Across The Generations
Children's sermon
Illustration
Preaching
Sermon
Worship
Object:
June 19 is one of those Sundays when many North Americans celebrate a secular holiday, Father's Day, and preachers must decide how extensively -- if at all -- the holiday should affect our planning for Christian worship. In this issue of The Immediate Word, Carter Shelley raises this question and then comments on the image of fathers in the First Reading and the Gospel assigned in the lectionary. Her colleagues on the team also point out the rather striking fact that many biblical families are rather poor role models for families today, except perhaps in negative ways. But the image of God as caring Father is powerful and effective. (For more on how to observe secular holidays in the church service, you might have a look at Alex Gondola's Holiday's Are Holy Days [CSS, 2004].)
We think you'll find the other resources in this issue especially helpful. (As one example, in the illustrations, note Richard Rohr's thought-provoking story about the men's prison.)
Across The Generations:
A Consideration Of Ancient, Modern, And Divine Fathers
Genesis 21:8-21; Psalm 86:1-10, 16-17; Romans 6:1b-11; Matthew 10:24-39
By Carter Shelley
Preliminary Remarks on the Christian Recognition of Special Secular Days
Since Father's Day has never had as much social pressure attached to it as Mother's Day has, that is, pressure upon the minister to arrange everything in Sunday's service to ensure mothers are remembered, it is easier for the preacher to allow the lectionary texts designated for the third Sunday of June to guide the sermon's content rather than the secular celebration. As a young minister fresh from seminary and well versed in the liturgical years, I tended to disregard American holidays and celebrations that didn't begin with either "E" or "C," thinking it my duty to educate the congregants as to the proper focus of all worship. Thus, beloved Christmas carols were never sung before Christmas Eve. Mother's Day usually got a nod during the children's time when flowers were distributed and I resisted older members desire to sing "O Beautiful For Spacious Skies" and "My Country 'Tis Of Thee" on the Sunday closest to July 4th. But after ten years of explaining to congregants why these seasonal additions didn't belong in morning worship, I finally had to ask myself:
"Whose worship service is this, Carter? Is it yours and that of the seminary faculty who taught you these liturgical standards? Isn't worship supposed to move, inspire, and include the congregation? Does God really mind if we sing "O Little Town Of Bethlehem" the Second Sunday in Advent? Or is worship really about connecting our hearts and minds to God through many different avenues of expression on a Sunday morning? Is it not arrogant of me to assume church members should worship according to my standards rather than according to traditions and practices that move the majority of the congregation?"
Consequently, I am now much more sensitive to the intersections of secular American traditions with the sacred calendar. And I have come to see specially designated days such as Father's Day as opportunities to move beyond simplistic, sentimental assumptions into the more complex reality that the experiences of fathers ancient, modern, and divine convey on the third Sunday in June.
Across the Generations: Ancient, Modern, and Divine Fathers
"Happy Father's Day to a Deadbeat Dad" might be the inscription young Ishmael would select to send his father Abraham. Genesis 21:8-21 is not Abraham's finest hour either as a father or as the founding patriarch of his people. Who among us would have thought to identify the patriarch of three world religions in this way? In an era in which non-supporting fathers can be jailed or have their wages garnished for failing to support their children, Abraham is guilty, guilty, guilty. It is not within the bounds of acceptable behavior for a man to drive his wife and young son out to the middle of the great Sonoran desert below Phoenix and leave them there with one container of bottled water apiece. In fact, the guy would probably be thrown in jail not only for abandonment but also for attempted murder. Who among us grew up thinking of Abraham as a bad father? I sure didn't.
Having some time previously agreed with Sarah to see if her slave Hagar can serve as a surrogate mother, both Abraham and Sarah are caught unawares when Sarah finally becomes pregnant and gives birth to Isaac. While Abraham himself seems quite content to be the father of two sons, Sarah finds the situation threatening. She sees Ishmael's existence as a danger to Isaac's birthright and safety. Thus, begins her campaign to have Abraham expel Hagar and young Ishmael from the immediate family, the tribe, and the region. Thus God's faithful servant calls upon God to rescue him from the ongoing tensions and nagging he encounters.
Terence Fretheim, writing in The New Interpreter's Bible Commentary, takes time to summarize Phyllis Trible's chapter on Hagar in Texts of Terror, but also makes a case for a more positive representation of Father Abraham in 21:8-21. Fretheim reminds the reader that Abraham doesn't want to abandon Ishmael and ultimately only does so when God assures Abraham that "God will provide" (489-90). (The danger this interpretation may provide the literal-minded is in letting contemporary parents off the hook with the passive trust that God will take over whenever the financial or emotional demands of parenting become too difficult.)
Of course, God bails Abraham out, not only taking responsibility for the current domestic conundrum but also for the two outcasts' future. God becomes father to Ishmael, sole supporter of Hagar in the desert and the one who makes both promise and covenant with her and her son that they will survive the current ordeal, and in the future will prosper because of God's blessing. God reveals a spring of water to save both mother and child. God also states that Ishmael and his descendants will flourish and also become a great people.
Matthew 10:24-39 contains a series of sayings that are all held together by Jesus' initial warning that the disciple/pupil is not greater than his teacher; therefore, the former can expect to suffer the same kind of hardships and character assassinations the teacher experiences. Having described the difficulties his disciples will face because they are his disciples, Jesus turns to words of comfort and support. The truth will out the false. Persecution and death may lie ahead for those who proclaim Christ's message, but God will be with them throughout any earthly ordeals. God not only serves as their champion and vindicator, God cares deeply about their sufferings and hardships. God knows each individual disciple so well and cares so much. They can be comforted by the knowledge that a God so amazing as to know the lifespan and worth of a tiny sparrow values them far more. Even the hairs of their head are known and numbered by Jesus' Father in heaven.
Moreover, while ministry in the name of God's Son implies adoption and vindication by God the Father, such unwavering loyalty may lead not only to the persecutions and scorn described in verses 24-26, but also risks of pitting of family members against one another. Why? No earthly relationship takes priority over one's loyalty to Christ. While death may be the ultimate outcome for those who witness and suffer for Jesus' sake, there will be a better life for them beyond human mortality.
No doubt about it -- this text makes for tricky work in trying to mold it into a Father's Day sermon. New Testament scholar Charles B. Cousar observes that verses 38-39 do not tally with the "Family Values" slogan so freely bandied about these days by presidents and many Christians. Rather, Jesus' words in Matthew 10:34-39 supply a jolt to our assumptions about the relationship between God the Father, Christ the Son, and traditional American families. Cousar writes:
The sacred institution of the family is singled out as the place where the conflict rages most severely, an area where loyalties run deep. In the text from Matthew the first commandment of the Decalogue is applied here as in other arenas of human life.
Jesus' message, then, does not provide an unequivocal reinforcement of family cohesiveness. It does not suggest that the sticking together of families necessarily reflects faithfulness or that by family solidarity society's ills will be remedied. Instead Jesus calls into question an idolatry of the family and warns that the gospel may divide rather than unite the home. The losing of life for the sake of Christ (and in Matthew's context, explicitly including vulnerability to martyrdom) is how life is experienced and truly discovered. (378-79)
They hardly seem appropriate for Father's Day, but they are. What better model for parenting can there be than devotion to Christ, adoption of his teachings and message, and the lifelong aim of being the kind of parent on earth that "Our Father, who art in Heaven" is for each of us? The challenge for fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers is to strive to acquire the family values that our Lord and God exhibits in Testaments Old and New. Here follow several brief examples:
Our Father
* Seeks intimacy: numbers the hairs on our heads, calls his children by name: "Abraham," "Hagar," "Samuel," "Mary," and "Saul"
* Expects growth by expecting us to deal with the hard stuff, assured that God is with us but aware that God won't do it all for us
* Initiates caring: reaches out in times of trouble to provide support, hope, and salvation. For example, Ishmael will become the father of a great nation; Mary's name shall be call blessed.
* Offers forgiveness: God doesn't desert Abraham and Sarah when they get it wrong, anymore than God abandons David after his adultery and the death of Uriah. God sees both the flaws and the potential in Peter as he denies Jesus three times.
* Demonstrates compassion by caring for the widow, the orphan, the foreigner, and everybody else in need
Recently, I was visiting a church member who had been through a divorce when her son was only four years old. "I wasn't really a single mother," she said. "In this community there was family all around us. There was always an uncle, a grandfather, an older cousin, as well as aunts and grandparents -- not just ready to step in and help when asked, but ever present, ever loving and ever involved with my son. My son never felt like he was part of a single parent household, because we never really lived that way."
Wouldn't it be wonderful if our church provided that same extended family nurture to the young adults, teens, and children of the congregation? With so many families dispersed throughout the country -- not to mention oceans apart -- the role of father, uncle, grandfather, older brother, or cousin often goes unfulfilled when there are plenty of wonderful individuals in the church who could serve in those roles.
In the Presbyterian church where infant baptism is an integral part of our theology and commitment, the baptismal vows the congregation affirms call upon all members of the congregation to take seriously their parenting, teaching, witnessing, modeling duties to younger generations:
Portions of Baptismal Vows Parents and Congregation Make during Infant Baptism
The promise is for you, for your children and for all who are far away, everyone whom the Lord our God calls.
In baptism God claims us, and seals us to show that we belong to God. God frees us from sin and death, uniting us with Jesus Christ in his death and resurrection.
