Sylvester, The Schizophrenic Solicitor
Drama
Thespian Theology
Lent/Easter
Thespian Theological Thoughts
There's no particular reason why this drama takes place in Britain, except that I had an attorney who needed an alliterative alternative for "schizophrenic."
Enough of that silliness. The point is that all of us, like Saint Paul in Romans 7, find that we are spiritual schizophrenics: Our minds tell us what's right, but our fleshly wills lead us to do what's wrong.
But thanks be to God, through our Lord Jesus Christ! He is always there to forgive us and help us, through his word -- and through our Christian brothers and sisters who support and encourage us and hold us accountable.
Production Note: If someone in your community has a British accent, either natural-born or reasonably well-faked, that person would be a good candidate for Sylvester (or Susannah).
Cast
Narrator
Sylvester, the Schizophrenic Solicitor
WFD
Voice of Jesus (offstage)
Props/Costumes
Table
Two cups:
"God" (very plain cup)
"Sin" (ornate cup)
Sylvester -- black robe, wig, Bible
WFD -- t-shirt: "WFD," tickets
(Narrator is at podium, stage left. At center stage is a table with two cups: "God" and "Sin")
Narrator: It has been said that the law is a jealous mistress, requiring a long and constant courtship. The hero of today's little drama would probably agree with that statement thrice over. He has been courting several of these jealous mistresses for a while! (Sylvester enters stage right, wearing a black robe and a wig) Through the magic of make-believe, we take you now to London. Meet Sylvester. (Sylvester bows) Sylvester is a solicitor -- that's Brit-speak for lawyer -- and he is devoted to the law.
Sylvester: Indeed I am, old chap! The British common law is the basis on which western society rests, don't you know!
Narrator: Quite so. And Sylvester is also devoted to the law of God, aren't you, old chap?
Sylvester: Indeed! As a faithful churchman -- Church of England, to be sure --ÊI have devoted my life to studying and following God's law. "The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul ... the ordinances of the Lord are true and righteous altogether, more to be desired are they than gold ... sweeter also than honey, and drippings of the honeycomb."
Narrator: Quite so. (Points to table) So you take great pleasure in the honey of God's law, eh, Sylvester?
Sylvester: Indeed! (Takes a drink from "God" cup and puts it back) Aaaah, drippings of the honeycomb: delightful!
(Sylvester exits stage right; WFD enters stage left)
Narrator: Well, what have we here? Are you a member of the Winchester Fire Department, sir?
WFD: No, no, no. (Points to his t-shirt) This stands for something very different ... and very much more powerful! I'll give you a hint: "W" stands for the world.
Narrator: Hmmmm. World Free Delivery! You're a florist delivery system?
WFD: Good God, no! Another hint: "F" stands for the flesh.
Narrator: The world, the flesh, and the devil: I see! And what are you here for, sir?
WFD: (Picks up "Sin" cup) I'm here to see if that phony-baloney (Points to stage right) really means it when he says he's devoted to God's law. (Points derisively to "God" cup)
Narrator: Well, let's see what happens.
(Sylvester enters stage right, reading his Bible)
Sylvester: "Remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God."
WFD: Sylvester, my man, look what I've got here! (Holds up two tickets) Tickets to the World Cup match this Sunday. Box seats, Sylvester! Great Britain vs. Argentina, for all the marbles!
Sylvester: But it's Sunday. That's the sabbath, old boy.
WFD: Sabbath, schmabbath! You work hard all week, Sylvester, and you deserve at least one Sunday off. (Hands "Sin" cup to Sylvester) Here, try a taste of this: It has an excellent bouquet.
Sylvester: (Admires the cup; sniffs it; takes a sip) Hmmm, that is an interesting taste. (Puts down his Bible; puts his arm around WFD) Box seats, you say?
(Sylvester and WFD exit stage left)
Narrator: Well, Sylvester and his new "friend" (Makes quote signs with fingers) went to the World Cup match, and they had a marvelous time. The Brits won, and everyone was in the mood to celebrate.
(Sylvester and WFD enter stage left, arm in arm)
WFD: Lovely match, what?
Sylvester: Quite!
WFD: Look here, Sylvester. Let's pop off to this little pub (Points stage right) and have a pint to celebrate our glorious victory!
Sylvester: Oh, no. I couldn't, old boy! I must get home to my wife.
