I Will Not Be Ashamed
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Stories
The Lord God helps me;
therefore I have not been disgraced;
therefore I have set my face like flint,
and I know that I shall not be put to shame. (v. 7)
“You should be ashamed of yourself!”
“Shame on you!”
These all too familiar words strike deep in the heart and can scar the soul. We carry the wound of shame as a body memory, like a soldier who bears a wound that never completely heals.
A touch, certain sounds and smells, the taste or sight of something associated with a shameful experience, can trigger post-traumatic shame. Some of us carry shame that does not really belong to us. Survivors of abuse often blame themselves.
Several years ago, a little girl from Oshkosh was locked in a cold room by her parents for two years with little food and infrequent times out to go to the restroom. And she didn't realize she was a victim of her parent's cruelty. As she was being interviewed she looked at the officer from her hospital bed and said, “You mean it's not really my fault?”
It may take a long time for her to believe that she has no reason to be ashamed.
Historian Diane Butler Bass recently spoke about shame in a lecture titled, “A Truthful Past Can Heal the Future” at the General Theological Seminary in New York. Speaking of the heated debates about teaching the history of racism in our schools she said, “History is an important issue right now - we are arguing about history in politics, schools, media, and faith communities. Whose history counts? How do we know what really happened in the past? What do we do with histories that have been hidden, or histories that cause shame? Can we be honest about history? What is the truth of the past?”
Dr. Butler Bass added: “Embracing history is not about creating guilt or hating our ancestors. It isn’t about canceling anyone or demeaning any particular group. Instead, honestly facing the past - developing a capacity for both criticism and compassion - is how we can overcome unresolved trauma and residual shame that lingers in our memories and haunts our communities. Being truthful about the past actually honors our ancestors more than continually hiding their sins, covering up for their mistakes, or believing half-truths about their lives. Lying about the past keeps the mistakes of history alive; being honest about the past helps heal what was broken by those who came before us.”
In his book Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw explores the basis for shame. “Shame,” he says,” informs us of our limitations; it guides us to a sense of boundaries, of places we cannot go. Healthy shame tells us when we have done wrong or failed. Healthy shame reminds us not to get carried away, to remember that we are not God, but human. Toxic shame, on the other hand, turns us against ourselves. We hear everything that is said to us as an attack upon ourselves.”
There is something to be learned from the shame we carry. Psychotherapist Philip Chard writes about the good that can come from shame. “…look at what you're ashamed of in yourself…those inner places where many of our self-defeating attitudes and mental scripts reside… Basically, one must find a way to let oneself off the hook, whether by making amends, confession or rituals of spiritual cleansing and release.”
Holy Communion is that kind of releasing ritual for many of us. We need not remain in our shame. God's joy wipes away shame. Let it go. Forgive yourself and all of those who have shamed you.
*****************************************
StoryShare, April 2, 2023 issue.
Copyright 2023 by CSS Publishing Company, Inc., Lima, Ohio.
All rights reserved. Subscribers to the StoryShare service may print and use this material as it was intended in sermons, in worship and classroom settings, in brief devotions, in radio spots, and as newsletter fillers. No additional permission is required from the publisher for such use by subscribers only. Inquiries should be addressed to permissions@csspub.com or to Permissions, CSS Publishing Company, Inc., 5450 N. Dixie Highway, Lima, Ohio 45807.
therefore I have not been disgraced;
therefore I have set my face like flint,
and I know that I shall not be put to shame. (v. 7)
“You should be ashamed of yourself!”
“Shame on you!”
These all too familiar words strike deep in the heart and can scar the soul. We carry the wound of shame as a body memory, like a soldier who bears a wound that never completely heals.
A touch, certain sounds and smells, the taste or sight of something associated with a shameful experience, can trigger post-traumatic shame. Some of us carry shame that does not really belong to us. Survivors of abuse often blame themselves.
Several years ago, a little girl from Oshkosh was locked in a cold room by her parents for two years with little food and infrequent times out to go to the restroom. And she didn't realize she was a victim of her parent's cruelty. As she was being interviewed she looked at the officer from her hospital bed and said, “You mean it's not really my fault?”
It may take a long time for her to believe that she has no reason to be ashamed.
Historian Diane Butler Bass recently spoke about shame in a lecture titled, “A Truthful Past Can Heal the Future” at the General Theological Seminary in New York. Speaking of the heated debates about teaching the history of racism in our schools she said, “History is an important issue right now - we are arguing about history in politics, schools, media, and faith communities. Whose history counts? How do we know what really happened in the past? What do we do with histories that have been hidden, or histories that cause shame? Can we be honest about history? What is the truth of the past?”
Dr. Butler Bass added: “Embracing history is not about creating guilt or hating our ancestors. It isn’t about canceling anyone or demeaning any particular group. Instead, honestly facing the past - developing a capacity for both criticism and compassion - is how we can overcome unresolved trauma and residual shame that lingers in our memories and haunts our communities. Being truthful about the past actually honors our ancestors more than continually hiding their sins, covering up for their mistakes, or believing half-truths about their lives. Lying about the past keeps the mistakes of history alive; being honest about the past helps heal what was broken by those who came before us.”
In his book Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw explores the basis for shame. “Shame,” he says,” informs us of our limitations; it guides us to a sense of boundaries, of places we cannot go. Healthy shame tells us when we have done wrong or failed. Healthy shame reminds us not to get carried away, to remember that we are not God, but human. Toxic shame, on the other hand, turns us against ourselves. We hear everything that is said to us as an attack upon ourselves.”
There is something to be learned from the shame we carry. Psychotherapist Philip Chard writes about the good that can come from shame. “…look at what you're ashamed of in yourself…those inner places where many of our self-defeating attitudes and mental scripts reside… Basically, one must find a way to let oneself off the hook, whether by making amends, confession or rituals of spiritual cleansing and release.”
Holy Communion is that kind of releasing ritual for many of us. We need not remain in our shame. God's joy wipes away shame. Let it go. Forgive yourself and all of those who have shamed you.
*****************************************
StoryShare, April 2, 2023 issue.
Copyright 2023 by CSS Publishing Company, Inc., Lima, Ohio.
All rights reserved. Subscribers to the StoryShare service may print and use this material as it was intended in sermons, in worship and classroom settings, in brief devotions, in radio spots, and as newsletter fillers. No additional permission is required from the publisher for such use by subscribers only. Inquiries should be addressed to permissions@csspub.com or to Permissions, CSS Publishing Company, Inc., 5450 N. Dixie Highway, Lima, Ohio 45807.
