Funerals
Preaching
HANDBOOK FOR SPECIAL SERVICES
The value placed on a human life varies between cultures, but one consistent factor is the fear and dread of death. The modern American society, with its advanced medical techniques, offers a greater period of life than before. Heart transplants, kidney transplants, and artificial machines are now a normal part of this trend for longer life. The paradox is that, in our thrust for more life, we are forced to give more consideration to death. Not only the medical profession, but also the courts are being asked to redefine when life begins and ends. Prior to our age of transplants and life supports, death was the cessation of bodily functions. This definition is no longer sufficient. Many people now are being kept alive through the use of machines or of someone else's organs.
Preceding this change in the definition of death has been a change in attitude toward death. Dr. Herman Feifel has stated that "fear of death is no longer so much the fear of judgment as fear of the infringement taking place upon our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We cope with death by disguising it, pretending that it is not a basic condition of life."1 The elaborate body preparations, expensive "sealer" coffins, and permanent burial vaults are examples of our attempts to make death a deep sleep rather than a cold earthly separation.
Criminal violence, rampant drug use, the rise of the occult, and preoccupation with sex are listed as results of this suppression and disguise of death. Jesuit scholar William F. Lynch has summarized this situation as follows: "When a culture does not adequately imagine the fact of death, all hell breaks loose and every fantasy with it."2
To combat this negativism and dread of death in our cultures and even in the churches, the foremost offering of the pastor must be the life and hope in Jesus Christ which is the possession of the believer; however, there are other positive steps that should be shared which will help soften the effects of death.
GENERAL HELPS
The making of wills and the pre-planning of funerals are two ways of easing the effects of death. The pastor cannot force these on anyone, but he should be knowledgeable about them and offer the congregation an opportunity to become aware of them through some aspect of the church's program.
Because of his position, the pastor has a responsibility to be aware of some of the advantages of having a will and of pre-planning funerals, so that he can share on a personal basis, if necessary. He should be able to share how a will can eliminate unnecessary legal fees as well as speed up the settling of an estate. He should be able to share three basic advantages of funeral pre-planning. First, it may save the family a considerable amount of money. There is a tendency to desire the best for the deceased, even though it is beyond the family's financial means and would not have been the wish of the deceased. Second, it may open new options for disposal of the body other than embalming and burial. Some individuals would like to be of assistance to others even after they have died. Third, it may ease the strain on the family at the actual time of death. If there is no one to assist the family, the arranging for the funeral can at times be just as painful as the actual time of death.
Most pastors do not have the time or the resources to go into greater depth than the previously mentioned advantage of wills and pre-planned funerals. Therefore, they should plan for a special seminar or make these areas a part of a family training program and have counselors in these areas come and be the guests for the evening.
Capable individuals in these areas are readily available at no cost to the church. Funeral directors will either come to your church or have your group come to the funeral home for a tour of the facilities and a time of information sharing. In many areas of Canada and the United States, there are non-profit associations known as memorial societies or funeral societies. They specialize in preplanning procedures "to enable their members to obtain without difficulty simple, dignified, and inexpensive funerals and burials."3 It should be noted that immediate cremation is normally the procedure in their arrangements.
A local lawyer will usually be delighted to share information about wills and estate planning. Another source of counselors that should not be overlooked is Christian non-profit organizations and institutions. For example, most Bible colleges and seminaries, whether financially independent or denominationally supported, have financial and development personnel who are looking for opportunities to share this type of information.
As has previously been noted, the pastor cannot force people to put into effect the information that is shared, but by having it presented, he can have the assurance that he is doing his best for each member of the congregation. And, if some do put it into practice, the pastor may be spared the feeling of helplessness while attempting to comfort those who have not only lost a loved one, but possibly also a large part of their past and future.
DISPOSAL OF THE BODY
The standard method for disposing of the body in the United States is embalming and earth burial. This has also been the Christian method of burial for centuries. There really has been no need for any other major method of disposal, since land has always been readily available for burial plots, until recently. Embalming and burial is advantageous to the family in two ways. First, the viewing of the body reinforces the reality of the loss. Second, the burial gives the family a place where they can refer to the past.
Another method for disposing of the body is cremation. This form is used widely around the world, though only a small percentage of those who die in the United States are cremated. Within the ranks of Christianity, there is a difference of opinion concerning whether or not the Christian should be cremated. Those who oppose cremation are quick to point out that cremation has been a pagan burial practice evidenced as early as 3000 to 2500 B.C.4 Also, earth burial, not cremation, is the only procedure recorded in the Bible for Christians. Others bring to mind the number of atheists who request their remains be cremated as a symbolic act of the finality of death.
Without going into detail, may it be sufficient to say that no Protestant or Catholic church, with the exception of groups of biblical literalists, objects to cremation on theological grounds?5 Cremation is not contrary to any fundamental Christian doctrine; therefore, it should be the prerogative of the individual and the family.
