Groups: Friendships, Family, And Fellowship
Spirituality
John T. Collins
Living And Loving God’s Message
Object:
All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved.
-- Acts 2:44-47
If you are reading this book with a group of people from your church, I have good news for you! You are already practicing one of the most important elements of your spiritual development and doing what the very first group of Christians we read about in the book of Acts did. You are engaging with other Christians and building an inner circle of friends who can potentially become lifelong companions on your own faith journey.
We know from reading our Bibles that even Jesus Christ didn't go it alone. He gathered around him twelve disciples, and then hundreds of other men and women he chose to call "friends" (John 15:15). He did this because God has made all of us to be social creatures. We need the interaction of others so that we might be held accountable and challenged to become better Christians, so that we might have someone to confide in and share our feelings with, so that we might learn from and teach others. But most importantly so that we may love and be loved.
My experience as a minister has shown me that people are more likely to stay connected with a church if they have joined a group and built relationships along the way. They might join a Bible study, a prayer group, or a men's ministry. It might even be something as simple as joining a small group of people making the coffee after worship. Whatever the group may look like, it is those friendships that keep us connected to a house of worship and help us to feel at home.
The saddest thing I see in ministry settings today is people who prefer to sit alone in worship, who are always the first ones to leave, and who never make any effort at meeting other Christian men and women in their church. It saddens me because I don't think they know how wonderfully healthy and holistic small groups can be. I don't think they know how awesome it is when someone other than the pastor says, "I prayed for you this morning. How are you doing?" Or, "If you need to talk I'm here for you."
Being part of a group in your church can be life-changing and life-giving. It takes away the fear that we will ever be doing ministry alone or without company, which is why God has blessed the church with the gift of community and given to all of us the opportunity to belong. It's what makes the church so special.
In her most recent book, Kelly A. Fryer wonders if it's even possible to be the church if there's no fellowship or camaraderie. She wrote:
From the very beginning, there has been an important connection between being the church out there and coming together, in here. There was something about being the church out on the street that made people want to share a life together, in here. There was something about being the church in the world that made them want to eat and pray and study God's Word together and share their stories. But this is also true: there had to have been something about the way those people came together in here -- something about the way they prayed and worshipped and shared their stories and learned and laughed together -- that made it possible for them to be the church out there.5
I would agree that fellowship is the backbone of the church. It's what keeps us strong, fresh, and vital. Most importantly it's what makes the mission of the church possible for our generation and the next.
Why Do We Keep Looking For More?
I always liked the story about the woman named Mary who would always make frequent trips to the post office. One day she was confronted with a very long line of people waiting for service from the clerks. One observer discovered that Mary only needed a few stamps and asked, "Why don't you use the stamp machine? You can get all the stamps you need there and you won't have to stand in line." Mary said, "I know, but the machine can't ask me about my arthritis."
Just take a look around the world today and you'll find people just like Mary who seek love, caring, or acceptance and yet seek it in all the wrong places. They may look for it in a bar, online in chat rooms or dating services, or perhaps in extreme cases -- at the post office. So many people go to great extents to find what already exists in the church today. Yet, they don't even know that it is there. What I've found to be particularly alarming is that this is true for Christians already attending a church as well. Sometimes even Christians don't know where to find authentic, meaningful faith-based relationships.
Just the other day I was speaking with an inactive member of my own church. I wondered why she never gets more involved in the fellowship aspects of our church. She looked at me and said, "I have plenty of friends outside of the church. I am not lonely like some of these people."
I knew in my heart she had no idea what she was missing because the kind of fellowship one finds in a Christian group is unlike anything you'll find outside of the church.
In fact, Dietrich Bonhoeffer once remarked,
Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate. The more clearly we learn to recognize that the ground and the strength and promise of all our fellowship is in Jesus Christ alone, the more serenely shall we think of our fellowship and pray and hope for it.6
If you're one of the people who avoids belonging to a Christian group, ask yourself these questions: "What do people outside of the church know about your faith, your ethics, or your hope in Jesus Christ? How many deep-seated spiritual conversations can you carry on with friends who don't know the Lord or who don't practice their faith like you do? How can an outsider help or lead you to grow spiritually?"
