The Need for a Sense of Community and Deeper Relationships
Sermon
Six Spiritual Needs in America Today
Sermons with Chancel Dramas
Object:
Worship Aid
A Chancel Drama suggestion for the sermon, "No Longer Home Alone," is titled "I Just Need To Talk To A Real Person." It is an original drama by Arley K. Fadness.
Synopsis: Hattie, an elderly woman who is homebound, attempts to make contact with the outside world through her latest technological wonder -- a cell phone. She encounters the same difficulties with voice mail that most everyone has experienced. Hattie longs for human contact.
This chancel drama is a setup for preaching to the theme of "The Need For A Sense Of Community And Deeper Relationships."
* * *
I Just Need To Talk To A Real Person
Text: John 15:13-17
Theme: The Need For A Sense Of Community And Deeper Relationships
Characters:
Hattie, elderly lady
Heidi, Hattie's young niece
Voice over a microphone backstage
Tone: Humorous, empathetic
Setting/Props: Living room in Hattie's apartment, exaggerated large cell phone
Approximate time: 5-6 minutes
(Music, such as the piano playing of Lorrie Line, in an upbeat major key)
__________
Hattie: (Sitting in rocker and knitting) I think I'll get myself something sweet. (Gets up and goes to her cupboard) Now let's see... Where are my prunes? I love nibbling on prunes. (Looks at audience) And they are good for you, too. (Chuckles) But now, where are they? Oh my, I'm all out! Hmm, looks like I'm about out of food, period. Guess I need to call the grocery store. Let's see: some cereal, bananas, skim milk, bread, eggs, and, of course, some sweets like my "it'll keep you regular" prunes. (Smiles at audience again)
Let's see; I need a refill on my pills, too. Only got two left. That'll just last me today and tomorrow.
This is a nice place my children had me move into. I'd rather be in my own house and neighborhood but "Mom," they said, "you've got to have it more convenient. You're not a spring chicken anymore." What am I, an old hen? (Makes chicken sound) So I moved into this apartment.
Let's see, where is that newfangled phone they got me? (Picks up an exaggerated size cell phone)
Kids said this cell phone would get me anything -- anytime -- anywhere I would ever need something.
I'd rather just go downtown like I used to. Sure miss my car. It was so nice to get out and visit with people. I get so tired of those talk shows, and the news is all bad... Well, here goes -- got to get groceries, medicine, a few supplies, and... (dials)
Recorded Male Voice Over Microphone: Hello, shoppers. This is the Super Duper Store. Our hours are from 6 to 6. That's 24 hours for your shopping convenience. Super Duper Store offers free carts, abundant credit and today -- canteloupes are on sale. Welcome, shoppers.
(Hattie can spice up the following recorded message by her facial expressions as she is bewildered, amazed, surprised, disgusted, and a bit confused.)
Voice: If you know the extension number you are trying to reach or if you know the last five digits of the store employee who will help you, enter that now.
If you would like to talk to the Meat Department and you have a push button phone, push 1 now. If you would like the Cereal Aisle, push 2 now. If you would like the Dairy/Freezer section, push 3 now. If you would like the Fruit Department, push 4 now. If you would like the Vegetable Table, push 5 now. If you would like the Cat and Dog Food Shelf, push the pound button and also push 6 now.
If you are a satisfied customer and desire the Pharmacy, push 7 now. If you want Hardware, push 8. When you get Hardware and you want either hammers or screwdrivers, push pound 8 now or the star key. If you want nails, screws... (Fade away momentarily in order to hear Hattie's comment)
Hattie: (Looks quizzically at receiver) You've got to be kidding. Oh, my goodness!
Voice: If you do not have a push button phone, dial 0 now and an operator will help you. Thank you so much for your order. Your call is important to us.
Hattie: Well, maybe I can get some help now. (Hattie exaggerates her frustration as she pushes button on phone)
Voice: This is a recorded message from your Operator. All of our lines are busy right now so if you would like to leave a message, wait until after the beep. Remember, at the Super Duper Store your message is very important to us.
