Getting Through The Grief
Sermon
Sermons on the First Readings
Series III, Cycle B
Getting through grief may be one of the hardest things we do as human beings. One of the best ways to begin the process is to find it within ourselves to stand up and say something in a public setting that puts into words both the personal and collective feelings of all who have gathered to mourn. History is replete with stunning examples. Pericles' Funeral Oration as recorded by Thucydides in The Peloponnesian War is certainly one of them. At the end of the first year of war, the Athenians held, as was their custom, an elaborate funeral for all those killed in the war. The funeral oration over these dead was delivered by the brilliant and charismatic general, Pericles. His famous eulogy demonstrates a classic statement of Athenian ideology when he says, "Such was the end of these men; they were worthy of Athens, and the living need not desire to have a more heroic spirit, although they may pray for a less fatal issue."
Lincoln's Gettysburg address provides another stellar example: "We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate -- we cannot consecrate -- we cannot hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced." When President Lincoln died in the house across the street from Ford's Theater, his Secretary of War, Edwin Stanton, standing at Lincoln's side, said, "Now he belongs to the ages."
On January 28, 1986, in his television broadcast to the nation on the day of the space shuttle Challenger disaster, President Reagan concluded: "We will never forget them this morning as they prepared for their journey and waved good-bye and slipped the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God."
Charles Earl Spencer said the following about Princess Diana: "Diana was the very essence of compassion, of duty, of style, of beauty. All over the world she was a symbol of selfless humanity. All over the world, a standard bearer for the rights of the truly downtrodden, a very British girl who transcended nationality. Someone with a natural nobility who was classless and who proved in the last year that she needed no royal title to continue to generate her particular brand of magic." Nehru said of Gandhi: "Friends and comrades, the light has gone out of our lives and there is darkness everywhere ... the light has gone out, I said, and yet I was wrong. For the light that shone in this country was no ordinary light. The light that has illumined this country for these many years will illumine this country for many more years, and a thousand years later that light will still be seen in this country, and the world will see it and it will give solace to innumerable hearts."
Getting through grief begins with saying something nice about the ones who have died and most of the time that's pretty easy to do. When people come up to me after a memorial service and say, "That was a beautiful eulogy," I always reply, "Thank you, but the reality is you write your own eulogy with the way you live your life," which is a sobering thought! I can tell by the startled looks I get. I also usually add, "Remember to be nice to your friends and family and also your pastor or priest because they will have the last word!" Not that it matters much once you're deceased, but you'd like to think they could find a few kind words to say about you no matter what kind of life you lived. After all the word eulogy itself comes from two Greek words that, when translated, mean "good word." That's what we say about people in eulogies -- good words.
But, what do you do when they weren't so good? It's like the story of the two wealthy brothers who were scoundrels and cheats, and everyone in town knew it. When one of the brothers died, the other one came to his pastor and said, "Preacher, if you will say in my brother's eulogy that my brother was a saint, I will give the church a million dollars for your new million-dollar capital campaign." Now this was a moral dilemma. The pastor thought for a moment and then agreed. The brother called his banker and had the money transferred right there on the spot. On the day of the funeral, the pastor got up and said the following, "Now everyone in town knew that the dear departed was a scoundrel and a cheat ... but compared to his brother, he was a saint!" Sometimes it's hard figuring out nice things to say about some people. Have you ever read or heard a good eulogy for Hitler?
Such was the dilemma David found himself in when Saul and Jonathan died. Saul had been out to get David from the moment he realized David was more popular with the people. David was a constant threat to Saul's authority, not because David intended to be, but because David obviously had the presence of the Lord in his life. Saul knew that God's presence and authority had left him about the time David assassinated Goliath. It was all downhill from there.
Saul was dead, slain in battle, and David had to muster a few good words to say about him. It was no problem saying something nice about Jonathan. Jonathan was his beloved friend. Jonathan was precious to David, one whose love for David surpassed "the love of women" (v. 26). There was an amazing bond between them. You can feel the deep anguish and grief pouring from David's heart as he cries out in this famous lament. It's almost a dirge for the war dead, like a father who has lost his son in battle.
