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All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. -- 2 Timothy 3:16-17


It must be confessed at the outset that some women harbor resentment against the observance of Father's Day. In some households it may have seemed as though every day was Father's day. The home revolved around his schedule, the food eaten was the food he liked, the pets tolerated or not tolerated were those he preferred, and if there was only one good television set in the house, he controlled the remote control for surfing at commercial time.

More than that, in these latter days of the ascendancy of feminism, many wives and mothers have resented the Bible itself as a patriarchal document reflecting patriarchal times when women seemed to be totally subject to men and were often treated as little more than chattel. Women in the Bible seemed always to be without power, so that militant feminists long ago gave up the slogan, "the hand that rocks the cradle controls the world," for the strident military slogan, "the hand that cradles the rock controls the world."

Even God himself (note the masculine pronoun), almost always referred to as father or as masculine in the Bible, was seen as an oppressive patriarch, projected in the image of the patriarchal biblical writers. Consequently, certain feminists have had difficulty with a Bible which seems always to give the upper hand to men and fathers.

Therefore, in deference to certain feminist sentiments, I thought I would read from my imagined Revised Feminist Version of the Bible certain key passages which would cast a different light on relationships between men and women.

Consider, for example, this popular passage from 1 Peter 3, which we used to read at weddings. Here it is in my Revised Feminist Version. "Husbands, be submissive to your wives ... As Abraham obeyed Sarah, calling her Sovereign ... You wives, live considerately with your husbands, bestowing honor on the man as the weaker sex (for you know they live shorter lives than women)."

Or consider this text from Ephesians 5. "Husbands, be subject to your wives as to the Lord. For the wife is head of the husband as Christ is the head of the Church ... as the Church is subject to Christ, so let husbands also be subject in everything to their wives." Or again in Colossians 3, "Husbands be subject to your wives. Wives, love your husbands, and do not be harsh with them."

Perhaps a favorite passage for feminists from the Revised Feminist Version of the Bible is in 1 Timothy 2:11f. "Let a man learn in silence with all submission. I permit no man to teach or to have authority over women; he is to keep silent, and reply, 'Yes, dear,' only when spoken to. For Eve was formed first, and then as an afterthought, Adam, and Eve was not deceived, but the man was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet man will be saved through bringing up children, if he continues in faith and love and holiness with meekness and modesty."

Upon hearing this, one man commented that his wife had been reading from this version of the Bible all his life. And this version of 1 Timothy may become more true than we know, since nearly half the people studying for the mainline Protestant ministry today are women. It may be sooner than we think that women, not men, will be doing all the speaking in church. Nonetheless, we can see that a reading of the Bible which suggests gender domination seems inappropriate.

But fair is fair, and it is ironic to note that no comparable poem of praise for men and fathers can be found in the Bible like that of Proverbs 31, which praises the virtuous wife and mother who surpasses all, and is blessed by children and husband alike. Even in a so-called patriarchal society, no such beautiful poem is found praising men and fathers.

Likewise, in the New Testament -- supposedly also a patriarchal document in the eyes of some feminists. And there is surprisingly little advice for fathers per se, except those implicit in general Christian teachings. But in the pastoral letters of 1 and 2 Timothy and Titus, we do have strong advice for the leaders or "fathers" of the Church, advice which could be applied to the domestic setting as well as to the ecclesiastical setting. The Pauline writer of 2 Timothy gives plenty of advice to "Timothy," a young "father" of the Church. What might be advised for fathers of today who are to be honored?

I.

For one thing, as the "church father" was to love the church family, so the Christian father is to love his family.

That may sound obvious to many people, but in practice it may not be quite so obvious. The author of our text laments those persons who become lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, inhuman, implacable, slanderers, fierce and savage and brutal, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

Whew! Does that describe anybody we know? Perhaps not entirely, but when we men look in the mirror and are honest with ourselves, we often can see several of those undesirable traits getting in the way of loving our family.

Probably the oldest problem we men and fathers have is that of putting career and moneymaking ahead of love and devotion to family. While the old saying is often still true that "behind every successful man stands a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law," and while it is true that with some men you can't tell whether they want to succeed to please their wives or to spite their mother-in-law -- while all that may be true, perhaps it is even more true that men strive to succeed to please themselves, because they are in love with a very outstanding person, namely themselves.

In a New York Times Magazine article (4/20/97) titled "Work: The Great Escape," Arlie Hochschild argues that women are now discovering what men long have known, that work is the "great escape." For many men the slogan is not "home, sweet home" but "work, sweet work." Many men bury themselves in their work precisely to avoid the responsibilities of wife and family.

It's an age-old ploy -- father, the workaholic, piling up stocks, bonds, and properties, winning awards and titles, claiming he is doing it all for the wife and children whom he rarely sees and with whom he shares little real time. Devoted to making a name for himself and committed to dying with more and better of everything than his peers, the workaholic husband and father in love with himself becomes an emotional ascetic as far as wife and family are concerned.

Indeed in our high pressure, fast-paced, emotionally downsized age, it is increasingly difficult for fathers and families really to know one another. And even though we see busyness as a kind of status symbol, and even though we perceive ourselves to be working more than we are (actually we work about six fewer hours per week than in 1965), even so, we fathers and husbands often use the extra time poorly.

According to Marc Peyser in Newsweek magazine (5/12/97, p. 69), much of our free time goes into the greatest sinkhole of all: television. Americans, he says, squander about fifteen of their forty hours of free time each week on the boob tube. About 6.7 hours are spent socializing, with 2.8 hours reading and 2.2 hours in outdoor recreation.

