Cliqueland
Drama
Thespian Theology
Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Cycle A
Object:
Thespian Theological Thoughts
If one or two of the caricature Christians in this play is uncomfortable for you, there are two options: (a) write it out of the play; (b) deal with it!
I pray that you will choose option (b), for we all need to deal with the sinful pride in ourselves which prevents our Lord's prayer in John 17 from becoming reality.
There are seven churches in this play; it just worked out that way. I don't know if that's significant, but I hope that the message is clear. If you have fun with it, maybe it will be clear.
Cast
Narrator
Do-Good Donald: Church of the Doers of the Law
Heritage Harriet: Church of the Children of Abraham
Bible-Thumpin' Betty: Church of the Only True Word of God
Tongue-Wagging Thomas: Church of the Spirit-Filled Prayer Warriors
Meditation Mildred: Church of the Silent Servants of the Spirit
Cyberspace Cybil: Church of the Eternal Internet
Flexible Fred: Church of Anything Goes, Baby!
Seeker Voice of God (offstage)
Props/Costumes
Betty -- Bible
Thomas -- prayer shawl
Cybil -- laptop
Recording of lion's roar
__________
(Narrator enters stage right, and moves toward podium at stage left during opening monologue)
Narrator: Once-upon-a-time, there was a town called Cliqueland. No, I didn't say "Cleveland," I said Cliqueland. As you may have guessed, the folks in this town were kind of a clubby bunch. They tended to gather and stay in little groups, and it seemed that each group took an extra serving of pride in itself. A funny thing about these groups: Each one of them called itself a church!
(Do-Good Donald enters stage right)
Narrator: Here comes one of them now: It's Do-Good Donald from the Church of the Doers of the Law.
Donald: "For not the hearers of the Law are just before God, but the doers of the Law will be justified" (Romans 2:13). Yes, my brothers and sisters: We must be doers of the Law. Get out there and just do it ... Swoosh! (Makes a "swoosh" with his hand)
(Heritage Harriet enters stage left)
Harriet: Heritage Harriet here to tell you that all that doing is so much hogwash, dahling! We at the Church of the Children of Abraham know that we are not justified by our doing: We are inheritors of the kingdom because we are all children of Abraham ... praise God! (Harriet and Donald pantomime an argument, upstage right)
(Bible-Thumpin' Betty enters stage right, carrying a huge Bible)
Narrator: Oh-oh ... here comes Bible-Thumpin' Betty! I bet she's got something to say.
Betty: (Thumps her Bible) I sure do! It's all written here, in the precious and inerrant word of God. If he wrote it, I believe it, and that settles it. And at the Church of the Only True Word of God, we know who God is, and what he has to say. (Thumps her Bible again) It's all right here! (Joins Donald and Harriet in the pantomime argument)
(Tongue-Wagging Thomas enters stage left; he is wearing a prayer shawl)
Thomas: O thou great Jehovah: I beseech thee to hear me, and of thy great mercy pardon and deliver my brothers and sisters here from all their sins and wickednesses.
Narrator: Here's another citizen who always has something to say: Tongue-Wagging Thomas!
Thomas: And my brothers and sisters at the Church of the Spirit-Filled Prayer Warriors are continually lifting all you misguided heretics up in prayer, petitioning Almighty God that he might ...
All Others: Oh, give it a rest, Tommy! (Thomas joins the pantomime argument)
(Meditation Mildred enters stage right)
Mildred: M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m ... (Sits down center stage, looks heavenward and continues humming)
Narrator: Meditation Mildred! What are you doing?
Mildred: I'm doing what we at the Church of the Silent Servants of the Spirit do best: I'm meditating in peaceful silence ... m-m-m-m-m-m-m ... (Gets up and moves upstage left, continuing to hum)
(Cyberspace Cybil enters stage left, carrying a laptop PC; she looks at Mildred as she passes and shakes her head)
Cybil: (Points to Mildred) What a maroon! "Meditating in peaceful silence," indeed! Ya gotta be where the action is, Millie!
Narrator: Cyberspace Cybil! What's happenin'?
Cybil: The future! That's what's happening. (Sits down center stage and opens her laptop) At the Church of the Eternal Internet, we always know what's happening, and we're in touch with the Spirit of God in cyberspace.
(Flexible Fred enters stage right)
Fred: Cyberspace, shmyberspace! Ya gotta free your mind, baby!
Narrator: Now here's a real trip: Flexible Fred, from the Church of Anything Goes, Baby!
