Evangelist Everett Everlovin
Drama
Thespian Theology
Advent, Christmas, Epiphany -- Cycle B
Thespian Theological Thoughts
Because there was nothing else on the radio in my truck the other day, I was listening to an evangelist (who, because I don't want to be sued, will remain anonymous), and I was struck by how many personal pronouns the man used: my ministry; I did this and that; please respond to my call; and so forth, ad nauseam.
I thought about John the Baptizer, who had a considerable following in Judea before Jesus came upon the scene. Jesus said that, among those born of woman, there had arisen none greater than John (Matthew 11:11). Yet John came to realize that "he must increase, but I must decrease."
This play was not written to point out and ridicule televangelists; many of them have wonderful ministries. And many of us who don't go before the microphone consider that we have good ministries as well. The point is this: Whatever ministry I may think I have, it will amount to nothing until I realize that it's not my ministry, but Jesus' ministry, which he graciously shares with me.
Sometimes that's hard for us "me-first" folks, isn't it? But that's what Jesus calls us to do: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind." That doesn't leave any room for "me-first," does it?
Cast
Narrator
Everett Everlovin
Voice (offstage)
Elder Elvin
Evelyn Everlovin
John The Baptizer
Props/Costumes
Everett -- Bible, handkerchief
Elvin -- account books, letter
John -- camel's hair coat
(Narrator is at podium, stage left)
Narrator: Behold Evangelist Everett Everlovin (Everett enters stage right, moves to center stage), a legend in his own mind!
Everett: Brothers and sisters, hear me now: I'm talkin' about the glorious consummation of history! The Lord is about to create new heavens and a new earth! Weeping and lamentation will be no more, my brothers and sisters! The wolf and the lamb will eat together; serpents will no longer strike; and the Lord is gonna bless us, and our children after us! We will plant vineyards, and eat our fruit, and our work will not be fruitless! How do I know all this? Why, it's right here in the Bible, my friends. I have devoted my lifetime to studying this Good Book, and it is truly a light unto my path. And for a goodwill offering of just $49.95, you can receive this beautiful leather-bound Bible, personally autographed by me ... plus a copy of my study guide, titled An Everlovin God Speaks! Just send your check or money order to the address that appears on your screen -- or you may reach out to us at our website: www.everlovin.org -- thank you, and God bless you, my brothers and sisters.
Voice: (Offstage) That's a wrap.
Everett: Whew! I'm glad that's over. Those TV lights are hot! (Pulls out a handkerchief and mops himself) I hope to God we raised some bucks with that.
(Elder Elvin enters stage left; he is carrying account books)
Elvin: Brother Everlovin, sir! Oh, dear me, how can I say this?
Everett: What is it, Elder Elvin?
Elvin: Brother Everlovin, this ministry is in deep doo-doo! Goodwill offerings are way down, and our expenses have gone through the roof since you built this cathedral-and-TV-station complex! We can't meet our operating expenses, and we've missed six payments on our bank loan.
Everett: Relax, Elvin, my son! I'll just call the bank and have a little heart-to-heart chat and a prayer with them.
Elvin: Um, I don't think that would be a good idea, sir.
Everett: Whatever do you mean, Elvin?
Elvin: (Hands Everett a letter) Here, read this letter from the bank, sir.
Everett: (Reads) "Dear Evangelist Everlovin: You are now six months in arrears on your $35 million loan from this bank. Heart-to-heart chats and prayer don't cut the mustard anymore. If we do not receive payment on your loan by the end of the month, we will begin foreclosure proceedings. Financially yours, First Bank and Trust." (Tears up the letter and tosses it) Why, the unmitigated gall of those godless moneychangers! How could they do this to me?
(Evelyn Everlovin enters stage right and runs to Everett)
Evelyn: Everett, what's the matter? You look ill, my sweetie-poo!
Everett: Oh, Evelyn, my turtle dove, I don't know how to tell you this! The ministry is broke, and the bank is about to foreclose on the mort-gage! (Pronounces it "morte-gaige") Our brothers and sisters out there in televangelism-land are not supporting me, and those infidel moneychangers at First Bank and Trust are hanging me out to dry! How could they do this to me? How can God let them do this to me?
Evelyn: Everett, my dearest, God's word says that we should rejoice always, and in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus. Let's just pray, right now. Father, we ...
Everett: Oh, Evelyn, give it up, for Pete's sake! Can't you see it's over? (Puts his face in his hands and sobs)
Elvin: Brother Everlovin, God's word also says that those who sow in tears shall reap in joyful shouting. Let's just shout for joy at this testing of our faith. (Shouts) Praise you ...
