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My name is Thomas, but people have always called me "the twin," because I am a twin. I am one of the twelve early disciples of Jesus of Nazareth. I am certainly not the most prominent of the twelve, nor, I hope, am I the least in my contributions. I suppose that you could say that I am just about average when it comes to being a disciple. In fact, if you should ever have occasion to look up the lists of the early disciples of Jesus, you will find that I am always mentioned about half-way through. So I have no grandiose ideas about my own exalted position. But, by the same token, I feel that I can identify pretty well with a lot of other people who might classify themselves as average Christians.

What I want to say is that by the grace of God every one of us can be more than just an average Christian. And, I think that in our heart of hearts, each of us wants to be that "more." I'd like to share my own experiences of how Jesus helped me to grow, and to become that "more" of which I was capable.

One thing that I have to acknowledge is that I have always been inclined to be pessimistic. Perhaps you have heard about that time when Jesus' friend, Lazarus of Bethany, became ill. Jesus had already lost many followers because of the stringency of his requirement. Those of us who were still willing to stick by him were, at the moment, with him on the other side of the Jordan River, in Transjordan, you might say. We were there because it was just far enough away from Jerusalem to be safe. You see, Jesus had already had several encounters with the Jewish authorities in Judea, so we had spent a good deal of our time in Galilee, Samaria, and in Gentile Transjordan, just outside of their reach.

It was at that time that Jesus received word from Mary and Martha that their brother, Lazarus, was gravely ill. When Jesus heard the message, he did nothing for two days. All of us assumed that was wise. If he were to cross the border and go into Bethany, he might very well encounter trouble. On the third day, however, Jesus said, "Let us go to Judea again." All of us became concerned. We said, "Rabbi, the authorities were just recently seeking to stone you. Are you sure that you want to go there again?" Jesus answered, "Our friend, Lazarus, has fallen asleep, and I need to go there to awaken him out of his sleep." Then somebody said, "Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will be all right." Jesus then said plainly, "Lazarus is dead. For your sakes I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."

I got the message about Lazarus being dead, but I didn't see what good Jesus could do for him now. Even so, it was obvious that Jesus was determined to go. We could hardly let him go alone. We had already shared some of the hostility that he had suffered, so I said to the other disciples, "Come on, let's all go. That way we can all die with him." That's about the way I saw that it would work out. I was pessimistic about the outcome of all of this.

Jesus, in fact, used the occasion of my pessimism to demonstrate the power of God. All of us went to Bethany. Lazarus had been dead for four days by the time we arrived. Still, Jesus went to the grave, called out Lazarus' name, and Lazarus appeared! All of us, of course, were awe-struck.

My pessimism, however, proved to be well-founded. When the authorities heard what Jesus had done, they were more determined than ever to get rid of him. Even so, if I had been pessimistic about people, I certainly had every reason to be optimistic about God. The work of Jesus plainly showed that God could and did operate in the lives of people.

Looking back, I can't say that I understood the full impact of Jesus' actions, nor did I understand the full extent of his powers, but he certainly redeemed me from having a totally pessimistic attitude about life. I felt that death would no longer be a problem for us. I suspect that was a part of what Jesus wanted us to feel -- that death should not be a problem -- but at that time, I felt there would be no death at all -- and in that I was being unrealistic. Still, Jesus had redeemed me from pessimism.

Another thing Jesus did for me: he helped me to understand God better. Not long after the raising of Lazarus, we all went up to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover. On the night of the Passover meal, we were together in an upper room. Jesus did a strange thing: he took a basin of water and a towel and began to wash our feet. When some of us protested, he pointed out that this was to demonstrate that each of us was called to serve. I could understand that; his words were plain. Then he spoke of someone betraying him, and of Peter denying him. That part was vague to me.

Finally, he said that he was going away. That was news to me. I was glad when Peter asked him, "Where are you going?" but I didn't understand the answer. Jesus spoke of going to the Father's house and of preparing a place for us. He said, "Where I am going you know, and the way you know." After that no one asked him anything further about it. It was as if they were all satisfied with the answer, and I was the only one who didn't understand. So I pressed the point and said, "Lord, we don't know where you are going. How can we know the way?" I was asking that question for myself, to be sure, but as I look back, I think that it was a question that anyone might ask, even today.

