The Distress Of Death
Sermon
Surprisingly, most
clergy enjoy taking funerals. It sounds like a contradiction in terms when the
words "enjoy" and "funeral" are used in the same sentence and of course, the
enjoyment is not in the death of a loved one. It's more because when someone
has died, clergy are really needed and if sensitive, are able to help
enormously with the bereavement and all its subsequent emotions.
Funeral practices vary a great deal in different parts of the world. In America as in many other countries of the world, the funeral happens within a day or two of the death. But here in the UK, there is usually at least a week between the death and the funeral service. This length of time has both advantages and disadvantages. On the pro side there is a little time to begin to address all those legal matters which have to be addressed, like registering the death and sorting out the bank and getting probate, and perhaps people begin to get a little used to the idea that the loved one has died. On the con side, the funeral can feel like a great ordeal hanging over people's heads when they're not in a fit state to face any ordeal, let alone such a major one. Many people request the shortest possible funeral service because they somehow imagine that once the funeral is over, everything will be better.
They are, of course, wrong in this assumption. Once the funeral is over, the hard work of grief really begins. The funeral often marks a watershed because there is a finality about seeing a coffin bearing the remains of your loved one. After the funeral, people really begin to realise that the loved one has died and will never again appear back on this earth.
But a good funeral is also a great comfort, for it allows people to begin to grieve, to acknowledge the uniqueness of the loved one's life and also tells them the good news that life continues in a new way after death.
After the funeral, things can go very flat for the bereaved. There may be a succession of visitors and well wishers to start with, but that tends to dry up quite quickly and the bereaved person can feel very lonely. Perhaps those countries where the mourning process has a specified length of time, have got it right. Perhaps we need to be told that it's OK to wear black and openly mourn for six months or more, for that might get many people over the worst period of mourning even though the mourning will go on for much longer than that.
And perhaps those societies where people loudly weep and wail have got it right too, for emotions need to be released if we are avoid poisoning our lives for ever with grief and sadness.
Back in roughly 1,000 BCE, David lost both his king and his best friend at the same time. Saul, the first Israelite king, had become quite paranoid and was deeply suspicious of David, who had been first his musician and later leader of his armies. Saul was jealous of David's success in battle and his superhero status with the people and in his paranoia tried to kill David three times. David and Saul's son, Jonathon, were very close. Many times Jonathon interceded with his father for David and on three occasions warned David about Saul's plots against him, thus saving David's life.
Despite Saul's hostility, David remained loyal to Saul throughout and when he had opportunities to kill Saul, passed them up (1 Samuel 24, 26). David had a very high view of kingship and when he was informed of the death of Saul by an Amalekite who boasted that he had killed the king, David had the Amalekite executed for slaughtering Saul. David says repeatedly that the Lord's anointed should never die by human hands.
There are two differing accounts of the death of Saul and Jonathon in 1 Samuel 31, but it seems that Saul and three of his sons, including Jonathon, died in battle at Philistine hands.
David's heartfelt grief at the death of Saul and Jonathon is poured out in today's reading from the first chapter of the second book of Samuel. It is such a moving lament for Saul and Jonathon that some of the words have become familiar through the ages and are still used today.
David's grief at Jonathon's death is particularly poignant: "I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; greatly beloved were you to me; your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. How the mighty have fallen, and the weapons of war perished!" David orders all the people to learn the lament and to sing it, although we no longer have the Book of Jashar in which it was written in full.
Death always brings pain, distress and sadness, no matter how or when people die. But the death of young people through war seems particularly sad and pointless, for wars continue and young people go on dying in battle.
Perhaps when we grieve over young soldiers killed in Iraq and other places defending the peace, we should remember David's lament and rise up together to insist that world leaders seek a new way of settling the differences between countries. Surely after three thousand years, we should no longer have to say, "How have the mighty fallen and the weapons of war perished."
David loved Jonathon as a brother. If we love our young people and the young people of the world, perhaps we should now seek Christ's way, the way of love.
Funeral practices vary a great deal in different parts of the world. In America as in many other countries of the world, the funeral happens within a day or two of the death. But here in the UK, there is usually at least a week between the death and the funeral service. This length of time has both advantages and disadvantages. On the pro side there is a little time to begin to address all those legal matters which have to be addressed, like registering the death and sorting out the bank and getting probate, and perhaps people begin to get a little used to the idea that the loved one has died. On the con side, the funeral can feel like a great ordeal hanging over people's heads when they're not in a fit state to face any ordeal, let alone such a major one. Many people request the shortest possible funeral service because they somehow imagine that once the funeral is over, everything will be better.
They are, of course, wrong in this assumption. Once the funeral is over, the hard work of grief really begins. The funeral often marks a watershed because there is a finality about seeing a coffin bearing the remains of your loved one. After the funeral, people really begin to realise that the loved one has died and will never again appear back on this earth.
But a good funeral is also a great comfort, for it allows people to begin to grieve, to acknowledge the uniqueness of the loved one's life and also tells them the good news that life continues in a new way after death.
After the funeral, things can go very flat for the bereaved. There may be a succession of visitors and well wishers to start with, but that tends to dry up quite quickly and the bereaved person can feel very lonely. Perhaps those countries where the mourning process has a specified length of time, have got it right. Perhaps we need to be told that it's OK to wear black and openly mourn for six months or more, for that might get many people over the worst period of mourning even though the mourning will go on for much longer than that.
And perhaps those societies where people loudly weep and wail have got it right too, for emotions need to be released if we are avoid poisoning our lives for ever with grief and sadness.
Back in roughly 1,000 BCE, David lost both his king and his best friend at the same time. Saul, the first Israelite king, had become quite paranoid and was deeply suspicious of David, who had been first his musician and later leader of his armies. Saul was jealous of David's success in battle and his superhero status with the people and in his paranoia tried to kill David three times. David and Saul's son, Jonathon, were very close. Many times Jonathon interceded with his father for David and on three occasions warned David about Saul's plots against him, thus saving David's life.
Despite Saul's hostility, David remained loyal to Saul throughout and when he had opportunities to kill Saul, passed them up (1 Samuel 24, 26). David had a very high view of kingship and when he was informed of the death of Saul by an Amalekite who boasted that he had killed the king, David had the Amalekite executed for slaughtering Saul. David says repeatedly that the Lord's anointed should never die by human hands.
There are two differing accounts of the death of Saul and Jonathon in 1 Samuel 31, but it seems that Saul and three of his sons, including Jonathon, died in battle at Philistine hands.
David's heartfelt grief at the death of Saul and Jonathon is poured out in today's reading from the first chapter of the second book of Samuel. It is such a moving lament for Saul and Jonathon that some of the words have become familiar through the ages and are still used today.
David's grief at Jonathon's death is particularly poignant: "I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; greatly beloved were you to me; your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. How the mighty have fallen, and the weapons of war perished!" David orders all the people to learn the lament and to sing it, although we no longer have the Book of Jashar in which it was written in full.
Death always brings pain, distress and sadness, no matter how or when people die. But the death of young people through war seems particularly sad and pointless, for wars continue and young people go on dying in battle.
Perhaps when we grieve over young soldiers killed in Iraq and other places defending the peace, we should remember David's lament and rise up together to insist that world leaders seek a new way of settling the differences between countries. Surely after three thousand years, we should no longer have to say, "How have the mighty fallen and the weapons of war perished."
David loved Jonathon as a brother. If we love our young people and the young people of the world, perhaps we should now seek Christ's way, the way of love.
