This One Thing I Do
Drama
Thespian Theology
Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Cycle A
Object:
Thespian Theological Thoughts
Saul of Tarsus was indeed a single-minded man. Hebrew of Hebrews, Pharisee of Pharisees, he had devoted his life to attaining the righteousness which comes from strict adherence to the Law.
And then he met Jesus.
All that is now rubbish to him ("dog dung," as one modern version puts it), compared to the surpassing value of knowing Jesus as Savior and Lord.
Now, that's an epiphany!
* * *
Some (you should pardon the expression) "thoughts" about producing this play:
• Three out of four ain't bad! I wrote Maryellen Moverandshaker into the play as the one who wouldn't repent. Please feel free to rewrite it and make any of the other three the unrepentant one.
• Henrietta, Peter, and Donald have several lines where, like Donald Duck's nephews, each character says only one or two words of the line. Have some fun with it!
Cast
Narrator
Henrietta Heroin
Peter Playboy
Donald Dotcom
Maryellen Moverandshaker
The Apostle Paul
Props/Costumes
Henrietta -- Sign: "DRUGS"/"JESUS"
Peter -- Sign: "SEX"/"JESUS"
Donald -- Sign: "MONEY"/"JESUS"
Maryellen -- Sign: "POWER"
__________
(Narrator is at podium stage left)
Narrator: Today we have four stories for you. Our protagonists (that's a 64-dollar word for "lead characters") are people who are single-minded. Each one has a focus in his or her life, and that focus drives everything he or she does.
(Henrietta Heroin enters stage right; she has a sign around her neck: "DRUGS")
Narrator: First, we have Henrietta Heroin. I guess I don't have to tell you what the focus of her life is!
Henrietta: (Approaches Narrator threateningly) Cut the sarcasm, bro'! Drugs are my thing, and I don't need any pious, preachy platitudes from you!
Narrator: Did I say anything pious or preachy?
Henrietta: Not yet. But I'll bet a dime bag of coke you were just about to start preaching at me about all my sins. Look, Homes, I'm a drug user, and I like it that way, okay? Drugs make me feel good, okay?
Narrator: Not okay, but I guess I know better than to argue with you at this point. My momma raised some ugly young'uns, but she didn't raise any fools!
Henrietta: Aaaah, what do you know, anyway.
(Henrietta moves upstage left. Peter Playboy enters stage left; he is wearing a sign: "SEX")
Peter: (To Henrietta) Hey, sweet thing! What's up?
Henrietta: Hmmmm ... Well, honey, if you're up for a good time, then so am I. (Puts her arm around Peter)
Narrator: Now there's a match made in ... Well, wherever it's made, it's a classic match, that's for sure: Henrietta Heroin, whose life is focused on ... (Henrietta proudly displays her sign) ... and Peter Playboy, whose one thing is ... (Peter proudly displays his sign)
Peter: (To Narrator) So what's it to you, nosey-noodle? She likes drugs, I like her, and we both like havin' a good time. And we're not hurtin' anybody else. So just bug off, okay?
Narrator: Ummm ... okay. (To audience) Momma didn't raise no fools!
(Henrietta and Peter exit together, stage left. Donald Dotcom enters stage right, wearing a sign: "MONEY")
Narrator: Ah, here's another tightly-focused piece of work. It's Donald Dotcom, entrepreneur par excellence.
Donald: Speak English, you doofus! I don't have time for all that high-falutin' French: I am about to become the most successful cyber superstar on the planet. Watch out, Bill Gates! Donald Dotcom is in the game now!
Narrator: Are you really that rich, Donald?
Donald: Yup! And when I close my next deal, I'll make Bill Gates look like a welfare case!
Narrator: What are you going to do with all that money, Donald?
Donald: Do? First, I'm gonna put major additions on my estates in Vail, and Newport, and the Italian Riviera, and Tahiti. And my Lear Jet fleet needs to be replaced: all eight of them are last year's models, and the ashtrays are full. And I've outgrown all my yachts: they need bigger flight decks for my helicopters. (With a grand gesture) And most importantly, some of my money will be used ...
Narrator: To feed and clothe the poor and shelter the homeless?