The reasons for cremation are more of necessity than advantage. In some areas it may be of practical necessity because of the lack of burial plots. In the large metropolitan areas, where burial plots are unavailable, it eliminates a trip of many miles from the place of the funeral to the place of burial. It should also be noted that a funeral procession on a crowded freeway is an accident hazard. Safety precautions necessitate the elimination of the funeral procession in these areas. If a crematory is near, cremation is more economical than earth burial, since embalming is not necessary; however, if you live in a state where there is no crematory or you are a considerable distance from it, the cost of cremation could far exceed that of embalming and earth burial.
There are two major disadvantages to cremation. Since the process of "simple disposal," cremation of the body shortly after death with no preparation or viewing is normally used, "one of the valuable aids for underscoring the reality of the loss is not available, making it more difficult for the bereaved to accept that reality."6 The other disadvantages is that the memorial service is usually held after the acute grief has passed. This "deprives many mourners of valued social and religious sources at the time of their greatest need."7
Cremation may of necessity be increasingly used. Its reception as an acceptable method may be dependent upon three procedures.
1. Process of cremation: Embalming and viewing of body to reinforce the reality of the death would be used rather than "simple disposal."
2. Time of the memorial service: The memorial service would be within the same time period as a funeral and would include friends. This would enable the church and friends to be of assistance and comfort during the initial time of separation.
3. Disposal of the ashes: The ashes of the deceased would be placed in a mausoleum or columbarium to reinforce the reality of the loss, as well as give the family a reference point to the past.
The donation of the body to medical science is another method that some choose in order to be of service to mankind, even after their death. The person who chooses this for himself should take the wishes of his immediate family into consideration. Unless the family is in accord with this decision, there could be serious emotional problems after death has occurred. This could be especially true in the husband-wife relationship. If this method is chosen, the necessary paperwork for the donation should be arranged and completed so that, upon death, the family is spared any extra details. Several days after the death, a memorial service is held.
PASTORAL PROCEDURES UPON HEARING
OF THE DEATH
When a friend or member of the church dies, the pastor should immediately go to the home of the
deceased, express his sympathy, offer his assistance, and pray with the family. Unless absolutely necessary because of distance, no arrangements should be made during this visit. The pastor should return to the home later in the day or the next morning. This will allow the family time to have decided what type of arrangements they want and time for the funeral director to notify the pastor of the family's desire for his services.
The pastor's second visit to the home more than likely will be after the funeral director has visited with the family or after the family has some idea of what they desire for the funeral. Normally, the family will share the funeral arrangements as well as any specific requests for the service. The pastor should have a series of questions in mind and subtly present them so he can prepare adequately.8 Is there a favorite hymn or song that should be sung or read? Is there a favorite passage of Scripture? Does the family want an obituary? Is there any service organization that will have part?
The second visit should also be a time of comforting. In many instances, members of the immediate family come from a distance and are not present when the pastor makes his first visit. Their arrival at the home of the deceased is in some ways just as difficult as initially hearing of the death. They, too, need the comfort of the Scriptures and prayer prior to the funeral!
The family should be encouraged to allow the funeral director to care for the majority of the details. One area the pastor may want the family to assist is in the obituary. An obituary is placed in a local newspaper by the funeral director, based on the information supplied by the family on a fact sheet. Since his newspaper release is extremely factual and does not share in the vital points of the individual's life, especially the Christian characteristics, it is advisable for the pastor to prepare his own for the service through the use of a special form that is completed by the family (See Appendix D) and from his personal knowledge.
Many authorities advocate that no obituary be used in the funeral service. Its normal statement of cold fact is not conducive to worship and tends to tear at the wound of grief. The family's wishes should be the determining factor in the decision concerning an obituary. The combination obituary-eulogy is preferable. It begins with the facts of birth, life, and involvement, and ends with the personal effects of the deceased on others (See Appendix F).
As the pastor assists in the planning of the funeral, he should keep in mind that the funeral should be in accordance with the wishes of the family and the deceased. The service should also be kept simple and well-organized.
FUNERAL SERVICE FOR THE CHRISTIAN
The funeral service for the Christian should be designed for worship. In his haste to comfort the family, the pastor often overlooks the most important time in the Christian's life, when he goes home to heaven to meet his Savior and Lord. The funeral service of the Christian should not be considered a ceremony, a one-day revival, or a time for sentiment. The purpose of the Christian funeral is to worship and present God's truth.
Worship as the foremost purpose does not exclude comfort, the presentation of salvation, the hope of the Christian, or the joy of serving Jesus. It includes all of them so that the funeral of the Christian can be a total spiritual experience. Worship is comfort in any situation. Worship is a result of seeing the holiness of God and the sinfulness of man reconciled through the sacrifice of Jesus. Worship is the normal result of the hope and joy there is in serving Christ because of his resurrection which guarantees life everlasting.