Hattie: Oh, mercy me! How am I going to get what I need? (Puts cell phone down) Kids left this pager for me to use. I can't remember how it works though. I need to talk to somebody. (Moans softly)
Who can help me anyway? Social workers are busy. Home Health says I'm too healthy to qualify. Meals On Wheels delivers only meals. I know -- I'll call 911 and groan and say, "I've fallen and I can't get up." Naw. I'd better not.
(Brightens up) I know. I'll try my church. Why didn't I think of that before? (Dials church)
Female Voice: Hello. God bless you. This is St. Martin's Community Church. If you have a push button phone and you desire Holy Communion, push 1 now. If this is an emergency, dial 911. If you would like a Baptism, Marriage, or a Funeral, push 2 now. If you would like to speak to our Senior Pastor, push 3 now, or our Associate Pastor, push 4 now. If you would like our Youth and Education Director, push 5 now. If you would like the Devotion for the Day, push 6 now, and if you would like our Secretary, Malinda, please stay on the line and she or a recorded voice will answer your questions. Your call is very important to us. God bless you and thank you for calling St. Martin's Community Church.
Hattie: I can't believe it! My church has gone high tech, too. Oh, what's this world coming to? If I don't get my pills I won't be around long enough to find out.
Oh, I'm kinda tired. (Lays down; lights dim; she prays) O Lord, you came down as a person, didn't you? Where are all your people when I need 'em?
(Knock-knock or door bell; Hattie wakes up)
Hattie: Oh, oh, c-c-come right in. Oh, it's you, Heidi.
Heidi: Hi, Aunt Hattie. What's a favorite niece for but to visit her favorite aunt once in a while?
Hattie: Oh, Heidi, I'm so glad to see you. I haven't talked to anybody for three days.
Heidi: (Looks at cell phone) But what's that? I thought Mom got you that.
Hattie: Oh, yes, she did, bless her, but you know it just doesn't do what I need.
Heidi: What do you mean?
Hattie: I called the grocery store, the other day I called the post office, last Monday the doctor's office and would you believe just a little while ago I tried to call my church, and in every situation I got the same response. A mechanical voice answered me.
Heidi: Oh, I know how it is nowadays.
Hattie: Do you, Heidi? Do you?
Heidi: You are lonely, aren't you?
Hattie: (Ignores Heidi's question; laughs) If the disciples were living today, you know what would happen.
Heidi: (Curious) No, tell me, Aunt Hattie.
Hattie: If the disciples of Jesus had voice mail it would go like this: (Hattie makes her voice sound like the recorded voices she heard earlier) You have reached the office of Jesus of Nazareth. To confess your sins, press 1 now; to request a miracle, press 2 now; to hear a parable, press 3 now; to file a complaint, press 4 now; to schedule a baptism, press 5 now; to learn about the next sermon on the mount, press 6 now; to leave a message with one of the other disciples, press 7 now; and if you are using a rotary phone, give up. To repeat this frustrating process, push the pound button and scream now!
Heidi: (Laughs heartily; Hattie joins her. They hug) Oh, I love you, Aunt Hattie. Remember, you have me.
Hattie: And I love you, Sweetie.
Heidi: What you need, Auntie, is a cup of tea, and me and some good conversation. Tell you what -- I'll do your errands for you --
Hattie: Oh! Wonderful!
Heidi: But I can't do 'em today -- maybe next week -- Bye, Auntie. (Leaves)
(Hattie looks forlorn and dejected.)
Hattie: (Looks at cell phone) Is this all I've got?
(Music in minor key)
The End
___________
No Longer Home Alone
John 15:13-17
"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another."
Friends in Christ,
Recently, we heard the news of a Chicago couple who left their two little girls home alone for nine days -- unsupervised and uncared for. And the Chicago couple seemed surprised to be arrested upon their return from a vacation in Mexico. This story was a disturbing version of the hit movie Home Alone. We laughed at the box office hit, but the movie failed to portray the frightening side of it. It's not very fun to be left home alone, or isolated, ignored, or forgotten.1
Now we come to the second sermon in this series of six on the spiritual needs of Americans. Our focus is on George Gallup's discovery of this second need -- the need for a sense of community and deeper relationships.