Donald: No, fool! To make more money!
Narrator: How much money is enough money for you, Donald?
Donald: Enough? I can't relate to that concept.
(Maryellen Moverandshaker enters stage left. She wears a sign: "POWER")
Donald: Awwwriiight! Here's the lady who's gonna help me make it all happen: Maryellen Moverandshaker.
Maryellen: (Gives Donald a big fake hug) Huggie-huggie-kissie-kissie!
Donald: (Disgustedly) Yo, that's enough! Listen, Maryellen, have you got all the players together for my big merger?
Maryellen: Of course, daahhling! Just leave it to Maryellen. I've assembled the big-time players from Wall Street and Washington and a few Hollywood people just for good measure and I've got them all eating out of my hand. Ah, the precious perfume of perspicacious power: it's so marvelously intoxicating. Don't you agree, daahhling?
Donald: Uhh ... sure, doll. Whatever you say. Can we get goin' here?
Maryellen: Certainly, daahhling. Come with me.
(Maryellen and Donald exit together arm in arm, stage right)
Narrator: Okay, now let's fast-forward in time. (Acts out punching a fast-forward button, and then running fast) Our four single-minded protagonists have tasted the fruits of their focused behavior -- and now that they've eaten their fruit salad, our heroes don't look so good.
(Henrietta enters stage left and moves to center stage; she is in bad shape)
Henrietta: (To Narrator) Just shut up, okay? I don't want to hear your pious "I-told-you-so" sermon, okay?
Narrator: I didn't say anything about "I told you so," Henrietta. What happened to you, dear?
Henrietta: It's a long story, and you don't wanna hear it, and I don't wanna tell it. Let's just say the good times ran out, and I'm strung out. I think I need a methadone program.
(Henrietta stumbles upstage left; Peter enters stage left)
Narrator: Well, hello, Peter. What's up with you?
Peter: Nothing, and I mean nothing!
Narrator: So, your relationship with Henrietta didn't go anywhere?
Peter: Relationship? What relationship? And who's Henrietta, fer-Pete's-sake?
Narrator: Peter, Peter, Peter ... what's going to become of you?
Peter: I dunno, man. I'm tired of this life. The good times just aren't rollin' any more, know-what'm-sayin'?
(Peter stumbles dejectedly upstage left and sits down next to Henrietta; neither one acknowledges the other. Donald enters stage right, holding his head in his hands)
Donald: I can't believe it! I can't believe it!
Narrator: What can't you believe, Donald?
Donald: I can't believe my big deal fell through! I can't believe Donald Dotcom's stock price went into the tank! I can't believe all my creditors are calling their notes! I can't believe I'm going belly-up! And I can't believe I entrusted my future to that ditzy ding-bat Maryellen Moverandshaker!
(Maryellen enters stage right)
Maryellen: Who are you calling a ditzy ding-bat, you dorky doofus? I got all the big-time players together and you screwed it up with all your stupid charts and graphs. My friends were bored to death!
Donald: I screwed it up? Who were these bozos you brought to me, anyway? They couldn't see a good business deal if it was right under their noses! Some awesome arbitrageur you are!
Narrator: Arbitrageur? Hmmm. It seems you've got time for highfalutin' French now, Donald.
Donald: Oh, zip it up! (To Narrator) I've had it with you (To Henrietta) and especially with you, Ms. Maryellen Moverandshaker! (Stomps upstage right and sits down)
Maryellen: Well, I am ruined! All my influential friends have left me because of that insufferable boor. (Points to Donald) What am I to do?
Henrietta/Peter/Donald: What am I to do?
(The Apostle Paul enters down the center aisle)
Paul: Turn to Jesus!
Maryellen: And who are you, daahhling?
Paul: I am Saul of Tarsus, better known to you as Paul, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Donald: (Gets up and moves to center stage) Whoa, the Apostle Paul! Now there's an impressive name for ya, Maryellen, you numbskull namedropper! (Sticks out his tongue at her)
Maryellen: (To Paul) Pay no attention to that dorky ding-bat, daahhling! (Puts her arm around Paul) Aaahhhh ... With you by my side, real power will be mine -- er, I mean ours! And with my business and social connections -- and your spiritual connection -- we'll make a great team, don't you think, daahhling?