Everett: Oh, give it a rest, Elvin! How can I shout for joy, when the world is sending locusts to feed on my vineyard? How can I thank God, when all my years of work have proven fruitless?
(John The Baptizer enters down the main aisle; he is wearing a camel's hair coat)
John: Prepare ye the way of the Lord! Make straight in the desert a highway for our God!
Everett: Who the devil are you?
John: Let me give you a hint -- a voice of one crying in the wilderness.
Everett: Oh, my! (Kneels) What are you doing here, Mr. Baptizer?
John: Get up off your knees, Ev. You'll dirty up your polyester suit! (Everett stands) What I'm doing here, Mr. Big-time Evangelist, is very simple. I'm reminding you that "he must increase, but I must decrease."
Everett: Huh?
John: You keep saying, "How can they do this to me?" Where's your focus, my man?
Everett: But ...
John: But, nothing! Jesus is the Way, and the Truth, and the Life, Everett. If the path of your way is not Jesus; if your source of truth is not Jesus; if the focus of your life is not Jesus, then you've lost your way. You're losing sight of truth, and you will lose your life.
Everett: Hey, wait a minute here! My ministry is all about Jesus, and I've studied the Bible all my life, and I've dedicated my life to saving souls ...
John: Ev, my man. Take a hard look at what you just said. How many personal pronouns did you cram into one little statement? "My ministry! I've studied all my life! I've dedicated my life to saving souls." I'm sorry to burst your bubble here, bubba. You don't save souls; Jesus does! And if your ministry doesn't become Jesus' ministry, there won't be many souls bein' saved!
Everett: Whoa, that's harsh!
John: Reality can be harsh, Ev. But pay attention!
Everett: Huh?
John: Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, speaking through your brothers and sisters.
Evelyn: God's word says that we should rejoice always, and in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus. Let's pray.
Elvin: God's word also says that those who sow in tears will reap in joyful shouting. Let's shout for joy.
John: Do you get the message, Ev?
Everett: Um ... rejoice, pray, and give thanks?
John: Yup ... and what else?
Everett: Um ... I forget.
John: "He must ..."
Everett: Oh, yeah! "He must increase, but I must decrease."
John: You got it, bubba!
Everett: That's not gonna be easy for me.
John: 'Twasn't easy for me, either, Ev, but we have to do it. Because Jesus says so! (Turns to the audience) Okay, folks -- repeat after me: "He must increase, but I must decrease." Like the Nike¦ ad says, "Just do it!"
Because there was nothing else on the radio in my truck the other day, I was listening to an evangelist (who, because I don't want to be sued, will remain anonymous), and I was struck by how many personal pronouns the man used: my ministry; I did this and that; please respond to my call; and so forth, ad nauseam.
I thought about John the Baptizer, who had a considerable following in Judea before Jesus came upon the scene. Jesus said that, among those born of woman, there had arisen none greater than John (Matthew 11:11). Yet John came to realize that "he must increase, but I must decrease."
This play was not written to point out and ridicule televangelists; many of them have wonderful ministries. And many of us who don't go before the microphone consider that we have good ministries as well. The point is this: Whatever ministry I may think I have, it will amount to nothing until I realize that it's not my ministry, but Jesus' ministry, which he graciously shares with me.
Sometimes that's hard for us "me-first" folks, isn't it? But that's what Jesus calls us to do: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind." That doesn't leave any room for "me-first," does it?
Cast
Narrator
Everett Everlovin
Voice (offstage)
Elder Elvin
Evelyn Everlovin
John The Baptizer
Props/Costumes
Everett -- Bible, handkerchief
Elvin -- account books, letter
John -- camel's hair coat
(Narrator is at podium, stage left)
Narrator: Behold Evangelist Everett Everlovin (Everett enters stage right, moves to center stage), a legend in his own mind!
Everett: Brothers and sisters, hear me now: I'm talkin' about the glorious consummation of history! The Lord is about to create new heavens and a new earth! Weeping and lamentation will be no more, my brothers and sisters! The wolf and the lamb will eat together; serpents will no longer strike; and the Lord is gonna bless us, and our children after us! We will plant vineyards, and eat our fruit, and our work will not be fruitless! How do I know all this? Why, it's right here in the Bible, my friends. I have devoted my lifetime to studying this Good Book, and it is truly a light unto my path. And for a goodwill offering of just $49.95, you can receive this beautiful leather-bound Bible, personally autographed by me ... plus a copy of my study guide, titled An Everlovin God Speaks! Just send your check or money order to the address that appears on your screen -- or you may reach out to us at our website: www.everlovin.org -- thank you, and God bless you, my brothers and sisters.
Voice: (Offstage) That's a wrap.