By water and the Holy Spirit, we are made members of the church, the body of Christ, and joined to Christ's ministry of love, peace, and justice.
Words to which the Congregation Responds
Do you, as members of the church of Jesus Christ, promise to guide and nurture (name) by word and deed, with love and prayer, encouraging him/her to know and follow Christ and to be faithful members of his church? (PCUSA Book of Common Worship, 404)
Inclusive Language Concerns: Generalizations are the bane of days that celebrate special segments of the population. "Why does it have to be Deadbeat Dads?" asks one father who has been the primary caregiver and provider for his two young children since their mother left the family. "Why can't it be Deadbeat Parents?" Why not, indeed?
The metaphor of God as Father were a revelation to first-century Jews and remains a powerful way of knowing and understanding "Our Father, who art in heaven" for many Christians who have positive experiences with earthly fathers. But we also know that this term causes confusion, sadness, anger, and fear for some church members for whom experiences with a father have been bad or nonexistent. Consequently, other terms to describe God remain and ongoing challenge and necessity for ministers and liturgists. "Parent," "Mother," "Lord," "Creator," "Healer," "Wisdom," "Hope" -- all grasp some aspect of God's nature, while none can encapsulate it.
A Few, Not-entirely Random Observations about Fathers
Ancient fathers were as good and as flawed as any dads who live today: There's nothing ancient about the family dynamics these biblical fathers display. Isaac favors Esau over Jacob. Jacob lavishes love and attention on Joseph while his other ten sons seem of little significance. The greatest king Israel ever knew couldn't keep one son from raping his half-sister nor another from murder or rebellion. No human father is perfect, just as no mother or child is perfect.
The role of fathers in history has varied significantly over the centuries. In ancient Rome a father had the legal right to expose an unwanted infant to nature's elements and predators should the father choose to do so.
In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, children, and sons in particular, often apprenticed with their fathers to learn a trade. Thus, they were constantly in contact with their fathers and knew one another well. When family run trades were common, it was not unusual for the women as well as the men to be essential contributors to the family's economy.
The same has been true for farmers since almost the beginning of time. More children meant more hands to help till, plant, pick, and prepare crops and food.
As recently as the nineteenth century in England, if there was a divorce, the father automatically got custody of the children regardless of how loving, effective, physically or financially present he had been up to that point in the children's lives.
With industrialization and the development of a middle-class where many women were home all day and men went to offices, the cult of motherhood came into existence. Because nineteenth-century American and British women taught children about Jesus and led Sunday school programs, they were considered the moral guides for children. During this time the notion of women and children were sentimentalized and even infantilized into roles that carried over in some form into the twentieth century.
Many Americans born in the late 1940s and early 1950s were raised in homes where the dad who goes to work and the mother stays home was still presented as the norm, although many of us in fact had mothers who worked outside the home as well as dads.
Perhaps the most drastic shift in the role of fathers is the one that has occurred since the rise of feminism and women's rights in the 1970s, with women gaining access to more and more traditionally male professions, while men have become more engaged caregivers to their children. In my current community, many dads work fewer hours in order to spend more time with their children. We have a number of dads who are the stay-at-home-parent for children not old enough to attend school. Some of these dads are also engaged in home schooling. Such shifts have given men a chance to be more involved in their children's lives and to more fully enjoy the benefits of fatherhood, than some of their fathers and grandfathers ever were able to enjoy.
Human fathers face enormous challenges, especially if they are divorced from the mother of their children, are serving time in prison while their children grow up without them, or have been laid off from or cannot find a job in 2005. Because the role of fathers has never been as cut and dried Hollywood would have us believe, human fathers face enormous challenges. It's always been a job without a manual.
Team Comments
Chris Ewing Responds: It is unfortunate that today's Genesis text lands on Father's Day, because it really is not about fatherhood at all. It is an etiological tale about the origins of the Israelite people and their relatives the Ishmaelites, and it shares in the conventions of a number of the patriarchal stories of unusual births and other challenging circumstances. It was never intended to be a story for ethical instruction.
But people do read the Bible for ethical instruction; and no matter why they think they're hearing the story this Sunday, they cannot help but be struck -- on Father's Day of all days, but even on any other day -- by the apparent abandonment of this child by his father Abraham. The story's jarring affront to our sensibilities is only exacerbated by the pairing of this lection with Jesus' relativizing of family ties in the Matthew reading.
On any other occasion it might be worthwhile taking the bull by the horns and confronting the cultural idolatry of family with these challenging texts about the primacy of God's wider plan. However, on this occasion it might be wise instead to allow the texts to open us to wrestling with the question of our beliefs and practice around the importance of fatherhood.
The figures are old now, but one suspects the trend continues to hold true. From 1992 to 1996, according to a pair of Gallup Polls on fathers in America, an increasing number of people indicated agreement with the statement, "The most significant family or social problem facing America is the physical absence of the father from the home." In 1992 those expressing agreement or strong agreement with this statement totaled 69.9 percent of respondents. In 1996 that had risen to 79.1 percent. Whether that reflects decreasing levels of paternal involvement or increasing levels of sensitivity to the problem is of course impossible to say, but it is clear that this is a significant issue for our society. Economic and social pressures increasingly fragment the family, and nowhere is this more evident than in the actual time fathers spend, or fail to spend, with their children or even at home.
One tack worth taking might be to examine the forces that tempt fathers to abandon their children, and the ways in which that abandonment happens. Rarely is it so obvious as sending a youngster off into the desert with an inadequate food supply (although I heard just the other day of a father who, remarrying after his wife's death, wrote his adolescent daughter out of his will and left her out of expensive outings with the new wife and her children!). Abandoning a child can happen in subtle ways that are nonetheless devastating: not being around for the important -- and the everyday -- moments; being too tired or preoccupied to listen or interact; frequently criticizing or otherwise devaluing the child or his or her abilities, choices, interests, and so on. The list goes on. And rarely does a parent intend to be so cruel. Often he is caught up in his own problems or the demands of his own life. Divorce and/or remarriage can make it difficult to maintain contact. A child's problems or rebellion can drive a wedge the father doesn't know how to address. The list goes on. It could be a very pastoral act -- though perhaps a difficult one on Father's Day -- to name these realities and to point to some constructive ways of dealing with them.
Depending on local ecclesiastical culture, it may also be necessary to wrestle with the "God or my family" issue raised in both Genesis and Matthew. However, I think that for most of our families this is very much a red herring: if commitment to parental responsibility is sometimes shaky, it rarely has anything to do with a deeper commitment to perceived religious duty. Far more typical is parental dereliction rooted in commitment to the idolatries of our culture: wealth demonstrated in conspicuous consumption, and self-realization through the pursuit of one's personal pleasure. Engagement with these readings could afford an opportunity to talk about that: If we don't like the suggestion that God might come before family, why do we have so little difficulty putting the lesser values of money and pleasure before family?
If Genesis and Matthew challenge us on our relationships to our families, they also offer one other important word that must be spoken: though we may give up on, abandon, or otherwise fail our children, God does not. God rescued Ishmael in the wilderness; and Jesus promises to those who have lost the support of their families the unfailing protection of God. Though this could conceivably be taken as an excuse to pull an Abraham -- "I don't have to worry about my kids, God will look after them" (a sentiment to which Romans 6:1 serves as an important corrective!) -- it is nonetheless essential to ground our fumbling efforts in the deeper and stronger working of God, who will not allow our failures to stand in the way of holy purposes. Every father needs that hope in order to keep trying to be a parent at all.
George Murphy responds: When I was doing my internship as a seminarian, the lectionary we were using back then had Mark 3:20-35 as the Gospel Reading for the Sunday on which Father's Day fell -- a Sunday on which I was assigned to preach. That's the text in which Jesus' mother and brothers come to get him because they think he's crazy, and when Jesus is told that his family is there he replies that his real family is those gathered around him, people who do the will of God. The conjunction with Father's Day was a little awkward and I ended up preaching what might be described as an anti-Christian family sermon. It wasn't a terribly well constructed sermon but I still think the approach was basically correct.
Those verses from Mark aren't one of our texts this week, but as we reflect on the story of Abraham's dealings with Hagar and Ishmael and Jesus' words in the Gospel of Matthew, that passage in Mark should remind us that there are a number of texts that severely relativize the importance of earthly families. I'm not really against the idea of Christian families, but it is far from being the heart of the Christian message. It needs to be handled with some care.
In the first place, there's a good deal of danger in looking to the Bible for models of good families, and especially of good fathers. Some of the most prominent men in the Old Testament, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and David are fairly poor role models as fathers. That would be a pretty devastating commentary on scripture if its purpose were to teach us morality by providing us with good examples, but that isn't the purpose of the Bible. It is instead to witness to God's saving action among real people, which means among people who precisely are not always good role models. Rather strikingly, the one who is given as a role model in all regards is the one who seems to reject his family in that passage from Mark!
And think of that story of the twelve-year-old Jesus in the Temple. Take off the haloes and what do you have? It's a story about a nearly-teen who ditches his parents in the big city and, when they find him, tells them that he'd had more important things to do than go back home with them. He had to be "in my Father's house" -- his real Father's house. I'm sure that that made Joseph feel great!
