David, that every time we kiss, your significant other is lurking nearby?
TOMMIE: (A WOMAN SELLING) And for the next hour I am going to slash the price on this solid gold necklace and earrings signed by Mickey Mouse.
ALICE: (A WESTERN MOVIE) Be careful out there, Montana, I've had a hankerin' fer ye fer quite a spell.
ANN: (AN INFOMERCIAL) You can make as much money as I did and do it in a month with no initial outlay. I retired when I was 27.
DEBBY: (A HOME IMPROVEMENT SHOW) Now we attach the particle board to the two-by-fours and then we have to raise the entire wall into place.
WINNIE: (A MYSTERY) Mr. Smead was found dead in the library and all the windows and doors were locked. How do you explain that?
MACIE: (THE NEWS) Another major earthquake last night rocked the little country of Ubique in Northern Africa.
SUSAN: Well, what will I watch tonight?
FLY: (ENTERS, FLITTING ACROSS IN FRONT OF SUSAN. FLY HAS A BIGGER REMOTE THAN SUSAN AND SHUTS OFF SUSAN'S REMOTE) Straighten up, there. I'm your entertainment for tonight.
SUSAN: What the...? Where did you come from?
FLY: (FLITTING AROUND) You don't need to know. Just enjoy me.
SUSAN: Enjoy you? I was trying to relax with the T.V. after a hard day.
FLY: Of course, I forgot. Your brain ...
SUSAN: My brain!
FLY: (SINGING) You left your brain in Sam Clam's Disco.
SUSAN: What happened to my quiet evening at home?
FLY: Aren't you blessed. You have me instead. Ta-da!
SUSAN: Will you get out of my house!
FLY: I'll leave when my assignment is completed.
SUSAN: Do you mean you're supposed to be here?
FLY: I've been assigned to you.
SUSAN: Whatever for?
FLY: To help you through this difficult time in your life.
SUSAN: What difficult time in my life? I was just trying to relax and watch a little T.V.
FLY: That's it! That's the difficult time in your life.
SUSAN: What, relaxing?
FLY: No, T.V.!
SUSAN: T.V.?
FLY: (USING THE REMOTE, FLY CHANGES HERSELF EVERY TIME SHE SAYS SOMETHING) Exactamo! Television -- the bug-eyed monster -- the baby-sitter -- the vast wasteland -- the cabinet of flickering images -- the hypnotizer -- the mesmerizer -- the magic box -- the canned entertainer -- the visual valium -- the boob tube. Yes, the T.V., the home of talk shows and wok shows and cartoons and bar tunes and late movies and weight groovies and opera and news and views and retail sales and retold tales and lusts and busts and guns and buns. Yes, the T. and the V. in its entiritee!
SUSAN: You're wearing me out.
FLY: Don't touch that dial. Our show will be right back after these messages. The content of this program in no way reflects the views of the station. Any similarity to persons real or imaginary is purely coincidental. This offer void where prohibited. The decision of the judges is final. Call us at 4 WORLD VIEW, that's the number 4 then the words WORLD VIEW, or visit our web page at www dot worldview dot com.
SUSAN: Just go away. You're getting on my nerves. I just want to be alone.
FLY: But don't you get it? You're not alone. When you're watching television you're inviting a host of people into your home and their thoughts into your mind. Some of these people have good intentions and some are out to harm you.
SUSAN: Really? I never thought of that.
FLY: C'mon, think with me. This could be a life-changing experience for you.
SUSAN: I don't need any more life-changing experiences. I just moved here and I have a new job. That's enough for me. I just want to relax.
FLY: I know, "and watch a little T.V."
SUSAN: What's wrong with that? I work hard. (PAUSE) Hey, wait a minute, I do work hard. You just happened to catch me at a time that I wanted to relax. Why don't you leave me alone. I'm tired.
FLY: I'm just starting on you. Now listen, did you ever learn anything? I mean really learn anything?
SUSAN: I attended the best schools.