Robert J. Hastings has drawn up eight ways in which Christian worship can be accomplished in the funeral.9
1. Pastors must discuss the kind of funerals they believe in prior to the need arising.
2. Plan a true worship service rather than a see-saw affair of a song and Scripture and a song.
3. Select music that focuses attention on God.
4. Have the service in a church.
5. Encourage the family to view the body before the service, not after.
6. Encourage more friends to attend a funeral of Christian worship.
7. Ministers should share their ideas freely with their local funeral director.
8. Don't hide the pulpit or altar with a bank of flowers.
These suggestions cannot all be instituted just prior to a funeral. The discussion of Christian worship in the funeral can take place in a seminar or weekday meeting that deals with death and funeral planning. Visiting with the funeral director and sharing ideas must be preceded by a time of acquaintance and friendship. Christian funerals that emphasize worship are the result of instruction and guidance by the pastor.
Though the funeral is in honor of the deceased, it in reality is for the living; therefore, it must be a meaningful experience that helps accomplish more than remembering or honoring. It must help those present "to face death realistically with dignity and courage and not try to escape it."10 The messages of word and song should provide strength to face, and then continue beyond, the point of separation. Faith in life which transcends the grave must also be underscored. For the Christian, death is just a transition from temporary life to everlasting life. This assurance and message of hope needs to be shared with both Christian and non-Christian alike.
An opportunity for the believers to exercise their ministry of concern and compassion must be provided. The support and thoughtfulness offered during this trying experience can draw individuals together and create a common bond of understanding and Christian fellowship. The funeral service should also provide the bereaved with an opportunity to work through their emotions. Unexpected death or tragedy can cause feelings of anger, hostility, and fear which would not have been thought possible under normal circumstances. Answers which will calm, soothe, and bring peace should be provided in this service.
There is a trend toward non-religious funerals as the percentage of Americans with no religious preference rises.11 Neither the church nor the pastor can force people to have a religious service, but when Christians die, their funerals should be prime examples of what the funeral service should be and what it can do for the bereaved as well as for those who are in attendance out of respect for the deceased. The Church cannot afford to become complacent and let the social world set the standards and guidelines for Christian burial!
FUNERAL SERVICE FOR THE NON-CHRISTIAN
There should be a difference in the service for the person who has openly professed faith in Christ and the person who has not served him. If we follow a universal practice of giving Christian burial to all, the implication is that there is no difference between the Christian soul and the non-Christian soul after death. This "suggests to the world that the Church does not mean what it says when it speaks of the necessity of decision, repentance, and faith in Jesus Christ.'12
The task of the pastor is most difficult in this situation. Questions of what to say concerning the deceased and how to offer comfort to the bereaved may at times appear unanswerable. Assurance cannot honestly be given about an individual who has not accepted Jesus as his personal Savior. Also, is it true Christian concern for the bereaved and friends to shield them from the fact that a life lived outside Christ results in eternal death. Though knowing the truth, there is a reluctance to pile sorrow on sorrow. The pastor is also hesitant to make a judgment on the state of an individual's soul at his dying. In some instances, there may have been time for the person to correct his spiritual condition before death and no one was aware of it.
Each pastor should have some guidelines for this situation. First, if in doubt of the person's spiritual condition or knowing that the person is not a Christian, it is best not to say anything about the deceased's spiritual condition directly in the funeral. Second, the gift of everlasting life should be offered to the living on the basis of their accepting Christ. Third, the fact that life without Christ results in damnation rather than reward should not be hidden, but dealt with honestly. The truth of God's word may be painful at times, but it must not be compromised or withheld from those to whom we are to minister.
THE FUNERAL SERVICE
The order of service should be simple and well organized. It will vary according to the number of songs, the inclusion of an obituary-eulogy, and the involvement of service organizations. A possible order of service is as follows:
1. Scripture
2. Prayer
3. Song - hymn or special
4. Obituary-eulogy
5. Song - hymn or special
6. Sermon
7. Benediction
For the convenience of those who are directly involved, and for organization, sufficient copies of the order of service should be made for everyone participating. This is very helpful to the organist and vocalists as well as to the possible second minister or the person giving the eulogy. The funeral director may not need one, but there should be an extra copy if he desires it.
On the day of the funeral, the pastor should be at the location of the funeral thirty minutes in advance. This will allow sufficient time to survey the layout of the sanctuary if it is in some location other than his own church. It will also give him an opportunity to share the order of service with those who are involved in the service.
In some situations, the pastor is asked to have a time of devotion with the family at the home or at the funeral home just before the funeral service. He then accompanies the family to the church. This necessitates that an order of service be sent or delivered to those participating in the service prior to the pastor's arrival at the church, since they will normally be seated when the family arrives.