That's the second point. In that story in Luke Jesus is putting God first as his Father, just as he says his disciples are to put him ahead of father or mother in today's gospel. This all doesn't mean that there is no such thing as a Christian family, but what makes a family Christian in the genuine sense is the priority that it gives to Christ. Of course that has implications for the way people in the family treat one another, but the way the family is structured and its lines of authority aren't the things that distinguish it from non-Christian families.
As we've noted, Abraham hardly shines as a father in our First Lesson. Of course things look a little different when we remember the tremendous power fathers had in many ancient cultures. The Roman paterfamilias could decide when a baby was born whether it should survive or not, and if it seemed sickly he could have it exposed. Closer to Abraham's culture, the killing of baby girls was common in ancient Arabia, an evil that Muhammad got rid of. But an attempt to excuse Abraham's behavior on such contextual grounds will backfire on those who want to stress traditional family values since it quickly leads to a justification of abortion and infanticide.
It's worth pointing out that Ishmael is by no means an infant. He's obviously older than Isaac. In fact, if we took the chronology of the Abraham story at face value we would conclude that Ishmael was fourteen when Isaac was born (compare Genesis 16:16 with 21:5). That would make him perhaps seventeen at the time of our text, so that the picture of his mother carrying him through the desert would be rather ludicrous. Of course that is probably the result of a combination of different traditions in the Abraham saga and shouldn't be used as a criticism of the biblical account, but is a reminder not to be too literal with the text.
Having noted Abraham's unfair treatment of Ishmael (and Hagar, too, but for Father's Day the father-child relationship may get the most attention), we should note that parents can't and shouldn't always treat all their children equally. Each should be loved and should be treated justly in accord with his or her actions and abilities, but if one child is very bright and another rather slow, the first will obviously be the one on whom money will be spent to get into a good college. That doesn't mean that nothing will be done for the other.
That is worth bearing in mind in connection with our Genesis text, especially because of the traditional connection of Ishmael with the Arabs. It is this connection that Muhammad (probably because of his contacts with Jews) made use of to claim Abrahamic status for the religion he founded. In our text God tells Abraham that he will make a nation of Ishmael. Ishmael participates with Isaac in the burial of their father (Genesis 25:9), and some concern is shown for recording his descendants (25:12-18). Ishmael's line is not neglected completely. Yet "it is through Isaac that offspring shall be named for you" (21:12). Isaac is the child through whom the promise of blessing for all nations will be accomplished, and in the New Testament the fulfillment of that promise comes about in the birth of Jesus (Galatians 3:15-18).
Carlos Wilton responds: There's one thing we can say in Ishmael's favor: he's a survivor (as is his mother, Hagar). His story is far from the ideal Father's Day story -- but then, is the story of any of our fathers ever ideal?
Our fathers are human. That means they're fallen, like any other human being. While many of us have much to celebrate about our fathers, we ought not to forget that there are those who have little to celebrate -- or, perhaps, who never even knew their fathers.
One such person is Antwone Fisher. His story is told in his best-selling autobiographical novel, Finding Fish (HarperCollins, 2001) and also in the 2003 film, Antwone Fisher. See these websites for more information on the real Antwone Fisher, who is a modern-day Ishmael:
http://www.spiritualityhealth.com/newsh/items/moviereview/item_5457.html
http://www.chasingthefrog.com/reelfaces/antwonefisher.php
All my TIW colleagues have pointed out how the character of Abraham is not meant to be a moral exemplar, with respect to his treatment of Ishmael. Abraham's culture (and particularly his "family values") was very different from ours, of course. And besides -- as is true of the subsequent story of the sacrifice of Isaac -- the most ancient Bible stories are often two-dimensional, conveying but a single point. They are simply not capable of being viewed from multiple angles.
The single point of the Ishmael story is that there's no stopping God's covenant. Long ago, God made a promise to Abraham, and -- even though this patriarch's first attempt at creating progeny doesn't go so well -- God remembers the covenant and redeems the situation in the end. These early chapters of Genesis are populated with various characters, but in a certain sense there is only one character: God. The others often function as two-dimensional, cardboard cut-outs.
A possible sermon title is "Good Genes." We all know what's meant by the phrase "good genes" -- a favorable genetic inheritance. This ancient story is about a sort of spiritual inheritance -- spiritual "genes" that are so good they influence even the fate of an outcast boy and his terrified mother who find themselves in the worst sort of situation the ancient Hebrew mind could imagine. If the covenant promise can apply to one such as Ishmael, then can it not apply to us as well?
Related Illustrations
From Carlos Wilton:
The much-circulated piece, "The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife," illustrates the disjunction between biblical "family values" and our own:
http://www.raptureready.com/humor/hb2.html
***
In the movie Secondhand Lions, Hub (played by Robert Duvall) gives Walter (Haley Joel Osment) a lecture on what it means to be a real man. Walter is beginning to question whether the stories Hub and Garth (Michael Caine) have told about their spectacular adventures in Africa are true. Hub says it doesn't really matter if the stories are true; then he says:
"Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love, true love never dies.
"You remember that, boy. You remember that. It doesn't matter if they're true or not, you see. A man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in."
***
Another film that could be cited, on the theme of fathers and sons, is Big Fish (2003). Here are some theological reflections on the flawed -- but powerful -- father-son relationship depicted in this film:
http://www.spiritualityhealth.com/newsh/items/moviereview/item_6827.html
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Here's a paper, "Call Me Ishmael," by James B. Jordan, that makes connections between the biblical story of Ishmael and Melville's Moby-Dick, whose narrator is named for the biblical Ishmael:
http://www.biblicalhorizons.com/bh/bh117.htm
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This TIW resource, from the archives, contains some material on the theme of fatherless children that could be useful.
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Every man is trying to live up to his father's expectations and to make up for his mistakes.
-- Lyndon B. Johnson
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Our most painful suffering often comes from those who love us and those we love. The relationships between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters, teachers and students, pastors and parishioners -- these are where our deepest wounds occur. Even late in life, yes, even after those who wounded us have long since died, we might still need help to sort out what happened in these relationships. The great temptation is to keep blaming those who were closest to us for our present, condition saying: "You made me who I am now, and I hate who I am." The great challenge is to acknowledge our hurts and claim our true selves as being more than the result of what other people do to us. Only when we can claim our God-made selves as the true source of our being will we be free to forgive those who have wounded us.
-- Henri J.M. Nouwen, Bread for the Journey (Harper Collins, New York, 1997)
***
There's a scene in the 1991 film The Doctor that speaks of a fractured father/son relationship. William Hurt plays a successful, workaholic heart surgeon, whose life is turned around after he himself is diagnosed with cancer. In this scene, he comes home unexpectedly, in the middle of the day, to be with his family. The doctor's wife calls to their young son, who is playing outside: "Come in and say hello to your father."
The boy races into the room -- failing to notice that his father is standing right there. He picks up the telephone and says, "Hi Dad ... hello, hello...." Then he lets the telephone handset drop and says, "Well, Mom, we must have got cut off...."
***
From a January 20, 1999, reflection by Diane Sollee:
Daddies do matter: Last night Sixty Minutes featured a show about elephants.
Several decades ago there was a problem with overpopulation on an African game preserve -- too many elephants. Limited by the technology available at the time, the solution arrived at was to move the babies to new preserves. Everyone watched, gravely concerned, but the babies thrived.
However, unintended consequences emerged. At the new locations, a decade or so after the transfer, someone was killing off rhinoceros, which are an endangered species. It turned out the killers were young male elephants. At first the game wardens couldn't believe it, this was uncharacteristic behavior never before seen in elephants.
They deduced that the young males had grown up without fathers -- without male role models. New technology had made it possible to transport into these locations some large mature bull elephants. There was concern that it would be too late, that the adolescent males had to have grown up with their elders, that bringing "daddies" in now would do no good. But they tried it anyway.
It worked like a charm. The mature bulls arrived and set things straight. The young males immediately stopped their precocious, rampant sexuality, killing and violence.
The conclusion drawn on Sixty Minutes was that we had no idea that the social system of the elephants was so complex, interconnected, and so elegant. And so it goes. Daddies do matter, even in elephants.
-- Diane Sollee, www.smartmarriages.com
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Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
-- Robert Fulghum
From Chris Ewing:
Percentage of fathers in a recent US poll who said they share equally in child-rearing duties: 60; percentage of spouses who agreed: 19.
Recent studies indicate that fathers who are actively involved in childcare help raise children who are more empathetic; societies where fathers are more involved have less male domination and antagonism between the sexes.
Decrease in time fathers spend with children for each addition $10,000 in salary they earn, according to a recent US study: five minutes per day.
Hours the average working dad devotes to child care each week: 8.3; average working mom: 18.9.
Number of single-parent families with kids under 11 headed by a male: one in 100; number of television shows since 1952 that feature single dads, according to tvdads.com: 132.
Percentage of tween boys who find it easy to talk with dad about problems: 71; tween girls: 58; percentage who find it easy to talk with their moms: 83 for boys and girls.
Percentage of kids who say dad is their preferred source of information on sex education: ten; percentage who cite mom as preferred source: 20.
In the hunter-gatherer, a.k.a. pygmy, tribes of Central African Republic, fathers held their infants almost constantly, resulting in extremely strong attachment.
-- Today's Parent website, June 2003
***
Jim Poling, in a Hamilton Spectator article picked up by the Canadian edition of the Reader's Digest, tells of taking his teenage daughter on a trout fishing trip (fishing being an intergenerational obsession of that family). "I hadn't thought about it much until a friend stared at me incredulously when I told him of my weekend plans. 'You're taking your daughter fishing? That's huge. Most daughters don't even talk to their dads unless they need money or a ride somewhere.'