FLY: Don't give me the indignant "I graduated from such and such and what-its-doodle school." I don't have time for it. I've got a job to do and you just need to be quiet and watch and listen, Okay? Okay? Is that all right with you? Huh? Huh?
SUSAN: I got good grades in school.
FLY: We're not connecting here. I asked you if you ever really learned anything and you tell me you got good grades. There's a difference, you know.
SUSAN: I had the best teachers.
FLY: Great! But did you ever question anything they told you? (PAUSE) Just as I thought. You never did, did you? Didn't you ever wonder if what those teachers were teaching was the truth?
SUSAN: Wasn't it? I mean, it was in the books, wasn't it?
FLY: Whoa! Reality check. How do you know that what was in the books was truth?
SUSAN: I never thought about it.
FLY: And because you chose not to think about it or much else, you have been misguided and many times deceived.
SUSAN: Is that my fault?
FLY: Oh boy, major overhaul here. Well, what do you think? When you go to the restaurant what do you eat?
SUSAN: My favorite foods.
FLY: What kind of clothes do you wear?
SUSAN: What I like and what looks good on me.
FLY: All right, now. Stay with me on this. What do you put into your mind?
SUSAN: Well, I never thought about it much.
FLY: You choose what goes into your mind, don't you? Just like choosing food or clothes. Right?
SUSAN: I guess so.
FLY: You guess so. You don't have any opinions of your own, do you?
SUSAN: I most certainly do. I have opinions. Well, I do. I do.
FLY: You do not.
SUSAN: I DO SO!
FLY: Listen. Just yelling louder and longer than the other person doesn't make it true. Boy, oh boy, have I got a lot of work to do on you. Why do I always get the jellyheads?
SUSAN: Jellyhead!
FLY: Good. I guess your hearing is all right. Yes, jellyhead. You're a jellyhead -- tasty and beautiful but empty calories.
SUSAN: You don't see me prancing around in a funny dress and tennis shoes.
FLY: Oh, ho! You're one of those individuals who judge the character of a person by what that person is wearing? A person is not just what you see. A person is certainly more than that. The soul and spirit of a person is the real individual.
SUSAN: Of course, I know that.
FLY: If you do know that, as you say, and you do not practice it, as you also have shown, then you are not only a jellyhead but maybe empty-headed. Listen, if you do not agree with good, sound reasoning, then you must be inconsistent in your own reasoning, which is a definition of being empty-headed.
SUSAN: You're wearing me out.
FLY: Ah, yes. That is because you do not have an opinion of your own. Your opinions are all shallow and are not based on logic, just emotion.
SUSAN: Why don't you leave me alone.
FLY: Because there might just be hope for you. Now maybe I can get to work on you.
SUSAN: What are you going to do to me?
FLY: Change you if I can. I know. I know. The job will take a while, but you weren't doing anything except watching T.V. anyway. (PAUSE) Well, you're being quiet. That's a start.
SUSAN: Shocked would be a better word.
FLY: I'll settle for shocked. Now, listen, you need to make some changes in your life.
SUSAN: Like what? I don't much like change.
FLY: Let's get back to the search for truth, shall we?
SUSAN: How would I know the truth?
FLY: Well, you are making progress! You're asking the right questions. How do you know the truth? There are several ways. First, you know the truth by proving it.
SUSAN: Proving it?
FLY: Yes.
SUSAN: Do you mean I have to test everything I hear?
FLY: BINGO!
SUSAN: How do I do that?
FLY: By performing a test on the material presented to you.
SUSAN: Do you have any idea all the stuff I have to look at in a day?
FLY: Now you're beginning to think. You're right, it will be a lot of material and you can't test all of it, but it is important to investigate that which affects your pocketbook or your belief system.
SUSAN: My belief system?
FLY: Oh, I forgot -- major overhaul. Yes, your belief system. All people have one.
SUSAN: I don't.
FLY: Sure you do. If you say you don't believe in anything, that's a belief system. A pretty shaky belief system, but it is one nonetheless.
SUSAN: I believe in something.