Dick Meyer tells about a woman who shared her story as a childhood polio victim. She said, "When my mother left me in Sunday School, I always asked her if I could wear her locket. She thought I liked it, but that wasn't it at all. I knew I wasn't worth coming back for, but I knew she would come back for her locket."2
Then there is the story of a woman who faked having cancer for two years. This woman cut off all her hair. She lost thirty pounds to make people believe she had cancer. She joined multiple cancer support groups. But she was found out when a health professional checked her story. She was so depressed when her boyfriend broke up with her, and she felt so alone, she decided to get sympathy and attention by pretending she had cancer.3
Mother Teresa once said, "The biggest disease today is not leprosy or cancer. It is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted -- of being deserted and alone!"4 I believe she was right. The surveys show it and deep within our hearts we know it. Three persons in ten say they have been lonely for a long period of time.
A haunting song you still hear is "Eleanor Rigby." "Look at all the lonely people -- where do they all come from?" Eleanor Rigby became the symbol of loneliness in the '60s and '70s, and we still hear it in the '80s and '90s and resonate to it. The Beatles were not singing the blues for themselves. They vocalized loneliness -- the twentieth century's saddest disease -- a condition brought on by the changes and strangeness of modern life.
There are concrete reasons for this epidemic of loneliness.
1. In 1940, most family members lived within 100 miles of each other and got together regularly for family times. They enjoyed uncles, aunts, grandparents and grandchildren sharing life together. Today, the average family consists of 1.5 parents and 1.7 children, with no blood relatives within 100 miles.
2. In 1940, the average person lived in the same neighborhood for a lifetime and got to know and care about the other people in the neighborhood like a family. Today, the average person moves every five years and the neighbors are often total strangers.
3. In 1940, the average person stayed with the same job for 25 years. Today, the average person changes jobs every seven years or is moved to another city to keep his present job.
4. In 1940, the neighborhood church was the center of the life of the average member -- from the cradle to the grave.5 Today, it is common to church shop every few years.
We've discovered as a people that to prevent the pain of saying good-bye, we no longer say hello.
So what George Gallup has discovered as a key spiritual need is this NEED For A Sense Of Community And Deeper Relationships.
The Bible teaches us three principles about loneliness and community and deeper relationships.
1. We were created to belong. When God created Adam, God said, "It is not good to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). One of the Scripture's first lessons is that by ourselves we are incomplete. We need others to fill the emptiness within us. We are created to be social, not independently self-sufficient. Robert Bellah's diagnosis of an out-of-balance individualism is highly accurate.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their work. For if they fail, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help."
C.S. Lewis said, "We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them to know anything, even ourselves" (The Four Loves, p. 12).
We were created to belong. It is not good to be alone. Jesus modeled such belonging behavior for us. He called the twelve to be with him. The New Testament Greek word is koinonia. It is more than fellowship -- it is "life-sharing." That's why joining a church is one thing, but belonging to a church is another. When we belong we share life, we connect, we are a team, an empowered body.
Michael Jordan is considered the greatest basketball player that ever lived. Yet Michael Jordan never won a championship until the Chicago Bulls had the right players to support him.
God created us to belong to each other. Together we share our lives, resulting in deeper relationships.
2. Jesus redeemed us for friendship. I like the way Jesus defines "friendship" in our Gospel reading from John 15. He defines friendship as an event. "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends" (v. 13). There is also the quality of taking one into one's confidence: "I have called you friend because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father" (v. 15).
A friend will come through in a pinch: when you need help; when in crisis; when in trouble; when your car won't start; when your loved one dies; when you lose your job. Your friend comes through.
I was driving a borrowed pickup recently and six or seven miles south of Belle Plaine on Highway 169 I ran out of gas. It's a lonely feeling. But a young teenager who happened to be at home gave me some gas. I worried as I approached the farmhouse on foot that she would be afraid of me, so I quickly reassured her that I was a Lutheran pastor and she need not be afraid. She quickly slammed the door -- (no, just kidding) -- she cautiously welcomed me and became my benefactor and friend.