"Truth is, I understand very little about my daughter's thoughts. She's 15 and it's natural, I suppose, for a teen girl to push back and away from her dad. We agree on most things except two basics: the things she wants to do and the things I think she should do. Still, we do meet on the neutral playing field known as fishing."
The rest of the article chronicles the bumpy relational course of the weekend, and a trophy catch toward the end that had nothing to do with fish.
-- Reader's Digest, Canadian Edition, June 2005, pp. 127-130
***
"How do you mourn someone who was never really there?" asks Adam Bellow in a poignant New York Times (June 10, 2005) Op-Ed reflection on the death of his father, novelist Saul Bellow. Titled "Missing: My Father," the piece can be found at:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/10/opinion/10bellow.html?th&emc=th
***
Richard Rohr tells of a nun friend working in a men's prison. One spring, an inmate asked her to buy him a Mother's Day card to send home. She agreed, and word traveled fast; soon hundreds of inmates were asking for cards. Resourcefully, the nun contacted a greeting card manufacturer, who obliged with crates of Mother's Day cards, all of which she passed out.
Soon afterward, she realized Father's Day was approaching and, thinking ahead, she again called the card manufacturer, who responded quickly with crates of Father's Day cards. Years later, the nun told Rohr, she still has every one of them. Not one prisoner requested a card for his father.
-- Gordon Dalbey, Father and Son (Thomas Nelson, 1992), p. 7
***
When a child is the first family member to attend church, 3% of families follow.
When a wife/mother is first, 17% of families follow.
When a husband/father is first to attend, 93% of families follow.
15% of children will follow the lead of a mother who becomes a committed Christian.
If a father becomes a committed Christian, 75% of children will follow.
-- Source unknown
Worship Resources
By George Reed
OPENING
N.b.: All copyright information is given from the first cited place where found. Some copyright information may differ in other sources due to adaptations, etc.
Music
Hymns
"Children Of The Heavenly Father." WORDS: Caroline V. Sandell-Berg, 1855; trans. Ernst W. Olson, 1925; MUSIC: Swedish melody. Trans. (c) 1925; renewed 1953 Augsburg Fortress. As found in UMH 141; Hymnal '82; LBOW 474; TNCH 487.
"This Is My Father's World." WORDS: Maltbie D. Babcock, 1901; MUSIC: trad. English melody adapt. Franklin L. Sheppard, 1915. Public domain. As found in UMH 144; Hymnal '82: 651; LBOW 554; TPH 293; AAHH 149; TNNBH 41; CH 59.
"God, Whose Love Is Reigning O'er Us." WORDS: William Boyd Grove, 1980; MUSIC John Goss, 1869. Words (c) 1908 William Boyd Grove. As found in UMH 100.
"The Care The Eagle Gives Her Young." WORDS: R. Deane Postlethwaite; MUSIC: Jess Seymour Irvine, 1872; harm. TCL Pritchard, 1929. (c) Harm. by permission of Oxford University Press. As found in UMH 118; TNCH 468; CH 76.
"There's A Wideness In God's Mercy." WORDS: Frederick W. Faber, 1854; MUSIC: Lizzie S. Tourjee, 1877; harm. Charles H. Webb, 1988. Harm. (c) 1989 The United Methodist Publishing House. As found in UMH 121; Hymnal '82: 469, 470; LBOW 290; TPH 298; TNCH 23; CH 73.
"The Lord's Prayer." WORDS: Matthew 6:9-13; adapt. J. Jefferson Cleveland and Verolga Nix, 1981; MUSIC: West Indian folk tune; arr. Carlton R. Young, 1988. Adapt (c) 1981 Abingdon Press; arr. (c) 1989 The United Methodist Publishing House. As found in UMH 271; TPH 589; AAHH 664; CH 308. Or us any other musical setting of the Lord's Prayer.
Songs
"Glorify Thy Name." WORDS & MUSIC: Donna Adkins; (c) 1976 Maranatha! Music. As found in CCB 8.
"The Steadfast Love Of The Lord." WORDS: Edith McNeill; MUSIC: Edith McNeill; arr. J. Michael Bryan. (c) 1974 Celebration. As found in CCB 28.
"Abba Father." WORDS & MUSIC: Steve Fry. (c) 1979 Birdwing Music/Cherry Lane Music Publishing Co., Inc. As found in Renew 264.
CALL TO WORSHIP
Leader: Incline your ear to us, O God.
People: Answer us for we are poor and needy.
Leader: Gladden our souls and lift our hearts
People: For we trust in your goodness and forgiveness.
Leader: As a gracious father or mother cares for their children
People: Care for us and make us caring of others.
COLLECT / OPENING PRAYER
O God, who is more than father and mother to us all: Grant us the faith to trust in your goodness and the will to live as your gracious, parenting presence in this world; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
or
We come to worship you, O God, for you are not only our Creator but you are also our loving parent. As we give thanks to you for our earthly fathers this day help us all to be more like the loving parent you are to all your children. Help us to trust your loving kindness and to share it with others. Amen.
PRAYERS OF CONFESSION / PARDON
Leader: Let us confess to God and before one another the condition of our lives.
People: We confess to you, O God, that we have not been your obedient children. We have pursued our lives in directions that have taken us away from you. You have taught us and nurtured us to be like you, and yet, we have failed to mature into your image. You have nurtured us with your loving kindness and have invited us to grow in love, faith, and grace. You have called us to take our place our your children and be your presence in this world. Instead of following your example we have been unkind to strangers, condemning of those who are different from us and more focused on our wants than on the needs of others. Forgive us and by the power of your ever-present Spirit renew your image in us and send us out once again to share your loving presence with others.
Leader: God is our loving Parent and welcomes back the penitent child. In the Name of Jesus the Christ you are forgiven. Grow into the image of your Heavenly Father.
GENERAL PRAYERS, LITANIES, ETC.
We worship and adore you O God our loving Parent. You are far beyond our understanding or ability to communicate with and yet you come to us and nurture us with your love and teaching. You show us the way to life and you walk with us.
(The following paragraph is most suitable if a prayer of confession will not be used elsewhere.)
We confess that we are not model children. We often have failed to reflect our heritage in you and have acted in ways that have saddened your great heart of love. We have taken your love as a sign of our special privilege and have tried to deny it to others. Forgive us and empower us with your Spirit that we might truly grow into children of the Most High God.
We give you thanks for your love and direction in our lives. We thank you for those who have reflected your love to us. We thank you for our parents and especially today for our fathers. We thank you for the ways in which they have showed us your love and we ask your blessing upon them.
(Other specific thanksgiving may be offered.)
We lift up to you those who have lost their fathers or have never known them. We pray for those whose fathers have been unable to share your love with them. May your healing love reach out to them all.
(Other petitions may be offered.)
All these things we ask in the Name of Jesus who taught us to pray saying, "Our Father ...."
Hymnal & Songbook Abbreviations
UMH: United Methodist Hymnal
Hymnal '82: The Hymnal 1982, The Episcopal Church
LBOW: Lutheran Book of Worship
TPH: The Presbyterian Hymnal
AAHH: African American Heritage Hymnal
TNNBH: The New National Baptist Hymnal
TNCH: The New Century Hymnal
CH: Chalice Hymnal
CCB: Cokesbury Chorus Book
PMMCH3: Praise. Maranatha! Music Chorus Book, Expanded 3rd Edition
Renew: Renew! Songs and Hymns for Blended Worship
Children's Sermon
God loves every hair!
Object: strands of hair
Based on Matthew 10:24-39
Good morning, boys and girls. How important are you to God? (let them answer) Remember how many people there are in the world and then ask yourself, "How important am I to God?" Does anyone know the answer? Are you more important than George Bush? (let them answer) Are you more important than me, your pastor? (let them answer) Do you think you are as important to God as Big Bird, Tiger Woods, Superman, or another famous person? (let them answer)
Are you more important than an eagle, a race horse, an elephant, or whale? (let them answer) Are you more important than a great tree or a beautiful flower? (let them answer) What about oceans, lakes, mountains, and rivers? Do you think you could be as important to God as the United States, China, or Brazil? (let them answer)
Jesus said that you are very important, so important that he knows the number of hairs that are on your head. I brought along a few strands of hair to see the number of hairs we must have on our head. (begin to count the hairs that you brought with you, until you finally give up) I can't count all of these hairs. It would take me all day and then I would have only counted a few of the hairs on my head.
Jesus wanted us to know how important we are to God. If he knows how many hairs each one of us has on our heads then he knows a lot about us. He knows how fast we can run, how high we can jump, and all of the thoughts we have in our head. No one knows us as well as God. He knows you better than your doctor, your teacher, and even your parents!
God knows us by name. He knows all about Brian, Kathy, Scott, Anne, and everyone else who is here this morning. God knows all about us, and still loves us! And because God knows us, he understands us, too. God understands toothaches and birthday parties. He hurts when we hurt and celebrates when we celebrate. Our God is a loving God.
So the next time you get a haircut, I want you to remember that God has all of your hairs numbered. He numbers them because he loves you and wants to know everything there is to know about you.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The Immediate Word, June 19, 2005, issue.
Copyright 2005 by CSS Publishing Company, Inc., Lima, Ohio.
