The Pusillanimous Pratfalls Of Peter Patience
Drama
Thespian Theology
Advent, Christmas, Epiphany -- Cycle B
Thespian Theological Thoughts
"Lord, grant me patience ... and I want it right away!"
We Americans are an especially impatient people. We're always in a hurry. Several years ago, this fact was brought home to me by my son-in-law's mother, Prema, a beautifully spiritual Christian from India. It was mid-August, and Prema and I were together in the bustling center of Nantucket. I had been sent on an errand, and Prema came along for the adventure. After I finally found a parking place -- a major miracle in Nantucket during summer --ÒI jumped out of the car and started walking briskly toward my destination. A minute later, I noticed that Prema was no longer by my side. I turned around, and there she was, half a block behind me, strolling along peacefully, joyfully observing the fascinating flora and fauna (both native and tourist) of my island home. Thank you, Prema, for slowing me down!
I think God wishes that I were more like Prema, for he is more like Prema than like me. God's perspective is eternity, and he is never in a hurry. And while I may never achieve God's eternal perspective, I need to keep working on it.
I'm trying -- very trying -- but God loves me anyway!
A Brief Production Note: I wrote this play with God speaking from off stage, but that's not necessary. If that doesn't work for you -- or if your "God" wants to play before the audience -- bring him on out! God is comfortable anywhere.
Cast
Peter
Narrator
The Lord
Carla
Dad
Mom
Dad's Lawyer
Mom's Lawyer
Props/Costumes
Peter -- clipboard, Bible
Lawyers -- briefcases
(Narrator is on stage, at stage right; Peter enters, comes to center stage, and kneels down to pray)
Peter: Lord, let me ask you something: If a thousand years is like a day to you, then is it also true that a million dollars is -- well, just kinda like chump change to you?
The Lord: (Offstage) Where are you going with this, Peter?
Peter: Well, Lord ... uh, could I have a million dollars?
The Lord: Sure, Peter, just wait for a day!
(Peter exits)
Narrator: This silly little joke is just our way of getting into today's reading from Second Peter. The point isn't about a million dollars or a thousand years: It's about our God who operates differently from the way we do. For one thing, God is very patient ... and we're not! Because God operates from an eternal point-of-view, and we have a hard time relating to that. Take our friend Peter Patience here ...
(Peter enters, with a clipboard and a pencil)
Narrator: Now, Peter is a Christian, but he's got his own little human agenda for how he wants God to operate in his life.
Peter: Okay, Lord, here's the deal: My girlfriend, Carla Carnal, isn't really a Christian.
(Carla enters and acts out what Peter is saying)
Peter: She's a sweet, good person, but she doesn't see any need to have you in her life, Lord. So if you'd just start by bringing Carla to faith, Lord, that'd be real nice, thank-you-very-much. Next, there's my dad.
(Dad enters, and acts out what Peter is saying)
Peter: Dad's basically a nice person, too, Lord, but he's so caught up in his business that I'm afraid he's gonna drive my mom right out of this marriage.
(Mom enters. She and Dad act out what Peter is saying)
Peter: As a matter of fact, I heard them arguing the other night, and it sounds to me like they're headed for divorce court! So if you'd just fix up their marriage, Lord, that'd be real nice, too, thank-you-very-much. And by the way, Lord, it seems to me that Mom and Dad both need to get to know you. That's the way to save their marriage, I'm sure.
You are the God of miracles, Lord, and I'm trusting you for answers to my prayers. In-Jesus'-Name-Amen. (Exits with a self-satisfied smirk on his face)
Narrator: Well, time went by, and ol' Peter wasn't seeing many answered prayers. Carla just wasn't becoming a Christian.
(Carla and Peter enter, and act out what the Narrator says)
Narrator: In fact, every time Peter tried to get her to join him in one of his church youth group activities, Carla told him it was ...
Carla: B-o-o-o-o-r-r-i-n-g!
Narrator: And more and more, it was looking like Carla and Peter were going to break up!
(Carla walks out on Peter, and he looks away, destroyed)
Narrator: And Peter's mom and dad weren't any better.
(Mom and Dad enter, each one with a Lawyer; they act out the narration)
Narrator: In fact, it got so bad that each one hired a lawyer, and they went to court and started arguing over all that nasty old "who-gets-what" stuff.
(After Mom and Dad have finished acting out the arguing, they exit. Peter enters and comes to center stage with his clipboard)
Peter: Lord, what's goin' on here? I prayed and trusted you to work out Carla's salvation and not only is she not saved, I think she's gonna leave me because I am!
And then I prayed and trusted you to save Mom 'n Dad's marriage and not only is their marriage not saved, they're in court fighting over who gets the stupid CD player!
I guess I might as well just throw this away. (Throws clipboard away)
The Lord: (Offstage) Now we're getting somewhere, Peter!
Peter: Huh? Who dat?
The Lord: You know who I am, Peter. You've been praying to me -- or I should say, you've been worrying in my presence -- for months now!
Peter: What do you mean by that, Lord?
