When It Hurts To Forgive
Sermon
LIVING ON ONE DAY'S RATIONS
First Lesson Sermons For Sundays After Pentecost
How could Joseph possibly forgive his brothers after all they did to him? He actually says to his brothers, "Do not be distressed or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life" (Genesis 45:5). Forgiveness for most people doesn't come easy. There is plenty of evidence that many people find it absolutely impossible to forgive those who have done something absolutely terrible. We live in an age when violence and cruelty make the front page of the newspaper again and again. A murderer is sentenced to death for a horrible crime in which the victim experienced a most terrifying, heartless death. The victim's family rejoices that the murderer has received the death penalty, and members of the family insist that they definitely want to be on hand to witness the execution and see the killer get what he deserves. A police officer is shot and left paralyzed, unable to continue his career or support his family. Should his heartbroken spouse be expected to forgive whoever pulled the trigger? A child is physically or sexually abused by a close relative, and the trauma of that terrible experience leaves emotional scars which even the most skillful psychotherapy can never completely remove. Should that child be expected as a child or in later years as an adult to forgive whoever made that child's life a living nightmare? Joseph as a young boy experienced the terrible nightmare of being thrown into a deep pit by his older brothers. Certainly he knew the extreme terror of realizing that his brothers were considering putting him to death, before they finally decided to sell him into slavery and ship him off to Egypt. Should Joseph as a man be expected to forgive his brothers for the cruel nightmare they put him through? Could Joseph now really say to his brothers, "Everything is okay, boys! My coming to Egypt was God's plan for my life, and so I don't hold it against you at all for what you did to me"?
Our Old Testament lesson from chapter 45 of Genesis, the story of Joseph forgiving his brothers, becomes much more believable after we find out what has happened earlier to Joseph and his brothers in chapters 42, 43, and 44. When we read what happens in these earlier chapters, we will come to understand that Joseph is no extraordinary person for whom forgiveness comes easy. Indeed, Joseph is very much like the average person for whom it is very hard to forgive those who have made someone's life absolutely awful. In no way is it easy for Joseph to forgive his brothers! Chapter 42 tells us there is a shortage of food due to a severe famine, and Joseph's brothers show up in Egypt looking to buy grain to take back to their homeland. They do not recognize Joseph, but Joseph definitely recognizes them. Yet he does not let the brothers know this. Instead he treats them like total strangers and speaks harshly to them. He accuses them of being spies with evil intent. He has them put in jail for three days. Then he tells them to go home after leaving one brother, Simeon, behind in Egypt as a hostage. He tells them to take grain with them but to return again to Egypt with their youngest brother, Benjamin, who had not made the trip with them.
In chapter 42 we find that Joseph definitely is hard--nosed and hard--boiled when he has the shock of his life - an unexpected reunion with the brothers who had sold him into slavery. Yet Joseph is not able to be completely stern and severe in how he handles the situation. We are told that he has to withdraw from the scene and break down and cry. We are told that he gives orders for the brothers' sacks to be filled with grain and he sees to it that their money that they have paid for the grain is returned secretly and placed in the grain sacks. He makes sure that provisions for the return trip are given to the brothers, so that they can travel back home with ample food and supplies for the journey. Then in chapter 43 the brothers return to Egypt; this time Benjamin is with them. Again Joseph has his moments of anguish when he must withdraw from his brothers in order to break down and cry. But although Joseph has seen signs that his brothers are sorry for what they did to Joseph years ago, Joseph takes steps to put his brothers to a further test. After all, were they really sorry for what they had done to him, or was this show of humility and remorse simply a big crybaby act to win sympathy and increase the brothers' chances of being given food to take back home?
In chapter 44 the brothers once again have full sacks of grain for the journey home, but, unknown to them, Joseph's silver cup has been placed secretly in Benjamin's sack. Joseph lets the brothers travel a short distance; then Joseph's steward is sent to accuse the brothers of stealing the silver cup and to give the order that Benjamin must be detained in Egypt. The brothers then return quickly to Joseph. One brother, Judah, pleads frantically with Joseph to please, please allow Benjamin to return with them, because their father Jacob will surely suffer and die from grief if Benjamin does not return. All this sets the stage for chapter 45 where Joseph simply cannot stand it any longer. After he breaks down and cries, he finally makes it known to his brothers who he is. In spite of his intense anger and resentment regarding things that have happened in the past, Joseph greatly needs to be reconciled and reunited with his family. Joseph realizes that God has indeed placed him in a position to save his family from starvation. Finally Joseph forgives!