Dads spend about 2.5 hours a week (or about twenty minutes a day) in direct activities with their children -- activities like playing, reading, talking, and bathing -- not much change since 1965. And some fathers are so absorbed in themselves they do not know the name of their child's school, the name of their friends, or the actual kind of work their spouse does in her career.

But fathers who love their families should be honored and will be honored. Thank God we have fathers in the church devoted to their families. They help coach their athletic teams, encourage them in scouts, support them in academic achievement, attend their school programs, provide for them materially, and give love and support. We are grateful for them.

I used to say to my wife that our children would not appreciate us and our principles until they were thirty, for sometimes love is tough, principled, firm, and resolute. But most of all for fathers, love is self-giving and sharing and even sacrifice for the sake of our families -- our wife and children. There is no greater monument of honor to a father than a wife and children who rise up to call him blessed, and to say, "Dad, I love you!"

II.

A second principle suggested by our text is that of loving God more than self.

Somewhere in time it became popular in the minds of men to believe religion was primarily for women and children. To this day we have men who let their wives and children come to Sunday school and church while they show up only on special occasions. Some husbands will come to church on Mother's Day since that is one of the gifts requested by mother. Or they will bestir themselves to be present on Christmas and Easter.

So in many families I know, the children, especially the boys, want to be just like dad and go to church only on special occasions when begged or cajoled by mothers, girlfriends, or wives. And so the practice of the non-churchgoing fathers is passed on from generation to generation. And the message some fathers give is clear: love of God and his Church is less important than what I want to do.

But a huge movement in America is challenging this father absenteeism from church, religion, and home. Some years ago a professional football coach became alarmed at the break-up of American families and the widespread abandonment of wives and children by husbands and fathers.

So he began to organize, modestly at first, to inculcate spiritual values into husbands and fathers. Now his movement has grown to an almost massive, nationwide movement called Promise Keepers. Interracial and interdenominational, Promise Keepers is attempting to stem the tide of men who were "promise breakers." Many, at baptism or confirmation, promised to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, but in time, they broke the promise. Many had promised to love their wife "until death do us part," but they broke the promise in adultery, divorce, or both. And now in our country we have millions of single mothers and fatherless children.

Promise Keepers, in their massive rallies, inspire men to come back into their families in a responsible way, to take leadership, set examples, and demonstrate love. And just as the traditional Jewish father was a "priest" to his family, so the Christian father should be a "priest" to his family, shouldering the responsibility for religious nurture and development of the children, rather than always saying religion is for women and children, not for real men. But true religion is for real men and fathers who should not push off that responsibility to wives and mothers.

In Timothy's day, the Church was plagued with all kinds of scams, con artists, cults, and false teachers. That is why Timothy, as a "father" of the Church, is urged to study the scriptures, and to adhere to the central principles of the faith, and to be loyal to the revered and respected teachers like Paul and parents.

Responsible fathers of today will be wise to do the same thing -- to teach their children the eternal truths of God so they do not slouch into the drug or alcohol culture, or become seduced with the likes of a Heaven's Gate cult, or a David Koresh of Waco, or a Jim Jones of the mass suicide of Guyana.

There is a further factor in our love of God -- it makes us greater men and husbands and fathers than we could ever be by ourselves. Preoccupied with ourselves, we can become conceited, arrogant, stuffy, boring, and sometimes stagnant, if not rancid. But just as our veterans were stretched to heroisms they never thought possible, because they were devoted to a cause larger than themselves, so can we be stretched to heroic faith and character when devoted to God. Devotion to self alone encompasses us in a mighty small world. But devotion to God -- well, that's quite a different matter. It opens us to the greatest possible future and the noblest manhood and fatherhood.

And these are two fashions for father which will never go out of style -- love of family more than self and love of God more than self. We are thankful for the many fathers and grandfathers of the Church who exemplify these great qualities of devotion to families and to God and Church.

Prayer

Almighty God, Creator of the universe whom we have known as Heavenly Father, from whose loins has come forth the human race, fashioned in your image, we praise and adore you for all that has been generated from your inner being, and for your willingness to include us in your grand scheme of things entire. We come in worship to be nurtured much as plants tilt toward the sun for life and light, and then push their roots deep for nurture into the ground that sustains them. So we come to you, O God, Light of our life, and Ground of our being.

On this special day we give thanks for our fathers. Many have been hard working, selfless in their devotion to us. Many have sacrificed the fulfillment of their own dreams to help us realize our own. Others have imparted gentle discipline and kindly wisdom, sometimes to unappreciative hearts and minds. Some have been pushed aside in our selfishness and pursuit of personal goals. Others have been neglected and ignored by our readiness always to take what they had without giving gratitude or appreciation in return.

Loving Father of us all, whose heartbeat pulses in all fathers aspiring to imitate the Divine, forgive our ingratitude, and open our hearts and minds in grateful acknowledgment of all we have received without our deserving.

We come asking not only for forgiveness and a heart of gratitude; we approach you also requesting help for fathers of today. Help them cope with the enormous pressures which sometimes are theirs -- the pressure to succeed, or just to survive, the pressure of competition which is sometimes ruthless and unfair, the pressure to maintain a balance between work and family, between the material and spiritual, between body and soul. Give them inner strength, O God, to be strong, resolute, firm in faith, and confident always of your truth and justice and mercy.

In your grace, speak to us all again of the importance of compassion and thoughtfulness in our families. Save us from hardness of heart and indifference of soul. Cause us to take control of the essentials of life, so that we might be balanced and whole, radiant with the contentment which comes from knowing you and resting confidently in your Divine Fatherhood. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.