Trading Spaces: Bethlehem
Drama
Nativity Dramas
Four Nontraditional Christmas Plays for All Ages
Object:
Characters (in order of appearance)
Paige
Simon
Elizabeth
Jacob
Ruth
Aaron
Joseph
Hildy
Guard 1
Melchior
Guard 2
Gaspar
Balthasar
Shepherd 1
Jacob
Shepherd 2
Shepherd 3
Shepherd 4
Mary
Costumes
Characters are dressed in costumes appropriate for the time period 2,000 years ago. Jacob and Ruth are dressed very plainly; Simon and Elizabeth are more fancily dressed. Aaron wears all black and Hildy wears flamboyant clothing.
Props
Microphone
Two sets of keys
Table
Chairs
Front desk
Fabric swatches
Shawl (for Hildy)
Brightly colored robe
Bowl
Clay pot
Small object
Coin
Ticket stub
Paper
Pencil
Bag of coins
Curtain
Prologue
(The Prologue opens with two couples and the host standing between them. One of the couples is very plainly dressed -- simple shepherd-type clothing -- the other is better-dressed, wearing brightly colored robes.)
Paige: Two rooms, two families, one weekend, and 500 shekels. This week's episode of Trading Spaces brings us to the little town of Bethlehem, just six miles from Jerusalem, where we're going to let the Simon family (gestures to better-dressed couple, Simon and Elizabeth) and the Jacob family (gestures to plainly dressed couple, Jacob and Ruth) spend one weekend totally remodeling a room in each other's home. Are you ready to go, Simon? (extends microphone to Simon)
Simon: Well, I --
Elizabeth: (cuts in, taking over the microphone) He's very excited to be here. We're both really looking forward to it!
Simon: (shrugs) What she said.
Paige: (after a brief struggle for the microphone with Elizabeth) How about you, Jacob?
Jacob: (disgruntled) I thought I was auditioning for The Price Is Right.
Ruth: (leans in, apologetic) It was the only way I could get him to put on clean underwear. He hasn't had much sleep. He's been working hard for the last few weeks, with all the people coming through here, and he won't hire any help --
Jacob: (interrupts) I'm not made of money, you know.
Paige: (turns away, facing "camera") And I'm sure it's a fascinating story, but we've only got an hour show, so there really isn't time for it. So, are you ready to ... trade spaces? (crosses her arms to hold out keys to the two couples)
Jacob: Do I have a choice?
Ruth: Not if you ever want to be happy again.
(Jacob takes the key reluctantly. In the meantime Elizabeth is practically jumping up and down in eager anticipation.)
Elizabeth: Come on, let's do it! Let's get this show on the road!
Simon: (very low key) Yee-hah. (takes the key)
Paige: That's the spirit. Now let's see what we have to work with.
(Theme music comes up; the couples walk offstage.)
Prologue ends
Scene One: The Inn
(Scene One opens with Paige walking to a simple room, furnished with a table, a couple of chairs, and a front desk. Aaron, dressed entirely in black, is standing in the center of the room, apparently studying the walls.)
Paige: Jacob and Ruth are proprietors of the Bethlehem Village Inn, where they are looking to have the common room remodeled. Ruth tells me it's been about ten years since anybody did anything to dress this place up. What do you think, Aaron?
Aaron: It's only been ten years? I haven't seen this kind of color scheme since Moses was a baby. Look at that. (waves his hand toward the wall) Can you believe it? And this floor -- mud. Can you believe it? I mean, really. And don't get me started on this furniture. (waves a hand around the room) What is it, Early Palestinian Hideous?
Paige: So you, Simon, and Elizabeth have your work cut out for you.
Aaron: This may be the one the completely ruins my reputation. (looks up) And that fan has got to go --
Paige: (makes a hurry-up gesture offstage) Simon, Elizabeth, let's get in here and see what Aaron has in mind for this room.
Simon: Look, is this going to take long? I'm needed back at the palace. There's a delegation coming in from Babylon --
Elizabeth: (hastily) He doesn't mean it. He knows this is supposed to take the whole weekend. Don't you, dear? (out of sight of the audience, she seems to be grabbing or poking him)
Simon: Oww. Yes, right, all weekend. Just let me send a message to King Herod --
Aaron: Listen to me, dearie, the only message that you should be sending right now is SOS. This room is a disaster. So, since they won't let us burn this place down and start over, let's talk about color --
(Joseph enters the room hesitantly, walks up to the desk.)
Joseph: Excuse me.
Paige: (startled) Excuse me. We're shooting a show right now.
Joseph: What?
Paige: Trading Spaces? You know -- two couples, two rooms, one weekend? (Joseph stares at her blankly) Don't you watch television?
Joseph: Sorry, no. I have a life. Can I get some help, here?
Elizabeth: Simon, why don't you take care of getting rid of this man, while we decide what to do with the room?
(Paige and Elizabeth huddle with Aaron as he starts pulling out swatches of fabric. Simon walks up to the desk, glad to be away from them.)
Joseph: Look, I know I was in here last night and you couldn't help me, but -- say, you're not the innkeeper. What happened, did he finally fall over?
Simon: It's a long story. How can I help you, so we can get on with the show and get it over with?
Joseph: I was here late last night, and I talked to the innkeeper. What's his name?
Simon: Jacob.
Joseph: Right, Jacob. I talked to him last night about getting a room. My wife and I are here for the Roman census -- we traveled all the way from Nazareth.
Simon: Right. There are many people on the move right now -- this census is a nightmare. We've got people leaving their jobs, moving all over the place, and it seems like most of them are coming through here. And then they have to wait around to go through registration. It's going to cost King Herod a ton of money in taxes before it's all done. And the Romans don't care, as long as they get their taxes.
Joseph: I know it's bad, sir. This is the only inn in Bethlehem, and all of the rooms are full. I thought they might be able to make a space for us, somewhere, but the innkeeper said, "No." My wife and I slept in an olive grove outside of town last night.
Simon: Well, you have a lot of company, I'm sure.
Elizabeth: Simon, come here! You have to see the colors Aaron has picked out!
Simon: (shrugs) I'm sorry, but duty calls.
(Simon starts to turn away, but Joseph reaches out and grabs Simon's sleeve.)
Joseph: Sir! Please! My wife is pregnant -- she's going to give birth any day now. She can't spend another night in the olive grove. She'll get sick -- or the baby will.
Simon: I'm sorry, son, but if there aren't any rooms --
Joseph: There's only the two of us, sir. We don't need much room. We could sleep in the common room, here. In a corner. Just in the corner. That's all I ask.
Simon: (looks around) I'm sorry. We're remodeling this room this weekend, there's no way you can stay here. (shrugs) It's the wife's idea. She loves this show.
Joseph: (lowers his head) I don't know what I'm going to tell Mary. (turns and starts to walk away)
Simon: (rubs his chin) You -- what's your name?
Joseph: Joseph. Joseph of Nazareth.
Simon: Well, Joseph, when we were riding up here, I thought I saw a little grotto in the hill below the inn. I think it's the stable for the inn.
Joseph: Yes?
Simon: (spreads his hands) If you're not too fussy, you could spend the night there. It's out of the wind and the cold, probably plenty of fresh straw you can use for bedding.
Joseph: (thoughtfully) A stable?
Simon: It's the only thing I can see. It's not the fanciest place on earth, but you could do worse. Actually, I think you've done worse.
Joseph: (looks around) Is it going to be okay with the innkeeper? He didn't seem like the most ... friendly person.
Simon: It'll be fine. He's gone for the weekend, off redecorating our bedroom at the palace. My room. (shakes his head) I don't know whoever thought of this. But you've got the weekend, at least. With luck, you may be able to register with the Romans by Monday.
Joseph: Then thank you. Thank you very much. Mary's going to be happy to have a place for the night. (shakes Simon's hand excitedly, then hurries offstage)
Simon: (watches Joseph leave) I suppose I should have had them register.
Elizabeth: (walks up to Simon with fabric swatches in her hand) Simon, didn't you hear me?
(Paige joins them, looking over their shoulders.)
Simon: How could I ever ignore you, my dear? What is it?
Elizabeth: Just look at these samples for the wall treatment Aaron wants to do. There's this, and this one, and -- oh, I really love this one.