We can well imagine Joseph's being torn apart by a wide range of emotions. He very likely would be overwhelmed at times by deep resentment and harsh anger toward his brothers for the way they had treated them. Yet Joseph also certainly realized that as a young boy his big mouth and his glorious dreams of future greatness had only served to make his brothers deeply resentful toward him. Joseph has a very strong desire to see his father Jacob once again, as well as a strong feeling of affection for Benjamin, the youngest brother closest in age to Joseph. Any bitter desire on Joseph's part to get even or get revenge is in a sharp tug of war conflict with Joseph's coming to realize that God has placed him in a powerful position to offer his family a new lease on life.
A tremendous tug of war rages out of control within Joseph until finally he feels compelled to reveal himself to his brothers and forgive them. Real forgiveness never comes about easily whenever there is a vicious and violent war involving feelings of deep hurt or agonizing doubts whether to believe that words of remorse and regret are sincere. For example, in a marriage in which one partner has had an affair outside the marriage but then expresses deep remorse and asks to be forgiven, there are apt to be intense feelings regarding whether or not forgiveness should and can be given, whether or not to take the risk of believing that remorse is sincere. George Wallace, former governor of Alabama, in his later years expressed deep regret for his views and his actions in support of racial segregation, and he asked many times to be forgiven. But some were extremely skeptical as to whether Wallace was sincere in his desire for forgiveness or whether he was simply out to win votes from black people in one more try to be re--elected to office.1 Yet others, including Jesse Jackson and Coretta Scott King, were willing to forgive him and take him at his word when George Wallace said again and again, "I was wrong."2 In the television movie production George Wallace, there is the powerful scene where Wallace, paralyzed from being shot and helpless in a wheel chair, painfully acknowledges his guilt before the congregation of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church and asks them to forgive him. We see the slow and gradual change in the congregation's attitude from cool and suspicious skepticism to a glad and warm willingness to shake Wallace's hand and wish him well.3 Forgiveness is for real when forgiveness doesn't come easy but involves anguish on the part of those who offer forgiveness.
Have you ever been in a situation like that of Joseph? Have you ever been in a situation where no matter how badly you had been treated by someone, you became aware that you still were in a powerful position to make something good happen for this person? Furthermore, you would have to be the person who took the first step to bridge the broken relationship with someone who perhaps had made an all--out effort to humiliate you or make you miserable. Parents often find themselves in this type of situation in relating to their children. When your child has done something that hurts your feelings, whether it's a young child who rudely tries to embarrass you in front of your friends or a teenager who tells you to get lost, go fly a kite, or something even worse in x--rated language, usually it's still up to you to use your parental power to make something positive happen and to take the first step to bridge the broken relationship. Even when the child or the teenager is sorry for what has been said or done, it still may be largely up to you to use your parental power to take the initiative in picking up the pieces. It finally became painfully obvious to Joseph that it was time for him to accept his brothers' expressions of remorse and put away his anger, using his power as an Egyptian administrator to make positive things happen for his family. Joseph tells his brothers to go back home and tell Jacob, "Thus says your son, Joseph: God has made me lord of all Egypt; come down to me, do not delay. You shall settle in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near me, you and your children and your children's children, as well as your flocks, your herds, and all that you have. I will provide for you there - since there are five more years of famine to come - so that you and your household, and all that you have, will not come to poverty" (Genesis 45:9--11). Because Joseph took the first painful step to mend the shattered relationship between himself and his family, the people of Israel were given refuge in Egypt as a way to thrive and survive as the people God had chosen for a great purpose.
A broken or bitter relationship can continue for years and years, until finally somebody is willing to take the first step to mend the relationship. Only in recent years have Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland been willing to take any initial steps toward peaceful reconciliation to end the terrible suffering caused by many years of bloody conflict. The reconciliation between Joseph and his brothers was a two--way street in which after Joseph took the difficult first step, Joseph and his brothers were able then to begin to reach out to each other to rebuild trust and to bridge the gap. Complete and full reconciliation doesn't happen for Joseph and his brothers until much later, as recorded in the last chapter of the book of Genesis. But at least in Egypt the painful first steps had been taken. Forgiveness is most effective when it hurts to forgive and when it hurts to be forgiven. Joseph experienced the pain of offering forgiveness, but his brothers experienced the pain of being forgiven, the pain of realizing that the young boy they had cruelly thrown into the deep pit years ago was now the grown--up man who graciously and generously had rescued them from starvation and kept them from falling into the deep hole of hopeless despair.
God's forgiveness is never intended to let a murderer get away with murder and escape the pain of facing up to the terrible facts of the crime that has been committed. When Jesus forgave those who crucified him, the execution squad did not escape from experiencing the terrible pain of what they had done. The dreadful day that Jesus died concluded with a terrifying earthquake and other events so earthshaking and terrifying that the Roman soldiers stared in utter horror and amazement at the man on the cross who, unlike most crucified victims, did not swear and curse at his tormenters. And the execution squad cried out, "Truly this man was God's Son" (Matthew 27:54)! Both the story of Joseph and the story of the crucified Christ show that God's forgiveness is not an expedient, "quickie" pain killer that prevents us from facing up to the terrible truth of who we are at our very worst, or facing up to the humbling, heartbreaking truth of what it dearly costs God and what it takes for God to bring out the very best in us. God's forgiveness makes it possible for us sinners to receive a new lease on life, but there is no painkilling anesthesia to ease the delivery process of our rebirth. New life through God's forgiveness is never without its necessary labor pains or its many growing pains.