All rights reserved. Subscribers to The Immediate Word service may print and use this material as it was intended in sermons and in worship and classroom settings only. No additional permission is required from the publisher for such use by subscribers only. Inquiries should be addressed to permissions@csspub.com or to Permissions, CSS Publishing Company, Inc., P.O. Box 4503, Lima, Ohio 45802-4503.
We think you'll find the other resources in this issue especially helpful. (As one example, in the illustrations, note Richard Rohr's thought-provoking story about the men's prison.)
Across The Generations:
A Consideration Of Ancient, Modern, And Divine Fathers
Genesis 21:8-21; Psalm 86:1-10, 16-17; Romans 6:1b-11; Matthew 10:24-39
By Carter Shelley
Preliminary Remarks on the Christian Recognition of Special Secular Days
Since Father's Day has never had as much social pressure attached to it as Mother's Day has, that is, pressure upon the minister to arrange everything in Sunday's service to ensure mothers are remembered, it is easier for the preacher to allow the lectionary texts designated for the third Sunday of June to guide the sermon's content rather than the secular celebration. As a young minister fresh from seminary and well versed in the liturgical years, I tended to disregard American holidays and celebrations that didn't begin with either "E" or "C," thinking it my duty to educate the congregants as to the proper focus of all worship. Thus, beloved Christmas carols were never sung before Christmas Eve. Mother's Day usually got a nod during the children's time when flowers were distributed and I resisted older members desire to sing "O Beautiful For Spacious Skies" and "My Country 'Tis Of Thee" on the Sunday closest to July 4th. But after ten years of explaining to congregants why these seasonal additions didn't belong in morning worship, I finally had to ask myself:
"Whose worship service is this, Carter? Is it yours and that of the seminary faculty who taught you these liturgical standards? Isn't worship supposed to move, inspire, and include the congregation? Does God really mind if we sing "O Little Town Of Bethlehem" the Second Sunday in Advent? Or is worship really about connecting our hearts and minds to God through many different avenues of expression on a Sunday morning? Is it not arrogant of me to assume church members should worship according to my standards rather than according to traditions and practices that move the majority of the congregation?"
Consequently, I am now much more sensitive to the intersections of secular American traditions with the sacred calendar. And I have come to see specially designated days such as Father's Day as opportunities to move beyond simplistic, sentimental assumptions into the more complex reality that the experiences of fathers ancient, modern, and divine convey on the third Sunday in June.
Across the Generations: Ancient, Modern, and Divine Fathers
"Happy Father's Day to a Deadbeat Dad" might be the inscription young Ishmael would select to send his father Abraham. Genesis 21:8-21 is not Abraham's finest hour either as a father or as the founding patriarch of his people. Who among us would have thought to identify the patriarch of three world religions in this way? In an era in which non-supporting fathers can be jailed or have their wages garnished for failing to support their children, Abraham is guilty, guilty, guilty. It is not within the bounds of acceptable behavior for a man to drive his wife and young son out to the middle of the great Sonoran desert below Phoenix and leave them there with one container of bottled water apiece. In fact, the guy would probably be thrown in jail not only for abandonment but also for attempted murder. Who among us grew up thinking of Abraham as a bad father? I sure didn't.
Having some time previously agreed with Sarah to see if her slave Hagar can serve as a surrogate mother, both Abraham and Sarah are caught unawares when Sarah finally becomes pregnant and gives birth to Isaac. While Abraham himself seems quite content to be the father of two sons, Sarah finds the situation threatening. She sees Ishmael's existence as a danger to Isaac's birthright and safety. Thus, begins her campaign to have Abraham expel Hagar and young Ishmael from the immediate family, the tribe, and the region. Thus God's faithful servant calls upon God to rescue him from the ongoing tensions and nagging he encounters.
Terence Fretheim, writing in The New Interpreter's Bible Commentary, takes time to summarize Phyllis Trible's chapter on Hagar in Texts of Terror, but also makes a case for a more positive representation of Father Abraham in 21:8-21. Fretheim reminds the reader that Abraham doesn't want to abandon Ishmael and ultimately only does so when God assures Abraham that "God will provide" (489-90). (The danger this interpretation may provide the literal-minded is in letting contemporary parents off the hook with the passive trust that God will take over whenever the financial or emotional demands of parenting become too difficult.)
Of course, God bails Abraham out, not only taking responsibility for the current domestic conundrum but also for the two outcasts' future. God becomes father to Ishmael, sole supporter of Hagar in the desert and the one who makes both promise and covenant with her and her son that they will survive the current ordeal, and in the future will prosper because of God's blessing. God reveals a spring of water to save both mother and child. God also states that Ishmael and his descendants will flourish and also become a great people.
Matthew 10:24-39 contains a series of sayings that are all held together by Jesus' initial warning that the disciple/pupil is not greater than his teacher; therefore, the former can expect to suffer the same kind of hardships and character assassinations the teacher experiences. Having described the difficulties his disciples will face because they are his disciples, Jesus turns to words of comfort and support. The truth will out the false. Persecution and death may lie ahead for those who proclaim Christ's message, but God will be with them throughout any earthly ordeals. God not only serves as their champion and vindicator, God cares deeply about their sufferings and hardships. God knows each individual disciple so well and cares so much. They can be comforted by the knowledge that a God so amazing as to know the lifespan and worth of a tiny sparrow values them far more. Even the hairs of their head are known and numbered by Jesus' Father in heaven.
Moreover, while ministry in the name of God's Son implies adoption and vindication by God the Father, such unwavering loyalty may lead not only to the persecutions and scorn described in verses 24-26, but also risks of pitting of family members against one another. Why? No earthly relationship takes priority over one's loyalty to Christ. While death may be the ultimate outcome for those who witness and suffer for Jesus' sake, there will be a better life for them beyond human mortality.
No doubt about it -- this text makes for tricky work in trying to mold it into a Father's Day sermon. New Testament scholar Charles B. Cousar observes that verses 38-39 do not tally with the "Family Values" slogan so freely bandied about these days by presidents and many Christians. Rather, Jesus' words in Matthew 10:34-39 supply a jolt to our assumptions about the relationship between God the Father, Christ the Son, and traditional American families. Cousar writes:
The sacred institution of the family is singled out as the place where the conflict rages most severely, an area where loyalties run deep. In the text from Matthew the first commandment of the Decalogue is applied here as in other arenas of human life.
Jesus' message, then, does not provide an unequivocal reinforcement of family cohesiveness. It does not suggest that the sticking together of families necessarily reflects faithfulness or that by family solidarity society's ills will be remedied. Instead Jesus calls into question an idolatry of the family and warns that the gospel may divide rather than unite the home. The losing of life for the sake of Christ (and in Matthew's context, explicitly including vulnerability to martyrdom) is how life is experienced and truly discovered. (378-79)
They hardly seem appropriate for Father's Day, but they are. What better model for parenting can there be than devotion to Christ, adoption of his teachings and message, and the lifelong aim of being the kind of parent on earth that "Our Father, who art in Heaven" is for each of us? The challenge for fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers is to strive to acquire the family values that our Lord and God exhibits in Testaments Old and New. Here follow several brief examples:
Our Father
* Seeks intimacy: numbers the hairs on our heads, calls his children by name: "Abraham," "Hagar," "Samuel," "Mary," and "Saul"
* Expects growth by expecting us to deal with the hard stuff, assured that God is with us but aware that God won't do it all for us
* Initiates caring: reaches out in times of trouble to provide support, hope, and salvation. For example, Ishmael will become the father of a great nation; Mary's name shall be call blessed.
* Offers forgiveness: God doesn't desert Abraham and Sarah when they get it wrong, anymore than God abandons David after his adultery and the death of Uriah. God sees both the flaws and the potential in Peter as he denies Jesus three times.
* Demonstrates compassion by caring for the widow, the orphan, the foreigner, and everybody else in need
Recently, I was visiting a church member who had been through a divorce when her son was only four years old. "I wasn't really a single mother," she said. "In this community there was family all around us. There was always an uncle, a grandfather, an older cousin, as well as aunts and grandparents -- not just ready to step in and help when asked, but ever present, ever loving and ever involved with my son. My son never felt like he was part of a single parent household, because we never really lived that way."
Wouldn't it be wonderful if our church provided that same extended family nurture to the young adults, teens, and children of the congregation? With so many families dispersed throughout the country -- not to mention oceans apart -- the role of father, uncle, grandfather, older brother, or cousin often goes unfulfilled when there are plenty of wonderful individuals in the church who could serve in those roles.
In the Presbyterian church where infant baptism is an integral part of our theology and commitment, the baptismal vows the congregation affirms call upon all members of the congregation to take seriously their parenting, teaching, witnessing, modeling duties to younger generations:
Portions of Baptismal Vows Parents and Congregation Make during Infant Baptism
The promise is for you, for your children and for all who are far away, everyone whom the Lord our God calls.
In baptism God claims us, and seals us to show that we belong to God. God frees us from sin and death, uniting us with Jesus Christ in his death and resurrection.
By water and the Holy Spirit, we are made members of the church, the body of Christ, and joined to Christ's ministry of love, peace, and justice.