Aaron: Is that the pastel? I think the pastel is to die for. I see it on that wall, there, and hanging in the doorway, there. (gestures toward walls)
Paige: (to Simon) What do you think?
Simon: (smiles halfheartedly) I think whatever Elizabeth and Aaron decide will be just fine.
Paige: That's the kind of confidence in our decorators that we like to see. And while Elizabeth and Aaron decide what to do with the walls, let's see what Jacob and Ruth are up to, in the staff quarters of King Herod's palace --
(Paige walks offstage, followed by the others.)
Scene One ends
Scene Two: The Palace
(Scene Two opens on another room in Simon and Elizabeth's quarters at the palace. Ruth and Hildy are conferring, while Jacob is just wandering around the room aimlessly, scratching himself and occasionally picking up a bowl or pot, or other object, which he studies, checking the bottom for a price tag. Hildy is dressed flamboyantly, and wears a shawl over her shoulders.)
Hildy: So what do you think of the floors in here, darling?
Ruth: They're very nice. The stone is so level, and the mosaics here in the center are so pretty --
Jacob: Must have cost a fortune. My tax dollars at work. (picks up a small object, looks at it, and slips it in a pocket, looking around to make sure no one saw him)
Hildy: Stone and mosaics are sooo BC, darling. Think modern. How does a floor like this feel on your bare feet in the morning -- in the winter?
Ruth: Well, I --
Hildy: Go ahead, take your sandals off. Walk around a little. (Ruth slips her sandals off and takes a few hesitant steps, while Hildy picks up a clay pot on the table.) See what I mean? Cold.
Ruth: I guess it is a little cold.
(Jacob is wandering around again, not paying attention.)
Hildy: And dangerous. What do you think happens when a floor like this gets wet? (dumps the clay pot on the floor)
(Jacob, not looking, steps in the "water," slips, and falls.)
Hildy: See?
Ruth: (doubtfully) I guess.
(Paige enters the room and goes to Jacob who is lying on the floor.)
Paige: Jacob, dude, this is no time to be lying down on the job. You've got a whole weekend of work to do.
Jacob: I think I broke something. I heard something snap.
Paige: You know what they say in show business -- break a leg! (steps over him, up to Hildy and Ruth) So, what's the first thing they need to do here, Hildy?
(Jacob struggles to his feet, pulls pieces of the object he'd stolen out of his pocket.)
Jacob: (to himself) At least it wasn't my hip.
Hildy: We were just looking at the floors, dear. Oh, so cold and drafty. And slippery. Obviously we can't have this in a bedroom. The bedroom is supposed to be warm and cozy, a sanctuary from the rest of the world. Your own secret hiding place, where you --
Paige: Tick-tock, tick-tock, Hildy. What are you going to do?
Hildy: I have a vision for this room. We can create their own little world, a place different from the whole rest of the palace, where they can retreat and be comfortable.
Paige: And how are you going to do that?
Hildy: From the ground up, dear. I had five tons of dirt delivered to the courtyard this morning, and we -- ha, ha, I mean they -- are going to move all of that dirt into this room and spread it around the floor, about six inches deep.
Jacob: (stunned) Five tons of dirt?
Hildy: I know. Breathtaking, isn't it? And once the dirt is in, we're going to plant grass, and some beautiful shrubbery over there in the corner. And perhaps there could be a hedge, separating the bed from the sitting area. There's no end to the possibilities. It'll be marvelous. (takes off her shawl, sweeps it through the air for emphasis, and throws it on the table)
Jacob: It'll be nuts. I've spent my whole life working to buy a place that doesn't have a dirt floor. Why would they --
Hildy: No room for narrow minds, Jacob -- we're talking art here. (to Paige and Ruth) Let me show you the new furniture I picked out. I came across the most smashing lawn furniture in the bazaar in Jerusalem. It's out in the courtyard. (takes each of them by the arm, starts to lead them away)
Ruth: (uncertainly) I'm not so sure about this --
Hildy: I am. Trust me, darling. (over her shoulder, to Jacob) Now be a dear and clean up that water, will you? Somebody could fall and get hurt.
Jacob: (incredulous, calling to them as they leave) Somebody already did! Somebody got hurt and wet! (hearing no reply, he looks around for a moment, picks up her shawl from the table and drops it on the floor, pushes it around with his foot as if he is mopping the floor) It must be forty degrees in here. Won't Herod spring for a little heat? (spots a brightly colored robe on one of the chairs, slips it on and wraps it around himself) That's better. (starts rummaging around again, turning his back to the audience)
(The three wise men walk onstage, escorted by two guards. One of the guards points to Jacob.)
Guard 1: That's the Royal Advisor. He's been expecting you.
Melchior: Thank you, sir.
Guard 1: Is there anything else, sir?
Melchior: (hands him a gold coin) Keep an eye on the camels for us, will you?
Guard 1: (tests the coin by biting on it, slips it into a pocket) We'll have them washed and waxed for you, too.
Guard 2: How long do you expect to be here?
Melchior: I really don't know -- I don't expect it'll be long. We just need to confer with the advisor.
Guard 2: Well, when you leave, be sure to give the guard your ticket. (hands him a ticket stub) The first hour is a flat rate, no matter how long you stay.
(The guards leave. The Magi wait for a moment. then Melchior clears his throat.)
Melchior: A-hem.
Jacob: (drops whatever he was holding, spins around) What? I was just looking.
Melchior: A thousand pardons for interrupting you, sir.
Jacob: (mostly to himself) Sir?
Melchior: My name is Melchior. This is Gaspar and Balthasar. (each wise man nods when introduced) We have arrived from Babylon this very night.
Jacob: Yes?
Gaspar: Surely our messenger reached here to tell you we were coming? I know you must be busy, as King Herod's Royal Advisor, but if you have just a few moments --
Jacob: Royal advisor? Oh, right. (looks down at his robe, realizes it is far nicer and worth far more than anything he owns) Yes, I am the Royal Advisor. And the name's Jacob, not Shirley. (leans forward and peers down the hallway) I think I can spare a few minutes. What do you need?
Balthasar: Sir, we are from Babylon. Melchior is in the Royal Court, there, Gaspar is head of Philosophy at Tigris U, and I hold the Nebuchednezzar Chair in the Foreign Studies Department at the university. We are here in search of a king.
Jacob: (points) Out that door, turn right, and go up the stairs at the end of the hall. Look for the gold-covered doors and the mean-looking guards. Don't forget to knock.
Balthasar: We're not looking for King Herod, sir. We're looking for a much greater king.
Jacob: (looks over his shoulder) Greater than King Herod? Look, you don't really want to talk that way in here. Herod's a bit ... moody.
Balthasar: I understand. But truly, we're not here for him. We're looking for a new king, whose birth was proclaimed by the stars.
Gaspar: We saw a sign in the sky -- a great star, where there had been none before. Our science tells us that it signifies the birth of a wonderful new king here in Judea, as foretold by prophecy.
Jacob: (scratches himself absently) A star, eh? Well, I haven't been out much at night, lately. Does your science give you an address? Judea's a big place.
Gaspar: Your own Hebrew prophets have long foretold the birth of a very special king, in the family line of your King David.
Jacob: The clan of King David began in Bethlehem, but it must be spread to the four corners of the kingdom, and beyond, after all these years. How can you ever hope to find him?
Melchior: By good luck -- or divine design -- your Emperor Augustus did us the favor of gathering the entire clan in one place at one time. All descendants of that family should be in Bethlehem now, or should be passing through here very soon.
Jacob: Well, good luck finding him. That place is a zoo. Wall to wall people -- they're sleeping in the countryside. I can't tell you how many people I've (pauses) how many people have been turned away from the inn in Bethlehem.
Melchior: Still, we must look. The star tells us we must find this child.
Jacob: (thoughtfully) You're going to need a place to stay while you're in Bethlehem, aren't you?
Gaspar: We will.
Jacob: (picks up a piece of paper from the table, writes something hastily) Then let me do you a favor -- you know, as Herod's advisor. Take this to the Bethlehem Village Inn, near the main gate. Tell them you have permission to use the innkeeper's own room while you're in town.
Gaspar: (takes paper) But won't the innkeeper mind?
Jacob: He won't mind. I know him very well. But just to be fair, why don't you pay him for the room? Nothing too extravagant for men such as yourself -- say five shekels a night?
Gaspar: Five shekels? That won't be a problem.
