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It was Sunday evening. Easter morning had come and gone, and the disciples had spent the entire day talking about the fact that Jesus had actually been raised from the dead. They were all fired up and making plans for how they were going to go out and spread the word of God and continue the ministry that Jesus had taught them to perform. Right?

Not quite.

As the sun went down Sunday evening, some of the disciples had gathered together. They were still hiding in a small room somewhere with the doors and windows closed and locked. Easter morning had come, but the disciples were still hiding, still overwhelmed by what happened at the end of the week, and still afraid that they might be the next ones to be arrested and killed. We can’t really blame them, can we? I mean, even with the stories being told by Mary, Peter, and a few others about what they saw at the tomb that morning, it was all still just pretty overwhelming to make sense of wasn’t it? What was about to happen next made things much more clear for them, but it really clouds everything more for us at the same time.

As they were huddled in their secure little hiding place, still filled with doubts and questions, we are told that Jesus came and stood among them. Over the next few minutes, their paralyzing fears were beginning to be transformed into the belief and confidence they would use to unlock the doors and windows and go out into the streets to change the world. It would be a few more weeks before they were fully ready to do that, but it began here.

All except for one guy. His name was Thomas.

Thomas was not with the group that Sunday evening. He was probably hiding in a place all of his own to avoid being caught with the others. When Thomas was told about Jesus appearing to the others in that closed room, his first response was more like ours.

“What? I don’t believe it. I need some proof.”

We’re not told how the others responded to Thomas. We don’t know if they gave him a hard time for not believing them, or if they accused him of not having enough faith. All we know is that the following week when they got together in that locked room, Thomas was there with them. We’re told that Jesus appeared, walked over to Thomas and said, “Go ahead... touch me.” Thomas asked for proof, and he got proof. Jesus talked with them a bit more and then said, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” And then he left.

It’s a bit unfair that this disciple ended up being known from then on as Doubting Thomas. I doubt he was any more doubtful than most of us are at times. To fault him for his doubts just doesn’t seem fair at all. I probably would have said the same thing if it was me hearing that wild story. And being really honest, I sometimes wonder why old Thomas was able to get the proof he asked for, while some of us keep asking and asking for any kind of proof, and we still haven’t seen anything yet. That’s the key issue in this story, isn’t it? That’s the question that comes up any time we hear this story again. Sure, we’re happy to see Thomas come around, but really, why is it that Jesus showed up then but doesn’t pop in around here once in a while and give us a bit of proof too?

Please understand, I’m not making light of what happened in that closed room, and I’m not making light of the pain so many of us feel at times because of our very real doubts. It’s just that I’ve seen so many people who are going through so many horrendously painful experiences. And I know that one little visit from Jesus, holding out his hand and saying “Put your finger here,” would have made a huge difference to them and to those around them. It’s only natural to ask, “Why doesn’t he come? He came back for Thomas and the others, why not for us?”

I know people who have walked away from their faith because of this question. They asked questions like, “What kind of a God has the ability to show up and help people but chooses not to do that?” If Jesus could show up then, why not now?

And I’ve heard all kinds of answers.

I’ve been told that it is a test of our faith. I find it hard to believe that the God Jesus spoke of and prayed to as Daddy would allow the kinds of pain and suffering we see and consider it a “test.”

I’ve been told that Jesus appeared to the first disciples to give them proof of his resurrection, and then gave them the responsibility to pass that message along to everyone else. John even ended today’s passage by saying that the reason this story was written was “so that you may come to believe.” The idea is that he passed responsibility for sharing the message to his followers, and it was then up to them to show others that Jesus was still around. This approach is helped along when we see the things that happened on Pentecost. The disciples received the additional help of God’s Spirit to make their point. Perhaps so, but it would still be really helpful for a lot of us if we could just have one little piece of the kind of solid proof that Thomas got.

And I’ve been told that it is a simple matter of faith and not something we should even question. We simply have to believe. We should never question God because it demonstrates that we don’t trust God, which shows that our faith is not strong. I have great respect for those people who can make that kind of a leap of faith, and who don’t appear to have any questions or doubts hiding somewhere in the deep recesses of their mind and hearts. Unfortunately, I’m not one of those people. I have a lot of questions I would love to ask God, and I don’t see that as an indication of any lack of faith. I recall many stories of God standing up to all kinds of questioning throughout the Bible. While the answers weren’t always the ones the people were looking for, the questioners were not seen as bad for having asked the questions.

There is another possible way to explain why God has not always offered us the same proof that was offered to Thomas that Sunday evening in Jerusalem. Could it be that the reason God does not just give us that clear and unquestionable proof we keep asking for is that it might actually create more harm for us than help? As crazy as it sounds, is it actually possible that life might be more difficult and painful if we really had that proof that God was real and that Jesus actually did come back to life on that Easter morning? Is it just possible that we would actually be happier, and more alive, if we never had that proof we want?