Paul: Well, not really, Maryellen. But I would like to talk to you about connections.
Maryellen: Yes, daahhling?
Paul: You know, Maryellen, before I met Jesus, I had a lot of those worldly power connections, too: I was of the tribe of Benjamin; I was a Hebrew of Hebrews; I was a respected Pharisee; I was -- or I thought I was -- blameless before the Law. But today, I look at all that as nothing, compared to the joy and the power of knowing Jesus as my Savior and Lord.
Maryellen: Say what?
Paul: What I'm saying, Maryellen, is that worldly power is not what life is about.
Maryellen: Well, it may not be for you, daahhling, but I am still energized and excited by powerful friends. And I will have those friends back! All it'll take is a nice cocktail reception at the Haahvuhd Club. (Strides confidently stage right) Toodle-oo, daahhling! (Exits)
(Henrietta stumbles down to center stage)
Henrietta: Excuse me, sir. You were saying that life is not about power?
Paul: That's right, Henrietta.
Henrietta: Well, I've been sitting here nursing a hangover, and I've started thinking: Maybe life isn't about drugs, either.
Paul: Good for you, Henrietta!
(Peter comes to center stage)
Peter: Yeah. And you know, maybe life's not about sex, either.
Paul: Good for you, Peter. Praise the Lord!
(Donald comes to center stage)
Donald: Well, as one who's had it all and lost it all, I gotta tell you: Life isn't about money, either.
Paul: Well, good for you, Donald. Praise the Lord!
Henrietta: But
Peter: what is
Donald: life about?
Paul: Life is about knowing Jesus as Lord, counting all else as rubbish, and acknowledging that your righteousness and your worth as an individual come from Jesus, and from him alone.
Henrietta: That sounds nice, Paul, but I've been doing drugs for more than half my life. I'm a drug addict!
Peter: And I've been chasing women since I was in the fifth grade. I'm addicted to sex!
Donald: Uh-huh. And I've been making business deals since I played my first game of Monopoly. I'm addicted to money.
Paul: (Points to Henrietta) No, you're not! (Points to Peter) And no, you're not! (Points to Donald) And no, you're not! Each of you is a unique person, made in the image of God. And if you ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, you are children of God.
Henrietta: But
Peter: what about
Donald: my addiction?
Paul: Be addicted to Jesus!
Henrietta/Peter/Donald: Huh?
Paul: Listen to me, you three: As addicts, you were single-minded, right? Henrietta, everything you thought and did was focused on getting drugs, right?
Henrietta: I guess you could say that.
Paul: And Peter, your life was totally focused on chasing women, right?
Peter: That's for sure!
Paul: And Donald, all you've ever thought about was money, right?
Donald: Ya got that right!
Paul: So you -- all three of you -- are very focused, single-minded people. What you need to do now is make Jesus and his will for you the focus of your lives.
Henrietta: Man,
Peter: that's
Donald: harsh!
Paul: You may think so, but you can do it. If I can do it, you can do it.
Henrietta/Peter/Donald: Huh?
Paul: Before I met Jesus, I was single-minded like you. My whole life was focused on righteousness according to the Law ... so much, in fact, that I persecuted and executed the followers of Jesus. But Jesus got my attention -- in a way I think you'd call "harsh" -- and ever since then, I have been single-minded in a new and better way. This one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind (like drugs, sex, and money), I press on toward the goal: Jesus, my Lord and Savior.
Henrietta: And that's
Peter: all there is
Donald: to it?
Paul: That's it. And the Holy Spirit is always there to help you do it -- so just do it! (Makes a "swoosh" with his hand)
Henrietta: Well,
Peter: we'll
Donald: try!
(Henrietta, Peter, and Donald turn their signs around to reveal "JESUS" on the reverse)
Donald: But what about Maryellen, Paul? She didn't seem to want to admit that she needs Jesus.
Paul: Hey, three out of four isn't bad! You just leave Maryellen to me, Donald. I haven't given up on her yet. Remember, I'm a single-minded guy!