Jacob: Did I say five? I meant ten. Ten shekels a night.
Melchior: I see. Ten it is. And perhaps we'd best leave while it's still ten. (bows slightly) Thank you for your ... kindness and generosity, sir. (looks at the other Magi) Let's be on our way, we can be there by this afternoon.
(The three wise men leave in a small procession.)
Melchior: (as they walk out) Now, does anybody need to use the restroom? I don't want to be stopping every ten minutes.
Gaspar: Hey! It wasn't me last time.
Jacob: (calls after them) When you find this new king, let us know. I'm sure King Herod will want to extend his best wishes! (to himself) They'll be searching for a month, and I'll get richer every day. (takes off the robe, drops it on the table)
(Ruth and Hildy walk back in, with Paige in tow.)
Hildy: There you are. Were you planning on joining us?
Jacob: Sure, why not? Things are starting to look up.
Ruth: Well, you seem to be in a better mood.
Jacob: I just decided to go with the flow, Ruth. Just going with the flow.
Paige: And while Jacob and Ruth get ready to go with the flow -- and start lugging in five tons of dirt -- let's look in on Simon and Elizabeth, and see how they're getting along with Aaron and his plans to revitalize the Bethlehem Village Inn's common room.
Scene Two ends
Scene Three: The Inn
(Scene Three opens with Elizabeth sitting at a table in the foreground, sewing, with Aaron in the background measuring windows in the walls. Simon is not visible. Paige approaches Elizabeth.)
Paige: So here we are, late in Day One, and it looks like they've put you to work, Elizabeth. How is it going?
Elizabeth: We're not as far as I'd hoped we'd be, but I guess it's Okay. I've got another three window treatments to do and then a tablecloth and some placemats. But I don't know if we're going to make it.
Aaron: (approaches them) Don't you believe her, Paige, she's doing a fabulous job. (leans over and hugs Elizabeth briefly) She's a real trooper. I wish we had five more like her.
Paige: And where's Simon? I don't see him.
Aaron: Oh, him. He's reweaving the chair seats, out back. I just had to get him out of here. There's just way too much negative energy flowing out of that man. He is like a bad karma magnet.
Simon: (from offstage) Aaron! Aaron! Come here, there's something wrong. These seats don't look right.
Aaron: And did I mention he's completely worthless? He probably wove his fingers into one of the seats. I --
Simon: (offstage) Aaron, I really need help!
Aaron: (loudly) Coming! (to Paige) I'm sorry, I have to go see what he's gotten into. (exits)
Elizabeth: (reluctantly) I'm afraid there have been some personality conflicts.
Paige: So I see. I hope they don't keep you from finishing your room.
Elizabeth: Oh, they won't. Don't worry about that. We'll stay up all night if we have to.
Paige: I'm afraid it may come to that -- and I know Aaron will make sure you finish. Now I'd better see what's happening out back. (exits)
(The three Magi approach Elizabeth from the other direction.)
Melchior: Is this the Bethlehem Village Inn?
Elizabeth: Yes it is. Can I help you?
Melchior: I have this note -- my friends and I have permission to spend the night in the innkeeper's room. If you could just show us where it is?
Elizabeth: (looks at note) Well -- this seems a little strange. But Jacob said you could use it?
Gaspar: Yes, he did. We're going to be in Bethlehem for a while, and we didn't have a place to stay. He was nice enough to arrange for us to get this room.
Elizabeth: Well -- I guess it will be okay, if he says so. The innkeeper's room is back there, to the left.
Balthasar: Thank you, ma'am. (hands her a bag of coins) And here is a week's rent, as he suggested.
Elizabeth: (opens bag, looks surprised) Okay, now this is making more sense. You look tired -- go on and get some rest. I'll have someone take your beasts down to the stable.
Melchior: Are you sure, ma'am? Truth is, we are very tired. It's been a long trip, and we spent most of this afternoon searching through Bethlehem and the countryside around it.
Elizabeth: And did you find what you were looking for?
Gaspar: Not yet, but we will. The stars don't lie, and neither do the great prophecies.
Elizabeth: (begins sewing again) I'm sure you will. There's bread and fruit in the kitchen and fresh water on the table.
Balthasar: Thank you, ma'am. (bows) We appreciate your hospitality.
(There is no answer, so the three wise men depart in the direction Elizabeth pointed. A few moments later Simon enters from a different direction.)
Simon: Did I hear voices?
Elizabeth: Yes, just some more travelers. These three had a note from Jacob, allowing them to stay in his room. And a week's rent.
Simon: I'm not surprised. He would rent out his mother's room, for the right price. Are they here for the census?
Elizabeth: I don't think so. They said they're looking for someone, or something.
Simon: Good luck finding them around here. This village seems to get fuller by the hour.
Elizabeth: I'm sure it'll work out for them.
Simon: Anyway, it's not our problem. Can you come out? Aaron wants to give us our homework for the night.
Elizabeth: Sure, just a second. (stands up and starts to walk after Simon; the curtain follows her, sewn to her clothes)
Simon: (turns to look at her) Nice look.
Elizabeth: Don't push your luck. It's going to be a long night, and there's no guarantee you have to live through it. (rips the curtain off her clothing; they both exit)
Scene Three ends
Scene Four: The Inn
(Scene Four opens at the Inn. Simon is seated in a chair, leaning back, with his head back, mouth open, and snoring softly; there is fabric in his lap. Aaron is seated with his head on the table, cushioned by his arms. Jacob and Ruth sneak in. Jacob is in one of Simon's robes; there is dirt on his face.)
Jacob: (after a shh motion) See, I told you they'd be asleep.
Ruth: I still don't feel right about this.
Jacob: I told you, one quick look and we're out of here. After I saw what we were doing to their place, I just had to see what they were doing here.
Ruth: It doesn't look too bad. Let's go. (tries to leave)
Jacob: Sure. Just let me check the till and make sure they put the money from those Babylonians in there. (starts to sneak past Simon)
Simon: (wakes with a start) I'm awake! I'm awake! I was just resting my eyes. (looks around) What? Who? You aren't supposed to be here!
Jacob: Shhh. We just wanted to see how the room was coming.
Simon: Isn't that against the rules?
Ruth: That's what I tried to tell him.
Jacob: It's my home. I should be able to see what you're doing to it.
Simon: So far, lots of window and wall treatments. That man is obsessed with fabrics. (holds up a hand) I can't tell you how many times I've stuck myself with these darn needles.
Ruth: Okay, then, let's go. I don't want to get caught.
Jacob: Hildy won't be waking up for a while. I put enough sleeping powder in her water to put down an elephant.
Simon: Since you're here, how is our bedroom coming along?
Jacob: That depends. Do you think of yourself as an outdoorsy person?
(Simon looks puzzled, but before he can answer Joseph rushes into the room.)
Joseph: Please! I need some help, here.
Jacob: You? I thought I turned you away a couple of days ago.
Joseph: You did. But he (points to Simon) told us we could stay. My wife and I are in the stable.
Jacob: (admiringly) The stable, eh? I never thought of renting that out. How much did you get for it?
Simon: Nothing. They seemed like a nice couple, and they needed a place to stay. His wife is pregnant.
Joseph: And I think she's going to have the baby now! We need help.
Jacob: Nothing? Do you know how big that stable is? I could have fit three or four families in there.
Elizabeth: We're going to need some clean cloths.
Simon: Well, I know someone who's got plenty of nice, new cloth. Aaron! Aaron! Wake up!
Aaron: (raises his head groggily) I didn't do it. And if I did, I didn't mean to. What?
Simon: We have a woman giving birth. Do you have some fabric we can use?
Aaron: What, are you going to make him a little sailor suit? Trust me, it'll take you forever to sew anything. Honestly, if this man were any clumsier he wouldn't be able to feed himself. He's about as coordinated as a pig wearing mittens.
Simon: Focus, here. We don't need the fabric to make clothes.
Ruth: We need something to wrap around him, once the baby is born. Something soft and warm.
Aaron: I have some white linen. (sorts through the fabric on the table, comes up with white material) This was going to be used as an accent on the chair covers. It was going to look fabulous.
Ruth: It'll look even better around a baby. Come with me. Jacob, you stay with the men.
(Ruth and Aaron hurry away)
Joseph: (nervously) Is there something I should be doing? I feel like I should be doing something.
Jacob: Is this your first?