Once, while we were in Angel Fire, New Mexico, my wife and I visited the Vietnam Memorial there and were surprised that it had been built by one single man, Dr. Victor Westphall, and his family in honor and memory of his son, First Lieutenant Victor Westphall III who died in Vietnam. After their son's death, Victor and Jeanne Westphall, assisted by their second son, Walter, determined they would build a memorial to all servicemen who were dying or being maimed in body or spirit in Vietnam. Using Lt. Westphall's SGLI payment as seed money, they engaged a young Santa Fe architect, Ted Luna, to design the Memorial Chapel. When we went into the little theater to watch a documentary film in the museum, I noticed boxes of tissues placed on chairs around the darkened room and wondered what they were for. By the end of the film, I knew and was using them myself.
Imagine the tears falling from David's eyes and all who were gathered there the day he delivered his eulogy. You sense that a deep friendship has suddenly come to an end. It's not hard to say "good words" about someone you loved, but how hard it is to say them about someone who tried to do you in. Yet, David does exactly that when he speaks of Saul. Maybe it was easier to lump them together. A eulogy about Saul alone would have surely taxed David's patience, but throwing him in with Jonathan mollified the whole thing. After all, he wouldn't have wanted to taint his loving tribute to Jonathan with a tirade against Saul. Maybe that's why he contained himself.
Maybe he just decided to let bygones be bygones. Why dredge up all that old stuff? Another reason that some commentators suggest is that David was already a skilled, master politician. He didn't hold a grudge. He understood how the game was played. Someone who might be sticking you in the back today might turn out to be your ally tomorrow. No need for vengeance. I've seen politicians fight tooth and nail in primaries then, when the battle was over and one of them had won, they'd make up and work together. Maybe David was just a good politician who decided to bury the hatchet and knew how to put the public good above any personal animosity he'd had toward Saul. Here we have a foreshadowing of Jesus' "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44), and Paul's admonition to "overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21). Purged of any bitterness or malice, David delivers his eulogy for Saul and Jonathan with what appears as true grief for both of them.
But, I think there is something more going on here. David is more than just a good politician. David is filled with the Spirit of the living God, a God who doesn't hold grudges against us no matter what we have done. David's eulogy is full of grace because he is filled with the grace of God. He understands that the greatest honor one has as a spiritual leader, whether pastor or lay, is to usher someone into the presence of the almighty. My greatest honor as a pastor has always been to pray someone who is near death right into heaven. In many ways, that's what we do when we offer a eulogy. We turn our loved ones and friends over into the loving hands of almighty God. We do so with grace and dignity, and that's what David did that day because he had been ushered into the presence of the almighty when he was a little shepherd boy. God filled his life from beginning to end. God so filled David's life that even when he transgressed God gave him another chance.
The good news is God does the same for us. God takes the long view of our lives and, when we come to the end, erases the sins and welcomes us in because of the one we call the Christ. Contrary to what some might think, God isn't a giant frown in the sky. David's eulogy is a prime example of God's beneficent grace acted out through one of God's flawed servants.
I know a pastor who got a call one day from the sons of one of his predecessors, not his immediate predecessor but one further back. Their father, a former pastor, had been asked to leave the church. The new, younger pastor didn't know why; he had only heard about it from some of the older members. The details were sketchy, but, it was clear his predecessor had left under a cloud. Now, he had died and his sons were wondering timidly if they might come down to the church and have the new, younger pastor say a few words and a prayer for their daddy since they'd grown up in the church and hadn't been there since. "We understand if it's not possible," they said with a lump in their throats. "I'd be honored to say a few words," said the new pastor. So he spoke to a larger crowd than the sons ever expected. Despite his indiscretions and flaws, the former pastor had obviously touched a lot of people's lives. The healing that occurred that day for those sons was palpable. Why? Because God always makes something good out of the bad, no matter how bad it is.
At Mickey Mantle's memorial service, sports broadcaster, Bob Costas, said, "In a cartoon from this morning's Dallas Morning News, Saint Peter has his arm around Mickey, 'We know some of what went on in your life. Sorry, we can't let you in, but before you go, God wants to know if you'd sign these six dozen baseballs.' " Costas went on to say, "I just hope God has a place for him where he can run again, where he can play practical jokes on his teammates, and smile that boyish smile, 'cause God knows, no one's perfect. And God knows there's something special about heroes. So long, Mick. Thanks."