We know a friend by what he or she does for us. That makes friendship an event and not a feeling.
A friend is also determined by the degree to which one can take people into one's confidence. Is he or she trustworthy? Jesus said, "I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father."
Do you have one good friend? If you do, you are a most lucky person.
Three times, I remember, I was painfully lonely. The first time was when I was a child. I was literally home alone. I was not abandoned, but my parents just took a little longer to get home from town one night. Fourteen miles out in the country alone with a child's imagination running wild can be quite an experience. The second time was my second year at college. I was in a new state and a new college, with no friends, and loneliness gripped me and tried to smother me until my brother came along and got me reconnected. The third time, which still happens from time to time, is as a parish pastor. This business (ministry) can be awfully lonely, especially if you take public stands on unpopular issues.
Can you recall a time when you felt utterly and completely alone? Was it a move, a new job, a new school, or just life in general in these strange, detached times? And how did you feel when someone came to your side and walked with you?
Michael Guido writes in his column, "Seeds From The Sower":
My lawnmower had broken down and I had been working on it for hours, but all in vain. Just then a neighbor came along with a tool box.
"May I help you?" he asked.
"You may," I answered. And he fixed the mower in just a few minutes.
"Thousands of thanks!" I exclaimed.
"Oh," he answered, "you're welcome."
Just as he was about to walk away, I asked, "What do you make with that beautiful set of tools?"
"Mostly friends," he replied.6
The Living Bible says, "A true friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need."
Jesus said in John 15, "I no longer call you servants, I call you friend." Jesus redeemed us for friendship with him and for one another.
3. Where in the world can we find this sense of community and deeper relationships? Will the schools of higher education in our land provide it? Will the government or civic groups or sports teams or fraternities or sororities or guilds or book clubs or compact disk clubs? What or who has the capacity and power to bring Hattie some comfort?
We find a clue in Paul's letter to the Philippians. "I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now" (Philippians 1:3-5).
If you and I cannot find health and healing -- find acceptance and a sense of belonging, and affirmation -- in the church of Jesus Christ, we will not find it anywhere. This is the greatest evangelistic time in history for the church of Christ. It is the greatest opportunity to bring people together as family -- the family of God where love reigns, where sins are forgiven, and where we know we belong.
A letter came to the editor of a large city paper. It read, "I'm so lonely I could die, my phone never rings... I'm the only one on earth. How else can I feel? All alone. See no one. Oh, dear God, help me... will somebody call me?"
The letter containing $1 and six stamps for anybody who would call or write was signed, Jean Rosenstein. The Los Angeles Times printed the letter Thanksgiving morning, adding that Mrs. Rosenstein was an 84-year-old widow and retired nurse, living home alone in a tiny apartment on $200 per month.
The result was no less than a miracle. Jean Rosenstein received so many calls Thanksgiving Day she finally had to take the phone off the hook. "I hope people will forgive me," she told reporters on Friday, slightly hoarse. "I just couldn't talk anymore. The phone rang all night. I only got two hours of sleep."
The next morning, the letter carrier brought an armload of letters. Dozens of people stopped by her apartment. Many brought or sent flowers. Every table was covered with potted plants and the bathtub was full of flowers.
"I've got the most beautiful bathtub in the world," said Mrs. Rosenstein. To top it off she had to turn down many invitations and she had four turkeys in her refrigerator.7
You and I were created for others. We, by the grace of God, were created to belong. We were redeemed for friendship. We need to look no further for community. It's right here -- in front of you and around you -- before your very eyes. Amen.
____________
1. Faith at Work, Volume 106, No. 1, Jan/Feb 1993, p. 2.
2. Faith at Work, Volume 106, No. 2, Spring 1993, p. 3.
3. Ibid., FAW, p. 3
4. Ibid., FAW, p. 3.
5. Lyman Coleman, Training Manual for Small Group Leaders, p. 5.
6. Michael Guido, Guido Evangelistic Association, used by permission.
7. Associated Press, 1970.
A Chancel Drama suggestion for the sermon, "No Longer Home Alone," is titled "I Just Need To Talk To A Real Person." It is an original drama by Arley K. Fadness.