We Christians have our own language, our own traditions, and our own way of living that seems foreign to the rest of the world, but thanks be to God, it is our identity. It is in biblically based Christian small groups where we find our greatest element of connectedness and spiritual familiarity. It's where true fellowship exists and blossoms.
Saint Paul once wrote these words to the Corinthian church (who also struggled with some of the same issues):
Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship is there between light and darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Beliar? Or what does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will live in them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore come out from them, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch nothing unclean; then I will welcome you, and I will be your father, and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
-- 2 Corinthians 6:14-18
If you are involved in a worshiping community of believers, you have been given a very special and unique opportunity. You have been given an opportunity to live with and among people who love God as much as you do. That opportunity is found when you seek belonging to a small group within your church.
I want to show you how belonging to a group can help you to grow more passionate about your own spirituality. First, by belonging to a group we get to know each other better. By belonging to a group we get to know ourselves better. Finally, by belonging to a group we get to know Jesus Christ better.
We Get To Know Each Other Better
Bob joined our Bible study somewhere in the early part of the spring. He arrived that day unexpectedly carrying a Bible in one hand and a biblical commentary in the other. He wasn't a member of our church but was known around town by a few. He was a rather quiet man who always wore a frown on his face and rarely did he take the time to make eye contact with anyone. To make matters worse he was hard of hearing, and when he finally did answer you he would do so with an aggravated, annoyed tone. He seemed rude, arrogant, and emotionless. All who knew of him walked on pins and needles around him. All others just avoided him at all costs. One couldn't help but wonder what had made this man so miserable.
That spring, we were studying the gospel of Mark and to everyone's surprise Bob had come for three weeks in a row. He would quietly sit at the end of the table, looking down at his notes, while the group discussed the text. That day we were discussing the story of Jairus' daughter being raised from the dead (Mark 5:21-43) when suddenly Bob piped up for the first time, saying, "My daughter wasn't that lucky!"
We all just froze. It was as if a great sage had finally spoken after years of silence. No one dared to make a noise or interrupt. We just sat there wondering if Bob would say anything more. Finally, after taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes, Bob shared how his daughter had died when she was only seventeen years old. He told us about the pain he had been carrying for years and how he had prayed that God should have taken him and not his daughter. He expressed anger, guilt, and sadness. It took every ounce of our beings not to cry as Bob spoke.
Bob kept coming week after week from that point on. In fact, the participants in the group grew to like him and would now speak to him and ask him how he was doing. In time, Bob shared more of what he believed about God (and how the world works), and he became a very important person to all of us. Then, as quickly as Bob had arrived, Bob stopped coming. Some of us tried calling, others rang the bell on his Southside Chicago apartment, but none of us could get in touch with him. That next week we learned that Bob had died in his sleep.
I can tell you that Bob was greatly missed after he had died. It seemed to many of us that something was missing from the group. Ironically, the man who seemed so unfriendly and crabby at first had become a friend to all of us. Not only that, his vulnerability and courage in sharing his pain helped the group to become more sincere in their own sharing. It was as if we were given permission to open up. It was an important turning point for the group. We were, in our own way, becoming more like Bob.
This is one of the things that I see lacking in many churches. So often when we see each other in casual settings we never really tell the whole truth. Everyone seems like they're trying to "fake it until they make it." Someone may ask us, "How are you doing?" Our response often is, "Fine!" But many times we are not fine. Perhaps there is trouble at home or with our children or at our job. We know that in casual settings it is not the right time to share all that is going in our life. We believe that deep down people really don't want to hear everything. We know that the people who are asking how we are doing are just being polite. So we hold it in and put on the mask, hoping to get through the day.
The beautiful thing about a small group is that we don't have to wear masks or be anything other than real. We can be ourselves, and we can get to know what is really going on in each other's lives.
By doing this, so often we discover that we're not the only one having a bad day or even a bad year. By taking the time to listen to one another, and by being heard, we often discover that disappointments, setbacks, or grief are common to everyone. Whenever I hear that someone else is going through what I'm going through, I get a feeling of relief knowing that I'm not alone. Someone else understands my pain -- someone who is Christian and a part of a group where I belong.
