Village Shepherd

Death is difficult for anyone to understand and accept, and particularly difficult for children who usually have little concept of time. In this story Anita is angry with God, because her beloved Grandma has died.

Anita felt very shaky. Her legs were kind of wobbly, and somewhere deep inside her was such a terrible pain that she wanted to do anything to shut it out. So she shouted and cried and screamed over quite silly little things, until her parents and later her teacher, got really angry and threatened all sorts of awful punishments. Then Anita became sullen and moody and silent, and refused to talk to anyone at all. Her grades dropped to well below average, and she didn't care. And all her friends began to leave her alone.

Anita didn't know why she was behaving like that. She only knew how very miserable and unhappy she felt. And it was awful at home. Anita's mum cried almost all the time, and didn't seem to have any energy even to cook dinner or wash up. And Anita's dad was kind of grim and pinched and tight.

One day, the vicar called. Anita had just come in from school, so she answered the door, since her mother was yet again lying on the sofa. Anita scowled at the vicar. None of the family had been to church since Grandma had died so suddenly, because they all thought it was God's fault. Anita suddenly felt deeply angry with the church and the vicar. How dare he preach about God loving everyone, when God had made Grandma die? Anita glared at the vicar and said, "I hate God."

The vicar barely blinked. He smiled a little and said, "May I come in?"

Grudgingly, Anita opened the door wider then walked into the lounge and threw herself into an armchair. Her mother had disappeared, but Anita couldn't be bothered to go and find her.

"What do you want?" she said rudely.

The vicar didn't reply immediately. Then he asked, "Why do you hate God?"

"Because he took my Grandma. That fat lady from the church told me my Grandma had died because Jesus wanted her to live with him in heaven. Well, it's not fair. She's my Grandma, and I used to go to tea with her every day after school. Why should Jesus have her? He's got millions of people in heaven, he didn't need my Grandma. And now Mummy keeps crying and Dad's cross all the time, and everybody shouts at me."

The vicar swallowed. Then he said carefully, "Sometimes people die because their bodies are so sick they just can't stay alive any longer. And sometimes people die because they're so old they really would like a rest from this life. Was that why your Grandma died?"

"No it wasn't!" shouted Anita. Then she found herself pouring out to the vicar all about that terrible day when Grandma had stood on a stool to hang curtains and had somehow fallen and was found dead next morning. The doctor had muttered something about a "ruptured spleen".

The vicar listened carefully, without interrupting once. Then he said, "Anita, I don't know why your Grandma died, except that it was a tragic accident. Her body was badly injured in the fall, but nobody realised that. It wasn't anyone's fault, but I don't believe it was God's fault either. Sometimes terrible things happen, but God is just as upset about them as we are."

Anita stared at him. Nobody had ever spoken to her like that before. "How do you know God's upset?"

"Well," replied the vicar, "when Jesus' great friend Lazarus died, Jesus cried because he was so upset."

"But Jesus brought Lazarus back to life again. Why couldn't he do that with my Grandma?"

"Perhaps he brought Lazarus back to life to show that after people die, it isn't the end of everything. Although you can't see your Grandma any more, she is still living, but living in some different dimension."

Anita thought about that for a moment. "You mean a bit like Star Trek?"

The vicar nodded. "Yes, if you like. None of us know exactly what heaven will be like, but we do know that after Jesus died, he was seen again alive by many of his friends, but he was alive in a different sort of way. His damaged and wounded body was healed, and he was fit and well, although as I said, clearly living in some different dimension. He promised the same for all of us. That the real "us" - our essence - would go on living in some different dimension, and that we too would no longer be troubled by damaged bodies (or minds).

"But meanwhile, death is a terrible time for close relatives and friends. It's really sad and painful, and you're right to cry and shout because that expresses how awful it is. If you can, try and remember that it's also awful for God, and that all he wants is to hug you and love you until it begins to feel better. Do you think you can allow him to do that?"

Anita nodded. "I'll try," she said. And she got up to call her mother. Somehow she wanted her mother to hear what the vicar had to say, because although her own pain was still there, already it didn't feel quite so bad.