FLY: Oh, important discovery! What is it?
SUSAN: Well, I, ah, believe in, ah, myself, I guess.
FLY: (LIKE AN ALARM GOING OFF) Beep -- Beep -- Beep. Red Alert. Red Alert. Arm photon torpedoes. Fire on my command.
SUSAN: What did I say? I believe in myself? What's wrong with that? Don't most people believe in themselves?
FLY: Of course they do, but we just said not all people are truthful. Some people are out to harm you. Those harmful people believe that they are right in what they believe and some of them want you to believe as they do.
SUSAN: All right. I'm with you.
FLY: Hooray! Let's get back to your question.
SUSAN: I forgot where we were.
FLY: I know. A short attention span. You had asked me how to know truth.
SUSAN: Oh, right.
FLY: For instance, someone tells you the sun rises every morning in the east. How do you know if what they're saying is the truth?
SUSAN: I could test it.
FLY: Good. Very good. And how would you do that?
SUSAN: I'd get up before sunrise and watch it.
FLY: Great. And if the sun came up in the east?
SUSAN: I'd know the truth, wouldn't I?
FLY: Yes, you would. For one day, at least.
SUSAN: Oh, I get it. I'd have to make the test a lot of times, wouldn't I?
FLY: Right. How many times, do you think?
SUSAN: I don't know. A lot.
FLY: Right. A lot. There is another way. You could trust a person to tell you the truth.
SUSAN: But I can't trust people to always tell me the truth. We already said that. How do I know who is telling me the truth and who isn't?
FLY: Think about it.
SUSAN: Well, whoever it would be would have to be a completely honest person all the time, because if he wasn't he would sometimes be selfish and want to tell me a lie.
FLY: Hey, you ARE thinking!
SUSAN: And this person would have to know everything. I mean everything.
FLY: Why?
SUSAN: Because he would have to know what was good and what was bad and know about everything that had ever been done or would be done because then he would know how to tell what was true and what was a lie.
FLY: Sounds real good. Go on.
SUSAN: And this person ... oh, what's the use. I could never find a person like that.
FLY: Don't give up. You were just on the verge of something.
SUSAN: I was?
FLY: Sure. Now, let's think. Who could know everything and be loving and unselfish?
SUSAN: Well, it sounds like a fantasy -- magic.
FLY: A special person, right?
SUSAN: Very special -- a perfect person.
FLY: Who would be perfect?
SUSAN: It would have to be ... but I don't believe ... in that.
FLY: Maybe it's time to change your belief system.
SUSAN: Well ... what about God?
FLY: God? Who mentioned God?
SUSAN: No one -- hey, I did!
FLY: Do you believe in God?
SUSAN: Not really. Well, maybe. There must be truth somewhere. There has to be.
FLY: It would be nice, wouldn't it?
SUSAN: But, God? Who believes in God anymore?
FLY: You'd be surprised. Keep searching. You've made some great leaps forward. Don't stop now. (FLY PREPARES TO EXIT)
SUSAN: Wait, where are you going? I need you.
FLY: You don't need me. You can think on your own now.
SUSAN: Hey, I can, can't I?
FLY: (EXITING) You sure can. Keep thinking. It's a good idea.
SUSAN: It is a good idea -- thinking. Hmm. Now, I wonder how I could find out more about God?
"Show us the Father." The world is waiting for someone to show them.
Summary
Susan is getting ready to watch television after a hard day's work. She is interrupted by a strange person who invites her to think instead of just accept all the world hands her.
Playing Time
9 minutes
Setting
Susan's television room
Props
Susan -- a small remote
Fly -- a large remote
Costumes
Susan -- contemporary, casual
Fly -- fright wig, tutu, tennis shoes
Cast
SUSAN -- a normal average person
FLY-- an industrial-strength entity
11 voices on the television
(Georgina, Wilhimina, Francine, Nona, Gina, Tommie, Alice, Ann, Debby,
Winnie, Macie)
(SUSAN IS CLICKING A REMOTE. AS SHE DOES SO PEOPLE SAY THEIR PIECE AS IF THEY WERE ON DIFFERENT CHANNELS ON THE TELEVISION)
GEORGINA: (A COMMERCIAL) And when my husband came home and saw how clean the toilet bowl was ...