Fred: That's right: Anything Goes! Jesus has set us free -- and we need to expand our minds and take in everything that freedom means. Don't be weighed down by the conventions of the past or the future. Be free! (Starts a pantomime argument with Mildred and Cybil upstage left)
Narrator: So that's the wonderful world of Cliqueland!
(Seeker enters down center aisle)
Narrator: And who are you?
Seeker: I'm a seeker.
Narrator: And what, pray tell, are you seeking?
Seeker: I'm seeking Jesus. I've heard that he has the truth.
(One by one, the cast members move to center stage and chant their mantra three times; as each one finishes, he or she moves aside and continues to mouth the mantra silently)
Donald: I am a Doer of the Law ...
Harriet: We are the Children of Abraham ...
Betty: (Thumping her Bible) God wrote it, I believe it, that settles it ...
Thomas: I pray to you, O Lord my God ...
Mildred: M-m-m-m-meditation, silent meditation ...
Cybil: Cyberspace is the space for me ...
Fred: Anything goes -- I expand my mind ...
(After Fred says his mantra, all seven surround Seeker, chanting their mantras louder and louder: Seeker looks around, confused; he covers his ears; finally, he shouts)
Seeker: Quiet!
(When quiet is restored, offstage Voice of God speaks)
Voice of God: "Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree, and that there be no divisions among you."
All Seven: Huh?
Seeker: What's going on here? Who's got Jesus here?
All Seven: I do!
Seeker: What? Has Jesus been divided into seven parts?
All Seven: Huh?
Seeker: You can't all be right!
All Seven: (Each points to self) Yeah ... I'm right!
Seeker: (Starts to exit down center aisle) Well, I see that I won't find Jesus here! (Exits)
All Seven: (Pointing at each other) Well, now you did it: You drove away another seeker!
(Offstage, a recording of a lion's roar is played; All Seven react in fear)
All Seven: What's that?
Voice of God: The Lord God has spoken: Agree! No divisions among you! If you continue to promote your own personal views of me -- each of you is wrong, by the way -- you will continue to drive away all who seek me.
All Seven: But, but, but ...
Voice of God: No buts! Stop promoting yourselves and follow me. And realize that none of you has figured me out completely: You are all seekers ... got it?
All Seven: Got it, Lord.
Voice of God: Good! Now go, and sin no more.
All Seven: (Put their arms around each other) We're trying, Lord.
Voice of God: You certainly are: very trying! But I love you anyway.
(All Seven sing "They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love")
If one or two of the caricature Christians in this play is uncomfortable for you, there are two options: (a) write it out of the play; (b) deal with it!
I pray that you will choose option (b), for we all need to deal with the sinful pride in ourselves which prevents our Lord's prayer in John 17 from becoming reality.
There are seven churches in this play; it just worked out that way. I don't know if that's significant, but I hope that the message is clear. If you have fun with it, maybe it will be clear.
Cast
Narrator
Do-Good Donald: Church of the Doers of the Law
Heritage Harriet: Church of the Children of Abraham
Bible-Thumpin' Betty: Church of the Only True Word of God
Tongue-Wagging Thomas: Church of the Spirit-Filled Prayer Warriors
Meditation Mildred: Church of the Silent Servants of the Spirit
Cyberspace Cybil: Church of the Eternal Internet
Flexible Fred: Church of Anything Goes, Baby!
Seeker Voice of God (offstage)
Props/Costumes
Betty -- Bible
Thomas -- prayer shawl
Cybil -- laptop
Recording of lion's roar
__________
(Narrator enters stage right, and moves toward podium at stage left during opening monologue)
Narrator: Once-upon-a-time, there was a town called Cliqueland. No, I didn't say "Cleveland," I said Cliqueland. As you may have guessed, the folks in this town were kind of a clubby bunch. They tended to gather and stay in little groups, and it seemed that each group took an extra serving of pride in itself. A funny thing about these groups: Each one of them called itself a church!
(Do-Good Donald enters stage right)
Narrator: Here comes one of them now: It's Do-Good Donald from the Church of the Doers of the Law.
Donald: "For not the hearers of the Law are just before God, but the doers of the Law will be justified" (Romans 2:13). Yes, my brothers and sisters: We must be doers of the Law. Get out there and just do it ... Swoosh! (Makes a "swoosh" with his hand)
(Heritage Harriet enters stage left)
Harriet: Heritage Harriet here to tell you that all that doing is so much hogwash, dahling! We at the Church of the Children of Abraham know that we are not justified by our doing: We are inheritors of the kingdom because we are all children of Abraham ... praise God! (Harriet and Donald pantomime an argument, upstage right)
(Bible-Thumpin' Betty enters stage right, carrying a huge Bible)
Narrator: Oh-oh ... here comes Bible-Thumpin' Betty! I bet she's got something to say.
