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Recently I read the story of a young man who was studying for an advanced degree in child development. He was in his mid--twenties at the time and unmarried. After studying the behavior of children he wrote a paper called "Ten Commandments for Parents." He delivered this paper as a lecture several times. A few years later he married and became a father. He changed the content of his lecture and altered the title so it read, "Ten Hints for Parents." Another child arrived and the lecture became, "Some Suggestions for Parents." A third child was born, and he stopped lecturing.

There was a time when I thought I knew some things about parenting. As time went along I discovered that I knew less and less. It used to bother me a lot when the children would fight with each other. Later, when our older two daughters came home from college, they were still competing and sometimes downright unkind to each other. One summer that all changed. The older daughter had a traumatic break--up with her boyfriend. Her sister was there to comfort her and help her pick up the pieces. Almost overnight they became the best of friends again.

Something like that happened to Jacob and Esau. They must have been a real challenge for Isaac and Rebekah. How can two children raised in the same home be so different? (Some of us have wondered that about our own children.) Esau, the twin born first, was a great hunter and an outdoor person. Jacob was just the opposite. He preferred the domestic life indoors and even liked to cook. At first Esau seems to be more likeable and maybe even more capable. But that changes in a strange scene where Esau comes in from the field half starved. Jacob tricks him into selling his inheritance for a bowl of stew. This scene shows us something very important about these two brothers. It's obvious that Esau is not spiritually fit to be bearer of God's divine promise. He is the slave of the moment and his body's physical appetites. What Esau says to Jacob is this: "I'm starving. Let me cram my mouth full. What do I care about my birthright." Esau's disregard for his birthright is proof that he is not worthy to have it. Jacob is able to think beyond the moment and plan for the future. But Jacob's way of getting the birthright is underhanded and creates real conflict with his brother.

We have all experienced conflict. It's there in our families, in society, in politics, and in the church. It's everywhere. We have our own Lutheran conflict over forming a closer partnership with the Episcopalians. One Presbyterian pastor speaking about conflict said this: "It is painful to maintain unity with people you know are wrong and obnoxious on top of it." He goes on to say, "It is a lot more difficult to maintain the unity than to walk away and destroy it." Why is unity in the midst of our differences so hard for us? We find it all through the Bible too. Read the three short epistles of John in the back of the New Testament. It is clear that there has been a painful division within the community to whom John writes. In the first chapter of John's first letter, the people are in loving fellowship with each other. In the second chapter we learn that some people have left the community. These people are called the anti--Christ. By the third chapter, the people who have left are called children of the devil. Even the community of John was torn by conflict. The symbol for John is the eagle. Raymond Brown, the great New Testament scholar, says, "In the Gospel of John, the eagle soars above the earth, with talons bared for the fight. In the epistles of John we discover the eaglets tearing at each other for possession of the nest."

Why is unity so hard for us? And why is it that some people can rise above conflict while others are consumed by it? What did God see in Jacob, that God didn't see in Esau? God does seem to have favorites. Let's take a look at a few and see if we can discover what makes a person God's favorite.

One of God's favorites is Daniel. The angel Gabriel told the prophet Daniel to his face that he was highly esteemed in heaven. Noah and Job are two more of God's favorites. One survived a lion's den, one a flood, and the other a horrible bout of personal suffering. God's personal favorites went through terrible tests of their faith. When you get home, after you read through the epistles of John, read chapter 11 of the book of Hebrews. This chapter has been called God's "Faith Hall of Fame." Many of God's favorites are mentioned here. The author records all the terrible things that happened to God's chosen leaders from Abraham to David. Even Esau is mentioned here, but the writer says, "Do not be like the godless Esau who sold his birthright for a single meal." What is special about this group of God's favorites? What made it possible for them to rise above the conflict in their lives? The only common denominator I see is that they all absolutely refused to let go of their faith. They all went through conflict and terribly tough times, but they absolutely refused to let go of their trust in God. One great writer put it this way: "No social or political change, no scientific discovery can alter the fact that if our life ceases to be dangerous, it ceases to be Christian." There is no life that requires greater courage than the life of the Christian. We could add, there is no life that requires greater persistence in trust. God's favorites became favorites by hanging on to faith with an absolutely unshakable conviction. They trust God with a persistence that just won't quit. Remarkably, faith seems to thrive in the midst of conflict and persecution. Faith is what enables them to survive it. The great commandment is that we should love the Lord our God and serve God only with a holy stubbornness no matter what life brings.

Jacob, despite his shortcomings, kept learning and growing with God. He absolutely refused to let go of his trust despite the conflicts and disappointments. Jacob was definitely one of God's favorites. He and Esau got beyond their differences in the end. They learned to care about each other again. They buried their conflict and finally, together, they buried their father Isaac.

I once read about a creative way to deal with conflict. There were two soldiers who were constantly fighting with each other. Their sergeant commanded them to wash a long row of barracks windows, one on the inside and the other on the outside, with strict instructions that they were both to work on the same window at the same time. They started out by scowling at each other. By the tenth window they started to grin. At the twentieth they were laughing over the joke the sergeant had played on them. When the job was done they shook hands and became friends.

One thing we can say for sure: God doesn't love us because we are lovable. God loves us because that's God's job and God is so good at it. It was God's love that made a sneaky Jacob into a great leader. Jesus himself was a gift of God's love. We are too. What we need is a heart that will receive that love and an unshakable certainty that God's love will always be there. And, to keep our conflicts from destroying that trust, it's not a bad idea to wash windows with people we disagree with. Amen.