Synopsis: Hattie, an elderly woman who is homebound, attempts to make contact with the outside world through her latest technological wonder -- a cell phone. She encounters the same difficulties with voice mail that most everyone has experienced. Hattie longs for human contact.
This chancel drama is a setup for preaching to the theme of "The Need For A Sense Of Community And Deeper Relationships."
* * *
I Just Need To Talk To A Real Person
Text: John 15:13-17
Theme: The Need For A Sense Of Community And Deeper Relationships
Characters:
Hattie, elderly lady
Heidi, Hattie's young niece
Voice over a microphone backstage
Tone: Humorous, empathetic
Setting/Props: Living room in Hattie's apartment, exaggerated large cell phone
Approximate time: 5-6 minutes
(Music, such as the piano playing of Lorrie Line, in an upbeat major key)
__________
Hattie: (Sitting in rocker and knitting) I think I'll get myself something sweet. (Gets up and goes to her cupboard) Now let's see... Where are my prunes? I love nibbling on prunes. (Looks at audience) And they are good for you, too. (Chuckles) But now, where are they? Oh my, I'm all out! Hmm, looks like I'm about out of food, period. Guess I need to call the grocery store. Let's see: some cereal, bananas, skim milk, bread, eggs, and, of course, some sweets like my "it'll keep you regular" prunes. (Smiles at audience again)
Let's see; I need a refill on my pills, too. Only got two left. That'll just last me today and tomorrow.
This is a nice place my children had me move into. I'd rather be in my own house and neighborhood but "Mom," they said, "you've got to have it more convenient. You're not a spring chicken anymore." What am I, an old hen? (Makes chicken sound) So I moved into this apartment.
Let's see, where is that newfangled phone they got me? (Picks up an exaggerated size cell phone)
Kids said this cell phone would get me anything -- anytime -- anywhere I would ever need something.
I'd rather just go downtown like I used to. Sure miss my car. It was so nice to get out and visit with people. I get so tired of those talk shows, and the news is all bad... Well, here goes -- got to get groceries, medicine, a few supplies, and... (dials)
Recorded Male Voice Over Microphone: Hello, shoppers. This is the Super Duper Store. Our hours are from 6 to 6. That's 24 hours for your shopping convenience. Super Duper Store offers free carts, abundant credit and today -- canteloupes are on sale. Welcome, shoppers.
(Hattie can spice up the following recorded message by her facial expressions as she is bewildered, amazed, surprised, disgusted, and a bit confused.)
Voice: If you know the extension number you are trying to reach or if you know the last five digits of the store employee who will help you, enter that now.
If you would like to talk to the Meat Department and you have a push button phone, push 1 now. If you would like the Cereal Aisle, push 2 now. If you would like the Dairy/Freezer section, push 3 now. If you would like the Fruit Department, push 4 now. If you would like the Vegetable Table, push 5 now. If you would like the Cat and Dog Food Shelf, push the pound button and also push 6 now.
If you are a satisfied customer and desire the Pharmacy, push 7 now. If you want Hardware, push 8. When you get Hardware and you want either hammers or screwdrivers, push pound 8 now or the star key. If you want nails, screws... (Fade away momentarily in order to hear Hattie's comment)
Hattie: (Looks quizzically at receiver) You've got to be kidding. Oh, my goodness!
Voice: If you do not have a push button phone, dial 0 now and an operator will help you. Thank you so much for your order. Your call is important to us.
Hattie: Well, maybe I can get some help now. (Hattie exaggerates her frustration as she pushes button on phone)
Voice: This is a recorded message from your Operator. All of our lines are busy right now so if you would like to leave a message, wait until after the beep. Remember, at the Super Duper Store your message is very important to us.