Joseph: Yes, and it was kind of a surprise, all things considered.
Simon: What do you mean?
Joseph: It's a long story. Should I be doing something to help?
Jacob: The kitchen is back that way. We're going to need boiling water -- lots of it.
Joseph: Right. Boiling water. I can do that. (hurries out)
Simon: So you have children?
Jacob: Four. We've been through this a few times. My wife is very good -- she'll be able to help keep things under control.
Simon: So what's the boiling water for?
Jacob: (smiles) By the time he brings in wood, stokes the fire, draws water, and gets it to boil, it should all be over. And then all he has to do is go down and admire his child. He'll never even ask what the water was for.
Simon: Oh. You know, I've always wondered about that.
Elizabeth: (walks onstage; sleepily) What's all the excitement? I heard someone in the kitchen. Jacob? What are you doing here?
Simon: It's a long story, dear. But that young couple from Nazareth is having their baby tonight.
Elizabeth: Oh my. It's a good thing we made a place for them to stay, then. Is there anything I can do to help?
Simon: You could go down to the stable to see. I'm sure they could use an extra pair of hands.
Elizabeth: I will. Thanks. (exits)
Jacob: She seems excited. Do you have children?
Simon: No. My job made it difficult -- I thought it was so important that I couldn't make time for kids. Like this weekend. I was sure that I couldn't be away from the palace this long, but everything seems to be going along fine.
Jacob: You haven't seen your bedroom yet.
Simon: What?
Jacob: Never mind. You were saying?
Simon: Just that I'm not irreplaceable. For instance, there was this delegation coming from Babylon that I was supposed to meet with. A group of scholars, looking for some new prophet, or something.
Jacob: Oh?
Simon: Yes. Herod wanted me to meet with them and pump them for information -- without helping them. But even without me there, things must have worked out anyway. I'll have to find out what happened.
Jacob: So, when you say you weren't supposed to help them -- what does that mean?
Simon: Why?
Jacob: Well, I think I may have talked to them. And I -- uh -- may have found them a place to stay, while they look for this new king of theirs.
Simon: New king? That's what Herod was afraid of. What did they tell you?
Jacob: That they were looking for a new king that had just been born, or was about to be born. They were following a sign in the sky, and some old Hebrew prophecies.
Simon: That would be the Messiah, then. The great leader, the savior of our people. That's not what King Herod wanted to hear. Where were they going to be staying?
(Jacob hesitates, then points down the hall.)
Simon: They're the travelers in your room!
Jacob: (apologetically) I'm afraid so.
Simon: Oh-oh. Now I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that. King Herod has certain expectations, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Jacob: Sorry if I made any trouble.
Simon: It may not be a problem, if we can just send them on their way. Whatever we do, we can't let them find this king -- if they're right.
Jacob: They seemed pretty sure of themselves.
Simon: All the more reason to worry.
(Elizabeth hurries in.)
Elizabeth: Where's Joseph?
Simon: In the kitchen. Why?
Elizabeth: Because he's a new father, and he needs to see his son. And you need to see, too.
Simon: I've seen babies before.
Elizabeth: Not like this.
(Elizabeth goes back toward the kitchen. Simon and Jacob look at one another for a moment, then leave for the stable.)
Scene Four ends
Scene Five: The Stable
(Scene Five opens at the stable, where Aaron is standing outside, dabbing at his forehead. Shepherds are standing there, as well. Mary is propped up in the back, cradling a baby in her arms, with Ruth kneeling next to her.)
Simon: What's all this?
Aaron: It's a nightmare. I never saw anything like it. And my material -- it's ruined!
Simon: Why don't you go back up the inn and get something to drink?
Aaron: And then I'm going to need a nap. This was exhausting. (exits)
Jacob: (to Shepherd 1) Who are you and what are you doing here?
Shepherd 1: We are shepherds from the hills west of Bethlehem, sir. We came here because we were sent.
Jacob: Sent by who?
Shepherd 2: We were tending our flocks and all of a sudden there was this blinding white light in the heavens.
Jacob: The star?
Simon: Star?
Jacob: The sign in the heavens that the Babylonians were following.
Shepherd 3: Not the star, sir. We've seen it, ourselves, in the last couple of weeks, but it was much brighter than that.
Shepherd 4: This light was brighter than the sun at midday, and it lit up the meadow around us, so bright that it hurt our eyes.
Jacob: What was it?
Shepherd 1: I've never seen anything like it -- but it was the glory of God.
Simon: The glory of God?
Shepherd 2: Yes. God was there. And all of a sudden I could see a shape like a man in the sky, and this voice came out of the light. It was like thunder -- so loud I almost had to cover my ears -- but I couldn't move. I just stood there and listened -- too scared to move.
Shepherd 3: And then the voice said: "Don't be afraid. I bring you glad tidings of great joy. The Savior, the Messiah, is born tonight in Bethlehem, the city of David."
Simon: The Messiah?
Shepherd 4: Yes. And then the voice said, "This is how you will recognize him -- you will find a baby lying in a manger, wrapped in swaddling cloths."
Shepherd 1: And then suddenly there were more of them -- more angels than we could count, singing, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace and good will toward mankind."
(As they're speaking, Joseph and Elizabeth come onto the scene. Joseph hurries in to be with Mary; Elizabeth stays out with Simon.)
Shepherd 2: And so we come to worship this new wonder -- this Messiah who will grow up to save all humankind -- King of all kings.
Simon: King of kings? Hmm
(He hesitates, then leans over and whispers something to Elizabeth. She looks uncertain, and then leaves quickly.)
Shepherd 3: We followed the light in the heavens, until we came to this place. And there, just as we had been told, there was a child in the manger.
Ruth: (comes out) When they told me what had happened, I knew this was no ordinary child. So I sent Elizabeth for all of you.
Jacob: It sounds like the new king that the Babylonians were looking for, doesn't it?
Simon: Yes, it does. And it sounds like the new king Herod was afraid of, too.
Paige: (comes onstage) So there you are! We've been looking all over for you. You're supposed to be working on your rooms, not ... not ... whatever you're doing here. What are you doing here?
Jacob: Something a little more important seems to have come up, Paige. I'm sorry.
Paige: I'm sorry, too, but you have some obligations here. You're supposed to be working on your rooms.
Jacob: I just don't think those obligations are very important, tonight. Sorry.
Paige: (horrified) Not important? But this is TV! There isn't anything more important than that. This is reality TV.
Jacob: No it's not. Dumping five tons of dirt into a man's bedroom isn't reality.
Simon: Wha --?
Jacob: Never mind. Swapping rooms so some half-crazy designers can indulge their whims isn't reality. That's reality in there. (points toward Mary and the baby) That's a new life coming into the world. Maybe even new life coming for the whole world.
Paige: (stares at him) Mister, I don't know what your problem is, but you've got some seriously warped views of the world. We're done here. (walks away in disgust)
(The Magi walk past her, with Elizabeth.)
Melchior: (to Simon) Your wife said we were to come to the stable at once.
Simon: Jacob tells me you're looking for some kind of newborn king.
Melchior: That's right. Your Hebrew prophets called him the Messiah, the Savior.
Gaspar: He will be born in the town of Bethlehem, in the line of King David.
Balthasar: He will be a great king that will rule over all the earth, and bring God's kingdom to earth.
Simon: I see. I think your man is in there. The little one, wrapped in swaddling clothes.
(The Magi seem startled for a moment, then approach Mary and the baby. They kneel, still at a distance.)
Melchior: What is the name of this child?
Mary: We will call him Jesus.
Melchior: (bows down) We are blessed.
(The lights go down, and Simon and Jacob walk away from the stable.)
Jacob: I'd say they found what they were looking for.
Simon: I'd say they've found a lot more than we really know. I have a funny feeling we're going to be hearing more from that little guy in there -- some day.
Jacob: What are you going to tell King Herod?
Simon: Nothing much to tell, is there? I wasn't at the palace this weekend, I was busy sewing window treatments. And I've got the wounds to prove it. By the time he knows anything about this, they'll be long gone. (pauses) Funny, isn't it?
Jacob: What?
Simon: A day ago, we were ready to spend hundreds of shekels and days of our time to try to change our worlds. And this little baby comes along and does it all by himself, in just a moment of time -- just by coming into the world.
Jacob: (smiles) Now that's the kind of reality I can deal with.