Henrietta: That
Peter: you
Donald: are!
Saul of Tarsus was indeed a single-minded man. Hebrew of Hebrews, Pharisee of Pharisees, he had devoted his life to attaining the righteousness which comes from strict adherence to the Law.
And then he met Jesus.
All that is now rubbish to him ("dog dung," as one modern version puts it), compared to the surpassing value of knowing Jesus as Savior and Lord.
Now, that's an epiphany!
* * *
Some (you should pardon the expression) "thoughts" about producing this play:
• Three out of four ain't bad! I wrote Maryellen Moverandshaker into the play as the one who wouldn't repent. Please feel free to rewrite it and make any of the other three the unrepentant one.
• Henrietta, Peter, and Donald have several lines where, like Donald Duck's nephews, each character says only one or two words of the line. Have some fun with it!
Cast
Narrator
Henrietta Heroin
Peter Playboy
Donald Dotcom
Maryellen Moverandshaker
The Apostle Paul
Props/Costumes
Henrietta -- Sign: "DRUGS"/"JESUS"
Peter -- Sign: "SEX"/"JESUS"
Donald -- Sign: "MONEY"/"JESUS"
Maryellen -- Sign: "POWER"
__________
(Narrator is at podium stage left)
Narrator: Today we have four stories for you. Our protagonists (that's a 64-dollar word for "lead characters") are people who are single-minded. Each one has a focus in his or her life, and that focus drives everything he or she does.
(Henrietta Heroin enters stage right; she has a sign around her neck: "DRUGS")
Narrator: First, we have Henrietta Heroin. I guess I don't have to tell you what the focus of her life is!
Henrietta: (Approaches Narrator threateningly) Cut the sarcasm, bro'! Drugs are my thing, and I don't need any pious, preachy platitudes from you!
Narrator: Did I say anything pious or preachy?
Henrietta: Not yet. But I'll bet a dime bag of coke you were just about to start preaching at me about all my sins. Look, Homes, I'm a drug user, and I like it that way, okay? Drugs make me feel good, okay?
Narrator: Not okay, but I guess I know better than to argue with you at this point. My momma raised some ugly young'uns, but she didn't raise any fools!
Henrietta: Aaaah, what do you know, anyway.
(Henrietta moves upstage left. Peter Playboy enters stage left; he is wearing a sign: "SEX")
Peter: (To Henrietta) Hey, sweet thing! What's up?
Henrietta: Hmmmm ... Well, honey, if you're up for a good time, then so am I. (Puts her arm around Peter)
Narrator: Now there's a match made in ... Well, wherever it's made, it's a classic match, that's for sure: Henrietta Heroin, whose life is focused on ... (Henrietta proudly displays her sign) ... and Peter Playboy, whose one thing is ... (Peter proudly displays his sign)
Peter: (To Narrator) So what's it to you, nosey-noodle? She likes drugs, I like her, and we both like havin' a good time. And we're not hurtin' anybody else. So just bug off, okay?
Narrator: Ummm ... okay. (To audience) Momma didn't raise no fools!
(Henrietta and Peter exit together, stage left. Donald Dotcom enters stage right, wearing a sign: "MONEY")
Narrator: Ah, here's another tightly-focused piece of work. It's Donald Dotcom, entrepreneur par excellence.
Donald: Speak English, you doofus! I don't have time for all that high-falutin' French: I am about to become the most successful cyber superstar on the planet. Watch out, Bill Gates! Donald Dotcom is in the game now!
Narrator: Are you really that rich, Donald?
Donald: Yup! And when I close my next deal, I'll make Bill Gates look like a welfare case!
Narrator: What are you going to do with all that money, Donald?
Donald: Do? First, I'm gonna put major additions on my estates in Vail, and Newport, and the Italian Riviera, and Tahiti. And my Lear Jet fleet needs to be replaced: all eight of them are last year's models, and the ashtrays are full. And I've outgrown all my yachts: they need bigger flight decks for my helicopters. (With a grand gesture) And most importantly, some of my money will be used ...
Narrator: To feed and clothe the poor and shelter the homeless?
Donald: No, fool! To make more money!
