You Are What You Wear
Sermon
THIS NEW LIFE TOGETHER
An Anthology Of Wedding Meditations
From the announcement of their engagement to the day of their wedding, a young couple can be put through an incredible amount of stress. A cynic might say that society intends this period as a kind of torture test to see if the couple is really ready for the rigors of marriage. With the countless decisions to be made and the numerous other people whose interests and wishes must be accommodated, a young couple needs the tact of a diplomat, the patience of a saint and the endurance of a marathon runner when preparing for their wedding day.
__________ and __________, I congratulate you on having passed this torture test. I congratulate you for surmounting all the hurdles and hassles which presented themselves in recent weeks and months, and for navigating your way to this time and place, where you are now ready to be joined together in the sight of God.
One part of this extended text which must be endured before a wedding day is that everyone and his cousin must give you advice. Of course, this advice can be eminently memorable or entirely forgettable, but there is something to be said for the urge to give it. The truth is that a young couple just getting married has a lot to learn about love. The truth is that every married couple always has a lot to learn about love, no matter how many wedding anniversaries they have celebrated together.
When we speak of love, we speak not of sentiment or passion, but of the depths and mysteries of life. When we speak of marriage, we speak not of a product but a process. Marriage has been ordained by God for many purposes, and one of them is to provide us a place where we may learn to be fully human, since we are fully human when we fully love.
What kind of advice have people given you in recent months? Perhaps some have talked to you about the importance of communication in a marriage. Honest, open talk. The kind of communication where your spouse is the one person who shares your deepest hopes, knows your deepest fears and understands your deepest needs.
Take time with each other, and do not think that avoiding certain topics is the way to keep peace in a marriage. This is a mistake too many couples make. They find they cannot talk about the children without arguing, so they stop talking about the children. They find they cannot talk about money or sex or relations with the in--laws without arguing, so they agree not to talk about money or sex or relations with the in--laws. They keep adding difficult topics to the list of things they won't talk about until one day, they wake up and discover they cannot talk about anything! Their marriage has died. It is far better to learn right from the beginning how to talk about uncomfortable subjects.
Maybe some of your advice--giving friends have talked to you about various other hazards of married life, like the dangers of self--centeredness, the threat of complacency, or any of a hundred other problems to be avoided at all costs in your life together. I suppose that advice is useful enough, but it doesn't get to the heart of the matter, does it. It doesn't address the most critical question you need to face together, which is - what are you going to wear once you are married? That's right: I woke up this morning with my mind set on fashion! In fact, my advice to you can be summed up in five words: you are what you wear.
Actually, it's not my advice, but God's, spoken through his apostle, Paul, so I can give it to you with complete
confidence. Paul writes this about what you should wear:
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, meekness and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against the other, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts ...
When you look in your closet and wonder what you will wear, remember Paul. Put on the undergarments of compassion, and the shirt of kindness. Put on the pants of lowliness, the belt of meekness and the stockings of patience. And remember what Paul says about forgiveness. When you go to the closet to select a pair of shoes, put on the shoes of forgiveness, for if there is one thing you can be certain of as you build your future together, it is that there will be occasions when both of you will have to forgive and be forgiven.
When you have put on all this clothing, put on the coat of love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. It is the perfect accessory for every occasion, this coat of love, and its fabric is made from the life and witness of Jesus Christ, who is the way, the truth and the life. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, and you will learn everything you need to know about love in the years ahead.
Right now, your love comes easily to you. It is new and exciting. You know the emotions and desires the ancient Israelites knew when they sang at their own weddings: ''Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm ...''
But you will not always be young, and your love will not always be easy. You will have to learn to cope as a couple with the joys and sorrows life can bring. Through it all, you will not be able to control the circumstances which shall affect your life together, but you can control the way you look, so pay attention to the dress code in your marriage. Look in the mirror each day and see what you are wearing. Put on the kindness,
the consideration, the forgiveness and love which can conquer even the severest of life's trials and tribulations. You are what you wear, and with the way the two of you feel about each other today, I know you will always want to be wearing your very best.
Erskine White is a chaplain to the Asheville School, Asheville, North Carolina.
__________ and __________, I congratulate you on having passed this torture test. I congratulate you for surmounting all the hurdles and hassles which presented themselves in recent weeks and months, and for navigating your way to this time and place, where you are now ready to be joined together in the sight of God.
One part of this extended text which must be endured before a wedding day is that everyone and his cousin must give you advice. Of course, this advice can be eminently memorable or entirely forgettable, but there is something to be said for the urge to give it. The truth is that a young couple just getting married has a lot to learn about love. The truth is that every married couple always has a lot to learn about love, no matter how many wedding anniversaries they have celebrated together.
When we speak of love, we speak not of sentiment or passion, but of the depths and mysteries of life. When we speak of marriage, we speak not of a product but a process. Marriage has been ordained by God for many purposes, and one of them is to provide us a place where we may learn to be fully human, since we are fully human when we fully love.
What kind of advice have people given you in recent months? Perhaps some have talked to you about the importance of communication in a marriage. Honest, open talk. The kind of communication where your spouse is the one person who shares your deepest hopes, knows your deepest fears and understands your deepest needs.
Take time with each other, and do not think that avoiding certain topics is the way to keep peace in a marriage. This is a mistake too many couples make. They find they cannot talk about the children without arguing, so they stop talking about the children. They find they cannot talk about money or sex or relations with the in--laws without arguing, so they agree not to talk about money or sex or relations with the in--laws. They keep adding difficult topics to the list of things they won't talk about until one day, they wake up and discover they cannot talk about anything! Their marriage has died. It is far better to learn right from the beginning how to talk about uncomfortable subjects.
Maybe some of your advice--giving friends have talked to you about various other hazards of married life, like the dangers of self--centeredness, the threat of complacency, or any of a hundred other problems to be avoided at all costs in your life together. I suppose that advice is useful enough, but it doesn't get to the heart of the matter, does it. It doesn't address the most critical question you need to face together, which is - what are you going to wear once you are married? That's right: I woke up this morning with my mind set on fashion! In fact, my advice to you can be summed up in five words: you are what you wear.
Actually, it's not my advice, but God's, spoken through his apostle, Paul, so I can give it to you with complete
confidence. Paul writes this about what you should wear:
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, meekness and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against the other, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts ...
When you look in your closet and wonder what you will wear, remember Paul. Put on the undergarments of compassion, and the shirt of kindness. Put on the pants of lowliness, the belt of meekness and the stockings of patience. And remember what Paul says about forgiveness. When you go to the closet to select a pair of shoes, put on the shoes of forgiveness, for if there is one thing you can be certain of as you build your future together, it is that there will be occasions when both of you will have to forgive and be forgiven.
When you have put on all this clothing, put on the coat of love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. It is the perfect accessory for every occasion, this coat of love, and its fabric is made from the life and witness of Jesus Christ, who is the way, the truth and the life. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, and you will learn everything you need to know about love in the years ahead.
Right now, your love comes easily to you. It is new and exciting. You know the emotions and desires the ancient Israelites knew when they sang at their own weddings: ''Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm ...''
But you will not always be young, and your love will not always be easy. You will have to learn to cope as a couple with the joys and sorrows life can bring. Through it all, you will not be able to control the circumstances which shall affect your life together, but you can control the way you look, so pay attention to the dress code in your marriage. Look in the mirror each day and see what you are wearing. Put on the kindness,
the consideration, the forgiveness and love which can conquer even the severest of life's trials and tribulations. You are what you wear, and with the way the two of you feel about each other today, I know you will always want to be wearing your very best.
Erskine White is a chaplain to the Asheville School, Asheville, North Carolina.