Words to which the Congregation Responds
Do you, as members of the church of Jesus Christ, promise to guide and nurture (name) by word and deed, with love and prayer, encouraging him/her to know and follow Christ and to be faithful members of his church? (PCUSA Book of Common Worship, 404)
Inclusive Language Concerns: Generalizations are the bane of days that celebrate special segments of the population. "Why does it have to be Deadbeat Dads?" asks one father who has been the primary caregiver and provider for his two young children since their mother left the family. "Why can't it be Deadbeat Parents?" Why not, indeed?
The metaphor of God as Father were a revelation to first-century Jews and remains a powerful way of knowing and understanding "Our Father, who art in heaven" for many Christians who have positive experiences with earthly fathers. But we also know that this term causes confusion, sadness, anger, and fear for some church members for whom experiences with a father have been bad or nonexistent. Consequently, other terms to describe God remain and ongoing challenge and necessity for ministers and liturgists. "Parent," "Mother," "Lord," "Creator," "Healer," "Wisdom," "Hope" -- all grasp some aspect of God's nature, while none can encapsulate it.
A Few, Not-entirely Random Observations about Fathers
Ancient fathers were as good and as flawed as any dads who live today: There's nothing ancient about the family dynamics these biblical fathers display. Isaac favors Esau over Jacob. Jacob lavishes love and attention on Joseph while his other ten sons seem of little significance. The greatest king Israel ever knew couldn't keep one son from raping his half-sister nor another from murder or rebellion. No human father is perfect, just as no mother or child is perfect.
The role of fathers in history has varied significantly over the centuries. In ancient Rome a father had the legal right to expose an unwanted infant to nature's elements and predators should the father choose to do so.
In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, children, and sons in particular, often apprenticed with their fathers to learn a trade. Thus, they were constantly in contact with their fathers and knew one another well. When family run trades were common, it was not unusual for the women as well as the men to be essential contributors to the family's economy.
The same has been true for farmers since almost the beginning of time. More children meant more hands to help till, plant, pick, and prepare crops and food.
As recently as the nineteenth century in England, if there was a divorce, the father automatically got custody of the children regardless of how loving, effective, physically or financially present he had been up to that point in the children's lives.
With industrialization and the development of a middle-class where many women were home all day and men went to offices, the cult of motherhood came into existence. Because nineteenth-century American and British women taught children about Jesus and led Sunday school programs, they were considered the moral guides for children. During this time the notion of women and children were sentimentalized and even infantilized into roles that carried over in some form into the twentieth century.
Many Americans born in the late 1940s and early 1950s were raised in homes where the dad who goes to work and the mother stays home was still presented as the norm, although many of us in fact had mothers who worked outside the home as well as dads.
Perhaps the most drastic shift in the role of fathers is the one that has occurred since the rise of feminism and women's rights in the 1970s, with women gaining access to more and more traditionally male professions, while men have become more engaged caregivers to their children. In my current community, many dads work fewer hours in order to spend more time with their children. We have a number of dads who are the stay-at-home-parent for children not old enough to attend school. Some of these dads are also engaged in home schooling. Such shifts have given men a chance to be more involved in their children's lives and to more fully enjoy the benefits of fatherhood, than some of their fathers and grandfathers ever were able to enjoy.
Human fathers face enormous challenges, especially if they are divorced from the mother of their children, are serving time in prison while their children grow up without them, or have been laid off from or cannot find a job in 2005. Because the role of fathers has never been as cut and dried Hollywood would have us believe, human fathers face enormous challenges. It's always been a job without a manual.
Team Comments
Chris Ewing Responds: It is unfortunate that today's Genesis text lands on Father's Day, because it really is not about fatherhood at all. It is an etiological tale about the origins of the Israelite people and their relatives the Ishmaelites, and it shares in the conventions of a number of the patriarchal stories of unusual births and other challenging circumstances. It was never intended to be a story for ethical instruction.
But people do read the Bible for ethical instruction; and no matter why they think they're hearing the story this Sunday, they cannot help but be struck -- on Father's Day of all days, but even on any other day -- by the apparent abandonment of this child by his father Abraham. The story's jarring affront to our sensibilities is only exacerbated by the pairing of this lection with Jesus' relativizing of family ties in the Matthew reading.
On any other occasion it might be worthwhile taking the bull by the horns and confronting the cultural idolatry of family with these challenging texts about the primacy of God's wider plan. However, on this occasion it might be wise instead to allow the texts to open us to wrestling with the question of our beliefs and practice around the importance of fatherhood.
The figures are old now, but one suspects the trend continues to hold true. From 1992 to 1996, according to a pair of Gallup Polls on fathers in America, an increasing number of people indicated agreement with the statement, "The most significant family or social problem facing America is the physical absence of the father from the home." In 1992 those expressing agreement or strong agreement with this statement totaled 69.9 percent of respondents. In 1996 that had risen to 79.1 percent. Whether that reflects decreasing levels of paternal involvement or increasing levels of sensitivity to the problem is of course impossible to say, but it is clear that this is a significant issue for our society. Economic and social pressures increasingly fragment the family, and nowhere is this more evident than in the actual time fathers spend, or fail to spend, with their children or even at home.
One tack worth taking might be to examine the forces that tempt fathers to abandon their children, and the ways in which that abandonment happens. Rarely is it so obvious as sending a youngster off into the desert with an inadequate food supply (although I heard just the other day of a father who, remarrying after his wife's death, wrote his adolescent daughter out of his will and left her out of expensive outings with the new wife and her children!). Abandoning a child can happen in subtle ways that are nonetheless devastating: not being around for the important -- and the everyday -- moments; being too tired or preoccupied to listen or interact; frequently criticizing or otherwise devaluing the child or his or her abilities, choices, interests, and so on. The list goes on. And rarely does a parent intend to be so cruel. Often he is caught up in his own problems or the demands of his own life. Divorce and/or remarriage can make it difficult to maintain contact. A child's problems or rebellion can drive a wedge the father doesn't know how to address. The list goes on. It could be a very pastoral act -- though perhaps a difficult one on Father's Day -- to name these realities and to point to some constructive ways of dealing with them.
Depending on local ecclesiastical culture, it may also be necessary to wrestle with the "God or my family" issue raised in both Genesis and Matthew. However, I think that for most of our families this is very much a red herring: if commitment to parental responsibility is sometimes shaky, it rarely has anything to do with a deeper commitment to perceived religious duty. Far more typical is parental dereliction rooted in commitment to the idolatries of our culture: wealth demonstrated in conspicuous consumption, and self-realization through the pursuit of one's personal pleasure. Engagement with these readings could afford an opportunity to talk about that: If we don't like the suggestion that God might come before family, why do we have so little difficulty putting the lesser values of money and pleasure before family?
If Genesis and Matthew challenge us on our relationships to our families, they also offer one other important word that must be spoken: though we may give up on, abandon, or otherwise fail our children, God does not. God rescued Ishmael in the wilderness; and Jesus promises to those who have lost the support of their families the unfailing protection of God. Though this could conceivably be taken as an excuse to pull an Abraham -- "I don't have to worry about my kids, God will look after them" (a sentiment to which Romans 6:1 serves as an important corrective!) -- it is nonetheless essential to ground our fumbling efforts in the deeper and stronger working of God, who will not allow our failures to stand in the way of holy purposes. Every father needs that hope in order to keep trying to be a parent at all.
George Murphy responds: When I was doing my internship as a seminarian, the lectionary we were using back then had Mark 3:20-35 as the Gospel Reading for the Sunday on which Father's Day fell -- a Sunday on which I was assigned to preach. That's the text in which Jesus' mother and brothers come to get him because they think he's crazy, and when Jesus is told that his family is there he replies that his real family is those gathered around him, people who do the will of God. The conjunction with Father's Day was a little awkward and I ended up preaching what might be described as an anti-Christian family sermon. It wasn't a terribly well constructed sermon but I still think the approach was basically correct.
Those verses from Mark aren't one of our texts this week, but as we reflect on the story of Abraham's dealings with Hagar and Ishmael and Jesus' words in the Gospel of Matthew, that passage in Mark should remind us that there are a number of texts that severely relativize the importance of earthly families. I'm not really against the idea of Christian families, but it is far from being the heart of the Christian message. It needs to be handled with some care.
In the first place, there's a good deal of danger in looking to the Bible for models of good families, and especially of good fathers. Some of the most prominent men in the Old Testament, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and David are fairly poor role models as fathers. That would be a pretty devastating commentary on scripture if its purpose were to teach us morality by providing us with good examples, but that isn't the purpose of the Bible. It is instead to witness to God's saving action among real people, which means among people who precisely are not always good role models. Rather strikingly, the one who is given as a role model in all regards is the one who seems to reject his family in that passage from Mark!
And think of that story of the twelve-year-old Jesus in the Temple. Take off the haloes and what do you have? It's a story about a nearly-teen who ditches his parents in the big city and, when they find him, tells them that he'd had more important things to do than go back home with them. He had to be "in my Father's house" -- his real Father's house. I'm sure that that made Joseph feel great!
That's the second point. In that story in Luke Jesus is putting God first as his Father, just as he says his disciples are to put him ahead of father or mother in today's gospel. This all doesn't mean that there is no such thing as a Christian family, but what makes a family Christian in the genuine sense is the priority that it gives to Christ. Of course that has implications for the way people in the family treat one another, but the way the family is structured and its lines of authority aren't the things that distinguish it from non-Christian families.