I can think of a few reasons this might be the case. First, imagine that right here, right now, God appeared in front of us and in that nice, deep voice, said, “Yes, it’s all true.” Our first reaction might be some pretty awesome amazement and a brief and deep sigh of relief as we have our deepest questions answered once and for all. But then, maybe after only a few minutes, it would begin to sink in: What do we do now? There is no more room for doubt, no more room for those theological discussions about good and evil, right and wrong, and for philosophizing about the purpose of life. All of that is answered by this one appearance. The only thing left for us to do now is either to obey or not obey. God’s appearance proves once and for all that Jesus was telling the truth when he said that the one, single commandment we are to follow is to love one another — period. And, remember, he was talking about that kind of love that gives away shoes, coats, and money. The kind of love that shares the dining room table with people you can’t even stand to be around. The kind of love that ended up getting Jesus killed. If we knew for certain this was the way we were to behave, we would either obey that one commandment, or we would not obey. Are we really sure we want that kind of clarity?

And there would be other issues coming up soon after we got over the initial shock of seeing God standing here in the room. After all, we’re made of the same stuff as the disciples, with the same human passions. After a few minutes there would probably be some gentle pushing and shoving as we all tried to get just a bit closer to where God was standing. There might be some minor bickering over who got to stand the closest. Would it be decided by age or should we run to the office and get a copy of the spreadsheet to see who has given more to support God’s church, and line up according to that ranking? People would start shouting out other questions they would really like to have answers for concerning major life decisions, why something happened as it did and... what Wednesday’s Lotto numbers would be!

Within a few minutes someone would send a tweet, and the parking lot would fill with people from the media, setting up satellite dishes and shoving microphones into everyone’s face. My guess is that God would not stick around for that circus, so it would be up to us to explain it all, trying not to sound too crazy in the process. The other churches around would have problems with the whole idea, demanding to know why God would show up for us instead of at their place of worship. Non-Christians around the world would challenge us, perhaps accusing us of trying to discredit their beliefs and traditions, many of which have been around much longer than ours. Again, even if none of those sillier things actually happened, if God did actually appear to us here this morning, all of us with lunch warming in the oven, or reservations made at the restaurant, with warm coats and dry shoes, all of us would be faced with the decision whether or not we were going to give those away to see that the hungry are fed, and the cold are clothed. If we had solid proof that our number one command was to love one another we would have to make decisions.

Okay, I’m having a little fun with the idea, but honestly, the more you think about it, the less of a good idea it seems to be to have God suddenly show up and give us the proof we want.

If God showed up here this morning and walked up to each one of us here and said, “Go ahead, touch me,” what would happen to our faith? Oh, we would have the proof we wanted but we would then only have to make a cold and rational choice to obey or not obey. And that choice would not be based on anything inside of us but upon the logical reality that if we didn’t obey, we were clearly in the wrong. The decision to obey God would not be something we felt, or something based on who we really are inside, but a simple, mechanical act of compliance, a step taken to ensure we are going to be okay. We might not really feel like loving each other, but if that’s what we have to do, well, we’ll do what we have to do. Like the child of the over-controlling parent or the employee of the micromanaging boss, we will do what we have to do to get by but it will never be something we truly cared about.

The great gift of being asked to live by faith is that we have the freedom of choice. This is the blessing Jesus was talking about after meeting Thomas. As lucky as Thomas was to have his proof, he actually lost something in that process. This is something that God considers to be a greater treasure than proof — the treasure of choice.

Choice was important enough to God to give it to the very first humans, even if it meant the risk of them making a poor choice in the process. Abraham was given choices, as were Jacob, Moses, and every other leader of the faith throughout history. Even Jesus was given choice, as we remember his final prayer in Gethsemane, when he finally said, “Okay, Dad, I’ll stay and go through with this.” It is choice that God offers as blessing.

There are those today who fear choice, especially when it is related to one’s personal lives and religious beliefs. They feel a responsibility, not to prove anything to us because they have no more real answers than the rest of us have, but they believe they are correct to try and force us to believe in and to obey their views, by intimidation, by manipulation through power, or by clear and simple murder. To this group, questioning is wrong. Thinking is wrong. Allowing choice is wrong. What they offer is not a life of faith, but a life of blind obedience no different than the obedience demanded by Annas and Pilate as they spoke with Jesus during his trial. They are demanding obedience to something that Jesus gave his life to fight against.

Without human choice, and without the uncertain certainties of faith, we simply obey and do what we are told, whether we mean it or not. It is empty. It has nothing to do with love or trust. When we stand here in the middle of our doubts and questions and we look around at everything happening around us that creates such pain and inequality as we see in the world, when we live in that world and we can still look at this God and his Son and say, “I choose to believe in you,” that is the blessing. The wonderful thing about choice is that when we make it, it is because it is based on what we believe inside, in our hearts and minds. It is a true act that reflects who we are and not something we do because we have to. It is the act of intentional love that we have chosen to base our lives around. It can never be shaken by questions or doubts, because it does not rely upon that type of proof.

Ask your questions, voice your doubts, and choose to believe in spite of them all.

“Blessed are those who have not seen me and yet have come to believe” (v. 29).