To know and to be known seems to capture for me what a beautiful relationship could look like. Being able to be honest with people and still be accepted is what we're all looking for, isn't it?
Let the truth be told that all Christians need this support in their own ministry as well. We are created to be social and to interact with others. It's how God designed us and it's what helps us to grow deeper in our spirituality and become more connected to the people we serve. Thanks be to God it can be found in a small group.
A few days after Bob died, a few of us from the Bible study went to the funeral. The saddest thing was that there were only a handful of people present. No one seemed to be overly upset at his passing. No one was crying. It was obvious that Bob had chased away many people in his life. In fact, some present could only remember Bob as the man with the frown. Those of us who had heard his story and felt his pain knew more about the man. We knew about the courage he had in sharing his story. We knew about the pain he struggled with on a daily basis. We knew about the prayers he prayed every single day. Most importantly, we knew that in Bob there was a good man who only wanted to be known and heard.
Isn't that what we're all looking for?
We Get To Know Ourselves Better
The second gift of belonging to a small group is that we have the opportunity to better know ourselves.
Years ago, when I was in seminary fulfilling a three-month Clinical Pastoral Education program (also known as CPE), I was assigned to a hospital on Long Island, New York. I visited patients weekly, Monday through Friday. As part of the requirement, we were assigned to a small group to discuss our progress, our feelings, and our thoughts. This group met every day from 1-2 p.m. and would usually tackle a number of topics each week.
On one particular day, about six months into the program, we were encouraged to get in touch with our own feelings. This, we were told, would help us to stay "present" with the patients we met in the hospital and allow us to grow as ministers who could be emotionally present. In my mind, I didn't have much feeling either way. I wasn't saddened by the experience of being in a hospital, nor was I overly thrilled to be there. I guess in some ways I felt emotionless.
That day, our supervisor challenged us to dig deeper. He asked me to tell him what thoughts came to mind when I heard the word "hospital." I remember sitting there for a few moments wondering about his question. Finally I said, "My father's death!"
With that, the images of my father lying in a hospital bed immediately came back to me. The images of the priest holding my hand and telling me that my father was going to be in a better place haunted me. I remember the tears that fell from the eyes of my two sisters as we said good-bye. All of these memories came back to me like the waters of a flood and I started getting restless in my chair, crossing my arms and my legs, as I made the connection between hospitals and my feelings. I hadn't allowed myself to think about it for over five years. I just blocked it out of my mind. Now, there was no place to hide.
Obviously noticing there was more to me than I was allowing the group to see, the supervisor said to me, "Tell me about your father." Before I could get a word out I started to cry bitterly. It was one of those cries that forces the mouth to open and yet remains silent. My pain was no longer within me. It was on show for all to see, as I sobbed like a little child.
What I remember most about that moment was the love that everyone in the group showed me. A few put their arms around me and gave me a hug. Some told me that it was all right to cry. A few even cried themselves. What I'll never forget, as long as I live, is how that group helped me to know myself more. I had no idea that I was holding back so much pain. I had no idea that hospitals were so emotionally painful for me. I tried to block it all out and keep my emotions bottled up. But with the help of that group I was able to dig deeper into myself and identify the truth of who I was. In doing that they gave me a true gift, one that I've taken with me wherever the Lord will have me go.
How well do you know yourself? I want to guess that you probably don't know yourself as well as you think you do. Ultimately, getting to know yourself better is up to you and God has given you a chance to do so. But no one can force you to do it. You can remain where you are today, or you can get involved in a small group that will help you to become an even better person today and accept you along the way. You can know and be known on a much deeper level than you ever imagined. You can know about the love that is only found in a group of Christians like yourself. But as with all things it's up to you.
We Get To Know Jesus Christ Better
Jesus once said, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them" (Matthew 18:20).
It has been my experience that when we belong to a small group we also learn to know Jesus Christ in entirely new ways. We begin to see Jesus in others and sometimes in ourselves. This happens because so often God will send someone who is in need of help to a group of Christians. God may send to the group a person new to the faith, or someone who is mentally or physically sick, or someone who is financially needy or without food and shelter. He may even send someone who is simply in need of a listening ear. Each time we find these people, God calls us to minister to them.