As we've noted, Abraham hardly shines as a father in our First Lesson. Of course things look a little different when we remember the tremendous power fathers had in many ancient cultures. The Roman paterfamilias could decide when a baby was born whether it should survive or not, and if it seemed sickly he could have it exposed. Closer to Abraham's culture, the killing of baby girls was common in ancient Arabia, an evil that Muhammad got rid of. But an attempt to excuse Abraham's behavior on such contextual grounds will backfire on those who want to stress traditional family values since it quickly leads to a justification of abortion and infanticide.
It's worth pointing out that Ishmael is by no means an infant. He's obviously older than Isaac. In fact, if we took the chronology of the Abraham story at face value we would conclude that Ishmael was fourteen when Isaac was born (compare Genesis 16:16 with 21:5). That would make him perhaps seventeen at the time of our text, so that the picture of his mother carrying him through the desert would be rather ludicrous. Of course that is probably the result of a combination of different traditions in the Abraham saga and shouldn't be used as a criticism of the biblical account, but is a reminder not to be too literal with the text.
Having noted Abraham's unfair treatment of Ishmael (and Hagar, too, but for Father's Day the father-child relationship may get the most attention), we should note that parents can't and shouldn't always treat all their children equally. Each should be loved and should be treated justly in accord with his or her actions and abilities, but if one child is very bright and another rather slow, the first will obviously be the one on whom money will be spent to get into a good college. That doesn't mean that nothing will be done for the other.
That is worth bearing in mind in connection with our Genesis text, especially because of the traditional connection of Ishmael with the Arabs. It is this connection that Muhammad (probably because of his contacts with Jews) made use of to claim Abrahamic status for the religion he founded. In our text God tells Abraham that he will make a nation of Ishmael. Ishmael participates with Isaac in the burial of their father (Genesis 25:9), and some concern is shown for recording his descendants (25:12-18). Ishmael's line is not neglected completely. Yet "it is through Isaac that offspring shall be named for you" (21:12). Isaac is the child through whom the promise of blessing for all nations will be accomplished, and in the New Testament the fulfillment of that promise comes about in the birth of Jesus (Galatians 3:15-18).
Carlos Wilton responds: There's one thing we can say in Ishmael's favor: he's a survivor (as is his mother, Hagar). His story is far from the ideal Father's Day story -- but then, is the story of any of our fathers ever ideal?
Our fathers are human. That means they're fallen, like any other human being. While many of us have much to celebrate about our fathers, we ought not to forget that there are those who have little to celebrate -- or, perhaps, who never even knew their fathers.
One such person is Antwone Fisher. His story is told in his best-selling autobiographical novel, Finding Fish (HarperCollins, 2001) and also in the 2003 film, Antwone Fisher. See these websites for more information on the real Antwone Fisher, who is a modern-day Ishmael:
http://www.spiritualityhealth.com/newsh/items/moviereview/item_5457.html
http://www.chasingthefrog.com/reelfaces/antwonefisher.php
All my TIW colleagues have pointed out how the character of Abraham is not meant to be a moral exemplar, with respect to his treatment of Ishmael. Abraham's culture (and particularly his "family values") was very different from ours, of course. And besides -- as is true of the subsequent story of the sacrifice of Isaac -- the most ancient Bible stories are often two-dimensional, conveying but a single point. They are simply not capable of being viewed from multiple angles.
The single point of the Ishmael story is that there's no stopping God's covenant. Long ago, God made a promise to Abraham, and -- even though this patriarch's first attempt at creating progeny doesn't go so well -- God remembers the covenant and redeems the situation in the end. These early chapters of Genesis are populated with various characters, but in a certain sense there is only one character: God. The others often function as two-dimensional, cardboard cut-outs.
A possible sermon title is "Good Genes." We all know what's meant by the phrase "good genes" -- a favorable genetic inheritance. This ancient story is about a sort of spiritual inheritance -- spiritual "genes" that are so good they influence even the fate of an outcast boy and his terrified mother who find themselves in the worst sort of situation the ancient Hebrew mind could imagine. If the covenant promise can apply to one such as Ishmael, then can it not apply to us as well?
Related Illustrations
From Carlos Wilton:
The much-circulated piece, "The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife," illustrates the disjunction between biblical "family values" and our own:
http://www.raptureready.com/humor/hb2.html
***
In the movie Secondhand Lions, Hub (played by Robert Duvall) gives Walter (Haley Joel Osment) a lecture on what it means to be a real man. Walter is beginning to question whether the stories Hub and Garth (Michael Caine) have told about their spectacular adventures in Africa are true. Hub says it doesn't really matter if the stories are true; then he says:
"Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love, true love never dies.
"You remember that, boy. You remember that. It doesn't matter if they're true or not, you see. A man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in."
***
Another film that could be cited, on the theme of fathers and sons, is Big Fish (2003). Here are some theological reflections on the flawed -- but powerful -- father-son relationship depicted in this film:
http://www.spiritualityhealth.com/newsh/items/moviereview/item_6827.html
***
Here's a paper, "Call Me Ishmael," by James B. Jordan, that makes connections between the biblical story of Ishmael and Melville's Moby-Dick, whose narrator is named for the biblical Ishmael:
http://www.biblicalhorizons.com/bh/bh117.htm
***
This TIW resource, from the archives, contains some material on the theme of fatherless children that could be useful.
***
Every man is trying to live up to his father's expectations and to make up for his mistakes.
-- Lyndon B. Johnson
***
Our most painful suffering often comes from those who love us and those we love. The relationships between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters, teachers and students, pastors and parishioners -- these are where our deepest wounds occur. Even late in life, yes, even after those who wounded us have long since died, we might still need help to sort out what happened in these relationships. The great temptation is to keep blaming those who were closest to us for our present, condition saying: "You made me who I am now, and I hate who I am." The great challenge is to acknowledge our hurts and claim our true selves as being more than the result of what other people do to us. Only when we can claim our God-made selves as the true source of our being will we be free to forgive those who have wounded us.
-- Henri J.M. Nouwen, Bread for the Journey (Harper Collins, New York, 1997)
***
There's a scene in the 1991 film The Doctor that speaks of a fractured father/son relationship. William Hurt plays a successful, workaholic heart surgeon, whose life is turned around after he himself is diagnosed with cancer. In this scene, he comes home unexpectedly, in the middle of the day, to be with his family. The doctor's wife calls to their young son, who is playing outside: "Come in and say hello to your father."
The boy races into the room -- failing to notice that his father is standing right there. He picks up the telephone and says, "Hi Dad ... hello, hello...." Then he lets the telephone handset drop and says, "Well, Mom, we must have got cut off...."
***
From a January 20, 1999, reflection by Diane Sollee:
Daddies do matter: Last night Sixty Minutes featured a show about elephants.
Several decades ago there was a problem with overpopulation on an African game preserve -- too many elephants. Limited by the technology available at the time, the solution arrived at was to move the babies to new preserves. Everyone watched, gravely concerned, but the babies thrived.
However, unintended consequences emerged. At the new locations, a decade or so after the transfer, someone was killing off rhinoceros, which are an endangered species. It turned out the killers were young male elephants. At first the game wardens couldn't believe it, this was uncharacteristic behavior never before seen in elephants.
They deduced that the young males had grown up without fathers -- without male role models. New technology had made it possible to transport into these locations some large mature bull elephants. There was concern that it would be too late, that the adolescent males had to have grown up with their elders, that bringing "daddies" in now would do no good. But they tried it anyway.
It worked like a charm. The mature bulls arrived and set things straight. The young males immediately stopped their precocious, rampant sexuality, killing and violence.
The conclusion drawn on Sixty Minutes was that we had no idea that the social system of the elephants was so complex, interconnected, and so elegant. And so it goes. Daddies do matter, even in elephants.
-- Diane Sollee, www.smartmarriages.com
***
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
-- Robert Fulghum
From Chris Ewing:
Percentage of fathers in a recent US poll who said they share equally in child-rearing duties: 60; percentage of spouses who agreed: 19.
Recent studies indicate that fathers who are actively involved in childcare help raise children who are more empathetic; societies where fathers are more involved have less male domination and antagonism between the sexes.
Decrease in time fathers spend with children for each addition $10,000 in salary they earn, according to a recent US study: five minutes per day.
Hours the average working dad devotes to child care each week: 8.3; average working mom: 18.9.
Number of single-parent families with kids under 11 headed by a male: one in 100; number of television shows since 1952 that feature single dads, according to tvdads.com: 132.
Percentage of tween boys who find it easy to talk with dad about problems: 71; tween girls: 58; percentage who find it easy to talk with their moms: 83 for boys and girls.
Percentage of kids who say dad is their preferred source of information on sex education: ten; percentage who cite mom as preferred source: 20.
In the hunter-gatherer, a.k.a. pygmy, tribes of Central African Republic, fathers held their infants almost constantly, resulting in extremely strong attachment.
-- Today's Parent website, June 2003
***
Jim Poling, in a Hamilton Spectator article picked up by the Canadian edition of the Reader's Digest, tells of taking his teenage daughter on a trout fishing trip (fishing being an intergenerational obsession of that family). "I hadn't thought about it much until a friend stared at me incredulously when I told him of my weekend plans. 'You're taking your daughter fishing? That's huge. Most daughters don't even talk to their dads unless they need money or a ride somewhere.'
"Truth is, I understand very little about my daughter's thoughts. She's 15 and it's natural, I suppose, for a teen girl to push back and away from her dad. We agree on most things except two basics: the things she wants to do and the things I think she should do. Still, we do meet on the neutral playing field known as fishing."