The Lord: Peter, you keep coming to me with your worries -- and with your plans for the way I should work things out.
Did it ever occur to you that I might have my own plan for working things out?
Peter: Er, well ... no, I guess I never thought about that. But, gee, Lord, you're not working things out very well here!
The Lord: If you mean that things are not happening according to your timetable, I suppose you're right, Peter, but remember: For me, one day is as a thousand years.
Peter: Does that mean I gotta wait a thousand years for Carla and my parents to be saved, Lord? I don't have that kind of time, you know!
The Lord: Of course I don't mean you'll have to wait a thousand years, Peter! What I do mean is that I will work things out in my way. That's why I was so encouraged when I saw you throwing away your little clipboard, Peter. I thought you were finally recognizing that you have to let me work in my way, and in my time.
Peter: Okay, Lord. But ...
The Lord: But what, Peter?
Peter: Well, Sir, pardon me, but it seems to me that things are gettin' out of hand here, and forgive me for saying so, but you're kinda slow about fixin' things, Lord!
The Lord: Slow, Peter?
Peter: Well, yes, Lord -- ya-know-what-I'm-sayin'?
The Lord: Get your Bible, Peter. (Peter picks up a Bible) Now read Second Peter 3:9 for me, please.
Peter: "The Lord is not slow about his promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance."
The Lord: That "all" includes you, Peter.
Peter: Huh?
The Lord: I don't want any of my people to perish, Peter. All of my children need to come to repentance and new life. And you, my precious child, need to repent of your impatience, and that self-righteous attitude which assumes that you have all the answers to problems -- yours and everyone else's!
Peter: Hmmmmm ... As always, you're right, Lord. I'm sorry, and I'll try to do better.
The Lord: Good, Peter! And if you'll take some good advice: "Be diligent to be found by God in peace, spotless and blameless, and regard the patience of the Lord to be salvation." That's also from Second Peter ... My boy Simon Peter had some good things to say, once he finally got it right!
Peter: "Spotless and blameless?" Lord-of-mercy, how'm I gonna do that?
The Lord: You just said it, Peter.
Peter: Said what?
The Lord: "Lord of mercy." Through my mercy, you are spotless and blameless. But Peter, there are some other words from Simon Peter that are more important: "Be diligent to be found by God in peace." In other words, Peter: Relax, and trust me ... really trust me, with your heart, not just with your mouth.
Peter: I'm trying, Lord, I'm trying ...
The Lord: Sometimes you are very trying, Peter, but I love you anyway!
(All of the cast, except The Lord, come to center stage)
All: Praise the Lord! Yaaay, God! Yaaay -- Yaaay, God!
"Lord, grant me patience ... and I want it right away!"
We Americans are an especially impatient people. We're always in a hurry. Several years ago, this fact was brought home to me by my son-in-law's mother, Prema, a beautifully spiritual Christian from India. It was mid-August, and Prema and I were together in the bustling center of Nantucket. I had been sent on an errand, and Prema came along for the adventure. After I finally found a parking place -- a major miracle in Nantucket during summer --ÒI jumped out of the car and started walking briskly toward my destination. A minute later, I noticed that Prema was no longer by my side. I turned around, and there she was, half a block behind me, strolling along peacefully, joyfully observing the fascinating flora and fauna (both native and tourist) of my island home. Thank you, Prema, for slowing me down!
I think God wishes that I were more like Prema, for he is more like Prema than like me. God's perspective is eternity, and he is never in a hurry. And while I may never achieve God's eternal perspective, I need to keep working on it.
I'm trying -- very trying -- but God loves me anyway!
A Brief Production Note: I wrote this play with God speaking from off stage, but that's not necessary. If that doesn't work for you -- or if your "God" wants to play before the audience -- bring him on out! God is comfortable anywhere.
Cast
Peter
Narrator
The Lord
Carla
Dad
Mom
Dad's Lawyer
Mom's Lawyer
Props/Costumes
Peter -- clipboard, Bible
Lawyers -- briefcases
(Narrator is on stage, at stage right; Peter enters, comes to center stage, and kneels down to pray)
Peter: Lord, let me ask you something: If a thousand years is like a day to you, then is it also true that a million dollars is -- well, just kinda like chump change to you?
The Lord: (Offstage) Where are you going with this, Peter?
Peter: Well, Lord ... uh, could I have a million dollars?
The Lord: Sure, Peter, just wait for a day!
(Peter exits)
Narrator: This silly little joke is just our way of getting into today's reading from Second Peter. The point isn't about a million dollars or a thousand years: It's about our God who operates differently from the way we do. For one thing, God is very patient ... and we're not! Because God operates from an eternal point-of-view, and we have a hard time relating to that. Take our friend Peter Patience here ...
(Peter enters, with a clipboard and a pencil)
Narrator: Now, Peter is a Christian, but he's got his own little human agenda for how he wants God to operate in his life.
Peter: Okay, Lord, here's the deal: My girlfriend, Carla Carnal, isn't really a Christian.