Jesus once said,
Then the righteous will answer him, "Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?" And the king will answer them, "Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me."
-- Matthew 25:37
God calls us to take care of the most vulnerable of society and commands that we share whatever resources we have available. He calls us to give of our time, our talent, and treasures freely. It's in the doing of these things that we not only become more like Christ himself, but we learn firsthand what the Christian life is all about. It's about service to others and being part of a fellowship that will give us endless opportunities to serve the Lord.
A few years ago, friends of mine brought their former housekeeper to our group. She was an older African-American woman who had the heart of a saint. During the evening we got to know her and enjoyed her company very much. At the end of the night, after we had finished putting the chairs and tables away, she revealed to some of us that her son was in prison. You could just tell that this broke her heart. Two of us asked if we could pray for her and her son. She agreed, and we did.
We prayed that God would give her the courage to make it through. We prayed that God would keep her son protected and in his presence. We prayed that God would turn this burden into a blessing. We prayed for nearly fifteen minutes by simply praising God for his goodness and his mercy.
I'm not sure to this day what happened to her son, but I still remember her saying to me the next time I saw her how moved she was by our prayers. She thanked me from the bottom of her heart and simply said, "That really helped me. Thank you!"
I replied, "Not as much as it helped me!" I said that because it was at that moment that I realized I had not only served the Lord, I had met him in the vulnerability of that woman.
You see, when God sends someone to your group who needs help and if you respond, the blessing is really mutual because you've also experienced a moment in your ministry that was real, authentic, and ordained by God. But even better than that -- you've experienced the power of Jesus Christ working through you, and you faithfully gave it to another. You have become a vessel for God and have had the blessing of seeing a miracle happen in your midst.
Isn't that what faith is all about?
Time For Reflection
1. Describe any teams you've been part of in your life. What were the most valuable lessons learned?
2. What would an ideal small group look like for you?
3. Tell the story of a time in your life that another Christian helped you when you were in need?
4. How often do you pray for other people in your church? Do you do this alone? How does it make you feel?
5. What prevents most people from being part of a fellowship inside of the church? Is this happening in your church? What can be done to change it?
-- Acts 2:44-47
If you are reading this book with a group of people from your church, I have good news for you! You are already practicing one of the most important elements of your spiritual development and doing what the very first group of Christians we read about in the book of Acts did. You are engaging with other Christians and building an inner circle of friends who can potentially become lifelong companions on your own faith journey.
We know from reading our Bibles that even Jesus Christ didn't go it alone. He gathered around him twelve disciples, and then hundreds of other men and women he chose to call "friends" (John 15:15). He did this because God has made all of us to be social creatures. We need the interaction of others so that we might be held accountable and challenged to become better Christians, so that we might have someone to confide in and share our feelings with, so that we might learn from and teach others. But most importantly so that we may love and be loved.
My experience as a minister has shown me that people are more likely to stay connected with a church if they have joined a group and built relationships along the way. They might join a Bible study, a prayer group, or a men's ministry. It might even be something as simple as joining a small group of people making the coffee after worship. Whatever the group may look like, it is those friendships that keep us connected to a house of worship and help us to feel at home.
The saddest thing I see in ministry settings today is people who prefer to sit alone in worship, who are always the first ones to leave, and who never make any effort at meeting other Christian men and women in their church. It saddens me because I don't think they know how wonderfully healthy and holistic small groups can be. I don't think they know how awesome it is when someone other than the pastor says, "I prayed for you this morning. How are you doing?" Or, "If you need to talk I'm here for you."
Being part of a group in your church can be life-changing and life-giving. It takes away the fear that we will ever be doing ministry alone or without company, which is why God has blessed the church with the gift of community and given to all of us the opportunity to belong. It's what makes the church so special.
In her most recent book, Kelly A. Fryer wonders if it's even possible to be the church if there's no fellowship or camaraderie. She wrote:
From the very beginning, there has been an important connection between being the church out there and coming together, in here. There was something about being the church out on the street that made people want to share a life together, in here. There was something about being the church in the world that made them want to eat and pray and study God's Word together and share their stories. But this is also true: there had to have been something about the way those people came together in here -- something about the way they prayed and worshipped and shared their stories and learned and laughed together -- that made it possible for them to be the church out there.5
I would agree that fellowship is the backbone of the church. It's what keeps us strong, fresh, and vital. Most importantly it's what makes the mission of the church possible for our generation and the next.