The service does not begin until the family has been escorted into the sanctuary and seated. The pastor's role while the family is being seated varies according to custom. In some areas, the pastor is seated on the platform waiting for the arrival of the procession. When they arrive at the door of the sanctuary, he takes his place in the pulpit and asks the congregation to stand until the family is seated. In many churches, the casket is brought to the front door. The pastor then precedes the casket and family down the aisle to the front of the church. In other areas, the casket is positioned at the front of the church prior to the arrival of the family. The pastor then precedes the family down the aisle to the front.
In some instances, the pastor reads Scripture as he precedes the family. This tends to draw the attention from the family to the beginning of the service. If this is to be the procedure, the pastor should plan for about five minutes of reading. The Scriptures chosen should be read through privately several times, so they are very familiar. Since it is necessary to look up occasionally from reading while walking and climbing steps, this familiarity will prevent unnecessary hesitation or stumbling. The pastor goes directly to the pulpit and continues reading until the family has been seated and his chosen passages for the opening of the service have been shared.
If the pastor is new to the area or serving away from his ocal church, he should check with the funeral director as to the procedure which will be followed. When the pastor accompanies the family down the aisle, the funeral director asks the congregation to rise prior to helping usher the family to their seats.
After the benediction, the pastor meets the funeral director at the front of the sanctuary and precedes the casket down the aisle. If the casket is taken immediately to the hearse, the pastor should be several steps ahead so he will be turned and facing the casket when it is placed in the car.
In many areas, the pastor's car leads the procession to the cemetery. It is also common, especially in cities, for the pastor to ride with the funeral director and the car with the pallbearers then leads the procession. The cars with family and friends follow the hearse while members of sororities, fraternities, and service groups that participate in the funeral precede it.
THE GRAVESIDE SERVICE
At the cemetery, the pastor should be by the hearse when the casket is removed and then lead the way to the grave, passing by the foot of the grave to the head. The location of the individual grave site may not allow for this arrangement. The pastor must then fit into the circumstance.
The graveside service should be brief. During the winter, many burials take place with the temperature well below freezing. If this is the case, the pastor may consider eliminating a portion of the commital, plus announcing to the men that it is not necessary for them to remove their hats. The order of the graveside service usually is Scripture, commital, and prayer. Occasionally there is a request for a song. This may be first in the order of service or follow the Scripture.
During the commital, the minister may want to use the crushing of flowers to emphasize the commitment of the body to the earth. This is done when the phrases "earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust" are read. He may crush one flower and lay it on the casket as each phrase is
repeated. If the pastor so desires, someone else may crush the flowers and place them on the casket as he reads.
After the prayer, the pastor may speak briefly with the family and then proceed back to the church, if there is to be a lunch for the family and friends; otherwise, his duties for the day are finished.
AFTER THE FUNERAL
Officiating at a funeral should be considered an opportunity to serve the Lord and the bereaved. In many instances, it is after the funeral when the pastor becomes an even greater influence upon the family than during the actual funeral proceedings. Now is the chance to visit in the home, continue to comfort, offer assistance, and possibly help reorganize their lives.
The reality of the separation can be a period of intense loneliness. The pastor should be there to visit, listen, and let the family know he cares.13 It is a time when hearts are more receptive to the love of Christ and the pastor is then there to share it. A letter of comfort and concern may be sent to other members of the family who are not within driving distance.
The matter of funeral fees is also an item of consideration. As a rule, funeral fees should not be accepted from church members; however, there are some exceptions:
1. If the service or burial is a considerable distance from the home church, it would be in order to accept travel expenses.
2. If the family insists, the pastor should accept it and then use it for a special cause or charity.
3. In smaller churches, the pastor very often depends upon these fees for part of his salary.
Fees for funerals of non-members are usually accepted. The pastor should inform the organist and janitor that if the funeral director presents them with a check, it would be well for them to accept it, since refusal seldom reduces the funeral cost.14
CHILDREN AND DEATH
A majority of the children today have not experienced the death of someone they love. They are aware of death through television and newspapers, as these report the tragedies of war, crime, and accident, but their ideas about it may be a mixture of truth and fantasy. Adults usually avoid the subject, thus depriving the children of an understanding which is appropriate to their age level.
When someone dies whom the child has known or loves, he should be told of the death by an individual who is close, such as a parent or grandparent. The child may feel the same grief, anger, or disbelief as do adults. Due to a lack of maturity and method of expression, the child may want to vent his feelings in a manner which is not acceptable to adults, such as delinquent behavior or hatred of God.
Those who are attempting to comfort the child should not minimize the loss or attempt to bottle the emotions. The adults assisting should realistically acknowledge the loss and the burden and encourage tears or some appropriate way to vent the feelings.
It is not a kindness to shield children from death and the funeral service. The children, as part of the family, should be included in every significant occasion, regardless if it is a time of sorrow. They, too, should have the opportunity to express their feelings and love. It also will aid in avoiding unrealistic fantasies about death.