Narrator: How much money is enough money for you, Donald?
Donald: Enough? I can't relate to that concept.
(Maryellen Moverandshaker enters stage left. She wears a sign: "POWER")
Donald: Awwwriiight! Here's the lady who's gonna help me make it all happen: Maryellen Moverandshaker.
Maryellen: (Gives Donald a big fake hug) Huggie-huggie-kissie-kissie!
Donald: (Disgustedly) Yo, that's enough! Listen, Maryellen, have you got all the players together for my big merger?
Maryellen: Of course, daahhling! Just leave it to Maryellen. I've assembled the big-time players from Wall Street and Washington and a few Hollywood people just for good measure and I've got them all eating out of my hand. Ah, the precious perfume of perspicacious power: it's so marvelously intoxicating. Don't you agree, daahhling?
Donald: Uhh ... sure, doll. Whatever you say. Can we get goin' here?
Maryellen: Certainly, daahhling. Come with me.
(Maryellen and Donald exit together arm in arm, stage right)
Narrator: Okay, now let's fast-forward in time. (Acts out punching a fast-forward button, and then running fast) Our four single-minded protagonists have tasted the fruits of their focused behavior -- and now that they've eaten their fruit salad, our heroes don't look so good.
(Henrietta enters stage left and moves to center stage; she is in bad shape)
Henrietta: (To Narrator) Just shut up, okay? I don't want to hear your pious "I-told-you-so" sermon, okay?
Narrator: I didn't say anything about "I told you so," Henrietta. What happened to you, dear?
Henrietta: It's a long story, and you don't wanna hear it, and I don't wanna tell it. Let's just say the good times ran out, and I'm strung out. I think I need a methadone program.
(Henrietta stumbles upstage left; Peter enters stage left)
Narrator: Well, hello, Peter. What's up with you?
Peter: Nothing, and I mean nothing!
Narrator: So, your relationship with Henrietta didn't go anywhere?
Peter: Relationship? What relationship? And who's Henrietta, fer-Pete's-sake?
Narrator: Peter, Peter, Peter ... what's going to become of you?
Peter: I dunno, man. I'm tired of this life. The good times just aren't rollin' any more, know-what'm-sayin'?
(Peter stumbles dejectedly upstage left and sits down next to Henrietta; neither one acknowledges the other. Donald enters stage right, holding his head in his hands)
Donald: I can't believe it! I can't believe it!
Narrator: What can't you believe, Donald?
Donald: I can't believe my big deal fell through! I can't believe Donald Dotcom's stock price went into the tank! I can't believe all my creditors are calling their notes! I can't believe I'm going belly-up! And I can't believe I entrusted my future to that ditzy ding-bat Maryellen Moverandshaker!
(Maryellen enters stage right)
Maryellen: Who are you calling a ditzy ding-bat, you dorky doofus? I got all the big-time players together and you screwed it up with all your stupid charts and graphs. My friends were bored to death!
Donald: I screwed it up? Who were these bozos you brought to me, anyway? They couldn't see a good business deal if it was right under their noses! Some awesome arbitrageur you are!
Narrator: Arbitrageur? Hmmm. It seems you've got time for highfalutin' French now, Donald.
Donald: Oh, zip it up! (To Narrator) I've had it with you (To Henrietta) and especially with you, Ms. Maryellen Moverandshaker! (Stomps upstage right and sits down)
Maryellen: Well, I am ruined! All my influential friends have left me because of that insufferable boor. (Points to Donald) What am I to do?
Henrietta/Peter/Donald: What am I to do?
(The Apostle Paul enters down the center aisle)
Paul: Turn to Jesus!
Maryellen: And who are you, daahhling?
Paul: I am Saul of Tarsus, better known to you as Paul, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Donald: (Gets up and moves to center stage) Whoa, the Apostle Paul! Now there's an impressive name for ya, Maryellen, you numbskull namedropper! (Sticks out his tongue at her)
Maryellen: (To Paul) Pay no attention to that dorky ding-bat, daahhling! (Puts her arm around Paul) Aaahhhh ... With you by my side, real power will be mine -- er, I mean ours! And with my business and social connections -- and your spiritual connection -- we'll make a great team, don't you think, daahhling?