WFD: (Picks up "Sin" cup) Oh, come along, old chap! One little pint won't hurt.
Sylvester: (Takes cup and admires it) W-e-e-l-l. I reckon you're right, lad. One pint won't hurt, will it? (Takes a cup) But just one now, mind you! (Exits stage right with WFD)
Narrator: But of course, "one little pint" led to another little pint, and another -- and Sylvester met up with a young soccer fan of the female persuasion, and one thing led to another, and ...
(Sylvester staggers in stage right; his robe is unbuttoned and his wig is askew. He still holds the "Sin" cup in one hand)
Sylvester: Oh, dear God, what have I done?
Narrator: What have you done, my Lord Solicitor?
Sylvester: I don't know. I don't understand my own actions! I skipped church for a bloody soccer match, and then instead of going straight home to my wife, I popped off to a pub and picked up some wench whose name I can't even remember!
Narrator: Tsk, tsk, tsk! What's going to become of you, Sylvester?
Sylvester: I don't know! (Picks up "God" cup and looks at both cups during this speech) I want to do what is good, but evil lies close at hand! I delight in the law of God in my inmost self ... but there is another law at war with the law of God ... and I have become captive to the law of sin! Wretched creature that I am! Who will rescue me?
Voice of Jesus: (Offstage) Thanks be to God!
Sylvester: What? Who's there?
Voice of Jesus: I AM!
Sylvester: "I AM"? As in Yahweh, the living God? That "I AM"?
Voice of Jesus: The very one.
Sylvester: Oh, Lord, why do you want to have anything to do with a spiritual schizophrenic like me?
Voice of Jesus: Spiritual schizophrenics are precisely the people for whom I lived and died, my son.
Sylvester: (Looks at "Sin" cup in his hand) But how can I keep myself from following the law of sin, Lord?
Voice of Jesus: My man David said it well in Psalm 119: "How can young people keep their way pure? By guarding it according to your word."
Sylvester: (Sets down "Sin" cup; picks up Bible) Very well! That stuff had a nasty aftertaste, anyway. But Lord, it's not always easy to follow your word, you know.
Voice of Jesus: I know, Sylvester, I know. But just ask for my help, and trust me. Together, we can do it. That's my promise!
Sylvester: "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Straightens his wig, fixes his robe, bows, and exits stage right)
There's no particular reason why this drama takes place in Britain, except that I had an attorney who needed an alliterative alternative for "schizophrenic."
Enough of that silliness. The point is that all of us, like Saint Paul in Romans 7, find that we are spiritual schizophrenics: Our minds tell us what's right, but our fleshly wills lead us to do what's wrong.
But thanks be to God, through our Lord Jesus Christ! He is always there to forgive us and help us, through his word -- and through our Christian brothers and sisters who support and encourage us and hold us accountable.
Production Note: If someone in your community has a British accent, either natural-born or reasonably well-faked, that person would be a good candidate for Sylvester (or Susannah).
Cast
Narrator
Sylvester, the Schizophrenic Solicitor
WFD
Voice of Jesus (offstage)
Props/Costumes
Table
Two cups:
"God" (very plain cup)
"Sin" (ornate cup)
Sylvester -- black robe, wig, Bible
WFD -- t-shirt: "WFD," tickets
(Narrator is at podium, stage left. At center stage is a table with two cups: "God" and "Sin")
Narrator: It has been said that the law is a jealous mistress, requiring a long and constant courtship. The hero of today's little drama would probably agree with that statement thrice over. He has been courting several of these jealous mistresses for a while! (Sylvester enters stage right, wearing a black robe and a wig) Through the magic of make-believe, we take you now to London. Meet Sylvester. (Sylvester bows) Sylvester is a solicitor -- that's Brit-speak for lawyer -- and he is devoted to the law.
Sylvester: Indeed I am, old chap! The British common law is the basis on which western society rests, don't you know!
Narrator: Quite so. And Sylvester is also devoted to the law of God, aren't you, old chap?
Sylvester: Indeed! As a faithful churchman -- Church of England, to be sure --ÊI have devoted my life to studying and following God's law. "The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul ... the ordinances of the Lord are true and righteous altogether, more to be desired are they than gold ... sweeter also than honey, and drippings of the honeycomb."
Narrator: Quite so. (Points to table) So you take great pleasure in the honey of God's law, eh, Sylvester?
Sylvester: Indeed! (Takes a drink from "God" cup and puts it back) Aaaah, drippings of the honeycomb: delightful!
