One night, a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, when I needed you most, you would leave me." The Lord replied: "My precious, precious child. I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
The poem beautifully captures and explains a common human difficulty with God. We are unable to see God, and many of us are unable to sense God or to be aware of his presence. If we can't prove God's existence, how do we know that God is with us and loves us? The Welsh clergyman poet R. S. Thomas described this lack of certainty as the "absence" of God and wrote a number of moving poems struggling with the problem of God's apparent absence.
Although the Bible often gives us the impression that in Biblical times the prophets were in much closer and easier contact with God than we are today, today's reading from Exodus shows that this may not necessarily have been the case.
Even though Moses holds a conversation with God, Moses still isn't entirely confident of God's presence. He wants proof. He wants to know for certain that he's doing the right thing. He wants to see God for himself, to know beyond doubt that God exists, that God is on their side and that God is leading them in their wanderings. Eugene Petersen paraphrases the conversation between Moses and God in "The Message":
Moses said to God, "Look, you tell me, 'Lead this people,' but you don't let me know whom you're going to send with me. You tell me, 'I know you well and you are special to me.' If I am so special to you, let me in on your plans. That way, I will continue being special to you. Don't forget, this is your people, your responsibility."
God said, "My presence will go with you. I'll see the journey to the end."
Moses said, "If your presence doesn't take the lead here, call this trip off right now. How else will it be known that you're with me in this, with me and your people? Are you traveling with us or not? How else will we know that we're special, I and your people, among all other people on this planet Earth?"
God said to Moses: "All right. Just as you say; this also I will do, for I know you well and you are special to me. I know you by name."
Moses said, "Please. Let me see your Glory."
God said, "I will make my Goodness pass right in front of you; I'll call out the name, God, right before you. I'll treat well whomever I want to treat well and I'll be kind to whomever I want to be kind."
God continued, "But you may not see my face. No one can see me and live."
God said, "Look, here is a place right beside me. Put yourself on this rock. When my Glory passes by, I'll put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with my hand until I've passed by. Then I'll take my hand away and you'll see my back. But you won't see my face."
God refuses to offer complete certainty, even to Moses. God offers lots of hints and intuitive suggestions that he is present and that he loves his people. "I know you well and you are special to me. I know you by name," says God. But this still isn't enough for Moses. Perhaps he wonders whether the voice he hears is God's voice or his own thoughts. Perhaps, after many years of wandering in the wilderness and still not even glimpsing the Promised Land, he has lost confidence in the dreams and ideas which were so clear to him at the beginning of his ministry. Perhaps he has been so undermined by the moans and whinges of the people that he doubts his own abilities and especially his relationship with God. Perhaps after so many years Moses is feeling his age and is beginning to lose the strength and endurance needed to see the project through to the end.
"Please," says Moses, "Let me see your Glory."
But he doesn't know quite what he's asking, for God's glory is so blindingly, searingly holy that the human frame is unable to stand the impact. God is aware that if Moses gazes upon God, Moses will die. So in wonderful little cameo image, God places Moses in the cleft of the rock and covers Moses' eyes until God has passed by. Then with the intensity of the danger past, Moses is invited to catch of glimpse of God's retreating back.
And perhaps it's always like this for human beings. God rarely affords us certainty which lasts. We may feel certain that God has called us to some particular work or project and start with huge enthusiasm and power, only to begin to stagger under the weight of crises and difficulties, stresses and strains. And then the doubts begin to creep in. Did God really call me? Was I mistaken? Am I making a terrible blunder? Has God rejected me and left me? Why has this awful thing happened to me? Where is God?
It's often only when we look back that we can see God's steady and faithful guidance of our lives. When difficulties actually arise and we're living under their tension, as R. S. Thomas discovered God is sometimes conspicuous by his apparent absence. But maybe that's for our own good. Maybe our human frames would be unable to cope with God in all his glory at the same time as coping with whatever stress we happen to be under. Perhaps God graciously withdraws and hides his glory in the background so that we can survive. But as "Footprints" so graphically illustrates, at such times God is carrying us and hiding us in the crevice of the rock just as he carried and hid Moses.
And if, like Moses, we open our eyes as our crises wane, then perhaps we too will spot God's back and identify God's hand in our lives as God continues to walk ahead of us.