(The two men clasp hands and walk back into the stable.)
The End
Paige
Simon
Elizabeth
Jacob
Ruth
Aaron
Joseph
Hildy
Guard 1
Melchior
Guard 2
Gaspar
Balthasar
Shepherd 1
Jacob
Shepherd 2
Shepherd 3
Shepherd 4
Mary
Costumes
Characters are dressed in costumes appropriate for the time period 2,000 years ago. Jacob and Ruth are dressed very plainly; Simon and Elizabeth are more fancily dressed. Aaron wears all black and Hildy wears flamboyant clothing.
Props
Microphone
Two sets of keys
Table
Chairs
Front desk
Fabric swatches
Shawl (for Hildy)
Brightly colored robe
Bowl
Clay pot
Small object
Coin
Ticket stub
Paper
Pencil
Bag of coins
Curtain
Prologue
(The Prologue opens with two couples and the host standing between them. One of the couples is very plainly dressed -- simple shepherd-type clothing -- the other is better-dressed, wearing brightly colored robes.)
Paige: Two rooms, two families, one weekend, and 500 shekels. This week's episode of Trading Spaces brings us to the little town of Bethlehem, just six miles from Jerusalem, where we're going to let the Simon family (gestures to better-dressed couple, Simon and Elizabeth) and the Jacob family (gestures to plainly dressed couple, Jacob and Ruth) spend one weekend totally remodeling a room in each other's home. Are you ready to go, Simon? (extends microphone to Simon)
Simon: Well, I --
Elizabeth: (cuts in, taking over the microphone) He's very excited to be here. We're both really looking forward to it!
Simon: (shrugs) What she said.
Paige: (after a brief struggle for the microphone with Elizabeth) How about you, Jacob?
Jacob: (disgruntled) I thought I was auditioning for The Price Is Right.
Ruth: (leans in, apologetic) It was the only way I could get him to put on clean underwear. He hasn't had much sleep. He's been working hard for the last few weeks, with all the people coming through here, and he won't hire any help --
Jacob: (interrupts) I'm not made of money, you know.
Paige: (turns away, facing "camera") And I'm sure it's a fascinating story, but we've only got an hour show, so there really isn't time for it. So, are you ready to ... trade spaces? (crosses her arms to hold out keys to the two couples)
Jacob: Do I have a choice?
Ruth: Not if you ever want to be happy again.
(Jacob takes the key reluctantly. In the meantime Elizabeth is practically jumping up and down in eager anticipation.)
Elizabeth: Come on, let's do it! Let's get this show on the road!
Simon: (very low key) Yee-hah. (takes the key)
Paige: That's the spirit. Now let's see what we have to work with.
(Theme music comes up; the couples walk offstage.)
Prologue ends
Scene One: The Inn
(Scene One opens with Paige walking to a simple room, furnished with a table, a couple of chairs, and a front desk. Aaron, dressed entirely in black, is standing in the center of the room, apparently studying the walls.)
Paige: Jacob and Ruth are proprietors of the Bethlehem Village Inn, where they are looking to have the common room remodeled. Ruth tells me it's been about ten years since anybody did anything to dress this place up. What do you think, Aaron?
Aaron: It's only been ten years? I haven't seen this kind of color scheme since Moses was a baby. Look at that. (waves his hand toward the wall) Can you believe it? And this floor -- mud. Can you believe it? I mean, really. And don't get me started on this furniture. (waves a hand around the room) What is it, Early Palestinian Hideous?
Paige: So you, Simon, and Elizabeth have your work cut out for you.
Aaron: This may be the one the completely ruins my reputation. (looks up) And that fan has got to go --
Paige: (makes a hurry-up gesture offstage) Simon, Elizabeth, let's get in here and see what Aaron has in mind for this room.
Simon: Look, is this going to take long? I'm needed back at the palace. There's a delegation coming in from Babylon --
Elizabeth: (hastily) He doesn't mean it. He knows this is supposed to take the whole weekend. Don't you, dear? (out of sight of the audience, she seems to be grabbing or poking him)
Simon: Oww. Yes, right, all weekend. Just let me send a message to King Herod --
Aaron: Listen to me, dearie, the only message that you should be sending right now is SOS. This room is a disaster. So, since they won't let us burn this place down and start over, let's talk about color --
(Joseph enters the room hesitantly, walks up to the desk.)
Joseph: Excuse me.
Paige: (startled) Excuse me. We're shooting a show right now.
Joseph: What?
Paige: Trading Spaces? You know -- two couples, two rooms, one weekend? (Joseph stares at her blankly) Don't you watch television?
Joseph: Sorry, no. I have a life. Can I get some help, here?
Elizabeth: Simon, why don't you take care of getting rid of this man, while we decide what to do with the room?
(Paige and Elizabeth huddle with Aaron as he starts pulling out swatches of fabric. Simon walks up to the desk, glad to be away from them.)
Joseph: Look, I know I was in here last night and you couldn't help me, but -- say, you're not the innkeeper. What happened, did he finally fall over?
Simon: It's a long story. How can I help you, so we can get on with the show and get it over with?
Joseph: I was here late last night, and I talked to the innkeeper. What's his name?
Simon: Jacob.
Joseph: Right, Jacob. I talked to him last night about getting a room. My wife and I are here for the Roman census -- we traveled all the way from Nazareth.
Simon: Right. There are many people on the move right now -- this census is a nightmare. We've got people leaving their jobs, moving all over the place, and it seems like most of them are coming through here. And then they have to wait around to go through registration. It's going to cost King Herod a ton of money in taxes before it's all done. And the Romans don't care, as long as they get their taxes.
Joseph: I know it's bad, sir. This is the only inn in Bethlehem, and all of the rooms are full. I thought they might be able to make a space for us, somewhere, but the innkeeper said, "No." My wife and I slept in an olive grove outside of town last night.
Simon: Well, you have a lot of company, I'm sure.
Elizabeth: Simon, come here! You have to see the colors Aaron has picked out!
Simon: (shrugs) I'm sorry, but duty calls.
(Simon starts to turn away, but Joseph reaches out and grabs Simon's sleeve.)
Joseph: Sir! Please! My wife is pregnant -- she's going to give birth any day now. She can't spend another night in the olive grove. She'll get sick -- or the baby will.
Simon: I'm sorry, son, but if there aren't any rooms --
Joseph: There's only the two of us, sir. We don't need much room. We could sleep in the common room, here. In a corner. Just in the corner. That's all I ask.
Simon: (looks around) I'm sorry. We're remodeling this room this weekend, there's no way you can stay here. (shrugs) It's the wife's idea. She loves this show.
Joseph: (lowers his head) I don't know what I'm going to tell Mary. (turns and starts to walk away)
Simon: (rubs his chin) You -- what's your name?
Joseph: Joseph. Joseph of Nazareth.
Simon: Well, Joseph, when we were riding up here, I thought I saw a little grotto in the hill below the inn. I think it's the stable for the inn.
Joseph: Yes?
Simon: (spreads his hands) If you're not too fussy, you could spend the night there. It's out of the wind and the cold, probably plenty of fresh straw you can use for bedding.
Joseph: (thoughtfully) A stable?
Simon: It's the only thing I can see. It's not the fanciest place on earth, but you could do worse. Actually, I think you've done worse.
Joseph: (looks around) Is it going to be okay with the innkeeper? He didn't seem like the most ... friendly person.
Simon: It'll be fine. He's gone for the weekend, off redecorating our bedroom at the palace. My room. (shakes his head) I don't know whoever thought of this. But you've got the weekend, at least. With luck, you may be able to register with the Romans by Monday.
Joseph: Then thank you. Thank you very much. Mary's going to be happy to have a place for the night. (shakes Simon's hand excitedly, then hurries offstage)
Simon: (watches Joseph leave) I suppose I should have had them register.
Elizabeth: (walks up to Simon with fabric swatches in her hand) Simon, didn't you hear me?
(Paige joins them, looking over their shoulders.)
Simon: How could I ever ignore you, my dear? What is it?
Elizabeth: Just look at these samples for the wall treatment Aaron wants to do. There's this, and this one, and -- oh, I really love this one.
Aaron: Is that the pastel? I think the pastel is to die for. I see it on that wall, there, and hanging in the doorway, there. (gestures toward walls)
Paige: (to Simon) What do you think?