WILHIMINA: (A GERMAN COOK) Now, vee haf to haf a nice plump shicken for ziss soup.
FRANCINE: (A TALK SHOW) And I've written several books on that subject. Women just have to make a more positive vibration in the stratosphere.
NONA: (AN EXCERCISE SHOW) Tuck it in. Four more. Looking good. Two more. That's it. Rest now. Shake it out.
GINA: (A SOAP OPERA) Why is it, David, that every time we kiss, your significant other is lurking nearby?
TOMMIE: (A WOMAN SELLING) And for the next hour I am going to slash the price on this solid gold necklace and earrings signed by Mickey Mouse.
ALICE: (A WESTERN MOVIE) Be careful out there, Montana, I've had a hankerin' fer ye fer quite a spell.
ANN: (AN INFOMERCIAL) You can make as much money as I did and do it in a month with no initial outlay. I retired when I was 27.
DEBBY: (A HOME IMPROVEMENT SHOW) Now we attach the particle board to the two-by-fours and then we have to raise the entire wall into place.
WINNIE: (A MYSTERY) Mr. Smead was found dead in the library and all the windows and doors were locked. How do you explain that?
MACIE: (THE NEWS) Another major earthquake last night rocked the little country of Ubique in Northern Africa.
SUSAN: Well, what will I watch tonight?
FLY: (ENTERS, FLITTING ACROSS IN FRONT OF SUSAN. FLY HAS A BIGGER REMOTE THAN SUSAN AND SHUTS OFF SUSAN'S REMOTE) Straighten up, there. I'm your entertainment for tonight.
SUSAN: What the...? Where did you come from?
FLY: (FLITTING AROUND) You don't need to know. Just enjoy me.
SUSAN: Enjoy you? I was trying to relax with the T.V. after a hard day.
FLY: Of course, I forgot. Your brain ...
SUSAN: My brain!
FLY: (SINGING) You left your brain in Sam Clam's Disco.
SUSAN: What happened to my quiet evening at home?
FLY: Aren't you blessed. You have me instead. Ta-da!
SUSAN: Will you get out of my house!
FLY: I'll leave when my assignment is completed.
SUSAN: Do you mean you're supposed to be here?
FLY: I've been assigned to you.
SUSAN: Whatever for?
FLY: To help you through this difficult time in your life.
SUSAN: What difficult time in my life? I was just trying to relax and watch a little T.V.
FLY: That's it! That's the difficult time in your life.
SUSAN: What, relaxing?
FLY: No, T.V.!
SUSAN: T.V.?
FLY: (USING THE REMOTE, FLY CHANGES HERSELF EVERY TIME SHE SAYS SOMETHING) Exactamo! Television -- the bug-eyed monster -- the baby-sitter -- the vast wasteland -- the cabinet of flickering images -- the hypnotizer -- the mesmerizer -- the magic box -- the canned entertainer -- the visual valium -- the boob tube. Yes, the T.V., the home of talk shows and wok shows and cartoons and bar tunes and late movies and weight groovies and opera and news and views and retail sales and retold tales and lusts and busts and guns and buns. Yes, the T. and the V. in its entiritee!
SUSAN: You're wearing me out.
FLY: Don't touch that dial. Our show will be right back after these messages. The content of this program in no way reflects the views of the station. Any similarity to persons real or imaginary is purely coincidental. This offer void where prohibited. The decision of the judges is final. Call us at 4 WORLD VIEW, that's the number 4 then the words WORLD VIEW, or visit our web page at www dot worldview dot com.
SUSAN: Just go away. You're getting on my nerves. I just want to be alone.
FLY: But don't you get it? You're not alone. When you're watching television you're inviting a host of people into your home and their thoughts into your mind. Some of these people have good intentions and some are out to harm you.