Prior to going to a visitation or funeral, someone, preferably the adult, should explain some of the details. This will help the child understand the procedure and reasons for what is being done. From approximately the age of seven, children should be encouraged to attend the ceremonies if they desire. Those children who regularly attend church and public ceremonies may have a better understanding and be able to attend at a much earlier age.
The capabilities of children vary, but their understanding is greatly dependent upon the time the parents take to explain and teach them.
Preceding this change in the definition of death has been a change in attitude toward death. Dr. Herman Feifel has stated that "fear of death is no longer so much the fear of judgment as fear of the infringement taking place upon our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We cope with death by disguising it, pretending that it is not a basic condition of life."1 The elaborate body preparations, expensive "sealer" coffins, and permanent burial vaults are examples of our attempts to make death a deep sleep rather than a cold earthly separation.
Criminal violence, rampant drug use, the rise of the occult, and preoccupation with sex are listed as results of this suppression and disguise of death. Jesuit scholar William F. Lynch has summarized this situation as follows: "When a culture does not adequately imagine the fact of death, all hell breaks loose and every fantasy with it."2
To combat this negativism and dread of death in our cultures and even in the churches, the foremost offering of the pastor must be the life and hope in Jesus Christ which is the possession of the believer; however, there are other positive steps that should be shared which will help soften the effects of death.
GENERAL HELPS
The making of wills and the pre-planning of funerals are two ways of easing the effects of death. The pastor cannot force these on anyone, but he should be knowledgeable about them and offer the congregation an opportunity to become aware of them through some aspect of the church's program.
Because of his position, the pastor has a responsibility to be aware of some of the advantages of having a will and of pre-planning funerals, so that he can share on a personal basis, if necessary. He should be able to share how a will can eliminate unnecessary legal fees as well as speed up the settling of an estate. He should be able to share three basic advantages of funeral pre-planning. First, it may save the family a considerable amount of money. There is a tendency to desire the best for the deceased, even though it is beyond the family's financial means and would not have been the wish of the deceased. Second, it may open new options for disposal of the body other than embalming and burial. Some individuals would like to be of assistance to others even after they have died. Third, it may ease the strain on the family at the actual time of death. If there is no one to assist the family, the arranging for the funeral can at times be just as painful as the actual time of death.
Most pastors do not have the time or the resources to go into greater depth than the previously mentioned advantage of wills and pre-planned funerals. Therefore, they should plan for a special seminar or make these areas a part of a family training program and have counselors in these areas come and be the guests for the evening.
Capable individuals in these areas are readily available at no cost to the church. Funeral directors will either come to your church or have your group come to the funeral home for a tour of the facilities and a time of information sharing. In many areas of Canada and the United States, there are non-profit associations known as memorial societies or funeral societies. They specialize in preplanning procedures "to enable their members to obtain without difficulty simple, dignified, and inexpensive funerals and burials."3 It should be noted that immediate cremation is normally the procedure in their arrangements.
A local lawyer will usually be delighted to share information about wills and estate planning. Another source of counselors that should not be overlooked is Christian non-profit organizations and institutions. For example, most Bible colleges and seminaries, whether financially independent or denominationally supported, have financial and development personnel who are looking for opportunities to share this type of information.
As has previously been noted, the pastor cannot force people to put into effect the information that is shared, but by having it presented, he can have the assurance that he is doing his best for each member of the congregation. And, if some do put it into practice, the pastor may be spared the feeling of helplessness while attempting to comfort those who have not only lost a loved one, but possibly also a large part of their past and future.
DISPOSAL OF THE BODY
The standard method for disposing of the body in the United States is embalming and earth burial. This has also been the Christian method of burial for centuries. There really has been no need for any other major method of disposal, since land has always been readily available for burial plots, until recently. Embalming and burial is advantageous to the family in two ways. First, the viewing of the body reinforces the reality of the loss. Second, the burial gives the family a place where they can refer to the past.
Another method for disposing of the body is cremation. This form is used widely around the world, though only a small percentage of those who die in the United States are cremated. Within the ranks of Christianity, there is a difference of opinion concerning whether or not the Christian should be cremated. Those who oppose cremation are quick to point out that cremation has been a pagan burial practice evidenced as early as 3000 to 2500 B.C.4 Also, earth burial, not cremation, is the only procedure recorded in the Bible for Christians. Others bring to mind the number of atheists who request their remains be cremated as a symbolic act of the finality of death.
Without going into detail, may it be sufficient to say that no Protestant or Catholic church, with the exception of groups of biblical literalists, objects to cremation on theological grounds?5 Cremation is not contrary to any fundamental Christian doctrine; therefore, it should be the prerogative of the individual and the family.
The reasons for cremation are more of necessity than advantage. In some areas it may be of practical necessity because of the lack of burial plots. In the large metropolitan areas, where burial plots are unavailable, it eliminates a trip of many miles from the place of the funeral to the place of burial. It should also be noted that a funeral procession on a crowded freeway is an accident hazard. Safety precautions necessitate the elimination of the funeral procession in these areas. If a crematory is near, cremation is more economical than earth burial, since embalming is not necessary; however, if you live in a state where there is no crematory or you are a considerable distance from it, the cost of cremation could far exceed that of embalming and earth burial.