Why Do We Keep Looking For More?
I always liked the story about the woman named Mary who would always make frequent trips to the post office. One day she was confronted with a very long line of people waiting for service from the clerks. One observer discovered that Mary only needed a few stamps and asked, "Why don't you use the stamp machine? You can get all the stamps you need there and you won't have to stand in line." Mary said, "I know, but the machine can't ask me about my arthritis."
Just take a look around the world today and you'll find people just like Mary who seek love, caring, or acceptance and yet seek it in all the wrong places. They may look for it in a bar, online in chat rooms or dating services, or perhaps in extreme cases -- at the post office. So many people go to great extents to find what already exists in the church today. Yet, they don't even know that it is there. What I've found to be particularly alarming is that this is true for Christians already attending a church as well. Sometimes even Christians don't know where to find authentic, meaningful faith-based relationships.
Just the other day I was speaking with an inactive member of my own church. I wondered why she never gets more involved in the fellowship aspects of our church. She looked at me and said, "I have plenty of friends outside of the church. I am not lonely like some of these people."
I knew in my heart she had no idea what she was missing because the kind of fellowship one finds in a Christian group is unlike anything you'll find outside of the church.
In fact, Dietrich Bonhoeffer once remarked,
Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate. The more clearly we learn to recognize that the ground and the strength and promise of all our fellowship is in Jesus Christ alone, the more serenely shall we think of our fellowship and pray and hope for it.6
If you're one of the people who avoids belonging to a Christian group, ask yourself these questions: "What do people outside of the church know about your faith, your ethics, or your hope in Jesus Christ? How many deep-seated spiritual conversations can you carry on with friends who don't know the Lord or who don't practice their faith like you do? How can an outsider help or lead you to grow spiritually?"
We Christians have our own language, our own traditions, and our own way of living that seems foreign to the rest of the world, but thanks be to God, it is our identity. It is in biblically based Christian small groups where we find our greatest element of connectedness and spiritual familiarity. It's where true fellowship exists and blossoms.
Saint Paul once wrote these words to the Corinthian church (who also struggled with some of the same issues):
Do not be mismatched with unbelievers. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship is there between light and darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Beliar? Or what does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will live in them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore come out from them, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch nothing unclean; then I will welcome you, and I will be your father, and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
-- 2 Corinthians 6:14-18
If you are involved in a worshiping community of believers, you have been given a very special and unique opportunity. You have been given an opportunity to live with and among people who love God as much as you do. That opportunity is found when you seek belonging to a small group within your church.
I want to show you how belonging to a group can help you to grow more passionate about your own spirituality. First, by belonging to a group we get to know each other better. By belonging to a group we get to know ourselves better. Finally, by belonging to a group we get to know Jesus Christ better.
We Get To Know Each Other Better
Bob joined our Bible study somewhere in the early part of the spring. He arrived that day unexpectedly carrying a Bible in one hand and a biblical commentary in the other. He wasn't a member of our church but was known around town by a few. He was a rather quiet man who always wore a frown on his face and rarely did he take the time to make eye contact with anyone. To make matters worse he was hard of hearing, and when he finally did answer you he would do so with an aggravated, annoyed tone. He seemed rude, arrogant, and emotionless. All who knew of him walked on pins and needles around him. All others just avoided him at all costs. One couldn't help but wonder what had made this man so miserable.
That spring, we were studying the gospel of Mark and to everyone's surprise Bob had come for three weeks in a row. He would quietly sit at the end of the table, looking down at his notes, while the group discussed the text. That day we were discussing the story of Jairus' daughter being raised from the dead (Mark 5:21-43) when suddenly Bob piped up for the first time, saying, "My daughter wasn't that lucky!"