SUSAN: Really? I never thought of that.
FLY: C'mon, think with me. This could be a life-changing experience for you.
SUSAN: I don't need any more life-changing experiences. I just moved here and I have a new job. That's enough for me. I just want to relax.
FLY: I know, "and watch a little T.V."
SUSAN: What's wrong with that? I work hard. (PAUSE) Hey, wait a minute, I do work hard. You just happened to catch me at a time that I wanted to relax. Why don't you leave me alone. I'm tired.
FLY: I'm just starting on you. Now listen, did you ever learn anything? I mean really learn anything?
SUSAN: I attended the best schools.
FLY: Don't give me the indignant "I graduated from such and such and what-its-doodle school." I don't have time for it. I've got a job to do and you just need to be quiet and watch and listen, Okay? Okay? Is that all right with you? Huh? Huh?
SUSAN: I got good grades in school.
FLY: We're not connecting here. I asked you if you ever really learned anything and you tell me you got good grades. There's a difference, you know.
SUSAN: I had the best teachers.
FLY: Great! But did you ever question anything they told you? (PAUSE) Just as I thought. You never did, did you? Didn't you ever wonder if what those teachers were teaching was the truth?
SUSAN: Wasn't it? I mean, it was in the books, wasn't it?
FLY: Whoa! Reality check. How do you know that what was in the books was truth?
SUSAN: I never thought about it.
FLY: And because you chose not to think about it or much else, you have been misguided and many times deceived.
SUSAN: Is that my fault?
FLY: Oh boy, major overhaul here. Well, what do you think? When you go to the restaurant what do you eat?
SUSAN: My favorite foods.
FLY: What kind of clothes do you wear?
SUSAN: What I like and what looks good on me.
FLY: All right, now. Stay with me on this. What do you put into your mind?
SUSAN: Well, I never thought about it much.
FLY: You choose what goes into your mind, don't you? Just like choosing food or clothes. Right?
SUSAN: I guess so.
FLY: You guess so. You don't have any opinions of your own, do you?
SUSAN: I most certainly do. I have opinions. Well, I do. I do.
FLY: You do not.
SUSAN: I DO SO!
FLY: Listen. Just yelling louder and longer than the other person doesn't make it true. Boy, oh boy, have I got a lot of work to do on you. Why do I always get the jellyheads?
SUSAN: Jellyhead!
FLY: Good. I guess your hearing is all right. Yes, jellyhead. You're a jellyhead -- tasty and beautiful but empty calories.
SUSAN: You don't see me prancing around in a funny dress and tennis shoes.
FLY: Oh, ho! You're one of those individuals who judge the character of a person by what that person is wearing? A person is not just what you see. A person is certainly more than that. The soul and spirit of a person is the real individual.
SUSAN: Of course, I know that.
FLY: If you do know that, as you say, and you do not practice it, as you also have shown, then you are not only a jellyhead but maybe empty-headed. Listen, if you do not agree with good, sound reasoning, then you must be inconsistent in your own reasoning, which is a definition of being empty-headed.
SUSAN: You're wearing me out.
FLY: Ah, yes. That is because you do not have an opinion of your own. Your opinions are all shallow and are not based on logic, just emotion.
SUSAN: Why don't you leave me alone.
FLY: Because there might just be hope for you. Now maybe I can get to work on you.
SUSAN: What are you going to do to me?
FLY: Change you if I can. I know. I know. The job will take a while, but you weren't doing anything except watching T.V. anyway. (PAUSE) Well, you're being quiet. That's a start.
SUSAN: Shocked would be a better word.
FLY: I'll settle for shocked. Now, listen, you need to make some changes in your life.
SUSAN: Like what? I don't much like change.
FLY: Let's get back to the search for truth, shall we?
SUSAN: How would I know the truth?
FLY: Well, you are making progress! You're asking the right questions. How do you know the truth? There are several ways. First, you know the truth by proving it.
SUSAN: Proving it?
FLY: Yes.