There are two major disadvantages to cremation. Since the process of "simple disposal," cremation of the body shortly after death with no preparation or viewing is normally used, "one of the valuable aids for underscoring the reality of the loss is not available, making it more difficult for the bereaved to accept that reality."6 The other disadvantages is that the memorial service is usually held after the acute grief has passed. This "deprives many mourners of valued social and religious sources at the time of their greatest need."7
Cremation may of necessity be increasingly used. Its reception as an acceptable method may be dependent upon three procedures.
1. Process of cremation: Embalming and viewing of body to reinforce the reality of the death would be used rather than "simple disposal."
2. Time of the memorial service: The memorial service would be within the same time period as a funeral and would include friends. This would enable the church and friends to be of assistance and comfort during the initial time of separation.
3. Disposal of the ashes: The ashes of the deceased would be placed in a mausoleum or columbarium to reinforce the reality of the loss, as well as give the family a reference point to the past.
The donation of the body to medical science is another method that some choose in order to be of service to mankind, even after their death. The person who chooses this for himself should take the wishes of his immediate family into consideration. Unless the family is in accord with this decision, there could be serious emotional problems after death has occurred. This could be especially true in the husband-wife relationship. If this method is chosen, the necessary paperwork for the donation should be arranged and completed so that, upon death, the family is spared any extra details. Several days after the death, a memorial service is held.
PASTORAL PROCEDURES UPON HEARING
OF THE DEATH
When a friend or member of the church dies, the pastor should immediately go to the home of the
deceased, express his sympathy, offer his assistance, and pray with the family. Unless absolutely necessary because of distance, no arrangements should be made during this visit. The pastor should return to the home later in the day or the next morning. This will allow the family time to have decided what type of arrangements they want and time for the funeral director to notify the pastor of the family's desire for his services.
The pastor's second visit to the home more than likely will be after the funeral director has visited with the family or after the family has some idea of what they desire for the funeral. Normally, the family will share the funeral arrangements as well as any specific requests for the service. The pastor should have a series of questions in mind and subtly present them so he can prepare adequately.8 Is there a favorite hymn or song that should be sung or read? Is there a favorite passage of Scripture? Does the family want an obituary? Is there any service organization that will have part?
The second visit should also be a time of comforting. In many instances, members of the immediate family come from a distance and are not present when the pastor makes his first visit. Their arrival at the home of the deceased is in some ways just as difficult as initially hearing of the death. They, too, need the comfort of the Scriptures and prayer prior to the funeral!
The family should be encouraged to allow the funeral director to care for the majority of the details. One area the pastor may want the family to assist is in the obituary. An obituary is placed in a local newspaper by the funeral director, based on the information supplied by the family on a fact sheet. Since his newspaper release is extremely factual and does not share in the vital points of the individual's life, especially the Christian characteristics, it is advisable for the pastor to prepare his own for the service through the use of a special form that is completed by the family (See Appendix D) and from his personal knowledge.
Many authorities advocate that no obituary be used in the funeral service. Its normal statement of cold fact is not conducive to worship and tends to tear at the wound of grief. The family's wishes should be the determining factor in the decision concerning an obituary. The combination obituary-eulogy is preferable. It begins with the facts of birth, life, and involvement, and ends with the personal effects of the deceased on others (See Appendix F).
As the pastor assists in the planning of the funeral, he should keep in mind that the funeral should be in accordance with the wishes of the family and the deceased. The service should also be kept simple and well-organized.
FUNERAL SERVICE FOR THE CHRISTIAN
The funeral service for the Christian should be designed for worship. In his haste to comfort the family, the pastor often overlooks the most important time in the Christian's life, when he goes home to heaven to meet his Savior and Lord. The funeral service of the Christian should not be considered a ceremony, a one-day revival, or a time for sentiment. The purpose of the Christian funeral is to worship and present God's truth.
Worship as the foremost purpose does not exclude comfort, the presentation of salvation, the hope of the Christian, or the joy of serving Jesus. It includes all of them so that the funeral of the Christian can be a total spiritual experience. Worship is comfort in any situation. Worship is a result of seeing the holiness of God and the sinfulness of man reconciled through the sacrifice of Jesus. Worship is the normal result of the hope and joy there is in serving Christ because of his resurrection which guarantees life everlasting.