If God can welcome Saul through David's magnanimous eulogy after all Saul had done to David, imagine what God will do with your life and mine.
To God be the glory! Amen.
Lincoln's Gettysburg address provides another stellar example: "We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate -- we cannot consecrate -- we cannot hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced." When President Lincoln died in the house across the street from Ford's Theater, his Secretary of War, Edwin Stanton, standing at Lincoln's side, said, "Now he belongs to the ages."
On January 28, 1986, in his television broadcast to the nation on the day of the space shuttle Challenger disaster, President Reagan concluded: "We will never forget them this morning as they prepared for their journey and waved good-bye and slipped the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God."
Charles Earl Spencer said the following about Princess Diana: "Diana was the very essence of compassion, of duty, of style, of beauty. All over the world she was a symbol of selfless humanity. All over the world, a standard bearer for the rights of the truly downtrodden, a very British girl who transcended nationality. Someone with a natural nobility who was classless and who proved in the last year that she needed no royal title to continue to generate her particular brand of magic." Nehru said of Gandhi: "Friends and comrades, the light has gone out of our lives and there is darkness everywhere ... the light has gone out, I said, and yet I was wrong. For the light that shone in this country was no ordinary light. The light that has illumined this country for these many years will illumine this country for many more years, and a thousand years later that light will still be seen in this country, and the world will see it and it will give solace to innumerable hearts."
Getting through grief begins with saying something nice about the ones who have died and most of the time that's pretty easy to do. When people come up to me after a memorial service and say, "That was a beautiful eulogy," I always reply, "Thank you, but the reality is you write your own eulogy with the way you live your life," which is a sobering thought! I can tell by the startled looks I get. I also usually add, "Remember to be nice to your friends and family and also your pastor or priest because they will have the last word!" Not that it matters much once you're deceased, but you'd like to think they could find a few kind words to say about you no matter what kind of life you lived. After all the word eulogy itself comes from two Greek words that, when translated, mean "good word." That's what we say about people in eulogies -- good words.
But, what do you do when they weren't so good? It's like the story of the two wealthy brothers who were scoundrels and cheats, and everyone in town knew it. When one of the brothers died, the other one came to his pastor and said, "Preacher, if you will say in my brother's eulogy that my brother was a saint, I will give the church a million dollars for your new million-dollar capital campaign." Now this was a moral dilemma. The pastor thought for a moment and then agreed. The brother called his banker and had the money transferred right there on the spot. On the day of the funeral, the pastor got up and said the following, "Now everyone in town knew that the dear departed was a scoundrel and a cheat ... but compared to his brother, he was a saint!" Sometimes it's hard figuring out nice things to say about some people. Have you ever read or heard a good eulogy for Hitler?
Such was the dilemma David found himself in when Saul and Jonathan died. Saul had been out to get David from the moment he realized David was more popular with the people. David was a constant threat to Saul's authority, not because David intended to be, but because David obviously had the presence of the Lord in his life. Saul knew that God's presence and authority had left him about the time David assassinated Goliath. It was all downhill from there.
Saul was dead, slain in battle, and David had to muster a few good words to say about him. It was no problem saying something nice about Jonathan. Jonathan was his beloved friend. Jonathan was precious to David, one whose love for David surpassed "the love of women" (v. 26). There was an amazing bond between them. You can feel the deep anguish and grief pouring from David's heart as he cries out in this famous lament. It's almost a dirge for the war dead, like a father who has lost his son in battle.
Once, while we were in Angel Fire, New Mexico, my wife and I visited the Vietnam Memorial there and were surprised that it had been built by one single man, Dr. Victor Westphall, and his family in honor and memory of his son, First Lieutenant Victor Westphall III who died in Vietnam. After their son's death, Victor and Jeanne Westphall, assisted by their second son, Walter, determined they would build a memorial to all servicemen who were dying or being maimed in body or spirit in Vietnam. Using Lt. Westphall's SGLI payment as seed money, they engaged a young Santa Fe architect, Ted Luna, to design the Memorial Chapel. When we went into the little theater to watch a documentary film in the museum, I noticed boxes of tissues placed on chairs around the darkened room and wondered what they were for. By the end of the film, I knew and was using them myself.