(Carla enters and acts out what Peter is saying)
Peter: She's a sweet, good person, but she doesn't see any need to have you in her life, Lord. So if you'd just start by bringing Carla to faith, Lord, that'd be real nice, thank-you-very-much. Next, there's my dad.
(Dad enters, and acts out what Peter is saying)
Peter: Dad's basically a nice person, too, Lord, but he's so caught up in his business that I'm afraid he's gonna drive my mom right out of this marriage.
(Mom enters. She and Dad act out what Peter is saying)
Peter: As a matter of fact, I heard them arguing the other night, and it sounds to me like they're headed for divorce court! So if you'd just fix up their marriage, Lord, that'd be real nice, too, thank-you-very-much. And by the way, Lord, it seems to me that Mom and Dad both need to get to know you. That's the way to save their marriage, I'm sure.
You are the God of miracles, Lord, and I'm trusting you for answers to my prayers. In-Jesus'-Name-Amen. (Exits with a self-satisfied smirk on his face)
Narrator: Well, time went by, and ol' Peter wasn't seeing many answered prayers. Carla just wasn't becoming a Christian.
(Carla and Peter enter, and act out what the Narrator says)
Narrator: In fact, every time Peter tried to get her to join him in one of his church youth group activities, Carla told him it was ...
Carla: B-o-o-o-o-r-r-i-n-g!
Narrator: And more and more, it was looking like Carla and Peter were going to break up!
(Carla walks out on Peter, and he looks away, destroyed)
Narrator: And Peter's mom and dad weren't any better.
(Mom and Dad enter, each one with a Lawyer; they act out the narration)
Narrator: In fact, it got so bad that each one hired a lawyer, and they went to court and started arguing over all that nasty old "who-gets-what" stuff.
(After Mom and Dad have finished acting out the arguing, they exit. Peter enters and comes to center stage with his clipboard)
Peter: Lord, what's goin' on here? I prayed and trusted you to work out Carla's salvation and not only is she not saved, I think she's gonna leave me because I am!
And then I prayed and trusted you to save Mom 'n Dad's marriage and not only is their marriage not saved, they're in court fighting over who gets the stupid CD player!
I guess I might as well just throw this away. (Throws clipboard away)
The Lord: (Offstage) Now we're getting somewhere, Peter!
Peter: Huh? Who dat?
The Lord: You know who I am, Peter. You've been praying to me -- or I should say, you've been worrying in my presence -- for months now!
Peter: What do you mean by that, Lord?
The Lord: Peter, you keep coming to me with your worries -- and with your plans for the way I should work things out.
Did it ever occur to you that I might have my own plan for working things out?
Peter: Er, well ... no, I guess I never thought about that. But, gee, Lord, you're not working things out very well here!
The Lord: If you mean that things are not happening according to your timetable, I suppose you're right, Peter, but remember: For me, one day is as a thousand years.
Peter: Does that mean I gotta wait a thousand years for Carla and my parents to be saved, Lord? I don't have that kind of time, you know!
The Lord: Of course I don't mean you'll have to wait a thousand years, Peter! What I do mean is that I will work things out in my way. That's why I was so encouraged when I saw you throwing away your little clipboard, Peter. I thought you were finally recognizing that you have to let me work in my way, and in my time.
Peter: Okay, Lord. But ...
The Lord: But what, Peter?
Peter: Well, Sir, pardon me, but it seems to me that things are gettin' out of hand here, and forgive me for saying so, but you're kinda slow about fixin' things, Lord!
The Lord: Slow, Peter?
Peter: Well, yes, Lord -- ya-know-what-I'm-sayin'?
The Lord: Get your Bible, Peter. (Peter picks up a Bible) Now read Second Peter 3:9 for me, please.
Peter: "The Lord is not slow about his promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance."
The Lord: That "all" includes you, Peter.
Peter: Huh?
The Lord: I don't want any of my people to perish, Peter. All of my children need to come to repentance and new life. And you, my precious child, need to repent of your impatience, and that self-righteous attitude which assumes that you have all the answers to problems -- yours and everyone else's!
Peter: Hmmmmm ... As always, you're right, Lord. I'm sorry, and I'll try to do better.
The Lord: Good, Peter! And if you'll take some good advice: "Be diligent to be found by God in peace, spotless and blameless, and regard the patience of the Lord to be salvation." That's also from Second Peter ... My boy Simon Peter had some good things to say, once he finally got it right!
Peter: "Spotless and blameless?" Lord-of-mercy, how'm I gonna do that?
The Lord: You just said it, Peter.
Peter: Said what?
The Lord: "Lord of mercy." Through my mercy, you are spotless and blameless. But Peter, there are some other words from Simon Peter that are more important: "Be diligent to be found by God in peace." In other words, Peter: Relax, and trust me ... really trust me, with your heart, not just with your mouth.
Peter: I'm trying, Lord, I'm trying ...
The Lord: Sometimes you are very trying, Peter, but I love you anyway!
(All of the cast, except The Lord, come to center stage)
All: Praise the Lord! Yaaay, God! Yaaay -- Yaaay, God!