Robert J. Hastings has drawn up eight ways in which Christian worship can be accomplished in the funeral.9
1. Pastors must discuss the kind of funerals they believe in prior to the need arising.
2. Plan a true worship service rather than a see-saw affair of a song and Scripture and a song.
3. Select music that focuses attention on God.
4. Have the service in a church.
5. Encourage the family to view the body before the service, not after.
6. Encourage more friends to attend a funeral of Christian worship.
7. Ministers should share their ideas freely with their local funeral director.
8. Don't hide the pulpit or altar with a bank of flowers.
These suggestions cannot all be instituted just prior to a funeral. The discussion of Christian worship in the funeral can take place in a seminar or weekday meeting that deals with death and funeral planning. Visiting with the funeral director and sharing ideas must be preceded by a time of acquaintance and friendship. Christian funerals that emphasize worship are the result of instruction and guidance by the pastor.
Though the funeral is in honor of the deceased, it in reality is for the living; therefore, it must be a meaningful experience that helps accomplish more than remembering or honoring. It must help those present "to face death realistically with dignity and courage and not try to escape it."10 The messages of word and song should provide strength to face, and then continue beyond, the point of separation. Faith in life which transcends the grave must also be underscored. For the Christian, death is just a transition from temporary life to everlasting life. This assurance and message of hope needs to be shared with both Christian and non-Christian alike.
An opportunity for the believers to exercise their ministry of concern and compassion must be provided. The support and thoughtfulness offered during this trying experience can draw individuals together and create a common bond of understanding and Christian fellowship. The funeral service should also provide the bereaved with an opportunity to work through their emotions. Unexpected death or tragedy can cause feelings of anger, hostility, and fear which would not have been thought possible under normal circumstances. Answers which will calm, soothe, and bring peace should be provided in this service.
There is a trend toward non-religious funerals as the percentage of Americans with no religious preference rises.11 Neither the church nor the pastor can force people to have a religious service, but when Christians die, their funerals should be prime examples of what the funeral service should be and what it can do for the bereaved as well as for those who are in attendance out of respect for the deceased. The Church cannot afford to become complacent and let the social world set the standards and guidelines for Christian burial!
FUNERAL SERVICE FOR THE NON-CHRISTIAN
There should be a difference in the service for the person who has openly professed faith in Christ and the person who has not served him. If we follow a universal practice of giving Christian burial to all, the implication is that there is no difference between the Christian soul and the non-Christian soul after death. This "suggests to the world that the Church does not mean what it says when it speaks of the necessity of decision, repentance, and faith in Jesus Christ.'12
The task of the pastor is most difficult in this situation. Questions of what to say concerning the deceased and how to offer comfort to the bereaved may at times appear unanswerable. Assurance cannot honestly be given about an individual who has not accepted Jesus as his personal Savior. Also, is it true Christian concern for the bereaved and friends to shield them from the fact that a life lived outside Christ results in eternal death. Though knowing the truth, there is a reluctance to pile sorrow on sorrow. The pastor is also hesitant to make a judgment on the state of an individual's soul at his dying. In some instances, there may have been time for the person to correct his spiritual condition before death and no one was aware of it.
Each pastor should have some guidelines for this situation. First, if in doubt of the person's spiritual condition or knowing that the person is not a Christian, it is best not to say anything about the deceased's spiritual condition directly in the funeral. Second, the gift of everlasting life should be offered to the living on the basis of their accepting Christ. Third, the fact that life without Christ results in damnation rather than reward should not be hidden, but dealt with honestly. The truth of God's word may be painful at times, but it must not be compromised or withheld from those to whom we are to minister.
THE FUNERAL SERVICE
The order of service should be simple and well organized. It will vary according to the number of songs, the inclusion of an obituary-eulogy, and the involvement of service organizations. A possible order of service is as follows:
1. Scripture
2. Prayer
3. Song - hymn or special
4. Obituary-eulogy
5. Song - hymn or special
6. Sermon
7. Benediction
For the convenience of those who are directly involved, and for organization, sufficient copies of the order of service should be made for everyone participating. This is very helpful to the organist and vocalists as well as to the possible second minister or the person giving the eulogy. The funeral director may not need one, but there should be an extra copy if he desires it.
On the day of the funeral, the pastor should be at the location of the funeral thirty minutes in advance. This will allow sufficient time to survey the layout of the sanctuary if it is in some location other than his own church. It will also give him an opportunity to share the order of service with those who are involved in the service.
In some situations, the pastor is asked to have a time of devotion with the family at the home or at the funeral home just before the funeral service. He then accompanies the family to the church. This necessitates that an order of service be sent or delivered to those participating in the service prior to the pastor's arrival at the church, since they will normally be seated when the family arrives.
The service does not begin until the family has been escorted into the sanctuary and seated. The pastor's role while the family is being seated varies according to custom. In some areas, the pastor is seated on the platform waiting for the arrival of the procession. When they arrive at the door of the sanctuary, he takes his place in the pulpit and asks the congregation to stand until the family is seated. In many churches, the casket is brought to the front door. The pastor then precedes the casket and family down the aisle to the front of the church. In other areas, the casket is positioned at the front of the church prior to the arrival of the family. The pastor then precedes the family down the aisle to the front.