Imagine the tears falling from David's eyes and all who were gathered there the day he delivered his eulogy. You sense that a deep friendship has suddenly come to an end. It's not hard to say "good words" about someone you loved, but how hard it is to say them about someone who tried to do you in. Yet, David does exactly that when he speaks of Saul. Maybe it was easier to lump them together. A eulogy about Saul alone would have surely taxed David's patience, but throwing him in with Jonathan mollified the whole thing. After all, he wouldn't have wanted to taint his loving tribute to Jonathan with a tirade against Saul. Maybe that's why he contained himself.
Maybe he just decided to let bygones be bygones. Why dredge up all that old stuff? Another reason that some commentators suggest is that David was already a skilled, master politician. He didn't hold a grudge. He understood how the game was played. Someone who might be sticking you in the back today might turn out to be your ally tomorrow. No need for vengeance. I've seen politicians fight tooth and nail in primaries then, when the battle was over and one of them had won, they'd make up and work together. Maybe David was just a good politician who decided to bury the hatchet and knew how to put the public good above any personal animosity he'd had toward Saul. Here we have a foreshadowing of Jesus' "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44), and Paul's admonition to "overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21). Purged of any bitterness or malice, David delivers his eulogy for Saul and Jonathan with what appears as true grief for both of them.
But, I think there is something more going on here. David is more than just a good politician. David is filled with the Spirit of the living God, a God who doesn't hold grudges against us no matter what we have done. David's eulogy is full of grace because he is filled with the grace of God. He understands that the greatest honor one has as a spiritual leader, whether pastor or lay, is to usher someone into the presence of the almighty. My greatest honor as a pastor has always been to pray someone who is near death right into heaven. In many ways, that's what we do when we offer a eulogy. We turn our loved ones and friends over into the loving hands of almighty God. We do so with grace and dignity, and that's what David did that day because he had been ushered into the presence of the almighty when he was a little shepherd boy. God filled his life from beginning to end. God so filled David's life that even when he transgressed God gave him another chance.
The good news is God does the same for us. God takes the long view of our lives and, when we come to the end, erases the sins and welcomes us in because of the one we call the Christ. Contrary to what some might think, God isn't a giant frown in the sky. David's eulogy is a prime example of God's beneficent grace acted out through one of God's flawed servants.
I know a pastor who got a call one day from the sons of one of his predecessors, not his immediate predecessor but one further back. Their father, a former pastor, had been asked to leave the church. The new, younger pastor didn't know why; he had only heard about it from some of the older members. The details were sketchy, but, it was clear his predecessor had left under a cloud. Now, he had died and his sons were wondering timidly if they might come down to the church and have the new, younger pastor say a few words and a prayer for their daddy since they'd grown up in the church and hadn't been there since. "We understand if it's not possible," they said with a lump in their throats. "I'd be honored to say a few words," said the new pastor. So he spoke to a larger crowd than the sons ever expected. Despite his indiscretions and flaws, the former pastor had obviously touched a lot of people's lives. The healing that occurred that day for those sons was palpable. Why? Because God always makes something good out of the bad, no matter how bad it is.
At Mickey Mantle's memorial service, sports broadcaster, Bob Costas, said, "In a cartoon from this morning's Dallas Morning News, Saint Peter has his arm around Mickey, 'We know some of what went on in your life. Sorry, we can't let you in, but before you go, God wants to know if you'd sign these six dozen baseballs.' " Costas went on to say, "I just hope God has a place for him where he can run again, where he can play practical jokes on his teammates, and smile that boyish smile, 'cause God knows, no one's perfect. And God knows there's something special about heroes. So long, Mick. Thanks."
If God can welcome Saul through David's magnanimous eulogy after all Saul had done to David, imagine what God will do with your life and mine.
To God be the glory! Amen.