Jesus took the occasion of my question to bring out one of his most important lessons. He said, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Jesus was saying that he was the way to God. If we wanted to find God, it would be through him, his way, his teaching. He went on to say that he and the Father were one, meaning that whoever had seen Jesus had seen God. I had not thought of him in that way before. Oh, I had recognized something unique in him. I thought of him as a prophet, a teacher -- yes, even as the Messiah. But now he was saying that God himself could be seen in him. Jesus had taken me, an average person, without much theological background, and had made it possible for me to experience God. I was no longer ignorant; I had seen the truth.

The next experience I want to share with you is how Jesus overcame my disillusionment. I suppose that this is the experience that people most often think about when they hear about me. I think that it is particularly significant for anyone who is troubled by questions and doubts about Jesus.

Following that wonderful experience in the upper room that night, we disciples accompanied Jesus to the Garden of Gethsemane for rest and prayer. Each of us, I think, felt that the glorious revelation of Jesus' power was imminent. But before the night was over, Jesus was betrayed, led away, and imprisoned without a fight. The next day I saw him tried, beaten, crucified, killed, and buried. This was God? This was the one who raised someone else from the dead? I fled in terror and disappointment, utterly disillusioned.

The other disciples had somehow managed to stay together, more out of fear than loyalty, I think. Several days after the crucifixion they were all together in one place, behind locked doors. I was not there; I had quit their number. That night Jesus appeared to them. There was no question about it, they said. He came among them, showed them his hands and side, breathed his spirit upon them, and said, "Peace be with you."

When I saw them several days later, they told me about it. I thought that they had had an hallucination. Or perhaps they were just trying to cheer me up. Frankly, I was surprised to hear that they were still meeting together. Didn't they realize that it was over? I said, "Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger in the mark of the nails, and place my hand in his side, I will not believe." There was, after all, a limit to my credulity. I wanted tangible evidence.

I was much in thought during the next several days, however. The others seemed so certain. Perhaps I had made a mistake in isolating myself from the group as I had. It began to occur to me that when we are troubled by doubt or sorrow, we need the fellowship of other Christians even more than when our faith is strong. For my part, I missed an experience with Christ that I desperately needed because I had cut myself off from the fellowship. When we are alone, we miss things that can only be experienced with others. If I were to give any advice to you based on what I learned from my experience, it would be that when you are going through a time of trial in your faith, stay closer than ever to the community of faith. Don't feel that you have to be such a confident believer to be a part of the fellowship. As I came to this conclusion, I once again joined in the gathering of the fellowship.

On the next Sunday, we were all together in the same place again, behind locked doors, and Jesus came and stood among us. Again he said, "Peace be with you." Then he looked at me and said, "Put your finger here, Thomas, and feel my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not doubt, Thomas, but believe." I didn't need to touch him. I fell to my knees in reverence, saying, "My Lord and my God." He had come to me in my weakness to give me strength. He had not required a certain level of commitment from me first, only an openness so that I could be approached. He accepted me as I was, with my doubts and misgivings, and he ministered to my need. My friends, you do not have to have everything solved before you can call yourself a follower of Jesus Christ. I am confident from my experience that if you only honestly seek him, he will make himself known to you. He helped me overcome my doubt.

Let me share one last experience I had with the risen Lord. By now I had become a convinced believer. I was once again in close association with the other disciples. But there our understanding ended. We had returned to Galilee and gone back to fishing. We still had faith, but no direction. One morning, after fishing all night and catching nothing, while we were still out on the Sea of Galilee, some distance from the shore, someone on the shore called to us and asked whether we had caught anything. We replied, "No," whereupon the person on the shore said, "Cast the net to the right side of the boat and you will find fish." We tried it, and made a great catch. John strained his eyes to see who was giving us this advice, and declared, "It is the Lord!" Upon hearing that, Peter jumped into the water and swam ashore. It was, in fact, Jesus on the shore. He talked with us and shared a meal with us as he had done on so many occasions.

It was not the great draft of fish that impressed us. It was the awareness that when we were operating on our own we were not succeeding, but that when we were under the direction of Jesus we were successful. I don't mean to apply this in some crass business sense, as though to say that if we had kept at fishing, Jesus would have guaranteed our wealth. He was teaching us that if we submitted our lives to his direction, he would use us to bring about results. Each of us got the message and submitted ourselves to be instruments open to his direction. From that moment, we have been partners with Jesus Christ.

He led me from pessimism about people to optimism about God, from ignorance of God's nature to understanding God as Father, from disillusionment to faith, from unrewarding enterprise to purposeful living. I, Thomas the doubter, became Thomas the dedicated disciple through the grace and help of Jesus Christ. That same path is open to you!