Everett: Whew! I'm glad that's over. Those TV lights are hot! (Pulls out a handkerchief and mops himself) I hope to God we raised some bucks with that.
(Elder Elvin enters stage left; he is carrying account books)
Elvin: Brother Everlovin, sir! Oh, dear me, how can I say this?
Everett: What is it, Elder Elvin?
Elvin: Brother Everlovin, this ministry is in deep doo-doo! Goodwill offerings are way down, and our expenses have gone through the roof since you built this cathedral-and-TV-station complex! We can't meet our operating expenses, and we've missed six payments on our bank loan.
Everett: Relax, Elvin, my son! I'll just call the bank and have a little heart-to-heart chat and a prayer with them.
Elvin: Um, I don't think that would be a good idea, sir.
Everett: Whatever do you mean, Elvin?
Elvin: (Hands Everett a letter) Here, read this letter from the bank, sir.
Everett: (Reads) "Dear Evangelist Everlovin: You are now six months in arrears on your $35 million loan from this bank. Heart-to-heart chats and prayer don't cut the mustard anymore. If we do not receive payment on your loan by the end of the month, we will begin foreclosure proceedings. Financially yours, First Bank and Trust." (Tears up the letter and tosses it) Why, the unmitigated gall of those godless moneychangers! How could they do this to me?
(Evelyn Everlovin enters stage right and runs to Everett)
Evelyn: Everett, what's the matter? You look ill, my sweetie-poo!
Everett: Oh, Evelyn, my turtle dove, I don't know how to tell you this! The ministry is broke, and the bank is about to foreclose on the mort-gage! (Pronounces it "morte-gaige") Our brothers and sisters out there in televangelism-land are not supporting me, and those infidel moneychangers at First Bank and Trust are hanging me out to dry! How could they do this to me? How can God let them do this to me?
Evelyn: Everett, my dearest, God's word says that we should rejoice always, and in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus. Let's just pray, right now. Father, we ...
Everett: Oh, Evelyn, give it up, for Pete's sake! Can't you see it's over? (Puts his face in his hands and sobs)
Elvin: Brother Everlovin, God's word also says that those who sow in tears shall reap in joyful shouting. Let's just shout for joy at this testing of our faith. (Shouts) Praise you ...
Everett: Oh, give it a rest, Elvin! How can I shout for joy, when the world is sending locusts to feed on my vineyard? How can I thank God, when all my years of work have proven fruitless?
(John The Baptizer enters down the main aisle; he is wearing a camel's hair coat)
John: Prepare ye the way of the Lord! Make straight in the desert a highway for our God!
Everett: Who the devil are you?
John: Let me give you a hint -- a voice of one crying in the wilderness.
Everett: Oh, my! (Kneels) What are you doing here, Mr. Baptizer?
John: Get up off your knees, Ev. You'll dirty up your polyester suit! (Everett stands) What I'm doing here, Mr. Big-time Evangelist, is very simple. I'm reminding you that "he must increase, but I must decrease."
Everett: Huh?
John: You keep saying, "How can they do this to me?" Where's your focus, my man?
Everett: But ...
John: But, nothing! Jesus is the Way, and the Truth, and the Life, Everett. If the path of your way is not Jesus; if your source of truth is not Jesus; if the focus of your life is not Jesus, then you've lost your way. You're losing sight of truth, and you will lose your life.
Everett: Hey, wait a minute here! My ministry is all about Jesus, and I've studied the Bible all my life, and I've dedicated my life to saving souls ...
John: Ev, my man. Take a hard look at what you just said. How many personal pronouns did you cram into one little statement? "My ministry! I've studied all my life! I've dedicated my life to saving souls." I'm sorry to burst your bubble here, bubba. You don't save souls; Jesus does! And if your ministry doesn't become Jesus' ministry, there won't be many souls bein' saved!
Everett: Whoa, that's harsh!
John: Reality can be harsh, Ev. But pay attention!
Everett: Huh?
John: Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, speaking through your brothers and sisters.
Evelyn: God's word says that we should rejoice always, and in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus. Let's pray.
Elvin: God's word also says that those who sow in tears will reap in joyful shouting. Let's shout for joy.
John: Do you get the message, Ev?
Everett: Um ... rejoice, pray, and give thanks?
John: Yup ... and what else?
Everett: Um ... I forget.
John: "He must ..."
Everett: Oh, yeah! "He must increase, but I must decrease."
John: You got it, bubba!
Everett: That's not gonna be easy for me.
John: 'Twasn't easy for me, either, Ev, but we have to do it. Because Jesus says so! (Turns to the audience) Okay, folks -- repeat after me: "He must increase, but I must decrease." Like the Nike¦ ad says, "Just do it!"