Simon: (smiles halfheartedly) I think whatever Elizabeth and Aaron decide will be just fine.
Paige: That's the kind of confidence in our decorators that we like to see. And while Elizabeth and Aaron decide what to do with the walls, let's see what Jacob and Ruth are up to, in the staff quarters of King Herod's palace --
(Paige walks offstage, followed by the others.)
Scene One ends
Scene Two: The Palace
(Scene Two opens on another room in Simon and Elizabeth's quarters at the palace. Ruth and Hildy are conferring, while Jacob is just wandering around the room aimlessly, scratching himself and occasionally picking up a bowl or pot, or other object, which he studies, checking the bottom for a price tag. Hildy is dressed flamboyantly, and wears a shawl over her shoulders.)
Hildy: So what do you think of the floors in here, darling?
Ruth: They're very nice. The stone is so level, and the mosaics here in the center are so pretty --
Jacob: Must have cost a fortune. My tax dollars at work. (picks up a small object, looks at it, and slips it in a pocket, looking around to make sure no one saw him)
Hildy: Stone and mosaics are sooo BC, darling. Think modern. How does a floor like this feel on your bare feet in the morning -- in the winter?
Ruth: Well, I --
Hildy: Go ahead, take your sandals off. Walk around a little. (Ruth slips her sandals off and takes a few hesitant steps, while Hildy picks up a clay pot on the table.) See what I mean? Cold.
Ruth: I guess it is a little cold.
(Jacob is wandering around again, not paying attention.)
Hildy: And dangerous. What do you think happens when a floor like this gets wet? (dumps the clay pot on the floor)
(Jacob, not looking, steps in the "water," slips, and falls.)
Hildy: See?
Ruth: (doubtfully) I guess.
(Paige enters the room and goes to Jacob who is lying on the floor.)
Paige: Jacob, dude, this is no time to be lying down on the job. You've got a whole weekend of work to do.
Jacob: I think I broke something. I heard something snap.
Paige: You know what they say in show business -- break a leg! (steps over him, up to Hildy and Ruth) So, what's the first thing they need to do here, Hildy?
(Jacob struggles to his feet, pulls pieces of the object he'd stolen out of his pocket.)
Jacob: (to himself) At least it wasn't my hip.
Hildy: We were just looking at the floors, dear. Oh, so cold and drafty. And slippery. Obviously we can't have this in a bedroom. The bedroom is supposed to be warm and cozy, a sanctuary from the rest of the world. Your own secret hiding place, where you --
Paige: Tick-tock, tick-tock, Hildy. What are you going to do?
Hildy: I have a vision for this room. We can create their own little world, a place different from the whole rest of the palace, where they can retreat and be comfortable.
Paige: And how are you going to do that?
Hildy: From the ground up, dear. I had five tons of dirt delivered to the courtyard this morning, and we -- ha, ha, I mean they -- are going to move all of that dirt into this room and spread it around the floor, about six inches deep.
Jacob: (stunned) Five tons of dirt?
Hildy: I know. Breathtaking, isn't it? And once the dirt is in, we're going to plant grass, and some beautiful shrubbery over there in the corner. And perhaps there could be a hedge, separating the bed from the sitting area. There's no end to the possibilities. It'll be marvelous. (takes off her shawl, sweeps it through the air for emphasis, and throws it on the table)
Jacob: It'll be nuts. I've spent my whole life working to buy a place that doesn't have a dirt floor. Why would they --
Hildy: No room for narrow minds, Jacob -- we're talking art here. (to Paige and Ruth) Let me show you the new furniture I picked out. I came across the most smashing lawn furniture in the bazaar in Jerusalem. It's out in the courtyard. (takes each of them by the arm, starts to lead them away)
Ruth: (uncertainly) I'm not so sure about this --
Hildy: I am. Trust me, darling. (over her shoulder, to Jacob) Now be a dear and clean up that water, will you? Somebody could fall and get hurt.
Jacob: (incredulous, calling to them as they leave) Somebody already did! Somebody got hurt and wet! (hearing no reply, he looks around for a moment, picks up her shawl from the table and drops it on the floor, pushes it around with his foot as if he is mopping the floor) It must be forty degrees in here. Won't Herod spring for a little heat? (spots a brightly colored robe on one of the chairs, slips it on and wraps it around himself) That's better. (starts rummaging around again, turning his back to the audience)
(The three wise men walk onstage, escorted by two guards. One of the guards points to Jacob.)
Guard 1: That's the Royal Advisor. He's been expecting you.
Melchior: Thank you, sir.
Guard 1: Is there anything else, sir?
Melchior: (hands him a gold coin) Keep an eye on the camels for us, will you?
Guard 1: (tests the coin by biting on it, slips it into a pocket) We'll have them washed and waxed for you, too.
Guard 2: How long do you expect to be here?
Melchior: I really don't know -- I don't expect it'll be long. We just need to confer with the advisor.
Guard 2: Well, when you leave, be sure to give the guard your ticket. (hands him a ticket stub) The first hour is a flat rate, no matter how long you stay.
(The guards leave. The Magi wait for a moment. then Melchior clears his throat.)
Melchior: A-hem.
Jacob: (drops whatever he was holding, spins around) What? I was just looking.
Melchior: A thousand pardons for interrupting you, sir.
Jacob: (mostly to himself) Sir?
Melchior: My name is Melchior. This is Gaspar and Balthasar. (each wise man nods when introduced) We have arrived from Babylon this very night.
Jacob: Yes?
Gaspar: Surely our messenger reached here to tell you we were coming? I know you must be busy, as King Herod's Royal Advisor, but if you have just a few moments --
Jacob: Royal advisor? Oh, right. (looks down at his robe, realizes it is far nicer and worth far more than anything he owns) Yes, I am the Royal Advisor. And the name's Jacob, not Shirley. (leans forward and peers down the hallway) I think I can spare a few minutes. What do you need?
Balthasar: Sir, we are from Babylon. Melchior is in the Royal Court, there, Gaspar is head of Philosophy at Tigris U, and I hold the Nebuchednezzar Chair in the Foreign Studies Department at the university. We are here in search of a king.
Jacob: (points) Out that door, turn right, and go up the stairs at the end of the hall. Look for the gold-covered doors and the mean-looking guards. Don't forget to knock.
Balthasar: We're not looking for King Herod, sir. We're looking for a much greater king.
Jacob: (looks over his shoulder) Greater than King Herod? Look, you don't really want to talk that way in here. Herod's a bit ... moody.
Balthasar: I understand. But truly, we're not here for him. We're looking for a new king, whose birth was proclaimed by the stars.
Gaspar: We saw a sign in the sky -- a great star, where there had been none before. Our science tells us that it signifies the birth of a wonderful new king here in Judea, as foretold by prophecy.
Jacob: (scratches himself absently) A star, eh? Well, I haven't been out much at night, lately. Does your science give you an address? Judea's a big place.
Gaspar: Your own Hebrew prophets have long foretold the birth of a very special king, in the family line of your King David.
Jacob: The clan of King David began in Bethlehem, but it must be spread to the four corners of the kingdom, and beyond, after all these years. How can you ever hope to find him?
Melchior: By good luck -- or divine design -- your Emperor Augustus did us the favor of gathering the entire clan in one place at one time. All descendants of that family should be in Bethlehem now, or should be passing through here very soon.
Jacob: Well, good luck finding him. That place is a zoo. Wall to wall people -- they're sleeping in the countryside. I can't tell you how many people I've (pauses) how many people have been turned away from the inn in Bethlehem.
Melchior: Still, we must look. The star tells us we must find this child.
Jacob: (thoughtfully) You're going to need a place to stay while you're in Bethlehem, aren't you?
Gaspar: We will.
Jacob: (picks up a piece of paper from the table, writes something hastily) Then let me do you a favor -- you know, as Herod's advisor. Take this to the Bethlehem Village Inn, near the main gate. Tell them you have permission to use the innkeeper's own room while you're in town.
Gaspar: (takes paper) But won't the innkeeper mind?
Jacob: He won't mind. I know him very well. But just to be fair, why don't you pay him for the room? Nothing too extravagant for men such as yourself -- say five shekels a night?
Gaspar: Five shekels? That won't be a problem.
Jacob: Did I say five? I meant ten. Ten shekels a night.