The rest of the article chronicles the bumpy relational course of the weekend, and a trophy catch toward the end that had nothing to do with fish.
-- Reader's Digest, Canadian Edition, June 2005, pp. 127-130
***
"How do you mourn someone who was never really there?" asks Adam Bellow in a poignant New York Times (June 10, 2005) Op-Ed reflection on the death of his father, novelist Saul Bellow. Titled "Missing: My Father," the piece can be found at:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/10/opinion/10bellow.html?th&emc=th
***
Richard Rohr tells of a nun friend working in a men's prison. One spring, an inmate asked her to buy him a Mother's Day card to send home. She agreed, and word traveled fast; soon hundreds of inmates were asking for cards. Resourcefully, the nun contacted a greeting card manufacturer, who obliged with crates of Mother's Day cards, all of which she passed out.
Soon afterward, she realized Father's Day was approaching and, thinking ahead, she again called the card manufacturer, who responded quickly with crates of Father's Day cards. Years later, the nun told Rohr, she still has every one of them. Not one prisoner requested a card for his father.
-- Gordon Dalbey, Father and Son (Thomas Nelson, 1992), p. 7
***
When a child is the first family member to attend church, 3% of families follow.
When a wife/mother is first, 17% of families follow.
When a husband/father is first to attend, 93% of families follow.
15% of children will follow the lead of a mother who becomes a committed Christian.
If a father becomes a committed Christian, 75% of children will follow.
-- Source unknown
Worship Resources
By George Reed
OPENING
N.b.: All copyright information is given from the first cited place where found. Some copyright information may differ in other sources due to adaptations, etc.
Music
Hymns
"Children Of The Heavenly Father." WORDS: Caroline V. Sandell-Berg, 1855; trans. Ernst W. Olson, 1925; MUSIC: Swedish melody. Trans. (c) 1925; renewed 1953 Augsburg Fortress. As found in UMH 141; Hymnal '82; LBOW 474; TNCH 487.
"This Is My Father's World." WORDS: Maltbie D. Babcock, 1901; MUSIC: trad. English melody adapt. Franklin L. Sheppard, 1915. Public domain. As found in UMH 144; Hymnal '82: 651; LBOW 554; TPH 293; AAHH 149; TNNBH 41; CH 59.
"God, Whose Love Is Reigning O'er Us." WORDS: William Boyd Grove, 1980; MUSIC John Goss, 1869. Words (c) 1908 William Boyd Grove. As found in UMH 100.
"The Care The Eagle Gives Her Young." WORDS: R. Deane Postlethwaite; MUSIC: Jess Seymour Irvine, 1872; harm. TCL Pritchard, 1929. (c) Harm. by permission of Oxford University Press. As found in UMH 118; TNCH 468; CH 76.
"There's A Wideness In God's Mercy." WORDS: Frederick W. Faber, 1854; MUSIC: Lizzie S. Tourjee, 1877; harm. Charles H. Webb, 1988. Harm. (c) 1989 The United Methodist Publishing House. As found in UMH 121; Hymnal '82: 469, 470; LBOW 290; TPH 298; TNCH 23; CH 73.
"The Lord's Prayer." WORDS: Matthew 6:9-13; adapt. J. Jefferson Cleveland and Verolga Nix, 1981; MUSIC: West Indian folk tune; arr. Carlton R. Young, 1988. Adapt (c) 1981 Abingdon Press; arr. (c) 1989 The United Methodist Publishing House. As found in UMH 271; TPH 589; AAHH 664; CH 308. Or us any other musical setting of the Lord's Prayer.
Songs
"Glorify Thy Name." WORDS & MUSIC: Donna Adkins; (c) 1976 Maranatha! Music. As found in CCB 8.
"The Steadfast Love Of The Lord." WORDS: Edith McNeill; MUSIC: Edith McNeill; arr. J. Michael Bryan. (c) 1974 Celebration. As found in CCB 28.
"Abba Father." WORDS & MUSIC: Steve Fry. (c) 1979 Birdwing Music/Cherry Lane Music Publishing Co., Inc. As found in Renew 264.
CALL TO WORSHIP
Leader: Incline your ear to us, O God.
People: Answer us for we are poor and needy.
Leader: Gladden our souls and lift our hearts
People: For we trust in your goodness and forgiveness.
Leader: As a gracious father or mother cares for their children
People: Care for us and make us caring of others.
COLLECT / OPENING PRAYER
O God, who is more than father and mother to us all: Grant us the faith to trust in your goodness and the will to live as your gracious, parenting presence in this world; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
or
We come to worship you, O God, for you are not only our Creator but you are also our loving parent. As we give thanks to you for our earthly fathers this day help us all to be more like the loving parent you are to all your children. Help us to trust your loving kindness and to share it with others. Amen.
PRAYERS OF CONFESSION / PARDON
Leader: Let us confess to God and before one another the condition of our lives.
People: We confess to you, O God, that we have not been your obedient children. We have pursued our lives in directions that have taken us away from you. You have taught us and nurtured us to be like you, and yet, we have failed to mature into your image. You have nurtured us with your loving kindness and have invited us to grow in love, faith, and grace. You have called us to take our place our your children and be your presence in this world. Instead of following your example we have been unkind to strangers, condemning of those who are different from us and more focused on our wants than on the needs of others. Forgive us and by the power of your ever-present Spirit renew your image in us and send us out once again to share your loving presence with others.
Leader: God is our loving Parent and welcomes back the penitent child. In the Name of Jesus the Christ you are forgiven. Grow into the image of your Heavenly Father.
GENERAL PRAYERS, LITANIES, ETC.
We worship and adore you O God our loving Parent. You are far beyond our understanding or ability to communicate with and yet you come to us and nurture us with your love and teaching. You show us the way to life and you walk with us.
(The following paragraph is most suitable if a prayer of confession will not be used elsewhere.)
We confess that we are not model children. We often have failed to reflect our heritage in you and have acted in ways that have saddened your great heart of love. We have taken your love as a sign of our special privilege and have tried to deny it to others. Forgive us and empower us with your Spirit that we might truly grow into children of the Most High God.
We give you thanks for your love and direction in our lives. We thank you for those who have reflected your love to us. We thank you for our parents and especially today for our fathers. We thank you for the ways in which they have showed us your love and we ask your blessing upon them.
(Other specific thanksgiving may be offered.)
We lift up to you those who have lost their fathers or have never known them. We pray for those whose fathers have been unable to share your love with them. May your healing love reach out to them all.
(Other petitions may be offered.)
All these things we ask in the Name of Jesus who taught us to pray saying, "Our Father ...."
Hymnal & Songbook Abbreviations
UMH: United Methodist Hymnal
Hymnal '82: The Hymnal 1982, The Episcopal Church
LBOW: Lutheran Book of Worship
TPH: The Presbyterian Hymnal
AAHH: African American Heritage Hymnal
TNNBH: The New National Baptist Hymnal
TNCH: The New Century Hymnal
CH: Chalice Hymnal
CCB: Cokesbury Chorus Book
PMMCH3: Praise. Maranatha! Music Chorus Book, Expanded 3rd Edition
Renew: Renew! Songs and Hymns for Blended Worship
Children's Sermon
God loves every hair!
Object: strands of hair
Based on Matthew 10:24-39
Good morning, boys and girls. How important are you to God? (let them answer) Remember how many people there are in the world and then ask yourself, "How important am I to God?" Does anyone know the answer? Are you more important than George Bush? (let them answer) Are you more important than me, your pastor? (let them answer) Do you think you are as important to God as Big Bird, Tiger Woods, Superman, or another famous person? (let them answer)
Are you more important than an eagle, a race horse, an elephant, or whale? (let them answer) Are you more important than a great tree or a beautiful flower? (let them answer) What about oceans, lakes, mountains, and rivers? Do you think you could be as important to God as the United States, China, or Brazil? (let them answer)
Jesus said that you are very important, so important that he knows the number of hairs that are on your head. I brought along a few strands of hair to see the number of hairs we must have on our head. (begin to count the hairs that you brought with you, until you finally give up) I can't count all of these hairs. It would take me all day and then I would have only counted a few of the hairs on my head.
Jesus wanted us to know how important we are to God. If he knows how many hairs each one of us has on our heads then he knows a lot about us. He knows how fast we can run, how high we can jump, and all of the thoughts we have in our head. No one knows us as well as God. He knows you better than your doctor, your teacher, and even your parents!
God knows us by name. He knows all about Brian, Kathy, Scott, Anne, and everyone else who is here this morning. God knows all about us, and still loves us! And because God knows us, he understands us, too. God understands toothaches and birthday parties. He hurts when we hurt and celebrates when we celebrate. Our God is a loving God.
So the next time you get a haircut, I want you to remember that God has all of your hairs numbered. He numbers them because he loves you and wants to know everything there is to know about you.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The Immediate Word, June 19, 2005, issue.
Copyright 2005 by CSS Publishing Company, Inc., Lima, Ohio.
All rights reserved. Subscribers to The Immediate Word service may print and use this material as it was intended in sermons and in worship and classroom settings only. No additional permission is required from the publisher for such use by subscribers only. Inquiries should be addressed to permissions@csspub.com or to Permissions, CSS Publishing Company, Inc., P.O. Box 4503, Lima, Ohio 45802-4503.