Betty: (Thumps her Bible) I sure do! It's all written here, in the precious and inerrant word of God. If he wrote it, I believe it, and that settles it. And at the Church of the Only True Word of God, we know who God is, and what he has to say. (Thumps her Bible again) It's all right here! (Joins Donald and Harriet in the pantomime argument)
(Tongue-Wagging Thomas enters stage left; he is wearing a prayer shawl)
Thomas: O thou great Jehovah: I beseech thee to hear me, and of thy great mercy pardon and deliver my brothers and sisters here from all their sins and wickednesses.
Narrator: Here's another citizen who always has something to say: Tongue-Wagging Thomas!
Thomas: And my brothers and sisters at the Church of the Spirit-Filled Prayer Warriors are continually lifting all you misguided heretics up in prayer, petitioning Almighty God that he might ...
All Others: Oh, give it a rest, Tommy! (Thomas joins the pantomime argument)
(Meditation Mildred enters stage right)
Mildred: M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m ... (Sits down center stage, looks heavenward and continues humming)
Narrator: Meditation Mildred! What are you doing?
Mildred: I'm doing what we at the Church of the Silent Servants of the Spirit do best: I'm meditating in peaceful silence ... m-m-m-m-m-m-m ... (Gets up and moves upstage left, continuing to hum)
(Cyberspace Cybil enters stage left, carrying a laptop PC; she looks at Mildred as she passes and shakes her head)
Cybil: (Points to Mildred) What a maroon! "Meditating in peaceful silence," indeed! Ya gotta be where the action is, Millie!
Narrator: Cyberspace Cybil! What's happenin'?
Cybil: The future! That's what's happening. (Sits down center stage and opens her laptop) At the Church of the Eternal Internet, we always know what's happening, and we're in touch with the Spirit of God in cyberspace.
(Flexible Fred enters stage right)
Fred: Cyberspace, shmyberspace! Ya gotta free your mind, baby!
Narrator: Now here's a real trip: Flexible Fred, from the Church of Anything Goes, Baby!
Fred: That's right: Anything Goes! Jesus has set us free -- and we need to expand our minds and take in everything that freedom means. Don't be weighed down by the conventions of the past or the future. Be free! (Starts a pantomime argument with Mildred and Cybil upstage left)
Narrator: So that's the wonderful world of Cliqueland!
(Seeker enters down center aisle)
Narrator: And who are you?
Seeker: I'm a seeker.
Narrator: And what, pray tell, are you seeking?
Seeker: I'm seeking Jesus. I've heard that he has the truth.
(One by one, the cast members move to center stage and chant their mantra three times; as each one finishes, he or she moves aside and continues to mouth the mantra silently)
Donald: I am a Doer of the Law ...
Harriet: We are the Children of Abraham ...
Betty: (Thumping her Bible) God wrote it, I believe it, that settles it ...
Thomas: I pray to you, O Lord my God ...
Mildred: M-m-m-m-meditation, silent meditation ...
Cybil: Cyberspace is the space for me ...
Fred: Anything goes -- I expand my mind ...
(After Fred says his mantra, all seven surround Seeker, chanting their mantras louder and louder: Seeker looks around, confused; he covers his ears; finally, he shouts)
Seeker: Quiet!
(When quiet is restored, offstage Voice of God speaks)
Voice of God: "Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree, and that there be no divisions among you."
All Seven: Huh?
Seeker: What's going on here? Who's got Jesus here?
All Seven: I do!
Seeker: What? Has Jesus been divided into seven parts?
All Seven: Huh?
Seeker: You can't all be right!
All Seven: (Each points to self) Yeah ... I'm right!
Seeker: (Starts to exit down center aisle) Well, I see that I won't find Jesus here! (Exits)
All Seven: (Pointing at each other) Well, now you did it: You drove away another seeker!
(Offstage, a recording of a lion's roar is played; All Seven react in fear)
All Seven: What's that?
Voice of God: The Lord God has spoken: Agree! No divisions among you! If you continue to promote your own personal views of me -- each of you is wrong, by the way -- you will continue to drive away all who seek me.
All Seven: But, but, but ...
Voice of God: No buts! Stop promoting yourselves and follow me. And realize that none of you has figured me out completely: You are all seekers ... got it?
All Seven: Got it, Lord.
Voice of God: Good! Now go, and sin no more.
All Seven: (Put their arms around each other) We're trying, Lord.
Voice of God: You certainly are: very trying! But I love you anyway.
(All Seven sing "They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love")