We all just froze. It was as if a great sage had finally spoken after years of silence. No one dared to make a noise or interrupt. We just sat there wondering if Bob would say anything more. Finally, after taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes, Bob shared how his daughter had died when she was only seventeen years old. He told us about the pain he had been carrying for years and how he had prayed that God should have taken him and not his daughter. He expressed anger, guilt, and sadness. It took every ounce of our beings not to cry as Bob spoke.
Bob kept coming week after week from that point on. In fact, the participants in the group grew to like him and would now speak to him and ask him how he was doing. In time, Bob shared more of what he believed about God (and how the world works), and he became a very important person to all of us. Then, as quickly as Bob had arrived, Bob stopped coming. Some of us tried calling, others rang the bell on his Southside Chicago apartment, but none of us could get in touch with him. That next week we learned that Bob had died in his sleep.
I can tell you that Bob was greatly missed after he had died. It seemed to many of us that something was missing from the group. Ironically, the man who seemed so unfriendly and crabby at first had become a friend to all of us. Not only that, his vulnerability and courage in sharing his pain helped the group to become more sincere in their own sharing. It was as if we were given permission to open up. It was an important turning point for the group. We were, in our own way, becoming more like Bob.
This is one of the things that I see lacking in many churches. So often when we see each other in casual settings we never really tell the whole truth. Everyone seems like they're trying to "fake it until they make it." Someone may ask us, "How are you doing?" Our response often is, "Fine!" But many times we are not fine. Perhaps there is trouble at home or with our children or at our job. We know that in casual settings it is not the right time to share all that is going in our life. We believe that deep down people really don't want to hear everything. We know that the people who are asking how we are doing are just being polite. So we hold it in and put on the mask, hoping to get through the day.
The beautiful thing about a small group is that we don't have to wear masks or be anything other than real. We can be ourselves, and we can get to know what is really going on in each other's lives.
By doing this, so often we discover that we're not the only one having a bad day or even a bad year. By taking the time to listen to one another, and by being heard, we often discover that disappointments, setbacks, or grief are common to everyone. Whenever I hear that someone else is going through what I'm going through, I get a feeling of relief knowing that I'm not alone. Someone else understands my pain -- someone who is Christian and a part of a group where I belong.
To know and to be known seems to capture for me what a beautiful relationship could look like. Being able to be honest with people and still be accepted is what we're all looking for, isn't it?
Let the truth be told that all Christians need this support in their own ministry as well. We are created to be social and to interact with others. It's how God designed us and it's what helps us to grow deeper in our spirituality and become more connected to the people we serve. Thanks be to God it can be found in a small group.
A few days after Bob died, a few of us from the Bible study went to the funeral. The saddest thing was that there were only a handful of people present. No one seemed to be overly upset at his passing. No one was crying. It was obvious that Bob had chased away many people in his life. In fact, some present could only remember Bob as the man with the frown. Those of us who had heard his story and felt his pain knew more about the man. We knew about the courage he had in sharing his story. We knew about the pain he struggled with on a daily basis. We knew about the prayers he prayed every single day. Most importantly, we knew that in Bob there was a good man who only wanted to be known and heard.
Isn't that what we're all looking for?
We Get To Know Ourselves Better
The second gift of belonging to a small group is that we have the opportunity to better know ourselves.
Years ago, when I was in seminary fulfilling a three-month Clinical Pastoral Education program (also known as CPE), I was assigned to a hospital on Long Island, New York. I visited patients weekly, Monday through Friday. As part of the requirement, we were assigned to a small group to discuss our progress, our feelings, and our thoughts. This group met every day from 1-2 p.m. and would usually tackle a number of topics each week.
On one particular day, about six months into the program, we were encouraged to get in touch with our own feelings. This, we were told, would help us to stay "present" with the patients we met in the hospital and allow us to grow as ministers who could be emotionally present. In my mind, I didn't have much feeling either way. I wasn't saddened by the experience of being in a hospital, nor was I overly thrilled to be there. I guess in some ways I felt emotionless.
That day, our supervisor challenged us to dig deeper. He asked me to tell him what thoughts came to mind when I heard the word "hospital." I remember sitting there for a few moments wondering about his question. Finally I said, "My father's death!"