Paul: Well, not really, Maryellen. But I would like to talk to you about connections.
Maryellen: Yes, daahhling?
Paul: You know, Maryellen, before I met Jesus, I had a lot of those worldly power connections, too: I was of the tribe of Benjamin; I was a Hebrew of Hebrews; I was a respected Pharisee; I was -- or I thought I was -- blameless before the Law. But today, I look at all that as nothing, compared to the joy and the power of knowing Jesus as my Savior and Lord.
Maryellen: Say what?
Paul: What I'm saying, Maryellen, is that worldly power is not what life is about.
Maryellen: Well, it may not be for you, daahhling, but I am still energized and excited by powerful friends. And I will have those friends back! All it'll take is a nice cocktail reception at the Haahvuhd Club. (Strides confidently stage right) Toodle-oo, daahhling! (Exits)
(Henrietta stumbles down to center stage)
Henrietta: Excuse me, sir. You were saying that life is not about power?
Paul: That's right, Henrietta.
Henrietta: Well, I've been sitting here nursing a hangover, and I've started thinking: Maybe life isn't about drugs, either.
Paul: Good for you, Henrietta!
(Peter comes to center stage)
Peter: Yeah. And you know, maybe life's not about sex, either.
Paul: Good for you, Peter. Praise the Lord!
(Donald comes to center stage)
Donald: Well, as one who's had it all and lost it all, I gotta tell you: Life isn't about money, either.
Paul: Well, good for you, Donald. Praise the Lord!
Henrietta: But
Peter: what is
Donald: life about?
Paul: Life is about knowing Jesus as Lord, counting all else as rubbish, and acknowledging that your righteousness and your worth as an individual come from Jesus, and from him alone.
Henrietta: That sounds nice, Paul, but I've been doing drugs for more than half my life. I'm a drug addict!
Peter: And I've been chasing women since I was in the fifth grade. I'm addicted to sex!
Donald: Uh-huh. And I've been making business deals since I played my first game of Monopoly. I'm addicted to money.
Paul: (Points to Henrietta) No, you're not! (Points to Peter) And no, you're not! (Points to Donald) And no, you're not! Each of you is a unique person, made in the image of God. And if you ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, you are children of God.
Henrietta: But
Peter: what about
Donald: my addiction?
Paul: Be addicted to Jesus!
Henrietta/Peter/Donald: Huh?
Paul: Listen to me, you three: As addicts, you were single-minded, right? Henrietta, everything you thought and did was focused on getting drugs, right?
Henrietta: I guess you could say that.
Paul: And Peter, your life was totally focused on chasing women, right?
Peter: That's for sure!
Paul: And Donald, all you've ever thought about was money, right?
Donald: Ya got that right!
Paul: So you -- all three of you -- are very focused, single-minded people. What you need to do now is make Jesus and his will for you the focus of your lives.
Henrietta: Man,
Peter: that's
Donald: harsh!
Paul: You may think so, but you can do it. If I can do it, you can do it.
Henrietta/Peter/Donald: Huh?
Paul: Before I met Jesus, I was single-minded like you. My whole life was focused on righteousness according to the Law ... so much, in fact, that I persecuted and executed the followers of Jesus. But Jesus got my attention -- in a way I think you'd call "harsh" -- and ever since then, I have been single-minded in a new and better way. This one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind (like drugs, sex, and money), I press on toward the goal: Jesus, my Lord and Savior.
Henrietta: And that's
Peter: all there is
Donald: to it?
Paul: That's it. And the Holy Spirit is always there to help you do it -- so just do it! (Makes a "swoosh" with his hand)
Henrietta: Well,
Peter: we'll
Donald: try!
(Henrietta, Peter, and Donald turn their signs around to reveal "JESUS" on the reverse)
Donald: But what about Maryellen, Paul? She didn't seem to want to admit that she needs Jesus.
Paul: Hey, three out of four isn't bad! You just leave Maryellen to me, Donald. I haven't given up on her yet. Remember, I'm a single-minded guy!
Henrietta: That
Peter: you
Donald: are!