Hattie: Oh, mercy me! How am I going to get what I need? (Puts cell phone down) Kids left this pager for me to use. I can't remember how it works though. I need to talk to somebody. (Moans softly)
Who can help me anyway? Social workers are busy. Home Health says I'm too healthy to qualify. Meals On Wheels delivers only meals. I know -- I'll call 911 and groan and say, "I've fallen and I can't get up." Naw. I'd better not.
(Brightens up) I know. I'll try my church. Why didn't I think of that before? (Dials church)
Female Voice: Hello. God bless you. This is St. Martin's Community Church. If you have a push button phone and you desire Holy Communion, push 1 now. If this is an emergency, dial 911. If you would like a Baptism, Marriage, or a Funeral, push 2 now. If you would like to speak to our Senior Pastor, push 3 now, or our Associate Pastor, push 4 now. If you would like our Youth and Education Director, push 5 now. If you would like the Devotion for the Day, push 6 now, and if you would like our Secretary, Malinda, please stay on the line and she or a recorded voice will answer your questions. Your call is very important to us. God bless you and thank you for calling St. Martin's Community Church.
Hattie: I can't believe it! My church has gone high tech, too. Oh, what's this world coming to? If I don't get my pills I won't be around long enough to find out.
Oh, I'm kinda tired. (Lays down; lights dim; she prays) O Lord, you came down as a person, didn't you? Where are all your people when I need 'em?
(Knock-knock or door bell; Hattie wakes up)
Hattie: Oh, oh, c-c-come right in. Oh, it's you, Heidi.
Heidi: Hi, Aunt Hattie. What's a favorite niece for but to visit her favorite aunt once in a while?
Hattie: Oh, Heidi, I'm so glad to see you. I haven't talked to anybody for three days.
Heidi: (Looks at cell phone) But what's that? I thought Mom got you that.
Hattie: Oh, yes, she did, bless her, but you know it just doesn't do what I need.
Heidi: What do you mean?
Hattie: I called the grocery store, the other day I called the post office, last Monday the doctor's office and would you believe just a little while ago I tried to call my church, and in every situation I got the same response. A mechanical voice answered me.
Heidi: Oh, I know how it is nowadays.
Hattie: Do you, Heidi? Do you?
Heidi: You are lonely, aren't you?
Hattie: (Ignores Heidi's question; laughs) If the disciples were living today, you know what would happen.
Heidi: (Curious) No, tell me, Aunt Hattie.
Hattie: If the disciples of Jesus had voice mail it would go like this: (Hattie makes her voice sound like the recorded voices she heard earlier) You have reached the office of Jesus of Nazareth. To confess your sins, press 1 now; to request a miracle, press 2 now; to hear a parable, press 3 now; to file a complaint, press 4 now; to schedule a baptism, press 5 now; to learn about the next sermon on the mount, press 6 now; to leave a message with one of the other disciples, press 7 now; and if you are using a rotary phone, give up. To repeat this frustrating process, push the pound button and scream now!
Heidi: (Laughs heartily; Hattie joins her. They hug) Oh, I love you, Aunt Hattie. Remember, you have me.
Hattie: And I love you, Sweetie.
Heidi: What you need, Auntie, is a cup of tea, and me and some good conversation. Tell you what -- I'll do your errands for you --
Hattie: Oh! Wonderful!
Heidi: But I can't do 'em today -- maybe next week -- Bye, Auntie. (Leaves)
(Hattie looks forlorn and dejected.)
Hattie: (Looks at cell phone) Is this all I've got?
(Music in minor key)
The End
___________
No Longer Home Alone
John 15:13-17
"No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another."
Friends in Christ,
Recently, we heard the news of a Chicago couple who left their two little girls home alone for nine days -- unsupervised and uncared for. And the Chicago couple seemed surprised to be arrested upon their return from a vacation in Mexico. This story was a disturbing version of the hit movie Home Alone. We laughed at the box office hit, but the movie failed to portray the frightening side of it. It's not very fun to be left home alone, or isolated, ignored, or forgotten.1
Now we come to the second sermon in this series of six on the spiritual needs of Americans. Our focus is on George Gallup's discovery of this second need -- the need for a sense of community and deeper relationships.