SUSAN: Do you mean I have to test everything I hear?
FLY: BINGO!
SUSAN: How do I do that?
FLY: By performing a test on the material presented to you.
SUSAN: Do you have any idea all the stuff I have to look at in a day?
FLY: Now you're beginning to think. You're right, it will be a lot of material and you can't test all of it, but it is important to investigate that which affects your pocketbook or your belief system.
SUSAN: My belief system?
FLY: Oh, I forgot -- major overhaul. Yes, your belief system. All people have one.
SUSAN: I don't.
FLY: Sure you do. If you say you don't believe in anything, that's a belief system. A pretty shaky belief system, but it is one nonetheless.
SUSAN: I believe in something.
FLY: Oh, important discovery! What is it?
SUSAN: Well, I, ah, believe in, ah, myself, I guess.
FLY: (LIKE AN ALARM GOING OFF) Beep -- Beep -- Beep. Red Alert. Red Alert. Arm photon torpedoes. Fire on my command.
SUSAN: What did I say? I believe in myself? What's wrong with that? Don't most people believe in themselves?
FLY: Of course they do, but we just said not all people are truthful. Some people are out to harm you. Those harmful people believe that they are right in what they believe and some of them want you to believe as they do.
SUSAN: All right. I'm with you.
FLY: Hooray! Let's get back to your question.
SUSAN: I forgot where we were.
FLY: I know. A short attention span. You had asked me how to know truth.
SUSAN: Oh, right.
FLY: For instance, someone tells you the sun rises every morning in the east. How do you know if what they're saying is the truth?
SUSAN: I could test it.
FLY: Good. Very good. And how would you do that?
SUSAN: I'd get up before sunrise and watch it.
FLY: Great. And if the sun came up in the east?
SUSAN: I'd know the truth, wouldn't I?
FLY: Yes, you would. For one day, at least.
SUSAN: Oh, I get it. I'd have to make the test a lot of times, wouldn't I?
FLY: Right. How many times, do you think?
SUSAN: I don't know. A lot.
FLY: Right. A lot. There is another way. You could trust a person to tell you the truth.
SUSAN: But I can't trust people to always tell me the truth. We already said that. How do I know who is telling me the truth and who isn't?
FLY: Think about it.
SUSAN: Well, whoever it would be would have to be a completely honest person all the time, because if he wasn't he would sometimes be selfish and want to tell me a lie.
FLY: Hey, you ARE thinking!
SUSAN: And this person would have to know everything. I mean everything.
FLY: Why?
SUSAN: Because he would have to know what was good and what was bad and know about everything that had ever been done or would be done because then he would know how to tell what was true and what was a lie.
FLY: Sounds real good. Go on.
SUSAN: And this person ... oh, what's the use. I could never find a person like that.
FLY: Don't give up. You were just on the verge of something.
SUSAN: I was?
FLY: Sure. Now, let's think. Who could know everything and be loving and unselfish?
SUSAN: Well, it sounds like a fantasy -- magic.
FLY: A special person, right?
SUSAN: Very special -- a perfect person.
FLY: Who would be perfect?
SUSAN: It would have to be ... but I don't believe ... in that.
FLY: Maybe it's time to change your belief system.
SUSAN: Well ... what about God?
FLY: God? Who mentioned God?
SUSAN: No one -- hey, I did!
FLY: Do you believe in God?
SUSAN: Not really. Well, maybe. There must be truth somewhere. There has to be.
FLY: It would be nice, wouldn't it?
SUSAN: But, God? Who believes in God anymore?
FLY: You'd be surprised. Keep searching. You've made some great leaps forward. Don't stop now. (FLY PREPARES TO EXIT)
SUSAN: Wait, where are you going? I need you.
FLY: You don't need me. You can think on your own now.
SUSAN: Hey, I can, can't I?
FLY: (EXITING) You sure can. Keep thinking. It's a good idea.
SUSAN: It is a good idea -- thinking. Hmm. Now, I wonder how I could find out more about God?