In some instances, the pastor reads Scripture as he precedes the family. This tends to draw the attention from the family to the beginning of the service. If this is to be the procedure, the pastor should plan for about five minutes of reading. The Scriptures chosen should be read through privately several times, so they are very familiar. Since it is necessary to look up occasionally from reading while walking and climbing steps, this familiarity will prevent unnecessary hesitation or stumbling. The pastor goes directly to the pulpit and continues reading until the family has been seated and his chosen passages for the opening of the service have been shared.
If the pastor is new to the area or serving away from his ocal church, he should check with the funeral director as to the procedure which will be followed. When the pastor accompanies the family down the aisle, the funeral director asks the congregation to rise prior to helping usher the family to their seats.
After the benediction, the pastor meets the funeral director at the front of the sanctuary and precedes the casket down the aisle. If the casket is taken immediately to the hearse, the pastor should be several steps ahead so he will be turned and facing the casket when it is placed in the car.
In many areas, the pastor's car leads the procession to the cemetery. It is also common, especially in cities, for the pastor to ride with the funeral director and the car with the pallbearers then leads the procession. The cars with family and friends follow the hearse while members of sororities, fraternities, and service groups that participate in the funeral precede it.
THE GRAVESIDE SERVICE
At the cemetery, the pastor should be by the hearse when the casket is removed and then lead the way to the grave, passing by the foot of the grave to the head. The location of the individual grave site may not allow for this arrangement. The pastor must then fit into the circumstance.
The graveside service should be brief. During the winter, many burials take place with the temperature well below freezing. If this is the case, the pastor may consider eliminating a portion of the commital, plus announcing to the men that it is not necessary for them to remove their hats. The order of the graveside service usually is Scripture, commital, and prayer. Occasionally there is a request for a song. This may be first in the order of service or follow the Scripture.
During the commital, the minister may want to use the crushing of flowers to emphasize the commitment of the body to the earth. This is done when the phrases "earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust" are read. He may crush one flower and lay it on the casket as each phrase is
repeated. If the pastor so desires, someone else may crush the flowers and place them on the casket as he reads.
After the prayer, the pastor may speak briefly with the family and then proceed back to the church, if there is to be a lunch for the family and friends; otherwise, his duties for the day are finished.
AFTER THE FUNERAL
Officiating at a funeral should be considered an opportunity to serve the Lord and the bereaved. In many instances, it is after the funeral when the pastor becomes an even greater influence upon the family than during the actual funeral proceedings. Now is the chance to visit in the home, continue to comfort, offer assistance, and possibly help reorganize their lives.
The reality of the separation can be a period of intense loneliness. The pastor should be there to visit, listen, and let the family know he cares.13 It is a time when hearts are more receptive to the love of Christ and the pastor is then there to share it. A letter of comfort and concern may be sent to other members of the family who are not within driving distance.
The matter of funeral fees is also an item of consideration. As a rule, funeral fees should not be accepted from church members; however, there are some exceptions:
1. If the service or burial is a considerable distance from the home church, it would be in order to accept travel expenses.
2. If the family insists, the pastor should accept it and then use it for a special cause or charity.
3. In smaller churches, the pastor very often depends upon these fees for part of his salary.
Fees for funerals of non-members are usually accepted. The pastor should inform the organist and janitor that if the funeral director presents them with a check, it would be well for them to accept it, since refusal seldom reduces the funeral cost.14
CHILDREN AND DEATH
A majority of the children today have not experienced the death of someone they love. They are aware of death through television and newspapers, as these report the tragedies of war, crime, and accident, but their ideas about it may be a mixture of truth and fantasy. Adults usually avoid the subject, thus depriving the children of an understanding which is appropriate to their age level.
When someone dies whom the child has known or loves, he should be told of the death by an individual who is close, such as a parent or grandparent. The child may feel the same grief, anger, or disbelief as do adults. Due to a lack of maturity and method of expression, the child may want to vent his feelings in a manner which is not acceptable to adults, such as delinquent behavior or hatred of God.
Those who are attempting to comfort the child should not minimize the loss or attempt to bottle the emotions. The adults assisting should realistically acknowledge the loss and the burden and encourage tears or some appropriate way to vent the feelings.
It is not a kindness to shield children from death and the funeral service. The children, as part of the family, should be included in every significant occasion, regardless if it is a time of sorrow. They, too, should have the opportunity to express their feelings and love. It also will aid in avoiding unrealistic fantasies about death.
Prior to going to a visitation or funeral, someone, preferably the adult, should explain some of the details. This will help the child understand the procedure and reasons for what is being done. From approximately the age of seven, children should be encouraged to attend the ceremonies if they desire. Those children who regularly attend church and public ceremonies may have a better understanding and be able to attend at a much earlier age.
The capabilities of children vary, but their understanding is greatly dependent upon the time the parents take to explain and teach them.