____________
1. Cf., Stephan Lesher, George Wallace: American Populist (New York: Addison--Wesley Publishing Company, 1994), p. 501.
2. Cf., ibid., pp. 503--504.
3. Cf., John Frankenheimer, producer and director, George Wallace, television motion picture, TNT, 1997.
Our Old Testament lesson from chapter 45 of Genesis, the story of Joseph forgiving his brothers, becomes much more believable after we find out what has happened earlier to Joseph and his brothers in chapters 42, 43, and 44. When we read what happens in these earlier chapters, we will come to understand that Joseph is no extraordinary person for whom forgiveness comes easy. Indeed, Joseph is very much like the average person for whom it is very hard to forgive those who have made someone's life absolutely awful. In no way is it easy for Joseph to forgive his brothers! Chapter 42 tells us there is a shortage of food due to a severe famine, and Joseph's brothers show up in Egypt looking to buy grain to take back to their homeland. They do not recognize Joseph, but Joseph definitely recognizes them. Yet he does not let the brothers know this. Instead he treats them like total strangers and speaks harshly to them. He accuses them of being spies with evil intent. He has them put in jail for three days. Then he tells them to go home after leaving one brother, Simeon, behind in Egypt as a hostage. He tells them to take grain with them but to return again to Egypt with their youngest brother, Benjamin, who had not made the trip with them.
In chapter 42 we find that Joseph definitely is hard--nosed and hard--boiled when he has the shock of his life - an unexpected reunion with the brothers who had sold him into slavery. Yet Joseph is not able to be completely stern and severe in how he handles the situation. We are told that he has to withdraw from the scene and break down and cry. We are told that he gives orders for the brothers' sacks to be filled with grain and he sees to it that their money that they have paid for the grain is returned secretly and placed in the grain sacks. He makes sure that provisions for the return trip are given to the brothers, so that they can travel back home with ample food and supplies for the journey. Then in chapter 43 the brothers return to Egypt; this time Benjamin is with them. Again Joseph has his moments of anguish when he must withdraw from his brothers in order to break down and cry. But although Joseph has seen signs that his brothers are sorry for what they did to Joseph years ago, Joseph takes steps to put his brothers to a further test. After all, were they really sorry for what they had done to him, or was this show of humility and remorse simply a big crybaby act to win sympathy and increase the brothers' chances of being given food to take back home?
In chapter 44 the brothers once again have full sacks of grain for the journey home, but, unknown to them, Joseph's silver cup has been placed secretly in Benjamin's sack. Joseph lets the brothers travel a short distance; then Joseph's steward is sent to accuse the brothers of stealing the silver cup and to give the order that Benjamin must be detained in Egypt. The brothers then return quickly to Joseph. One brother, Judah, pleads frantically with Joseph to please, please allow Benjamin to return with them, because their father Jacob will surely suffer and die from grief if Benjamin does not return. All this sets the stage for chapter 45 where Joseph simply cannot stand it any longer. After he breaks down and cries, he finally makes it known to his brothers who he is. In spite of his intense anger and resentment regarding things that have happened in the past, Joseph greatly needs to be reconciled and reunited with his family. Joseph realizes that God has indeed placed him in a position to save his family from starvation. Finally Joseph forgives!
We can well imagine Joseph's being torn apart by a wide range of emotions. He very likely would be overwhelmed at times by deep resentment and harsh anger toward his brothers for the way they had treated them. Yet Joseph also certainly realized that as a young boy his big mouth and his glorious dreams of future greatness had only served to make his brothers deeply resentful toward him. Joseph has a very strong desire to see his father Jacob once again, as well as a strong feeling of affection for Benjamin, the youngest brother closest in age to Joseph. Any bitter desire on Joseph's part to get even or get revenge is in a sharp tug of war conflict with Joseph's coming to realize that God has placed him in a powerful position to offer his family a new lease on life.