Dick Meyer tells about a woman who shared her story as a childhood polio victim. She said, "When my mother left me in Sunday School, I always asked her if I could wear her locket. She thought I liked it, but that wasn't it at all. I knew I wasn't worth coming back for, but I knew she would come back for her locket."2
Then there is the story of a woman who faked having cancer for two years. This woman cut off all her hair. She lost thirty pounds to make people believe she had cancer. She joined multiple cancer support groups. But she was found out when a health professional checked her story. She was so depressed when her boyfriend broke up with her, and she felt so alone, she decided to get sympathy and attention by pretending she had cancer.3
Mother Teresa once said, "The biggest disease today is not leprosy or cancer. It is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted -- of being deserted and alone!"4 I believe she was right. The surveys show it and deep within our hearts we know it. Three persons in ten say they have been lonely for a long period of time.
A haunting song you still hear is "Eleanor Rigby." "Look at all the lonely people -- where do they all come from?" Eleanor Rigby became the symbol of loneliness in the '60s and '70s, and we still hear it in the '80s and '90s and resonate to it. The Beatles were not singing the blues for themselves. They vocalized loneliness -- the twentieth century's saddest disease -- a condition brought on by the changes and strangeness of modern life.
There are concrete reasons for this epidemic of loneliness.
1. In 1940, most family members lived within 100 miles of each other and got together regularly for family times. They enjoyed uncles, aunts, grandparents and grandchildren sharing life together. Today, the average family consists of 1.5 parents and 1.7 children, with no blood relatives within 100 miles.
2. In 1940, the average person lived in the same neighborhood for a lifetime and got to know and care about the other people in the neighborhood like a family. Today, the average person moves every five years and the neighbors are often total strangers.
3. In 1940, the average person stayed with the same job for 25 years. Today, the average person changes jobs every seven years or is moved to another city to keep his present job.
4. In 1940, the neighborhood church was the center of the life of the average member -- from the cradle to the grave.5 Today, it is common to church shop every few years.
We've discovered as a people that to prevent the pain of saying good-bye, we no longer say hello.
So what George Gallup has discovered as a key spiritual need is this NEED For A Sense Of Community And Deeper Relationships.
The Bible teaches us three principles about loneliness and community and deeper relationships.
1. We were created to belong. When God created Adam, God said, "It is not good to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). One of the Scripture's first lessons is that by ourselves we are incomplete. We need others to fill the emptiness within us. We are created to be social, not independently self-sufficient. Robert Bellah's diagnosis of an out-of-balance individualism is highly accurate.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their work. For if they fail, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help."
C.S. Lewis said, "We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them to know anything, even ourselves" (The Four Loves, p. 12).
We were created to belong. It is not good to be alone. Jesus modeled such belonging behavior for us. He called the twelve to be with him. The New Testament Greek word is koinonia. It is more than fellowship -- it is "life-sharing." That's why joining a church is one thing, but belonging to a church is another. When we belong we share life, we connect, we are a team, an empowered body.
Michael Jordan is considered the greatest basketball player that ever lived. Yet Michael Jordan never won a championship until the Chicago Bulls had the right players to support him.
God created us to belong to each other. Together we share our lives, resulting in deeper relationships.
2. Jesus redeemed us for friendship. I like the way Jesus defines "friendship" in our Gospel reading from John 15. He defines friendship as an event. "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends" (v. 13). There is also the quality of taking one into one's confidence: "I have called you friend because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father" (v. 15).
A friend will come through in a pinch: when you need help; when in crisis; when in trouble; when your car won't start; when your loved one dies; when you lose your job. Your friend comes through.
I was driving a borrowed pickup recently and six or seven miles south of Belle Plaine on Highway 169 I ran out of gas. It's a lonely feeling. But a young teenager who happened to be at home gave me some gas. I worried as I approached the farmhouse on foot that she would be afraid of me, so I quickly reassured her that I was a Lutheran pastor and she need not be afraid. She quickly slammed the door -- (no, just kidding) -- she cautiously welcomed me and became my benefactor and friend.