(Sylvester exits stage right; WFD enters stage left)
Narrator: Well, what have we here? Are you a member of the Winchester Fire Department, sir?
WFD: No, no, no. (Points to his t-shirt) This stands for something very different ... and very much more powerful! I'll give you a hint: "W" stands for the world.
Narrator: Hmmmm. World Free Delivery! You're a florist delivery system?
WFD: Good God, no! Another hint: "F" stands for the flesh.
Narrator: The world, the flesh, and the devil: I see! And what are you here for, sir?
WFD: (Picks up "Sin" cup) I'm here to see if that phony-baloney (Points to stage right) really means it when he says he's devoted to God's law. (Points derisively to "God" cup)
Narrator: Well, let's see what happens.
(Sylvester enters stage right, reading his Bible)
Sylvester: "Remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God."
WFD: Sylvester, my man, look what I've got here! (Holds up two tickets) Tickets to the World Cup match this Sunday. Box seats, Sylvester! Great Britain vs. Argentina, for all the marbles!
Sylvester: But it's Sunday. That's the sabbath, old boy.
WFD: Sabbath, schmabbath! You work hard all week, Sylvester, and you deserve at least one Sunday off. (Hands "Sin" cup to Sylvester) Here, try a taste of this: It has an excellent bouquet.
Sylvester: (Admires the cup; sniffs it; takes a sip) Hmmm, that is an interesting taste. (Puts down his Bible; puts his arm around WFD) Box seats, you say?
(Sylvester and WFD exit stage left)
Narrator: Well, Sylvester and his new "friend" (Makes quote signs with fingers) went to the World Cup match, and they had a marvelous time. The Brits won, and everyone was in the mood to celebrate.
(Sylvester and WFD enter stage left, arm in arm)
WFD: Lovely match, what?
Sylvester: Quite!
WFD: Look here, Sylvester. Let's pop off to this little pub (Points stage right) and have a pint to celebrate our glorious victory!
Sylvester: Oh, no. I couldn't, old boy! I must get home to my wife.
WFD: (Picks up "Sin" cup) Oh, come along, old chap! One little pint won't hurt.
Sylvester: (Takes cup and admires it) W-e-e-l-l. I reckon you're right, lad. One pint won't hurt, will it? (Takes a cup) But just one now, mind you! (Exits stage right with WFD)
Narrator: But of course, "one little pint" led to another little pint, and another -- and Sylvester met up with a young soccer fan of the female persuasion, and one thing led to another, and ...
(Sylvester staggers in stage right; his robe is unbuttoned and his wig is askew. He still holds the "Sin" cup in one hand)
Sylvester: Oh, dear God, what have I done?
Narrator: What have you done, my Lord Solicitor?
Sylvester: I don't know. I don't understand my own actions! I skipped church for a bloody soccer match, and then instead of going straight home to my wife, I popped off to a pub and picked up some wench whose name I can't even remember!
Narrator: Tsk, tsk, tsk! What's going to become of you, Sylvester?
Sylvester: I don't know! (Picks up "God" cup and looks at both cups during this speech) I want to do what is good, but evil lies close at hand! I delight in the law of God in my inmost self ... but there is another law at war with the law of God ... and I have become captive to the law of sin! Wretched creature that I am! Who will rescue me?
Voice of Jesus: (Offstage) Thanks be to God!
Sylvester: What? Who's there?
Voice of Jesus: I AM!
Sylvester: "I AM"? As in Yahweh, the living God? That "I AM"?
Voice of Jesus: The very one.
Sylvester: Oh, Lord, why do you want to have anything to do with a spiritual schizophrenic like me?
Voice of Jesus: Spiritual schizophrenics are precisely the people for whom I lived and died, my son.
Sylvester: (Looks at "Sin" cup in his hand) But how can I keep myself from following the law of sin, Lord?
Voice of Jesus: My man David said it well in Psalm 119: "How can young people keep their way pure? By guarding it according to your word."
Sylvester: (Sets down "Sin" cup; picks up Bible) Very well! That stuff had a nasty aftertaste, anyway. But Lord, it's not always easy to follow your word, you know.
Voice of Jesus: I know, Sylvester, I know. But just ask for my help, and trust me. Together, we can do it. That's my promise!
Sylvester: "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Straightens his wig, fixes his robe, bows, and exits stage right)