A tremendous tug of war rages out of control within Joseph until finally he feels compelled to reveal himself to his brothers and forgive them. Real forgiveness never comes about easily whenever there is a vicious and violent war involving feelings of deep hurt or agonizing doubts whether to believe that words of remorse and regret are sincere. For example, in a marriage in which one partner has had an affair outside the marriage but then expresses deep remorse and asks to be forgiven, there are apt to be intense feelings regarding whether or not forgiveness should and can be given, whether or not to take the risk of believing that remorse is sincere. George Wallace, former governor of Alabama, in his later years expressed deep regret for his views and his actions in support of racial segregation, and he asked many times to be forgiven. But some were extremely skeptical as to whether Wallace was sincere in his desire for forgiveness or whether he was simply out to win votes from black people in one more try to be re--elected to office.1 Yet others, including Jesse Jackson and Coretta Scott King, were willing to forgive him and take him at his word when George Wallace said again and again, "I was wrong."2 In the television movie production George Wallace, there is the powerful scene where Wallace, paralyzed from being shot and helpless in a wheel chair, painfully acknowledges his guilt before the congregation of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church and asks them to forgive him. We see the slow and gradual change in the congregation's attitude from cool and suspicious skepticism to a glad and warm willingness to shake Wallace's hand and wish him well.3 Forgiveness is for real when forgiveness doesn't come easy but involves anguish on the part of those who offer forgiveness.
Have you ever been in a situation like that of Joseph? Have you ever been in a situation where no matter how badly you had been treated by someone, you became aware that you still were in a powerful position to make something good happen for this person? Furthermore, you would have to be the person who took the first step to bridge the broken relationship with someone who perhaps had made an all--out effort to humiliate you or make you miserable. Parents often find themselves in this type of situation in relating to their children. When your child has done something that hurts your feelings, whether it's a young child who rudely tries to embarrass you in front of your friends or a teenager who tells you to get lost, go fly a kite, or something even worse in x--rated language, usually it's still up to you to use your parental power to make something positive happen and to take the first step to bridge the broken relationship. Even when the child or the teenager is sorry for what has been said or done, it still may be largely up to you to use your parental power to take the initiative in picking up the pieces. It finally became painfully obvious to Joseph that it was time for him to accept his brothers' expressions of remorse and put away his anger, using his power as an Egyptian administrator to make positive things happen for his family. Joseph tells his brothers to go back home and tell Jacob, "Thus says your son, Joseph: God has made me lord of all Egypt; come down to me, do not delay. You shall settle in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near me, you and your children and your children's children, as well as your flocks, your herds, and all that you have. I will provide for you there - since there are five more years of famine to come - so that you and your household, and all that you have, will not come to poverty" (Genesis 45:9--11). Because Joseph took the first painful step to mend the shattered relationship between himself and his family, the people of Israel were given refuge in Egypt as a way to thrive and survive as the people God had chosen for a great purpose.
A broken or bitter relationship can continue for years and years, until finally somebody is willing to take the first step to mend the relationship. Only in recent years have Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland been willing to take any initial steps toward peaceful reconciliation to end the terrible suffering caused by many years of bloody conflict. The reconciliation between Joseph and his brothers was a two--way street in which after Joseph took the difficult first step, Joseph and his brothers were able then to begin to reach out to each other to rebuild trust and to bridge the gap. Complete and full reconciliation doesn't happen for Joseph and his brothers until much later, as recorded in the last chapter of the book of Genesis. But at least in Egypt the painful first steps had been taken. Forgiveness is most effective when it hurts to forgive and when it hurts to be forgiven. Joseph experienced the pain of offering forgiveness, but his brothers experienced the pain of being forgiven, the pain of realizing that the young boy they had cruelly thrown into the deep pit years ago was now the grown--up man who graciously and generously had rescued them from starvation and kept them from falling into the deep hole of hopeless despair.
God's forgiveness is never intended to let a murderer get away with murder and escape the pain of facing up to the terrible facts of the crime that has been committed. When Jesus forgave those who crucified him, the execution squad did not escape from experiencing the terrible pain of what they had done. The dreadful day that Jesus died concluded with a terrifying earthquake and other events so earthshaking and terrifying that the Roman soldiers stared in utter horror and amazement at the man on the cross who, unlike most crucified victims, did not swear and curse at his tormenters. And the execution squad cried out, "Truly this man was God's Son" (Matthew 27:54)! Both the story of Joseph and the story of the crucified Christ show that God's forgiveness is not an expedient, "quickie" pain killer that prevents us from facing up to the terrible truth of who we are at our very worst, or facing up to the humbling, heartbreaking truth of what it dearly costs God and what it takes for God to bring out the very best in us. God's forgiveness makes it possible for us sinners to receive a new lease on life, but there is no painkilling anesthesia to ease the delivery process of our rebirth. New life through God's forgiveness is never without its necessary labor pains or its many growing pains.
____________
1. Cf., Stephan Lesher, George Wallace: American Populist (New York: Addison--Wesley Publishing Company, 1994), p. 501.
2. Cf., ibid., pp. 503--504.
3. Cf., John Frankenheimer, producer and director, George Wallace, television motion picture, TNT, 1997.