With that, the images of my father lying in a hospital bed immediately came back to me. The images of the priest holding my hand and telling me that my father was going to be in a better place haunted me. I remember the tears that fell from the eyes of my two sisters as we said good-bye. All of these memories came back to me like the waters of a flood and I started getting restless in my chair, crossing my arms and my legs, as I made the connection between hospitals and my feelings. I hadn't allowed myself to think about it for over five years. I just blocked it out of my mind. Now, there was no place to hide.
Obviously noticing there was more to me than I was allowing the group to see, the supervisor said to me, "Tell me about your father." Before I could get a word out I started to cry bitterly. It was one of those cries that forces the mouth to open and yet remains silent. My pain was no longer within me. It was on show for all to see, as I sobbed like a little child.
What I remember most about that moment was the love that everyone in the group showed me. A few put their arms around me and gave me a hug. Some told me that it was all right to cry. A few even cried themselves. What I'll never forget, as long as I live, is how that group helped me to know myself more. I had no idea that I was holding back so much pain. I had no idea that hospitals were so emotionally painful for me. I tried to block it all out and keep my emotions bottled up. But with the help of that group I was able to dig deeper into myself and identify the truth of who I was. In doing that they gave me a true gift, one that I've taken with me wherever the Lord will have me go.
How well do you know yourself? I want to guess that you probably don't know yourself as well as you think you do. Ultimately, getting to know yourself better is up to you and God has given you a chance to do so. But no one can force you to do it. You can remain where you are today, or you can get involved in a small group that will help you to become an even better person today and accept you along the way. You can know and be known on a much deeper level than you ever imagined. You can know about the love that is only found in a group of Christians like yourself. But as with all things it's up to you.
We Get To Know Jesus Christ Better
Jesus once said, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them" (Matthew 18:20).
It has been my experience that when we belong to a small group we also learn to know Jesus Christ in entirely new ways. We begin to see Jesus in others and sometimes in ourselves. This happens because so often God will send someone who is in need of help to a group of Christians. God may send to the group a person new to the faith, or someone who is mentally or physically sick, or someone who is financially needy or without food and shelter. He may even send someone who is simply in need of a listening ear. Each time we find these people, God calls us to minister to them.
Jesus once said,
Then the righteous will answer him, "Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?" And the king will answer them, "Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me."
-- Matthew 25:37
God calls us to take care of the most vulnerable of society and commands that we share whatever resources we have available. He calls us to give of our time, our talent, and treasures freely. It's in the doing of these things that we not only become more like Christ himself, but we learn firsthand what the Christian life is all about. It's about service to others and being part of a fellowship that will give us endless opportunities to serve the Lord.
A few years ago, friends of mine brought their former housekeeper to our group. She was an older African-American woman who had the heart of a saint. During the evening we got to know her and enjoyed her company very much. At the end of the night, after we had finished putting the chairs and tables away, she revealed to some of us that her son was in prison. You could just tell that this broke her heart. Two of us asked if we could pray for her and her son. She agreed, and we did.
We prayed that God would give her the courage to make it through. We prayed that God would keep her son protected and in his presence. We prayed that God would turn this burden into a blessing. We prayed for nearly fifteen minutes by simply praising God for his goodness and his mercy.
I'm not sure to this day what happened to her son, but I still remember her saying to me the next time I saw her how moved she was by our prayers. She thanked me from the bottom of her heart and simply said, "That really helped me. Thank you!"
I replied, "Not as much as it helped me!" I said that because it was at that moment that I realized I had not only served the Lord, I had met him in the vulnerability of that woman.
You see, when God sends someone to your group who needs help and if you respond, the blessing is really mutual because you've also experienced a moment in your ministry that was real, authentic, and ordained by God. But even better than that -- you've experienced the power of Jesus Christ working through you, and you faithfully gave it to another. You have become a vessel for God and have had the blessing of seeing a miracle happen in your midst.
Isn't that what faith is all about?
Time For Reflection
1. Describe any teams you've been part of in your life. What were the most valuable lessons learned?
2. What would an ideal small group look like for you?
3. Tell the story of a time in your life that another Christian helped you when you were in need?
4. How often do you pray for other people in your church? Do you do this alone? How does it make you feel?
5. What prevents most people from being part of a fellowship inside of the church? Is this happening in your church? What can be done to change it?