Melchior: I see. Ten it is. And perhaps we'd best leave while it's still ten. (bows slightly) Thank you for your ... kindness and generosity, sir. (looks at the other Magi) Let's be on our way, we can be there by this afternoon.
(The three wise men leave in a small procession.)
Melchior: (as they walk out) Now, does anybody need to use the restroom? I don't want to be stopping every ten minutes.
Gaspar: Hey! It wasn't me last time.
Jacob: (calls after them) When you find this new king, let us know. I'm sure King Herod will want to extend his best wishes! (to himself) They'll be searching for a month, and I'll get richer every day. (takes off the robe, drops it on the table)
(Ruth and Hildy walk back in, with Paige in tow.)
Hildy: There you are. Were you planning on joining us?
Jacob: Sure, why not? Things are starting to look up.
Ruth: Well, you seem to be in a better mood.
Jacob: I just decided to go with the flow, Ruth. Just going with the flow.
Paige: And while Jacob and Ruth get ready to go with the flow -- and start lugging in five tons of dirt -- let's look in on Simon and Elizabeth, and see how they're getting along with Aaron and his plans to revitalize the Bethlehem Village Inn's common room.
Scene Two ends
Scene Three: The Inn
(Scene Three opens with Elizabeth sitting at a table in the foreground, sewing, with Aaron in the background measuring windows in the walls. Simon is not visible. Paige approaches Elizabeth.)
Paige: So here we are, late in Day One, and it looks like they've put you to work, Elizabeth. How is it going?
Elizabeth: We're not as far as I'd hoped we'd be, but I guess it's Okay. I've got another three window treatments to do and then a tablecloth and some placemats. But I don't know if we're going to make it.
Aaron: (approaches them) Don't you believe her, Paige, she's doing a fabulous job. (leans over and hugs Elizabeth briefly) She's a real trooper. I wish we had five more like her.
Paige: And where's Simon? I don't see him.
Aaron: Oh, him. He's reweaving the chair seats, out back. I just had to get him out of here. There's just way too much negative energy flowing out of that man. He is like a bad karma magnet.
Simon: (from offstage) Aaron! Aaron! Come here, there's something wrong. These seats don't look right.
Aaron: And did I mention he's completely worthless? He probably wove his fingers into one of the seats. I --
Simon: (offstage) Aaron, I really need help!
Aaron: (loudly) Coming! (to Paige) I'm sorry, I have to go see what he's gotten into. (exits)
Elizabeth: (reluctantly) I'm afraid there have been some personality conflicts.
Paige: So I see. I hope they don't keep you from finishing your room.
Elizabeth: Oh, they won't. Don't worry about that. We'll stay up all night if we have to.
Paige: I'm afraid it may come to that -- and I know Aaron will make sure you finish. Now I'd better see what's happening out back. (exits)
(The three Magi approach Elizabeth from the other direction.)
Melchior: Is this the Bethlehem Village Inn?
Elizabeth: Yes it is. Can I help you?
Melchior: I have this note -- my friends and I have permission to spend the night in the innkeeper's room. If you could just show us where it is?
Elizabeth: (looks at note) Well -- this seems a little strange. But Jacob said you could use it?
Gaspar: Yes, he did. We're going to be in Bethlehem for a while, and we didn't have a place to stay. He was nice enough to arrange for us to get this room.
Elizabeth: Well -- I guess it will be okay, if he says so. The innkeeper's room is back there, to the left.
Balthasar: Thank you, ma'am. (hands her a bag of coins) And here is a week's rent, as he suggested.
Elizabeth: (opens bag, looks surprised) Okay, now this is making more sense. You look tired -- go on and get some rest. I'll have someone take your beasts down to the stable.
Melchior: Are you sure, ma'am? Truth is, we are very tired. It's been a long trip, and we spent most of this afternoon searching through Bethlehem and the countryside around it.
Elizabeth: And did you find what you were looking for?
Gaspar: Not yet, but we will. The stars don't lie, and neither do the great prophecies.
Elizabeth: (begins sewing again) I'm sure you will. There's bread and fruit in the kitchen and fresh water on the table.
Balthasar: Thank you, ma'am. (bows) We appreciate your hospitality.
(There is no answer, so the three wise men depart in the direction Elizabeth pointed. A few moments later Simon enters from a different direction.)
Simon: Did I hear voices?
Elizabeth: Yes, just some more travelers. These three had a note from Jacob, allowing them to stay in his room. And a week's rent.
Simon: I'm not surprised. He would rent out his mother's room, for the right price. Are they here for the census?
Elizabeth: I don't think so. They said they're looking for someone, or something.
Simon: Good luck finding them around here. This village seems to get fuller by the hour.
Elizabeth: I'm sure it'll work out for them.
Simon: Anyway, it's not our problem. Can you come out? Aaron wants to give us our homework for the night.
Elizabeth: Sure, just a second. (stands up and starts to walk after Simon; the curtain follows her, sewn to her clothes)
Simon: (turns to look at her) Nice look.
Elizabeth: Don't push your luck. It's going to be a long night, and there's no guarantee you have to live through it. (rips the curtain off her clothing; they both exit)
Scene Three ends
Scene Four: The Inn
(Scene Four opens at the Inn. Simon is seated in a chair, leaning back, with his head back, mouth open, and snoring softly; there is fabric in his lap. Aaron is seated with his head on the table, cushioned by his arms. Jacob and Ruth sneak in. Jacob is in one of Simon's robes; there is dirt on his face.)
Jacob: (after a shh motion) See, I told you they'd be asleep.
Ruth: I still don't feel right about this.
Jacob: I told you, one quick look and we're out of here. After I saw what we were doing to their place, I just had to see what they were doing here.
Ruth: It doesn't look too bad. Let's go. (tries to leave)
Jacob: Sure. Just let me check the till and make sure they put the money from those Babylonians in there. (starts to sneak past Simon)
Simon: (wakes with a start) I'm awake! I'm awake! I was just resting my eyes. (looks around) What? Who? You aren't supposed to be here!
Jacob: Shhh. We just wanted to see how the room was coming.
Simon: Isn't that against the rules?
Ruth: That's what I tried to tell him.
Jacob: It's my home. I should be able to see what you're doing to it.
Simon: So far, lots of window and wall treatments. That man is obsessed with fabrics. (holds up a hand) I can't tell you how many times I've stuck myself with these darn needles.
Ruth: Okay, then, let's go. I don't want to get caught.
Jacob: Hildy won't be waking up for a while. I put enough sleeping powder in her water to put down an elephant.
Simon: Since you're here, how is our bedroom coming along?
Jacob: That depends. Do you think of yourself as an outdoorsy person?
(Simon looks puzzled, but before he can answer Joseph rushes into the room.)
Joseph: Please! I need some help, here.
Jacob: You? I thought I turned you away a couple of days ago.
Joseph: You did. But he (points to Simon) told us we could stay. My wife and I are in the stable.
Jacob: (admiringly) The stable, eh? I never thought of renting that out. How much did you get for it?
Simon: Nothing. They seemed like a nice couple, and they needed a place to stay. His wife is pregnant.
Joseph: And I think she's going to have the baby now! We need help.
Jacob: Nothing? Do you know how big that stable is? I could have fit three or four families in there.
Elizabeth: We're going to need some clean cloths.
Simon: Well, I know someone who's got plenty of nice, new cloth. Aaron! Aaron! Wake up!
Aaron: (raises his head groggily) I didn't do it. And if I did, I didn't mean to. What?
Simon: We have a woman giving birth. Do you have some fabric we can use?
Aaron: What, are you going to make him a little sailor suit? Trust me, it'll take you forever to sew anything. Honestly, if this man were any clumsier he wouldn't be able to feed himself. He's about as coordinated as a pig wearing mittens.
Simon: Focus, here. We don't need the fabric to make clothes.
Ruth: We need something to wrap around him, once the baby is born. Something soft and warm.
Aaron: I have some white linen. (sorts through the fabric on the table, comes up with white material) This was going to be used as an accent on the chair covers. It was going to look fabulous.
Ruth: It'll look even better around a baby. Come with me. Jacob, you stay with the men.
(Ruth and Aaron hurry away)
Joseph: (nervously) Is there something I should be doing? I feel like I should be doing something.
Jacob: Is this your first?
Joseph: Yes, and it was kind of a surprise, all things considered.