We know a friend by what he or she does for us. That makes friendship an event and not a feeling.
A friend is also determined by the degree to which one can take people into one's confidence. Is he or she trustworthy? Jesus said, "I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father."
Do you have one good friend? If you do, you are a most lucky person.
Three times, I remember, I was painfully lonely. The first time was when I was a child. I was literally home alone. I was not abandoned, but my parents just took a little longer to get home from town one night. Fourteen miles out in the country alone with a child's imagination running wild can be quite an experience. The second time was my second year at college. I was in a new state and a new college, with no friends, and loneliness gripped me and tried to smother me until my brother came along and got me reconnected. The third time, which still happens from time to time, is as a parish pastor. This business (ministry) can be awfully lonely, especially if you take public stands on unpopular issues.
Can you recall a time when you felt utterly and completely alone? Was it a move, a new job, a new school, or just life in general in these strange, detached times? And how did you feel when someone came to your side and walked with you?
Michael Guido writes in his column, "Seeds From The Sower":
My lawnmower had broken down and I had been working on it for hours, but all in vain. Just then a neighbor came along with a tool box.
"May I help you?" he asked.
"You may," I answered. And he fixed the mower in just a few minutes.
"Thousands of thanks!" I exclaimed.
"Oh," he answered, "you're welcome."
Just as he was about to walk away, I asked, "What do you make with that beautiful set of tools?"
"Mostly friends," he replied.6
The Living Bible says, "A true friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need."
Jesus said in John 15, "I no longer call you servants, I call you friend." Jesus redeemed us for friendship with him and for one another.
3. Where in the world can we find this sense of community and deeper relationships? Will the schools of higher education in our land provide it? Will the government or civic groups or sports teams or fraternities or sororities or guilds or book clubs or compact disk clubs? What or who has the capacity and power to bring Hattie some comfort?
We find a clue in Paul's letter to the Philippians. "I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now" (Philippians 1:3-5).
If you and I cannot find health and healing -- find acceptance and a sense of belonging, and affirmation -- in the church of Jesus Christ, we will not find it anywhere. This is the greatest evangelistic time in history for the church of Christ. It is the greatest opportunity to bring people together as family -- the family of God where love reigns, where sins are forgiven, and where we know we belong.
A letter came to the editor of a large city paper. It read, "I'm so lonely I could die, my phone never rings... I'm the only one on earth. How else can I feel? All alone. See no one. Oh, dear God, help me... will somebody call me?"
The letter containing $1 and six stamps for anybody who would call or write was signed, Jean Rosenstein. The Los Angeles Times printed the letter Thanksgiving morning, adding that Mrs. Rosenstein was an 84-year-old widow and retired nurse, living home alone in a tiny apartment on $200 per month.
The result was no less than a miracle. Jean Rosenstein received so many calls Thanksgiving Day she finally had to take the phone off the hook. "I hope people will forgive me," she told reporters on Friday, slightly hoarse. "I just couldn't talk anymore. The phone rang all night. I only got two hours of sleep."
The next morning, the letter carrier brought an armload of letters. Dozens of people stopped by her apartment. Many brought or sent flowers. Every table was covered with potted plants and the bathtub was full of flowers.
"I've got the most beautiful bathtub in the world," said Mrs. Rosenstein. To top it off she had to turn down many invitations and she had four turkeys in her refrigerator.7
You and I were created for others. We, by the grace of God, were created to belong. We were redeemed for friendship. We need to look no further for community. It's right here -- in front of you and around you -- before your very eyes. Amen.
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1. Faith at Work, Volume 106, No. 1, Jan/Feb 1993, p. 2.
2. Faith at Work, Volume 106, No. 2, Spring 1993, p. 3.
3. Ibid., FAW, p. 3
4. Ibid., FAW, p. 3.
5. Lyman Coleman, Training Manual for Small Group Leaders, p. 5.
6. Michael Guido, Guido Evangelistic Association, used by permission.
7. Associated Press, 1970.