Simon: What do you mean?
Joseph: It's a long story. Should I be doing something to help?
Jacob: The kitchen is back that way. We're going to need boiling water -- lots of it.
Joseph: Right. Boiling water. I can do that. (hurries out)
Simon: So you have children?
Jacob: Four. We've been through this a few times. My wife is very good -- she'll be able to help keep things under control.
Simon: So what's the boiling water for?
Jacob: (smiles) By the time he brings in wood, stokes the fire, draws water, and gets it to boil, it should all be over. And then all he has to do is go down and admire his child. He'll never even ask what the water was for.
Simon: Oh. You know, I've always wondered about that.
Elizabeth: (walks onstage; sleepily) What's all the excitement? I heard someone in the kitchen. Jacob? What are you doing here?
Simon: It's a long story, dear. But that young couple from Nazareth is having their baby tonight.
Elizabeth: Oh my. It's a good thing we made a place for them to stay, then. Is there anything I can do to help?
Simon: You could go down to the stable to see. I'm sure they could use an extra pair of hands.
Elizabeth: I will. Thanks. (exits)
Jacob: She seems excited. Do you have children?
Simon: No. My job made it difficult -- I thought it was so important that I couldn't make time for kids. Like this weekend. I was sure that I couldn't be away from the palace this long, but everything seems to be going along fine.
Jacob: You haven't seen your bedroom yet.
Simon: What?
Jacob: Never mind. You were saying?
Simon: Just that I'm not irreplaceable. For instance, there was this delegation coming from Babylon that I was supposed to meet with. A group of scholars, looking for some new prophet, or something.
Jacob: Oh?
Simon: Yes. Herod wanted me to meet with them and pump them for information -- without helping them. But even without me there, things must have worked out anyway. I'll have to find out what happened.
Jacob: So, when you say you weren't supposed to help them -- what does that mean?
Simon: Why?
Jacob: Well, I think I may have talked to them. And I -- uh -- may have found them a place to stay, while they look for this new king of theirs.
Simon: New king? That's what Herod was afraid of. What did they tell you?
Jacob: That they were looking for a new king that had just been born, or was about to be born. They were following a sign in the sky, and some old Hebrew prophecies.
Simon: That would be the Messiah, then. The great leader, the savior of our people. That's not what King Herod wanted to hear. Where were they going to be staying?
(Jacob hesitates, then points down the hall.)
Simon: They're the travelers in your room!
Jacob: (apologetically) I'm afraid so.
Simon: Oh-oh. Now I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that. King Herod has certain expectations, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Jacob: Sorry if I made any trouble.
Simon: It may not be a problem, if we can just send them on their way. Whatever we do, we can't let them find this king -- if they're right.
Jacob: They seemed pretty sure of themselves.
Simon: All the more reason to worry.
(Elizabeth hurries in.)
Elizabeth: Where's Joseph?
Simon: In the kitchen. Why?
Elizabeth: Because he's a new father, and he needs to see his son. And you need to see, too.
Simon: I've seen babies before.
Elizabeth: Not like this.
(Elizabeth goes back toward the kitchen. Simon and Jacob look at one another for a moment, then leave for the stable.)
Scene Four ends
Scene Five: The Stable
(Scene Five opens at the stable, where Aaron is standing outside, dabbing at his forehead. Shepherds are standing there, as well. Mary is propped up in the back, cradling a baby in her arms, with Ruth kneeling next to her.)
Simon: What's all this?
Aaron: It's a nightmare. I never saw anything like it. And my material -- it's ruined!
Simon: Why don't you go back up the inn and get something to drink?
Aaron: And then I'm going to need a nap. This was exhausting. (exits)
Jacob: (to Shepherd 1) Who are you and what are you doing here?
Shepherd 1: We are shepherds from the hills west of Bethlehem, sir. We came here because we were sent.
Jacob: Sent by who?
Shepherd 2: We were tending our flocks and all of a sudden there was this blinding white light in the heavens.
Jacob: The star?
Simon: Star?
Jacob: The sign in the heavens that the Babylonians were following.
Shepherd 3: Not the star, sir. We've seen it, ourselves, in the last couple of weeks, but it was much brighter than that.
Shepherd 4: This light was brighter than the sun at midday, and it lit up the meadow around us, so bright that it hurt our eyes.
Jacob: What was it?
Shepherd 1: I've never seen anything like it -- but it was the glory of God.
Simon: The glory of God?
Shepherd 2: Yes. God was there. And all of a sudden I could see a shape like a man in the sky, and this voice came out of the light. It was like thunder -- so loud I almost had to cover my ears -- but I couldn't move. I just stood there and listened -- too scared to move.
Shepherd 3: And then the voice said: "Don't be afraid. I bring you glad tidings of great joy. The Savior, the Messiah, is born tonight in Bethlehem, the city of David."
Simon: The Messiah?
Shepherd 4: Yes. And then the voice said, "This is how you will recognize him -- you will find a baby lying in a manger, wrapped in swaddling cloths."
Shepherd 1: And then suddenly there were more of them -- more angels than we could count, singing, "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace and good will toward mankind."
(As they're speaking, Joseph and Elizabeth come onto the scene. Joseph hurries in to be with Mary; Elizabeth stays out with Simon.)
Shepherd 2: And so we come to worship this new wonder -- this Messiah who will grow up to save all humankind -- King of all kings.
Simon: King of kings? Hmm
(He hesitates, then leans over and whispers something to Elizabeth. She looks uncertain, and then leaves quickly.)
Shepherd 3: We followed the light in the heavens, until we came to this place. And there, just as we had been told, there was a child in the manger.
Ruth: (comes out) When they told me what had happened, I knew this was no ordinary child. So I sent Elizabeth for all of you.
Jacob: It sounds like the new king that the Babylonians were looking for, doesn't it?
Simon: Yes, it does. And it sounds like the new king Herod was afraid of, too.
Paige: (comes onstage) So there you are! We've been looking all over for you. You're supposed to be working on your rooms, not ... not ... whatever you're doing here. What are you doing here?
Jacob: Something a little more important seems to have come up, Paige. I'm sorry.
Paige: I'm sorry, too, but you have some obligations here. You're supposed to be working on your rooms.
Jacob: I just don't think those obligations are very important, tonight. Sorry.
Paige: (horrified) Not important? But this is TV! There isn't anything more important than that. This is reality TV.
Jacob: No it's not. Dumping five tons of dirt into a man's bedroom isn't reality.
Simon: Wha --?
Jacob: Never mind. Swapping rooms so some half-crazy designers can indulge their whims isn't reality. That's reality in there. (points toward Mary and the baby) That's a new life coming into the world. Maybe even new life coming for the whole world.
Paige: (stares at him) Mister, I don't know what your problem is, but you've got some seriously warped views of the world. We're done here. (walks away in disgust)
(The Magi walk past her, with Elizabeth.)
Melchior: (to Simon) Your wife said we were to come to the stable at once.
Simon: Jacob tells me you're looking for some kind of newborn king.
Melchior: That's right. Your Hebrew prophets called him the Messiah, the Savior.
Gaspar: He will be born in the town of Bethlehem, in the line of King David.
Balthasar: He will be a great king that will rule over all the earth, and bring God's kingdom to earth.
Simon: I see. I think your man is in there. The little one, wrapped in swaddling clothes.
(The Magi seem startled for a moment, then approach Mary and the baby. They kneel, still at a distance.)
Melchior: What is the name of this child?
Mary: We will call him Jesus.
Melchior: (bows down) We are blessed.
(The lights go down, and Simon and Jacob walk away from the stable.)
Jacob: I'd say they found what they were looking for.
Simon: I'd say they've found a lot more than we really know. I have a funny feeling we're going to be hearing more from that little guy in there -- some day.
Jacob: What are you going to tell King Herod?
Simon: Nothing much to tell, is there? I wasn't at the palace this weekend, I was busy sewing window treatments. And I've got the wounds to prove it. By the time he knows anything about this, they'll be long gone. (pauses) Funny, isn't it?
Jacob: What?
Simon: A day ago, we were ready to spend hundreds of shekels and days of our time to try to change our worlds. And this little baby comes along and does it all by himself, in just a moment of time -- just by coming into the world.
Jacob: (smiles) Now that's the kind of reality I can deal with.
(The two men clasp hands and walk back into the stable.)
The End
